August 31, 2007
On Wednesday I took my oldest son to the orthodontist where I signed away all my vital organs, my blood, and then emptied my pocketbook upside down on the desk. They did allow me to leave with my actual pocketbook and for that I suppose I should be grateful.
I had asked if they would just take my first born as payment, but they declined. As they also declined any and all sexual favors.
He had the spacers put in between his teeth to make room for the actual braces that will go on next week.
He has not stopped complaining.
It is going to be a long 15 months of listening to him. Or a long 18 months if you count how long I will be paying for them. Yes, how is that for a kick. I get to pay for the braces longer than he will be wearing them. Awesome!
But for the rest of his life I get to nag him to brush and floss, “Not only did I GROW YOU in my body from a single cell and give birth to you and your huge head, bidding adieu to bladder control for the rest of my natural life, but I am now poor and missing all my vital organs! You will take care of those teeth. Or I will tear them out of your head and give them to someone more thankful!”
And people think John Edwards is tough. Pshaw.
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