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Where Have You Been?

Where Have You Been?

September 7, 2007

Yesterday we had our first homeschool co-op meeting of the year. It was fun. Until my 6 yr old was stung by a bee. And then another. And then another. And he hugged my waist and lamented, “Why do bad things always happen to me? Why can’t someone else get bit.”

Then another kid got stung on his leg. And rather than feel better he cried, “Did he get stung three times like me? NO! I got stung badder.”

Then Miles decided to jump off the top of the slide that is about 5ft in the air. And he twisted his ankle. Poor baby. Though after carrying all 30 lbs of him around for what felt like 25 miles I put him down and told him to walk it off. And once he found out I had snacks in the car his ankle was miraculously better as he ran to the van shoving everyone else out of the way. “Mooooove! Move it! Es MY cookies!”

My 8 yr old had his first gymnastics lesson yesterday evening. And I have turned in to one of those mothers who thinks that their kid is too advanced for the class. But he is. He had to have a “try-out” before the season started and he was placed in a lower class so that he could learn the terminology. But if the class yesterday was any indication I think he would be better suited to working on his gymnastics vocabulary at home.

One of the things they had to do in the class was climb the rope. You know that long rope that hangs from the ceiling? I always hated that when I was a kid as I have wee wimpy arms and could never hoist my body weight up the rope. And hey, guess what most of the class yesterday couldn’t do it either. A couple of kids were able to get a few feet off of the ground. The coaches kept encouraging the kids “Go on, try to go as high as you can! You can do it!” My son took that to heart and when it was his turn he shot up the rope and was hanging from the metal beam before the coach even realized what was happening.

It was one of those defining moments when I realized that I have been a mother of boys for too long. I was completely unfazed.

It was hot in the gym. We had a long car ride home. My son began to feel nauseous. As soon as we got home he ran into the bathroom and threw up as he rounded the corner. It resulted in a scene that rivaled that of Linda Blair. Vomit was everywhere. The walls. The floor. The top of the toilet. The side of the sink. And some even made it into the toilet.

Yup, still unfazed.

My 12 yr old pulled his spacers out from between his teeth and i had to bring him back to the orthodontist to have them replaced. The only thing that stopped me from killing him was the $900 I have already put down as a deposit on the braces. It would be a shame to waste the money now. This morning he is getting his braces put on. While he is int eh orthodontist I am stocking up on Advil and ice cream. Also ear plugs and liquor.

Posted by Chris @ 8:46 am  

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  1. Sarah @ Ordinary Days says:

    I have three boys: 4, 2, and 6 months. Thanks for the beautiful glimpse into my future!

  2. Alisa says:

    Hi Chris
    I have been reading your blog for a while-I only have girls and I now know what I have been missing!!! :)

  3. Karen Vogel says:

    Yeah, I’ve learned the hard way that it is better to let them stand still and “vomit in place,” as we call it, rather than have them try to make it to a suitable puke receptacle. It’s weird, but you never find that advice in any of the popular parenting books.

  4. Meritt says:

    Rather than being the Mom of ‘boys’ rendering you now ‘unfazed’ (which spell check tells me is wrong but offers no options) I think it’s partly personality. I only have three kids - and only 1 a boy - but yes… unfazed is pretty much me. LOL. I like to say “laid back” because at least spell check recognizes it! LOL.

  5. Heather says:

    The rope - it takes me back to childhood. Our gym teacher berated us girls for not being able to climb it. To add insult to injury, there was a bell at the top. The boys would zip up the roll and ring the bell like crazy.

  6. Not The Mama says:

    Behold the amazing healing power of cookies!

    Any chance you can appeal the gymnastics placement? Hopefully the instructor sees now that he’s more advanced than the other kids.

  7. fidget says:

    just a little hint from my mom’s portfolio of raising pukers. I once barfed all over the wall while rounding the corner into the bathroom, rather then tackle painting over vomit she hired a painter and told him that she spiller her coffee on the wall. A few months later I invented a puke shield for the wall as a class project. The teach was amuse but my mother was not.

    getting stung sucks a big one and I’m sorry he had to be on the receiving end of that, multiple times even!

  8. tori says:

    My daughter has headgear right now and is ok with it even though she hates every minute of it. I am dreading the day my son (who pulled his own stitches out of his head when he was smaller because he didn’t want them there anymore) has to get braces. I have a feeling it won’t be much fun for either of us.

    Can’t you talk to the gymnastics place and see if they can do anything?

  9. Fold My Laundry Please says:

    Great googily moogily, where was that meeting held? Inside a hive?

    When I was jr. high age I went with my brother to his boy scout jamboree. They had a board you could climb up by holding a stick in each hand and putting them in holes on the board to pull yourself up. I decided to give it a try and amazingly had no problem pulling myself all the way up to the top. The creepy scout leader though wouldn’t let me do it without his hand hovering beneath my hind end and then patting me on the head when I finished as if to say, “What a cute little girl you are! Good thing I ‘helped’ you up!” In retrospect, I know realize I should have beat him with those sticks!

  10. Lynda says:

    Yuck. Only thing worse than vomitty walls is my first born who used to wake up in the middle of the night and vomit - that’s right, in his bed - and then roll over and go back to sleep. Hours later in the morning I would be presented with a child, bed, pillow and about 2 dozen soft toys, all crusted with dried puke. Lovely.

  11. hipwritermama says:

    I’ve heard friends say that when boys grow up, they take care of and are incredibly protective of their mothers. Just think of all the fun things you can have your boys do when they’re older…

  12. Heather B. says:

    Awww poor Mr. Snappypants and poor you. I suggest a nice, buttery white wine to get you through the next few days.

  13. janet says:

    my oldest once puked into the bathroom from doorway. i SWEAR i have never seen anything like that EVER. how is it possible to vomit on BOTH sides of the door and BEHIND THE CLOSED SHOWER CURTAIN. i still shudder at the memory.

  14. Tamatha says:

    So when you’re in the liquor store think about how much alcohol you’re going to need to get through the next two weeks. Now triple it. And add an extra bottle of tequilla, just in case. At the end of two weeks, though, you should be able to go back to just doubling, if my daughter’s braces (two weeks on) are any indication. Good luck.

  15. Nicki says:

    stock up on chicken soup. always soothed my savage beast!! I’m gonna give some really strange advice. Have him push on the teeth gently. It causes pain yes, but it always seemed to make the pain go away faster. I had the suckers for 3 1/2 years!!

  16. Karen says:

    Ha, i actually COULD climb the rope, to the annoyance of some boys in my class ^^

    And we had a thrower upper last night too, the joys of puke everywhere. Last time one of ours covered the bathroom, I even took a pic, but have been polite enough not to post it to my blog :p


  17. Priya says:

    Holy crap. No wonder you haven’t posted in a couple days!

  18. genpoco says:

    Earplugs and liquor, Amen.

    I can’t believe they still have those self-esteem murdering ropes. Having Elementary school nightmare flashbacks. Glad the 8yr old son climbed it like a monkey though!

  19. Daisy says:

    Oh, the rope. I could never do it. My daughter? We hung one from the tree in the backyard and she was up to the branch in seconds. Must be recessive.

  20. Jenn says:

    As the mother of a boy with an over-active gag reflex, I offer my sympathies for the clean-up. Hitting the toilet with the seat down was a favorite around our house.

    As for being unfazed, I often get comments that I am patient. That I am not, I have just seen so much things don’t bother me anymore. My high school principal use to say nothing would surprise him. I now understand.

  21. Christine says:

    This summer was the first time that one of my kids EVER actually threw up into an appropriate receptacle. I’m sure it was just a passing fad, though. Apparently it’s much more cool to give me something to clean up.

  22. Missy says:

    I am absolutely copying this entry to keep in my file of ‘things to read when I think I am having a bad day’…hope everybody’s feeling better fast!

  23. Julia says:

    oh no my very worst night mare…vomit…so unnatural and stinks so badly… I H.A.T.E.

  24. Julia says:

    oh no my very worst night mare…vomit…so unnatural and stinks so badly… I H.A.T.E. vomit…see I would have been stoppping on the side of the road to let him do it outside…somewhere I woudln’t have to scrape it off the walls and yuck…can’t think about it anymore.


  25. Julia says:

    ***continued** Note to self dont’ press enter until you are finished typing..**** vomit…see I would have been stoppping on the side of the road to let him do it outside…somewhere I woudln’t have to scrape it off the walls and yuck…can’t think about it anymore.


  26. Julia says:

    oh crap…sorry…now don’t I look dumb…oh well you are what you eat right?


  27. Laurie says:

    Wow, the braces son is an utter spitting image of your husband! I love the full-on smile, not the sulky 12-year-old face he usually gives for photos.

  28. Sue says:

    I missed you when I hadn’t heard from you for a day. Oh… to know what you had been upto!!! Poor you!
    But what fun you all will have thinking about these things after a couple of years!

  29. Earl says:

    I teach kindergarten. I get puke AT LEAST once a year. From day one, we talk about how the goal is to get it IN the trash can. They do’t have to ask or get my attention first. JUST GO!!! I don’t do puke, if I see it, smell it, HEAR it, I am likely to contribute. I had one little girl cover the entire linoleom portion of the floor — and miss the carpet entirely. I was SO happy, I was outside looking in, but SO happy. My aide was laughing at me so hard she couldn’t stand up.

  30. taffi says:

    My jr high boyfriend got sick at my house one night. He ate most of a pepperoni pizza by himself, then jumped on the trampoline. As we were leaving to take him home, standing outside even, he felt the urge to rid himself of the pizza. Rather than fertilize the bushes by the front door, he tried to make it to the downstairs bathroom. He puked chunks of pepperoni pizza all the way down the walls, on the carpeted stairs, around the corner, and into the carpeted bathroom.

    My mom says I still owe her for that one.

  31. Lovebabz says:

    I have 4 kids, 2 are boys. When my girlfriend comes to visit–she has 2 daughters. She is always freaked out at the level of energy and boldness my sons exhibit. They ride their scooters like bats out of hell, they ride their bikes almost in a frenzy. She is exhausted by the time she leaves–I try to ply her with wine to take the edge off–she doesn’t like to drink. I am the mother of boys. I am so used to their shit that I am only moved when I hear screams and crying–which is rare, and even then I am slow to run out to check, because it could be some ridiculous boy-game that is designed to scare the shit out of mommy.
    Yep, I feel you on the whole “I got sons and I am unfazed by it” thing.

  32. Heather says:

    Oh wow, poor little guy. Three bee stings! I am still trying to process the pain! I am very allergic, thank God he isnt.

    “Mooooove! Move it! Es MY cookies!” Love it.. :)

    Good luck with the braces! I remember when mine were first put on, the canker soars. OMG. Be prepared for that. My Orthodontist even sent me home with canker soar relief gel, thank heavens.

  33. kate says:

    my ex husband was the youngest of 7 and 4 of them were boys. he came home after getting his braces and one of his other brothers took them off of him with pliers because he did not really want them on. My ex mil almost killed him, yet she just took him back and had them put on again!

  34. liz says:

    I am totally impressed.

  35. Mama T. says:

    Gymnastics conversation at my house recently:

    Step-Daughter: Dad, maybe I should try gymnastics.
    Hubby: Oh, you could get really hurt doing gymnastics.
    Me: This coming from the man who has been a hockey player since age 4? Who’s brother was also a hockey player from age 4 and proudly displays a picture of himself bleeding profusely from the head & thinks it’s one of the greatest moments ever?