Holiday Food Fiascos
November 19, 2007
My misadventures in the kitchen are legendary, so legendary in fact that my family has just come to expect them as the inevitable fact of my cooking.
Let’s see there was the time I cooked the turkey with the plastic wrapped neck and gizzards still inside. But who hasn’t done that, right? Let me see a show of hands.
Then there was that time I put the turkey in the oven frozen thinking that surely it would defrost as it cooked. I pulled out a golden looking turkey that was still frozen in the center. Maybe if I had cooked it in the oven for another 15 hours until the outside was charred black dust the inside would have been edible.
Or the time I made soup and put it in the soup tureen on the table well in advance of the rest of the meal being done. (A meal which was late getting on the table because I had not mastered the food timing juggle.) When we sat down to eat the soup was iced cold, prompting this infamous quote from my mother-in-law, “Food just doesn’t stay hot the way it used to.” Ah yes, because we know over the past 50 years the Laws of Thermodynamics have changed dramatically.
Oh, and there was that one year we were dog sitting for our friend’s black lab over the holidays. They told us that he would eat everything he came across, but the full extent of this tidbit came on Christmas morning when the dog got into our walk in pantry. A pantry where I had put all the cakes, pies and desserts I had slaved over for an entire week.
The dog ate them all. Every last bit of delectable dessert gone in a few moments. And then he vomited it all back up all over the previously mopped kitchen floor, the horror of which I am not sure I can fully express. I did empathize with all those kids who have ever had to say the dog ate their homework.
I almost forgot about this one. I’ll offer it up as a tip to you from me, because I am nice like that. Should you want to make festive rice crispy treats for your family as an easy child friendly dessert, go with the green food coloring. The red food coloring make it look like a plate of raw hamburger meat. Although the disgusted looks on the faces of your family while you pretend you are eating raw meat are pretty priceless.
Wow, it really is a miracle that any of family ever come over and expect to eat at my house, isn’t it?
So how about you? Please tell me you have food fiascos to share? Tell me I am not alone. Please?
Post it on your blog and then go to BlogHer and post the link using the handy dandy widget they have there.
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