Warning: session_start() [function.session-start]: Cannot send session cookie - headers already sent by (output started at /home/chris/public_html/wp-includes/version.php:10) in /home/chris/public_html/wp-content/plugins/wordpress-automatic-upgrade/wordpress-automatic-upgrade.php on line 119

Warning: session_start() [function.session-start]: Cannot send session cache limiter - headers already sent (output started at /home/chris/public_html/wp-includes/version.php:10) in /home/chris/public_html/wp-content/plugins/wordpress-automatic-upgrade/wordpress-automatic-upgrade.php on line 119
Tasty, Tasty Murder

Tasty, Tasty Murder

January 28, 2008


Vegans shield your eyes. This is our half of a cow.

Destined to live in our freezer, not a little house in our yard like my daughter thought.

And because my husband is anal retentive we had to itemize and count all the meat so that he could make a speadsheet. And while I agree that this was a great idea so that I can know what is the freezer to plan meals around, I just would never do it. Because I am lazy and possibly have no idea how to work that there spreadsheet program on my computer.

In other completely unrelated news.

I am no longer working over at Babble. It was time to move on. Especially when they fired me. Which occurred moments after they fired Mir. Really I am fine with it, the job was weighing me down like a lead weight tied to my ankles. But I learned some important lessons. The most important of which is not to work somewhere that you are not valued or appreciated.

The firing wasn’t a surprise. In fact when Mir told me that she had just been fired at 11pm I think I said something supportive like, “Ha Ha, you suck. Wonder where my email is?” Then at 11:05 pm I got my Dear Blogger letter also.

Last week when I deleted all the baby product related bookmarks saved on my computer I felt lighter. And when I realized I would never again HAVE to search for overpriced baby crap, I may have gotten up and danced a jig. And not just because it was 58 degrees in my house and I was trying to warm up.

There are better things lurking on the horizon, I am certain of it. It is just a matter of clearing the path for them to find me. And maybe leaving a breadcrumb trail, gluten free of course.

Posted by Chris @ 6:26 pm  

RSS feed for comments on this post.

The URI to TrackBack this entry is:


  1. Sarah says:

    It would be pretty scary, I should think, to have only half a cow living in your backyard.

    Glad you’re happy with the job change. As long as I can read your writing here, I’m happy, too!

  2. Anna says:

    First: Meat speadsheet? That is serious organization.
    Second: You and Mir posted really great stuff…the things that get posted now seem like crap…what where they thinking letting you two go? Not that you care what they’re thinking anymore…but still. Don’t they realize what a following of dedicated readers you have between you? (And I don’t mean that sarcastically…I really *mean* it!)

  3. Deputy's Wife says:

    “Tasty, Tasty Murder” made me laugh out loud. Not that I am sicko or anything. Wait. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.

    Sorry about the firing, but it sounds like you are okay with it.

  4. Deputy's Wife says:

    Just out of curiosity… what are the long skinny packages?

    Chris says: You know what, that pile over there is from the pig. And that is bacon. The most tasty tasty bacon I have ever tasted. I even took photos of it, so I could lick them later.

  5. suburbancorrespondent says:

    Don’t you love how excited the kids are? “Cool, let’s count the beef!”

    And Sarah is right - half a cow living in the backyard would freak my children out.

  6. PollyS says:

    Your husband and mine must be long lost brothers. I would, too, have a meat spreadsheet. I would b&c all the while making it and praise my man’s name every time I used it. See why he loves me??

  7. Lisa says:

    Your kids must really like the barefoot! 58 — brrrrr!!!!

    We get 1/2 a buffalo every year. And actually it was in our yard — once. The whole thing. And it was really p*ssed off so it wasn’t so hard to eat it once it was all in tidy packages.

    Chris says: I even buy them all slippers at the beginning of the winter to keep their feet warm. And they never wear wear them unless I make them feel guilty by saying, “I spent good money on all those slippers!”

  8. She Likes Purple says:

    You make animal meat and firings funny. You are brilliant.

  9. crockpot lady says:

    way better things are lying ahead.
    I can’t imagine the people who would buy that stuff anyhow. Look, I’m a pretentious yuppy and so my kid needs the best of the best for no other reason except that someone told me it was the best.

  10. divrchk says:

    How long will all of that meat last you and do you store it in a deep freezer?

    Good riddance to Babble. I deleted most of their feeds from my reader after they stole photos from Sweet Juniper and some others. They seem like a pretty messed up (in more ways than one) business.

  11. Jamie AZ says:

    Yum, beef! I love the spreadsheet idea, too, and I can’t decide whether I would have taken the time to do it or not. I probably would have done it, then never kept it updated!

  12. Burgh Baby's Mom says:

    Holy beef-a-roni, Batman! There’s half a cow in your living room! I have never seen that much dead animal in one place before.

  13. Anne says:

    Coming out of lurkdom to let you know that the only reason I visited babble was to read your reviews. So, I guess I can take the site off of my favorites list now, huh?
    Oh, and half a cow? In your backyard? My first thought was “Which half?” Then I answered myself with “Who cares. Still creepy.” Have fun with all that meat!

  14. Christy says:

    Spreadsheet. I never would have though of that one, and I’m a big listmaker! ;)

    Sorry about the Babble gig. I have heard bad things about them from other folks.

  15. Lisa- Domestic Accident says:

    Wow, I’m so impressed with the spreadsheet thing. When we got our side of beef, I just sort of rummaged in the freezer and pulled out a prize.

    As for leaving Babble, who could not value you? Stupid people never cease to amaze me- although I’m amazed by them all the time.

  16. Bronnie says:

    Wow that was a big cow!! And that’s only half?!
    That’s so awesome you can buy it like that!

    Good luck on the “new things” hunt. I’m sure you’ll get an email any day now from someone wanting you to write!

  17. Lovebabz says:

    No comments on the whole meat spreadsheet thing–except to say your husband is a man and men have to do something. Good attitude on getting fired. I would bet it was a relief. Onto the next adventure I say!

  18. hollygee says:

    I’m with Anna. You two had the most interesting stuff on babble, and neither of you failed to scoff when it was overpriced preciousness.

    Mmmmm, beef and bacon. Mmmmmmeat.

  19. Amy says:

    Ohhh, c’mon, tell us more …. why on earth would they fire the two of you? Seems like there is Babble scandal at every turn! Did they have problems with your frequency or content or what? Sheesh! I’m not sure I can go back over there, now that I know this.

    Chris says: Considering that we were the only two who blogged without fail every single day even when on VACATION or MOVING ACROSS THE COUNTRY, I can safely say that was not the issue, nor was the content we produced ever criticized.

  20. Monique says:

    One of our daughter’s(The one I always send links to your blog..:) )Just did the same thing..Except they named theirs:)


  21. Heidi Malott says:

    Oh my! What would we do without our “orginized men”! My husband would have totally done the same thing. I would certainly foil the plan myself out of laziness and lack of orginization by not keeping the log updated:)

    Babble’s loss. Good attitude, there is always something better ahead!!

    I always enjoy your writing!

  22. Wendy says:

    I am so jealous, I want half a cow, 1/4 of a pig, 1/3 of a chicken and other various amounts of animals in my possession.

    As for Babble, I think you have to meet some high, hip requirements to even visit them. I always feel like a spy when I am over there, like I am too old to know all the cool, hip, young things those young, hip moms do.

  23. Maddy says:

    Half a cow looks so much more inviting when wrapped in plain paper … Miles looks like he has chosen his dinner.

    Sorry about the sacking, but it does sound like you are relieved it’s over.

  24. mary says:

    somebody fired you?


    The best blogger ever?


    they suck!

    Chris says: Awww, Mary, you are so nice. Thank you.

  25. Valeta says:

    Babble sucks.

    I want a cow and a deep freezer. Mmmm.

    And Bacon. Lots of bacon.

  26. Angella says:

    We get a 1/2 a cow for us, and I never thought to use a spreadsheet! This is shocking, as I put almost *everything* into a spreadsheet.

    Type A over here.


    As for your future? I have no doubt that there are amazing things on your horizon.

  27. Fina says:

    Where can I buy an organic cow or pig? I’m on Long Island - are there farms out there with signs that say “Organic Cow/Pigs for Sale?” Really, I want one. Well, I want half. Or a quarter of one.

    Chris says: Fina, I would suggest asking at your local healthfood store or CSA. They could point you in the right direction.

  28. Katie says:

    Oh good, I was afraid I was the only one not getting the Babble site.

    Love the half of cow and my husband would be so proud of the spreadsheet. Just last night he told me “you should make a spreadsheet of…” and then I ignored the rest of the conversation.

  29. Meg says:

    Congrats! Everyone should be canned at least once! :)

    And half a cow…mmm…what are all those little packages? Cow eyeballs? Please say yes, or I’m going to be SO disappointed…

  30. Girlymom4 says:

    Glad that the job change suits you! With that said- your house looks beautiful- minus the white packages, but the walls, wood trim- I love it!

  31. Chandra says:

    We just ordered half a cow and I can’t wait to get it!! Although I’m not quite sure where we plan on putting all of it?? We only have a smaller chest freezer. I’m super jealous of your yummy bacon. Meat taste so good.

    Stupid Babble. Never been but I am not a fan of anyone that fires anyone for no reason. Best of luck with your next adventure.


  32. Dana says:

    We do this every fall ourselves! Well, except we get a whole steer and my husband doesn’t insist on doing a spreadsheet. We just sort it and count it and drool over how many steaks we will be able to eat for the next year!

  33. Cari says:

    I quit reading all the Babble sites after the photo-stealing incident except I couldn’t give up droolicious because of you and Mir. I will have no regrets about not visiting them again. How classy of them to fire you both by e-mail at 11:00 at night.

  34. Rae says:

    You should have said, “You can’t fire me, I QUIT!” Just because it would have been a good cliché moment.

    I can’t wait to see what the better will be! Whee!

    (And I was very glad, on clicking over from bloglines, to see that the half a cow was wrapped in white paper. Not that I’ve never seen half a cow not wrapped in white paper, but I wasn’t sure if tonight was the night for it.)

  35. gorillabuns says:

    If I had all that meat - i would never have to go to the grocery store again!

  36. Owlhaven says:

    How big a cow? John says he thinks that would be our WHOLE cow. (I would guess ours is only 600 lb and will probably live til our pasture gives out next fall….

    Mary, also contemplating murder

  37. Mary W says:

    Babble sucks

    You rock

    Now pass the bacon wrapped beef please.


  38. Stephanie in ar says:

    Sorry to say you will be rebuilding that list of favorites sooner than you ever thought. The bad part is you will have forgotten why you *hated* one company and not another–until you buy their stuff and learn all over again. And then there’s all the new stuff between now and then.

    Love those neat tidy packages.

  39. bombaygirl says:

    I was just thinking that I had not seen you post your handmade/etsy goodies on droolicious in a while. And I loved seeing Mir’s funny Spit-Up posts. Oh well. Let us know when you get another gig.

  40. Jennifer says:

    Their loss. But still, it sucks to be fired.

    You are way better than that.

  41. peepnroosmom says:

    You? Fired? The ONLY reason I ever went to that site was to read your descriptions of the stuff. You have such a way with words. Nobody has said anything about this lately, but you should really consider writing a book.

    We just got Pig parts yessterday. Pork chops and ribs and yuuummm, bacon. I never thought of a spreadsheet, though. I the rummage around and pull something out kind of person.

  42. MyBestInvest says:

    A couple things:

    1) Which half of the cow did you get? Top half or bottom half? Front half of back half? Left half or right half? So many ways to split a cow!

    2) The very idea of a meat spreadsheet makes me want to put this laptop down and stand up and clap for you. Never have I seen technology put to better use!

  43. t in hd says:

    Re: Bare feet in the winter. It must be a kid thing. We have ceramic tiled floors throughout our flat, upstairs and down. Freakin’ cold in the winter. But I can’t get my kids to wear slippy socks or house shoes for love or money. My feet would go numb if I tried to run around here bare foot. Not even socks are enough for me.

    Re: The Babble sacking. Perhaps they found your new blog chronicling your financial diet and rejection of all things frivolous and unneeded incompatible with the frivolous consumerist aim of their own blog? Just a thought. ;-) Personally, as a person who prefers purging to shopping, I’d say you’re better off.

  44. salsaqueen says:

    The memories those plain white wrappers just brought back! My grandfather raised white-faced herefords when I was a sprout. Every year he would slaughter a cow and split it between our family, my aunt’s family, my uncle’s family and he and my grandmother. Lord I miss that home-grown beef. Nothing ever quite compares. Thanks for the trip down memory lane, Chris.

  45. Penelope Anne says:

    Sorry about the Babble thing…..your description of it sounds just like when Oxygen Media started letting all of us former Momsonline staffers go, it was a domino effect. You have a healthy attitude about it.

    I am jealous, I wish we had been able to get a half of beef, and a half of pork this year. Watching and waiting for the next sale to some at the meat market that is for sure. We are nestled between two of the finest meat markets in the state.
    We kept the spreadsheet and trust me it was nice.

    Have a great day!

  46. CathyC says:

    Have I mentioned how much i love that wall paper? Whenever you put a photo and that wall paper is somewhere in the shot, I see nothing else. Beautiful.

  47. Gem says:

    Ok, now you have me very nervous. I have just spent the last number of months getting organised to rear 2 pigs for fattening and then butchering. One is for my sister and one for us. I have only 4 children. I do know that a cow is a lot bigger than a pig, (see, I am ready for this foray into animal husbandry!) but that represents only half a cow. Is half a cow the same as a full pig?! I think we will be eating varoius forms of pig meat for ever more. Have I bitten off more than I can chew. (Ha Ha!)

  48. Brigitte says:

    At first I thought your kids had gotten hold of a fortune’s worth of an illicit substance! Though eating some really good beef or bacon can FEEL illicit, I guess.

    I’m yet another reader who ONLY went to Babble to read your (and Mir’s) posts. I think they’ll be losing more readers than they realize!

  49. Sue says:

    Sorry about the Babble situation…

    And I had to laugh out loud (at work!) about your husband’s spreadsheet. Mine would do the same!

  50. Sarah says:

    Tagging you for a meme!

  51. corntree says:

    Haha, me too Brigitte. The first thing I thought when I saw that picture was “she’s got the kids packing heroin huh”

  52. Kathy from NJ says:

    Just curious, did you get the tongue? My mother used to cook beef tongue 5-6 times a year and my sister & I were so excited when we got home from school and saw the big tongue-cooking pot on the stove. Then we would fight over who got the tip, whoever got it would make faces at the other (with the tongue tip sticking out through our lips). It was even better the next day when we would get to take tongue sandwiches for lunch.

    My sister & I still talk and laugh about the tongue days of our youth - neither of us would touch it with a ten foot pole today. It’s really fun to talk about it in front of my nieces & nephews - it grosses them out every time.

    Chris says: I think I just threw up a little.

  53. NoMasNinos says:

    So do you have a really enormous freezer or do you just make igloos outside with all that snow? Think about it. The igloo idea would be energy efficient and environmentally friendly, at least until the first thaw, but by then you might have made a dent in your beef and bacon supply.

    When I was a kid, my uncle raised all kinds of livestock. I was at his ranch for several of the killings -gruesome, but humane. Whenever we’d go there for dinner, we never knew what the heck kind of meat we were eating. We just knew it was delicious!

  54. Johna says:

    That is ridiculous about the Babble situation! And without good cause!

    Well, just think, if that door hadn’t closed you might not be as apt to take another opportunity in the future that is WAY better. And I just know it’s coming!

    You are a really great blogger.

  55. Hippo Brigade says:

    My sister raised a calf and then had it slaughtered when I was young enough to not think it was strange. I remember eating Babe for several months. Our freezer was over flowith with various cow parts.

  56. Carolyn says:

    Really? A spreadsheet of beef and bacon? Bet if you’re REALLY nice he’ll put it on your crackberry for you so you’ll never be more than a click away from answering the age old question….”what’s for dinner, Mom?” Even in the grocery store.

  57. Elizabeth says:

    You didn’t answer Kathy’s question - I was wondering if you got any odd cuts, too. We used to get a side of beef and our side always had the tongue, brain, kidneys, bleah-eah-eah-eah-eah. I always wondered who got the side with the tenderloin. My mother would try to convince me that cold sliced tongue was just like any other cold cut but trust me, it didn’t look the same and I couldn’t eat it, knowing what it was. We also didn’t have a deep freeze at home so stored our meat at a local freezer facility, and I can to this day smell the smell of that frozen blood if I think about it. I love the taste of steak and hamburger (and tenderloin) but more and more lately the smell of the meat has turned me off - I think it all goes back to that spooky walk-in freezer.

  58. Gwynne says:


  59. Steff says:

    Totally their loss, obviously!

    Beef, it what’s for dinner! That spreadsheet idea is great! Are the packages labelled or color coded? I mean you do have to keep the freezer organized so you can find what you want when you want it, right? :-)

  60. sarah says:

    I just gave away most of my baby stuff, and have now found out…

    surprise! I’m pregnant with baby number 5.

    So,now I have to re buy it all. good times.

    I’m wondering how you knew you were done having kids and how you are so confident there won’t be any surprises??

    I want to be that confident after this one!

    Chris says: One word: vasectomy.

  61. shannon says:

    My DH made a spread sheet too! Except I have already forgotten to check things off. But he was kind enough to organize the meat in the freezer as well- i can just look at a shelf and see what still has a huge pile. That and our meat is vacuumed packed-so I can see what it is.

    For anyone looking for a supplier of meat- a good starting point is eatwild.com. you can click on your state to find someone near you.

  62. Cindy says:

    Yep. My husband did the same thing with our half cow, and half pig. Complete with ALL the label info.

    So he could compare it all to LAST year… Fun.

  63. Jen says:

    LOL Having grown up on a ranch, I miss having a freezer full of little white packages. I did have to laugh about the spread sheet though. And I’m sure not gonna mention it to my Dad…he’d have a field day with that if he’d have thought of it.

    And BTW, I love, love, love your wall paper. I heart toile.

  64. taffi says:

    We got half a cow last fall. I wish I’d been Type A enough to make a spreadsheet, that’s brilliant!

  65. genpoco says:

    Ah the little white packages! With the stamp of what’s what! Lovely childhood memories…like when my “pet” Muggins the cow disappeared one day and showed up wrapped and stamped. Dad always discouraged my getting close to the freezer bound ones.

    Tasty, tasty murder indeed!

  66. Kate says:

    have you ever seen that comedian who does aa whole thing on bacon? LYAO … I am telling you … was it a link form dooce? Jeez , I can’t remember….. If I figure it out , I ‘ll forward it, it’s that funny.

    so, I grew up in the sticks of upstate NY, and a friend , jenny, had a big family and lived on a “mini farm” .. we used to swim in the above ground pool that was right next to the animals in a corral - specifically, a sweet as pie cow , who I think was named daisy - and it was really funny , because she would moo & moo when you went down the slide and splashed…. too cute. She was like a pet - a cross between a horse/ dog . I loved petting this cow, such a sweet face.. I would make her dandelion crowns that she would then eat. One night we’re all having a BBQ dinner near the pool and notice daisy is absent from festivites.
    “where’s daisy ? ” I ask as I munch my hamburger.
    silence ’round the table.

    you guessed it.

  67. leukothea says:

    Count me as another person who just deleted her bookmark to droolicious. Your reviews and Mir’s were the only reasons I read it.

    And I actually bought things I found there, so I was a real source of revenue. But not anymore!

    I’m guessing you were let go because your reviews of stupidly high-priced, trendy, impractical things committed the cardinal sin of actually pointing out those flaws. Probably someone who made a $85 Dupioni silk diaper wrap cover complained.

  68. J from Ireland says:

    This is why I read this blog everyday, always bust my sides laughing, so love the one word for sarah! Thanks.

  69. Robyn says:

    I don’t know what this says about me but when I first saw that photo, I figured you had the kids involved in a drug smuggling operation. I think I’ve been watching too many gangster movies lately…

  70. Lilan says:

    Here in Berlin, it’s all about swine. Never have I seen more pork served. Every day I yearn for grilled chicken. But cow is not so bad either.

    I hope you are not opposed to memes. Damomma tagged me for one, my first ever. And now I am tagging you. As you are one of the best damn bloggers I know.


  71. Daisy says:

    A spreadsheet for the cow? Now comes the hard part: who will enter the data as you use up the meat?

  72. Kristine says:

    We just bought a half a cow too. Our whole freezer is full of those little white packages, and while I don’t have a spreadsheet (yet), I have a sheet with a tally of each kind of meat - and thank god, because they mislabeled the ribeyes as T-bones and I wouldn’t have known that otherwise (32 T-bones and no ribeyes from 1/2 a cow? I don’t think so)

  73. brookem says:

    i have to admit my first thought was also “huh, kinda looks like a DEA bust”, or that chris had finally resorted to illegal measures to pay the gas bills, but no its just wholesale meat.

  74. jen says:

    I used to make a spreadsheet for baby food- I’d cook up big batches of purees and pots of casserole, which I could then mix and match (more of a balanced diet). I’d then know what my son had eaten that week, how many pots left in the freezer, and when I’d have to get off my butt and make a new batch. Worked really well. Now I have two, both my kids get whatever comes out the freezer first, and when it runs out, they go hungry…. just kidding, but they do get scratch meals at that point until I can make up some more. As my husband doesn’t eat meat (it just kills me, but I just gotta deal with it), I can’t make up casseroles fresh every day as they won’t get eaten in time.

  75. Hatchet says:

    Hey Chris, after reading this and meeting up with a local natural beef rancher AND hearing about the downed cow issue in one of the major meatpacking plants in Chico, CA, we also decided to buy a cow. Only 1/4 ’cause my freezer isn’t THAT big!

    Now I’m thinking about chickens. Mmmm! I do like bacon and pork tenderloin, but not enough to buy 1/2 a pig. However, your pictures make the bacon look gooooood!

  76. Nextcommercial says:

    At first (before reading the description) that totally looked like your drug stash. The kids even have that special look of glee on their faces.

  77. Kiersten says:

    Meat good. Babble not so good.

    You’re such a talented, hilarious writer. I know bigger and better things are out there for you.

  78. Audrey says:

    At first glance I thought your “shipment” had come in. Silly me! ;-)

  79. DW says:

    This is our first year buying half a cow. It is so awesome having this much meat all at my fingertips!
    I just picked up our meat last night and its nice to have my feezer nice and full. I love meat murder!

    Now my question-

    I know you are the queen of appliances, based off of previous posts. So what freezer do you have? We have a 26 cubic feet chest feezer that was built in 1980’s (gift from the previous owners of our house). Its nice and all but I am guessing it costs us around $40 a month to run. I want to buy a new big one but I don’t have the energy to do the research. I only have enough energy to reply to your blog. :-) You probably have one with red knobs and all but it will point me in the right direction.

    Thanks for any reply!