Don’t Hate Me Because I Am Perfect
March 14, 2008
Today I finally made it to the eye doctor for an eye exam. The last time I went to the eye doctor it was the late 1980’s and really I have had no need to have an eye exam since then.
But the past few years I have noticed that I don’t see as well. I used to be able to read street signs from really far away, like almost as soon as I noticed there was a sign. But not anymore. Of course being me and slightly melodramatic, I had convinced myself that I was going blind.
So I sat down at the eye doctor’s office and read the chart. All the little letters and numbers. But I couldn’t see the bottom row. Dammit, it must be worse that I imagined, I thought.
He put that eyeglasses machine on me and flipped the little lenses around.
I was already mentally preparing for the cute glasses I was going to pick out. Oh, okay, I’ll admit it I was kind of looking forward to having glasses.
He then broke the news to me, I have perfect 20/20 vision. I apparently used to have better than 20/20 vision and now have slipped down to merely perfect.
Then I had the glaucoma test and some other eye drops that were orange. I passed whatever those tests were. I left the office without any cute glasses, which is really for the best anyway since I can not even seem to keep track of my $10 Target sunglasses.
From there I stopped at the grocery store for a few things. Then I went home and picked up the kids to bring them to a maple syrup place for a field trip to learn about tapping trees and making syrup, where I spent my children’s college education fund on Grade A maple syrup.
On the way home I looked at myself in the rear view mirror and realized that all around my eyes were stained orange. ORANGE. Like I had colored in my eyelids and under my eyes with an orange magic marker.
I turned to my son and said, “Look at my eyes! Why didn’t you tell me that I looked all orangey.”
You know what he said? “I thought that was just your makeup.”
Clearly I need some makeup lessons.
Those of you who wanted to see the whole stove cleaning mess that I am forced to endure weekly, here ya go. It takes days for my hand to look normal again. Just giving you a glimpse into my glamorous life.
I know. Try to contain that jealousy why don’t you.
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