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Now I Am REALLY Home, For Good…

Now I Am REALLY Home, For Good…

April 10, 2008

or until the next trip.

Today in the Wall Street Journal there was an article about Dooce. Ever heard of her? I know, me neither.

In the sidebar there is a list of blogs that are “blander than Dooce, less humorous and significantly less profane.” And yes, I am one of them. Thank you to everyone who emailed or commented to tell me about it. I would never have found it otherwise.

New Jersey did let me out, but it was touch and go for a little while there when I sat in a traffic jam for an hour as soon as I got on the highway. The panel was great. I spoke with Mom in the City, City Wendy, A Baby Boomer Woman’s Life After 5.

I did end up complaining about my hotel room and they took the porn charges off of my bill. Just kidding. They did take the internet charges off my bill, you know being tethered to a desk isn’t enough, they have to charge you for the privilege. And also the $10 pot of coffee I had brought to my room in the morning, that apparently I am lazy enough to order.

Tonight after I got home, I was snuggling my baby, shut up he is so, on the couch tonight when I felt something on his little head. A TICK. A TICK on my baby’s head. So I did the only thing that I could do. Freak the hell out. And then go after it with tweezers. Yes, I did snap the body off the tick leaving the head embedded under his skin. I know I should have left it for Rob to do. I know this. And yet when I see wiggling tick legs sticking out of my baby I can’t help but try and pull it out right then. How could I possibly leave it in for several more hours?

Cream Cheese and Jelly Turnovers

Oh, you know you want to make these cream cheese and jelly turnovers. Or get your kids to make it for you. Sadly they are not allergen free. So please go eat them for me.

When I arrived home my 7 and 9 yr olds were just back from baseball practice and they had their little baseball outfits on. They looked so unbelievably cute I wanted to eat them. Except they were all dirt streaked and we all know how I feel about dirt. They began talking and telling me about their day in excruciating detail, while I nodded and made comments to show I was interested like, “Wow!” “Cool!” “No Way!” Their voices getting louder and louder because they both like to talk over each other. My 7 yr old immediately had to reenact when he threw a ball to a kid on his team and the kid screamed and ran away. I am not sure the actual event could have been as dramatic.

My 13 yr old son is helping the coach with the little kid team. I asked him how the practice went. He looked over at his little brother, a smile spread across his face and said, “He was really serious about it. It was cute.” Then he shrugged and walked away. I knew that if I mentioned it again he would in all likelihood deny having said it. But he said it once for me and that is all the matters.

It’s good to be home.

Posted by Chris @ 11:44 pm  

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  1. suburbancorrespondent says:

    I prefer ticks to lice. But I do require some less-squeamish adult to remove them. Immediately.

  2. balconygal says:

    Those damnable ticks. My oldest had one at 14 days old in the base of her little skull. I thought I’d die b/c she got it from being laid on MY BED. I’d been picking them off the bed for a week (thank you cats who had special liquid that made the ticks not want to bite you but would ride into the house on you anyway). I didn’t panic though, b/c I was queen of removing ticks. Until the body came off and the head remained. At the check up the next day the doc said not to worry b/c, like a splinter, the head would eventually work itself out. I only had to worry if…insert Lyme disease symptoms here. She’s now 3.5 and I swear she’s much smarter than your average 3.5 y.o. because of that tick. She couldn’t have gotten those brains from anywhere else.

    Welcome home!

  3. amber says:

    interestingly enough, dooce is right about you on my randomly ordered blog list so that’s where i always come from before reading you! she is fairly well known, or so i thought…

    here is her wikipedia entry:

    Chris says: I do know who she is. I was joking. Apparently not well.

  4. Shanti @ Antishay says:

    But EVERYONE knows about Dooce! LOL
    She’s the blogger who was on the news everywhere many years back when she got fired for writing scandalous things about her web-programming job online. I remember being in the car and hearing it on NPR. I was only vaguely aware of what blogs were at the time, and I went to the site to check it out. I used to subscribe, but I got tired of it.

    Glad you were mentioned!

    Chris says: Again, yes I do know who she is. I was kidding.

  5. Sue says:

    Aw, I love big brothers. What a sweet kid.

  6. Lisa says:

    For what it is worth, I think your blog is just as good as Dooce! I have you and Dooce both bookmarked and read them both daily. You have the advantage of having a lot of YUMMY recipes on yours though ;) I’m glad you are home, safe and sound!

  7. Victoria says:

    Gah! Tick! Must barf now.

  8. Jaime says:

    So happy you’re back. And your post as always brought tears to my eyes. So sweet.

  9. Evi says:

    “In the sidebar there is a list of blogs that are “blander than Dooce, less humorous and significantly less profane.” And yes, I am one of them. Thank you to everyone who emailed or commented to tell me about it. I would never have found it otherwise.”

    *whispers so Dooce doesn’t beat her with the elephant clips or princess books that she owns* IlikeyoubetterbecauseIcanrelated more.

    Part of me wishes I had children like yours to draw me pictures … and the most of me is happy I’ve never had to change diapers. :)

  10. Carol says:

    I would surely freak too if I found a tick sticking in my son…

    Welcome home

  11. Brigitte says:

    Eech! I did yardwork yesterday and got MY first tick of the season (luckily it hadn’t found a cozy place to settle down yet).

    Oh, and I checked for frog eggs in our vernal pond and saw about 50 billion mosquito larvae swimming around, just waiting to pop out in a week or two to bite us.

    I always forget that there are a couple drawbacks to Spring!

    Ah, your son accidentally showing affection towards a sibling. Now THAT’S cute!

  12. Molly says:

    Call me a worrywart (I’m the same reader who was all upset about the bears in your yard) but please keep in mind about Lyme disease. Is there any vaccination for that? Perhaps ask your doctor

  13. Lorraine says:

    Yea, I found a tick on my 3 yr old a few weeks back. Freaked the hell out. But in my house, I am the cool calm head in medical type crisis, so I pulled the damn thing out, then researched online and id’ed it. Lone Star Tick. Not a carrier of Lyme. *phew* then bawled my eyes out shook like a leaf after the crisis was over and my baby went to bed.

  14. Woman with Kids says:

    Welcome home! Again… I am curious though. How do you deal with traveling - and eating out - with your food allergies? I’m allergic to garlic, which is apparently in every restaurant cooked food ever made; kind of spoils eating out when you can’t, you know, actually eat any of it.

    Chris says: I bring food with me everywhere.

  15. Ladybug Crossing says:

    Tick season already?
    I hate tick season…
    Welcome home!

  16. Kellie says:

    Welcome Home!
    Ticks. one.word.GROSS.
    I have been reminding my littles that it is ‘that time of year again”…I am completely repulsed by them, there are no words. And with baseball, softball, soccer and the riding lessons we are nothing more than bait around here…blech. shudder.

  17. Divrchk says:

    If you still have the tick, if you bring to the doctor they can test it for Lyme’s disease.

  18. maria says:

    Hate ticks, hate ticks, hate ticks. But, I’m not as bad as my husband - he refuses to let kids play in woods when visiting family (we live in suburbia) b/c he’s so paranoid about them - I on the other hand - live in the world of denial…

    Was laughing about the description of the 7 & 9 year olds getting louder and louder. My 3 are so loud - I often think of you and wonder about the noise at your house.

  19. Amy says:

    make sure you check that tick bite over the next two weeks. my son had a bug bite then a tick bite and then he had some swelling. we were not sure if it was from the tick bite or not, but his doc put him on antibiotics for a month just in case. the swelling was under his hair, so check everywhere!

  20. Denise says:

    Ya know, on the rare occasion when I mention the big yellow house errrr notes from the trenches blog I always say “she’s blander than dooce”. I’m sure I’ve sent many many new readers your way from that description.

  21. Janssen says:

    The tick bit made me gag but I couldn’t look away.

  22. Carol says:

    I have to admit, although I like Dooce, it makes me smile.. but this site makes me laugh out loud :D

  23. Jess says:

    Oooh, ticks are gross! I had one under my arm when I was about 12, and I still have a lovely skin tag from when it was pulled out.

    And here’s a tip… if a tick has burrowed, remember that it’s breathing with its butt. Smear a layer of petrolatum jelly over it, and it will have to wiggle out to breath. Then, you can pick it up with tweezers and drop it into a little vial of rubbing alcohol and take it to be tested if you are worried about Lyme disease.

    And Lyme disease is treatable. My brother-in-law is a bit of a mountain man, and he and his peers look at the number of times one has had it as badges of honor. (He’s only had it once so far.)

  24. Lisa V says:

    Honestly it gave me a chuckle to think that people didn’t get your Dooce joke.

    About four years ago, I was a new blog reader and emailed a blogger that I had discovered this great blog- Dooce- now she wasn’t as famous as now, but she was famous. I had no clue. He responded back “Everyone knows Dooce.” I hung my head in shame, for not being part of everyone.

  25. cristen says:

    wow–you are hitting the big time, I would say! amazing. you so deserve it, ’cause you do a great job.

    i picked 4 ticks (total) off of myself, my 2 yr old, and my husband day before yesterday. ‘Tis the season. we have so many of them around here we don’t freak that much about them, like a lot of the folks who have responded. I HAD been cleaning out the ravine down the road from my house, which some idiots have started using as a dump. infuriating. but yes, ticks are very gross. esp. if they are latched on and full. YUCK!!! nasty. I just grossed myself out.

  26. Keri says:

    I am glad you were on the NY Times list. I dont read dooce, but I do read you. Actually your blog is my fave. Literally I laugh out loud.

    And to yesterdays post - nothing worse than a gross hotel room. makes me shiver

  27. Rachel says:

    Another way to remove ticks is to cover them with vaseline (spelling? you know, petroleum jelly stuff)… anyway, they can’t breathe & back themselves out (& then you can flush them, or burn them (my kids favorite method)). Problem with that stuff is it is hard to get out of hair. We don’t have ticks here (ND) until June (sometimes end of May) but what we do have today is 2 - 5 inches of new snow! Yeah! (just kidding about the excitement!) Grass on the yard last night before bed, none to be seen this morning! Yipee (again, I kid). Have a great weekend & welcome home!

  28. Anna says:

    I have to admit, I thought the picture coming up after the story about Miles was… the tick. Ew.
    Then I realized that there’s at least one instance when you wouldn’t grab the camera first. ;)

  29. Colleen says:

    I have an unreasonabl fear of ticks so MY reaction would’ve probably been to immediately start scratching because I would suddenly feel them all over me.

    “Blander than Dooce.” That’s funny. I’m betting a day at your house would be WAAAAY more fun than a day at their’s (no offense to Dooce or anything).

  30. Amy says:

    I thought you were joking about not knowing whom Dooce was…but I have to comment about it anyway!
    I started reading Dooce first and thought it was an interesting read. However, when I found your blog I really did find a interesting blog. One that doesn’t resort to profanity, boobies and the like..I am not a prude, just enjoy your blog more than Dooce. You are more interesting using your wit, charm, honesty, adorable family, recipes etc…who needs to hear about boobies?? Thanks for the entertainment

  31. Mrs.Busybody says:

    Not too shabby being compared with Dooce, even if it is with a “blander and less profane” stipulation. That’s like saying someone’s like Whitney Houston but without the addiction and marital difficulties.

    Shoot, I’d take that compliment anyday.

    Don’t get me wrong. I love me some Dooce! I read you both everyday…just like my darling sis, Lisa!!!!

    Kudos on the yummy recipes. Keep up all of the good work and kiss all of those sweet kiddos!

  32. catnip says:

    I knew you were kidding!

  33. SoMo says:

    How dare they lump you in with the blander than Dooce crowd? No disrepect to Dooce, but how can living with 7 (is that right, I forget)kids in the middle of nowhere be bland. I think there needs to be something done about this. I will leave that in your hands, because I am sure you have the time and I have some sleeping to catch up on.

    Just remember you are not bland, you are subtle chaos with a bit of crazy through in to make it more interesting.

  34. M&Co. says:

    Chris, if it makes you feel any better, yours was the only blog I recognized, or had even heard of, on the list. Well, besides Dooce.

  35. LionAndMagicBoy says:

    So I’m reading your post, scrolling down to where the photo started, fully expecting to see a picture of the tick. I hate that I felt a twinge of disappointment, not that cream cheese and jelly turnovers don’t look delicious, but is it wrong that I had a perverse desire to see what a tick embedded in a baby’s head looks like? Is this what I have come to?

  36. Brandi says:

    I faithfully read both sites. I love you both, but for different reasons. You are not “blander” (poor choice of words on the author’s part) you just have a different kind of voice. That’s why I like you both so much, I’m not going to read the same thing twice with different adjectives, you know? You both have fascinating things to say, take wonderful pictures, but have totally different lives that are hilarious to read about.

    I know you didn’t need any self-esteem help from me but there’s my 2 cents anyway. :-)

    Thank you for sharing those small peeks into your life!

  37. Brooke Young says:

    Yuck! We just got home from a trek into the woods a.k.a. a state park. Brought home 3 ticks. My hubby is the designated remover, except he couldn’t reach the one on himself. I attempted to remove the bugger and he wasn’t cooperating….in a fit of desperation I pulled out the Compound W Freeze Off and gave the tick a little something to remember. I was able to pull him off with ease.

    I Will need more research to determine if that was a one time fluke or not. Will most likely be a long time before the research is completed…I don’t intend to go anywhere the woods for a LONG time!

    btw…I stop by a couple of times a week to see what’s up. I enjoying reading your adventures!

  38. Tara says:

    There are two blogs I read on a daily basis. One is yours, and the other is Dooce.

    I always read yours first. :)

  39. arduous says:

    Am I allowed to say that I think your site is funnier than Dooce?

  40. halloweenlover says:

    I just threw up in my mouth a little about the tick thing. I’m totally traumatized now, and I’m off to search the baby. And the dogs. Oh God, I’m going to die.

    Congrats on being in the paper! You’re super cool!

  41. angela michelle says:

    Love the 13-yo moment. See–they’re under there–they’re just hiding!

  42. Another Chris says:

    I adore your blog and have never heard of Dooce even though I read several mom blogs and am on many message boards. Oh well. You are the #1 blog I visit each day. Keep up the good work! You crack me up and I love your recipes too.

  43. Colleen Olson says:

    Thank you for reminding me why I don’t live in a warmer climate…even though I love summer and really don’t enjoy winter! Ticks! Shudder!

  44. Alice Wills Gold says:

    I came over from the Wall Street Journal…I like you…I am going to keep reading.

    TICKS - YUCK!!! I never had to worry about those until I moved out east…been in TN five years, and haven’t found one yet…yeah for me…I would freak the he** out too.

  45. Jennielynn says:

    Oh wow. I am a bigger dork than I thought and apparently, I live under a rock. I had NO idea who Dooce was until I clicked on your link, read the article and then checked her out. She’s great, but you and Mir are still my favorites. And the WSJ did not call you blander, less profane or less humorous than Dooce. Here’s betting you can curse with the best of them.

  46. t in h says:

    Well, not *everyone* knows who/what Dooce is. Never heard of him/her/it. But I do sometimes suspect I’m living under a rock…

  47. Mary says:

    You got to your seventh child before you had the tick experience? Seriously? I have one child and I had the tick experience when he was three. I did the same thing you did–couldn’t bear the thought of leaving it on for ONE MORE MINUTE. My son survived, so will yours. Pour yourself a glass of wine–cheers.


    Chris says: No, we have ticks every year. I just always over react.

  48. Heather says:

    Ticks, yuck! Totally cool your blog name was listed. I am really disappointed my other favorite blogger soulemama.typepad.com wasn’t on that list. She should definately be there in my opinion.

  49. Kritter Krit says:

    Love Dooce. Love you. Hate ticks.

  50. Kathy from NJ says:

    I bought all the stuff to make the cream cheese & jelly things, also bought all the stuff to make Marilyn’s madeleines, including the pans. And the stuff to make Pioneer Woman’s onion rings (including a deep fryer and tongs like hers). And Noble Pig’s muffins (required new cupcake pans). And my sister’s banana bread (required loaf pans - bought three, two pyrex and one aluminum).

    So far I’ve made……36 jars of cranberry sauce.

  51. BetteJo says:

    In paring down my google reader, I deleted Dooce but I had to keep you.

    My son had a tick on his leg when he was 3 or 4. I sat him down, took a match, lit it, blew it out, then held the extinguished match close to that tick butt. He didn’t like the heat, backed out and raced a trickle of blood down my son’s leg. E-e-e-w. I grabbed the tick with tissue and flushed it.

    I’ve heard people say to not use this method because you may burn your kid. Uh-h … I didn’t. You can even do it on the scalp because the match is out.

    Chris says: I am totally trying this next time. Because I know there will be a next time.

  52. Jeanne says:

    Congratulations for being mentioned in the Wall Street Journal, your family must be so proud of you! You are so famous now. I had no clue who Dooce is, got to get out from under that rock more often.
    And “I don’t know nothin’ ’bout removin’ no ticks.” Execellent job. That would have involved a trip to the pediatrician for me!
    I hope your kids know what a brave soul you are.

  53. Mary W says:

    Ticks give me the heebeethrowupalittleinmymouthjeebies.

    I love your blog but like Dooce.

    you make me laugh so hard I cry and you have great taste in shoes - and then there’s bacon.

  54. Shawn says:

    Ticks are just part of life here in rural Tennessee, you just gotta deal with it. I personally prefer getting close with my fingernails and giving a good YANK! Quick and to the point, kid doesn’t have a chance to get excited, no chance of burning, it’s hard to tell what you’re doing with tweezers and somebody always ends up pinched…ouch!

    Love your blog!

  55. MomMonster says:

    I read all the previous comments, and can’t believe nobody wrote about removing ticks the easy-peasy way we do it. All ya gotta do is paint theim with nail polish, and they will immediately pull out their own damn-nasty selves(shudders anyways)Then, Mary will pour everyone a glass of wine. Cheers!

  56. mary says:

    your blog is the BEST Chris

    I have really good taste. Ask anyone!

  57. Andrea says:

    I have to agree and say that I like you better than Dooce. Dooce grosses me out a little bit.

  58. Jaime says:

    ITA… your blog IS the best!

  59. Susie Sunshine says:

    All your children are adorable and clever, but your 13-year-old has a special place in my heart. He sounds a lot like my 12 and 15 year olds.

  60. lyme awareness says:

    please please please get your kid tested for lyme disease and on some antibiotics for preventative measure asap! my mom was recently diagnosed with lyme - after suffering many strange symptoms for years. she must have been bit a while ago and never noticed it. the longer it goes untreated the more devestating it can be. i dont mean to scare you - i would just hate for your family to go through what we are. i love the blog btw!

  61. Lottifish says:

    I am obviously not versed in the way of the tick. SO…it crawls under the skin? Can you get the head out? What are you SUPPOSED to do? I seriously can’t sleep until this is resolved.

  62. Jaymie says:

    Long time reader, first comment! This is something I watched on Oprah one day about ticks…. just thought I would share, I would have freaked out if I seen a ticks legs squirming out of my 3 year olds head….GROSS.

    If the tick’s head remains in your skin after you remove its body, Dr. Oz says not to worry—the saliva and viruses are contained in the tick’s body. “If you want to get [the head] out like a splinter, then get it out,” he says. “But I’ll give advice for moms out there—if your kid has a little bit of the head left in, the body will push it out by itself. I wouldn’t strap the kid down and go after the head of it. That’s not where the infection is. The infection was the body that’s already gone.”