April 16, 2008
At Parenting I wrote about an experience I had while traveling with my ginormous suitcase, which in actuality isn’t larger than normal, and how a huge group of teenage boys ran by while I was struggling on the stairs with the suitcase and all of them, except one ran by without offering assistance.
But I suppose it is my own damn fault for packing a suitcase at all and having to use stairs? Who knows, the internet is crazy with the things that get its panties in a wad.
I’m just glad that I didn’t mention that this was also the place where Susan and I saw the pantless hooker, on the train platform. Because somehow that might have been my fault also. But it was at that point, after already navigating the stair cases twice, that we decided to drive into the city. Because after that experience, nothing is scary. Then we renavigated the two sets of staircases. All while hoping the pantless hooker and the men didn’t come after us.
Neither one of us are city girls and it was never more obvious than at that exact moment.
Over at Work It, Mom!
This sort of looks like one of those photos on the menu at a bad Chinese restaurant, but I assure you that the recipe is delicious.
Also, over at Work It, Mom! there are contests and giveaways every day this week in celebration of the one year birthday of the site. Entering to win is as easy as leaving a comment.
Posted by Chris @ 12:35 am
Just a Grrrl
April 14, 2008
Posted by Chris @ 10:11 pm
The Little Brother
April 13, 2008
“You will sit there, and wear my shoes, and watch me dance. When I am done you will clap.”
“Ok. I will. You are a beautiful butterfly and a good dancer.”
“No talking to me either.”
Posted by Chris @ 10:19 pm
We Take Safety Seriously
April 12, 2008
The weather was gorgeous today. The kids asked if we could go on a bike ride. Miles was mad when I told him that he could not ride his tricycle on the road.
But once I told him that he could wear his helmet while we walked, he cheered right back up. I guess when you are three wearing a helmet is cool.
Also thank god he doesn’t have a two wheeler bike yet. My daughter decided half way through the ride that it was “Tooooooo haaaaaaaarrrrrrrd.” And she was “Toooooooooo tiiiiiirrrrrrrrred.” I ended up pulling her on her bike most of the way home, all the while muttering empty threats under my breath about how she will never ever again ride her bike on the road. And how if she doesn’t stop whining I will toss her bike into the woods and leave it there for the bears to use.
If I had two kids on two bikes to deal with, I am not certain that I wouldn’t have just left them there on the side of the road to fend for themselves.
I know you are all thinking, “What how could that angelic looking child possibly behave in a way that would anger you so? You horrible, awful, undeserving mother.” But you are imagining this face:
When the face that I am dealing with looks more like that of Linda Blair right before the pea soup came flying out of her mouth:
I see the future. Hold me.
I have no idea about his fashion choices. Clearly he does not believe that spring is here to stay and wants to be prepared with boots should a freak snowstorm arise.
And really he might just have the last laugh.
Posted by Chris @ 11:16 pm
Now I Am REALLY Home, For Good…
April 10, 2008
or until the next trip.
Today in the Wall Street Journal there was an article about Dooce. Ever heard of her? I know, me neither.
In the sidebar there is a list of blogs that are “blander than Dooce, less humorous and significantly less profane.” And yes, I am one of them. Thank you to everyone who emailed or commented to tell me about it. I would never have found it otherwise.
New Jersey did let me out, but it was touch and go for a little while there when I sat in a traffic jam for an hour as soon as I got on the highway. The panel was great. I spoke with Mom in the City, City Wendy, A Baby Boomer Woman’s Life After 5.
I did end up complaining about my hotel room and they took the porn charges off of my bill. Just kidding. They did take the internet charges off my bill, you know being tethered to a desk isn’t enough, they have to charge you for the privilege. And also the $10 pot of coffee I had brought to my room in the morning, that apparently I am lazy enough to order.
Tonight after I got home, I was snuggling my baby, shut up he is so, on the couch tonight when I felt something on his little head. A TICK. A TICK on my baby’s head. So I did the only thing that I could do. Freak the hell out. And then go after it with tweezers. Yes, I did snap the body off the tick leaving the head embedded under his skin. I know I should have left it for Rob to do. I know this. And yet when I see wiggling tick legs sticking out of my baby I can’t help but try and pull it out right then. How could I possibly leave it in for several more hours?
Oh, you know you want to make these cream cheese and jelly turnovers. Or get your kids to make it for you. Sadly they are not allergen free. So please go eat them for me.
When I arrived home my 7 and 9 yr olds were just back from baseball practice and they had their little baseball outfits on. They looked so unbelievably cute I wanted to eat them. Except they were all dirt streaked and we all know how I feel about dirt. They began talking and telling me about their day in excruciating detail, while I nodded and made comments to show I was interested like, “Wow!” “Cool!” “No Way!” Their voices getting louder and louder because they both like to talk over each other. My 7 yr old immediately had to reenact when he threw a ball to a kid on his team and the kid screamed and ran away. I am not sure the actual event could have been as dramatic.
My 13 yr old son is helping the coach with the little kid team. I asked him how the practice went. He looked over at his little brother, a smile spread across his face and said, “He was really serious about it. It was cute.” Then he shrugged and walked away. I knew that if I mentioned it again he would in all likelihood deny having said it. But he said it once for me and that is all the matters.
It’s good to be home.
Posted by Chris @ 11:44 pm
Second Verse Same as the First
I am in New Jersey in a hotel.
Unlike last week, this hotel is gross, or at least my room is. I have a door that connects to another room and I can hear a man snoring LOUDLY in there. No wireless so I am tethered by a short cord to a desk. Wireless has spoiled me.
I did bring a big bag of guilt with me this trip, however, to keep me company.
What am I doing here? Speaking at a conference. Tomorrow afternoon I will be on my way back home, hopefully in time to bring my son to baseball practice. That is if New Jersey will set me free.
Posted by Chris @ 12:10 am
April 9, 2008
Can I just say that being away for a few days has kicked my butt? I can not seem to get back on top of things. It is weird. And I say it every single time I go away, so it shouldn’t take me by surprise and yet it does. When did my children become so loud?
My daughter presented me with a photo when I got home.
It is her (on the left) crying because she missed me. Oh twist that knife in my heart why don’t you.
The other person crying, the one without a body and a stick in his mouth, is Miles. But according to my daughter he isn’t crying because he missed me, just because he is a “bad boy.” Just in case I was tempted to throw any sympathy his way, she wanted to nip that in the bud.
This one has MOM written on the bottom. Don’t want any confusion about who was the cause of her great heartbreak.
Mmmmmm, Pasta with Tomato Vodka Sauce. Big hit at my house. Recipe posted over at Work It, Mom!
Then at Parenting, what is the appropriate age for leaving your child home alone? What about letting him/her ride the subway alone?
Posted by Chris @ 12:01 am
Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jig
April 7, 2008
It was wonderful to be away. And wonderful to be back home. My children all seem to have grown a foot or so while I was away.
Even my 12 year old seems to think this as one of the very first things he said to me when I walked in the door was, “Wow, I am almost the same size as you.”
And I replied, “I can still take you down.” Which is, of course, completely untrue.
Though the next time I go away and buy my kids lollipops the size of their faces beat me over the head with the lollipops until I lose consciousness, okay? When will I learn that some things are much nicer in the store than stuck to the back of my hair as some wild child hopped up on sugar runs by me with a lollipop in their hand.
I can’t write about the J&J trip here, BlogHer Ad Network rules do not allow this, but you can see random photos all over the place. And read about how I visited Alice and kicked her ass. I now know where she lives. $5 will buy you a google map to her house.
I take PayPal.
Posted by Chris @ 10:50 am
The Best Medicine
April 6, 2008
I spent most of the past five days like this. Crying with laughter. My sides aching. So many wonderful and hilarious women that I am lucky enough to call friends.
So many stories to tell.
Posted by Chris @ 11:39 pm
Out of Context
April 5, 2008
“You know, you would think that after awhile you would get smart and ask for your money up front.”
“Or maybe stop being a hooker.”
Posted by Chris @ 9:39 am