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2008 May

Dear Miles,

May 30, 2008

Dear Miles,

Today you had your first dental check-up and teeth cleaning. Something you will be doing every six months for the rest of your life. Except for those years when you will invariably think that you are invincible and don’t need regular check-ups. I hope you skip over that stage, but I know from experience that all of us go through it. Just takes one root canal to snap you into shape.


You were too cute for words. Honestly. You sat in the chair like a such a big boy. You opened your mouth and let the dentist do everything…polish your teeth, scrape them with the little pick thing, rinse your mouth out and suck the water up with Mr. Thirsty. They don’t have very high expectations for three year olds and you surpassed them all. Even mine. If parenting for thirteen years has taught me anything it is to have low expectations.

You are the typical loose canon that all three year old children are. I can never be sure what will set you off. Is the sun shining too bright? Did a breeze blow through your room? Are the planets out of alignment? There is no rhyme or reason to it. In fact I could guarantee that if we went back to the dentist today that you would refuse to sit in the chair, refuse to open your mouth, and kick the dentist in the shins.

Accepting this fact keeps me humble. When people congratulate me on having such a well behaved three year old, I can assure them that anything having to do with a three year old is a crap shoot and it has nothing really to do with me. I know all too well how quickly things can deteriorate.

Yesterday, I got lucky.


You especially loved the “hand resters” and kept your hands on them the entire time, even though it did not appear to be at all a restful position.


Mostly you just smiled. You flashed those dimples. You made everyone fall in love with you.


Then when it was over you grabbed your goodie bag filled with new toothpaste, a brand new toothbrush, some floss that will never see the inside of your mouth before you unwind it and wrap it around the house. You ran down the hallway the little white bag swinging beside you, probably off to grow up some more and break my heart.


Posted by Chris @ 10:00 am | Comments are closed.  

Colonoscopys, Endoscopys, and Poop. Oh My!

May 28, 2008

Yesterday was the ASS CAM day. And as promised I did get to keep my socks and comfortable shoes on. But nothing else. Except for the the big old gown that ties in the back, unless you weigh less than 500lbs, then you can wrap it around your body and tuck it under your arms to hold it shut while you waddle down the hall pushing your iv pole to the procedure room.

I have to say that all the anxiety I had leading up this was for naught. Nothing about the procedure, or the prep leading up to it, was as bad as I had imagined. Yes, the drink that… umm… moved things along the day before, tasted bad. It wasn’t that bad. For anyone who needs to have a colonoscopy or endoscopy done and has been putting it off out of fear, I want to tell you to just do it.

For people who don’t want to read about the procedure, or my poop, I will tell you that both tests came out perfectly normal. No tumors, polyps, growths, or gerbils of any kind living in there. The best news, other than that, was the doctor telling me that I don’t have to have it done again until I turn 50, which is eleven years away. If only pap smears needed to be done with that sort of regularity.

This post is wayyyyy long, so I have used the dreaded more tag. I know. I apologize.

Posted by Chris @ 10:34 am | Comments are closed.  

At Least I Have Friends To Laugh With

May 23, 2008

“What test do you have to do?”

“Oh my god… 24 urine test. Listen… The doctor will give you a gallon collection jug, …blah blah blah… collect the urine for the next 24 hours …blah blah… The directions usually tell you to refrigerate the jug.”

“I have to do a 72 HOUR one. That’s a lot of pee”

“Dude, we have to chill our pee!!”

“I think I might need another fridge. One that does not contain food I am planning on eating.”


“You left out the part about CARRYING IT TO A LAB.”


“I wish we lived closer together so we could do it together. “Hi! Here we are with our big jugs of urine.”

“I know. well, the only way to do that is to be like ‘I DON’T EVEN CARE’ about it.”

“Like, ‘yeah, I’m carrying a jug of my pee. JEALOUS?’

“In fact I ALWAYS just carry my pee around.”

“Like that skit on SNL where she has one leg. ‘yeah, I farted, JEALOUS?’ Or nothing like that at all, but still funny.”

“So is this what getting older is all about? One embarrassing test after another?”


Posted by Chris @ 11:17 pm | Comments are closed.  

All Baseball, All the Time

May 22, 2008

I am trapped in a never ending baseball cycle. I see the other mothers in the parking lot and we look at each other all dazed and confused, because is this real or is it deja vous? Who knows anymore. I do have to pay attention to what I am wearing so that I don’t show up in the same outfit two or three days in a row. Does anyone else do that? Get stuck in a fashion rut and put the same jeans, shoes, t-shirt (or identical one) on every day?

field of dreams

Some three year old children have imaginary friends, Miles has a whole imaginary baseball team. He talks about his team, his practice, his games. He tells me long involved stories about what his coach said. Also, David Archuleta is on his team. When he is done playing baseball, according to Miles, David goes inside the tv for American Idol.

Even though I like to complain about it all I wouldn’t trade it. The kids love it. It is only this crazy for a two months or so and then we settle down to our normal level of craziness.

I wrote about, what else, baseball this week at Parenting.


And then at Work It, Mom! I posted a quick and easy black bean and beef burrito recipe that is perfect for nights when you have spent the entire afternoon and evening at the baseball field.

One day I will have something else to write about. Maybe. One day I might even have a life of my own. I know. I dream big.

Posted by Chris @ 9:14 am | Comments are closed.  

Big and Little

May 19, 2008


My 12 yr old son plays AAA and is on the Red Sox team. My 7 year old plays A and is on the Red Sox. It wasn’t planned that way. It has never happened before. One of those luck of the draw things. (My 9 yr old is on the Kansas City Royals)

The first day of practice their respective coaches handed out their jerseys. We noticed the first day of games that they had each been randomly assigned the same number. After they had put the wrong shirts on and each completely freaked out that their shirt didn’t fit properly.

Posted by Chris @ 9:31 pm | Comments are closed.  

Say Cheese

May 17, 2008

The latest stop on my East Coast Doctor Tour 2008 brought me to a gastroenterologist.

I am having a colonoscopy and endoscopy the Monday after next. Welcome to middle age! Break out the low cholesterol snacks and sensible shoes! Though I thought I had at least one more year before the official welcoming party.

I also get to do a test where I must collect my pee for 72 hours. Yes, SEVENTY TWO HOURS. What do I collect all of this in? What do I do when I am out ? How the hell I am supposed to then cart what could only be a barrel sized container of urine to the lab is beyond me. Will I need a hand truck? A couple of strong men? These are the questions that plague me.

I am beginning to think that being middle aged is all about being humble. Because when you are holding a barrel of your own pee, on the way to have a camera shoved up where no camera should go, what else can you be?

I was reading through the pamphlets they sent home with me and one of them told me to wear comfortable clothes. Guess I won’t be wearing that bridesmaid dress I was assured I could wear again to this event either. I am beginning to think that the satin and tulle number was a complete waste of money.

Also, the pamphlet told me to wear comfortable slip on shoes. Because I can keep them on during the procedures. Lord knows I was worried about my feet and not, you know, THAT CAMERA BEING SHOVED UP MY ASS.

Posted by Chris @ 9:56 am | Comments are closed.  

Conversation With a Carnivore

May 14, 2008

Scene: A Local Petting Farm

Me, after going through a litany of animals that we were going to see: And chickens, there are lots of chickens.

Three Year old, who up until this point was unenthusiastic: CHICKEN?! I LOVE CHICKEN! YUMMY, YUMMY CHICKEN!

Posted by Chris @ 8:02 am | Comments are closed.  

Leading Her Horse

May 13, 2008

Leading the horse

Watch your step, little girl!

You know what else big horses do?

Posted by Chris @ 9:35 am | Comments are closed.  

Petting the Horse

Nice Horse

I worry sometimes that the horse will think she is an annoying fly and kick her.

Posted by Chris @ 9:12 am | Comments are closed.  

Tiny Girl and Her Horse

Tiny Girl and Her Horse

She looks like a tiny little toy doll next to the horse. It is hard to believe that the horse actually responds to her.

Posted by Chris @ 9:08 am | Comments are closed.