May 17, 2008
The latest stop on my East Coast Doctor Tour 2008 brought me to a gastroenterologist.
I am having a colonoscopy and endoscopy the Monday after next. Welcome to middle age! Break out the low cholesterol snacks and sensible shoes! Though I thought I had at least one more year before the official welcoming party.
I also get to do a test where I must collect my pee for 72 hours. Yes, SEVENTY TWO HOURS. What do I collect all of this in? What do I do when I am out ? How the hell I am supposed to then cart what could only be a barrel sized container of urine to the lab is beyond me. Will I need a hand truck? A couple of strong men? These are the questions that plague me.
I am beginning to think that being middle aged is all about being humble. Because when you are holding a barrel of your own pee, on the way to have a camera shoved up where no camera should go, what else can you be?
I was reading through the pamphlets they sent home with me and one of them told me to wear comfortable clothes. Guess I won’t be wearing that bridesmaid dress I was assured I could wear again to this event either. I am beginning to think that the satin and tulle number was a complete waste of money.
Also, the pamphlet told me to wear comfortable slip on shoes. Because I can keep them on during the procedures. Lord knows I was worried about my feet and not, you know, THAT CAMERA BEING SHOVED UP MY ASS.