June 18, 2008
I have a million different things I could write about. Baseball championships, a birthday, home renovations that are taking place at warp speed, never ending doctor and dentist appointments that stack on top of each other, the garden the kids have planted, an exciting project I am working on, and other potentially good things that I am not allowed to talk about yet. Don’t you hate when people do that? tell you that they have something exciting going on, but that they CAN NOT TELL YOU?
I do. And yet, here I am doing it anyway.
Monday, I was at my regular general practitioner, the vanilla ice cream of doctors, where I was proclaimed in perfect health. Though she did suggest that I gain weight. Which, what the hell? Because according to her “chart” I was underweight. I grabbed the roll of fat around my middle and showed it to her, because apparently it missed the memo.
Yesterday morning at 8:00am I got a phone call from my GI doctor’s office. All the tests I had done came back normal, except two. They are markers for a specific kind of tumor. I need to go for a CT scan. Soon. Like tomorrow morning. If that doesn’t make a lump catch in your throat I don’t know what does.
On the one hand, it is nice to finally have a doctor who finally is doing something, even if it means doing scary tests and looking for rare, life threatening illnesses. On the other hand, it would be much nicer to hear, “Your are in perfect health! Go forth and live to 90 years old.”
So now I sit here and look over my to do list and fell paralyzed. I mean if I am dying (yes, I KNOW I have a touch of the melodrama) will I really care if my walls aren’t painted. Wouldn’t I rather have spent that time gazing with misty eyes at my spawn, you know while they try to win the bicker marathon contest? What you haven’t heard of it? Well, it exists and my children are poised to take the gold. I am so proud. Or else helping my 9 yr old memorize his multiplication tables so that when I am gone and he has to go to school people won’t talk bad about me.
My email box is filled to the brim with emails I should answer but am ignoring instead.
Because honestly, I DO NOT WANT TO SIT IN ON A PHONE CALL WITH SOME PSUEDO FAMOUS PERSON WITH AN AGENDA THEY ARE PROMOTING JUST SO I CAN BLOG ABOUT IT. PR people still haven’t gotten a clue it seems, since one called me on the PHONE yesterday to ask me why I hadn’t responded to their exciting email invitation to talk on the phone. (Let that sink in a moment… called me on the phone) And then seemed honestly shocked when I politely said that I was not interested. When pressed I finally said, “Um, because I don’t want to?”
So if I owe you an email, I am probably not going to get around to it. Ever. I’d like to say that I will, but that would be a lie. But I did read it. And I appreciate the time you took to write it.
I find myself in this place where if you were to call me up (um, please don’t) and ask how I am or what we are up to, I would answer with a generic “good” and “nothing” Not because either of those are necessarily true, but because I can’t even put any of it into words. At least not words that can fully encompass everything.