Titles Are Over Rated
July 7, 2008
I may keep my house relatively clean, but my vehicles are another story. I am not sure why it doesn’t bother me to drive around in filth. Maybe because I can’t actually see most of it? I don’t know.
But today I cleaned out the mini van. I filled an entire garbage bag full of well, garbage.
My four younger kids are spending the weekend at their aunt’s house while Rob and I head out of town with our three oldest. This means that I am leaving my sister-in-law the mini van to use. She who is very anally retentive neat and clean. As in she would make Felix Unger look like a slob.
As in she cleans her windows routinely with things like a Q-tip. Unlike me who cleans the windows only when you can no longer see out of them, and even then a cursory pass with a paper towel and some Windex does it for me.
I went to the store today to buy some special car interior cleaning stuff. And I contemplated renting a steam cleaner for the rug and upholstery, because looking that interior objectively has revealed that we are a family of pigs. Pigs who apparently roll in the mud before getting into the van, then hastily shed random bits of their clothing, and have silent food fights.
Next up I have to wash the carseats. She-who-does-not-allow-food-in-her-car-EVER would be horrified at the amount of crumbs lurking inside.
As a funny aside, while I was vacuuming out the car my two youngest buckled themselves into their carseats on the driveway. They thought it was the best thing ever.
It reminded me of something that I had blocked out completely forgotten about. When my oldest two sons were 1 and 2 yrs old, I used to bring their carseats in the house from the car every day. Then I would buckle them into the seats in front of Sesame Street so that I could get a quick shower without them killing their infant brother, running away, or doing whatever else two unattended toddlers could do in five minutes. They never complained about it either, that I can remember. Or maybe I just couldn’t hear the complaints from underneath the water.
Don’t judge me. If it weren’t for those car seats there would have been a good five year period where I never shaved my legs. Really, I was only thinking of everyone else.
It is strange how something you do every single day, that seems like an eternity when you are going through it (hello, diaper changing I am talking to you.) Then it ends one day and gradually fades from your memory until it almost feels as if it didn’t happen. I can remember clearly coming down the stairs that were open to our family room and seeing their tiny bodies sitting in their seats, but I can’t remember what I felt. Were they as cute to me then as the memory of their small selves is to me now? Was I hoping I could sneak past them and grab something to eat in the kitchen before they noticed? Was I wishing that Sesame Street was on all day long?
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Amen, sister!
July 7th, 2008 at 8:42 pmYes! I swear, it’s as if I’ve never had a baby, now that my youngest is 3, even though my entire day was planned around one baby or another for almost 15 straight years. In another year, I’m sure, I will have blocked diapers out of my mind forever.
And that car seat/TV watching idea? I can’t believe I never thought of that! It’s fantastic.
July 7th, 2008 at 8:50 pmOh I remember those days!! Timing showers around naps, how long the wind-up mobile would play or yeah, I still use Sesame Street!! And we did the high chair thing so there could be books or other toys to throw. And gates! Ugh - I’m not really looking forward to that part when we have more kids. I can sympathize w/the cleaning for other people. Some people are coming to help this week since my husband’s having surgery and I feel like I need to uber-clean so that they can come here and sit in a clean house. It doesn’t bother me, but I know they’d be weirded out! Having kids is like living in a frat house. Constant motion, eating, laundry and noise. No complaints - there are a lot of good times! Hope you enjoy the time w/your older kids =)
July 7th, 2008 at 8:50 pmMan…I was wish I’d read that bit about bringing the carseats inside 4 years ago. That right there is priceless advice! Genious!
July 7th, 2008 at 8:56 pmI often think back to all those times I would try to sneak past without them noticing and wish that I could go back and give them a big hug when they were so very small.
I look at my oldest now and think that he was three when the twins were born. The same age as the twins are now but now big he seemed and grown up and how at the same age the twins seem so very small.
Enjoy your time with your big kids in a smaller car.
July 7th, 2008 at 8:56 pmI cleaned out my car JUST LAST WEEK, and it already looks like I randomly pick up garbage from the side of the road and just chuck it on the floor in the back seat. Since I am having Baby #3 next week, I think I better clean it again or I won’t be able to get another car seat in it.
I did that car seat in the living room thing too, when my daughter was really little. I don’t even think my son was born yet, but that was the only way I was going to be able to get a shower. Good times.
July 7th, 2008 at 9:03 pmI so appreciate your perspective about your kids growing up. I’m going to remember your Sesame Street/carseat/shower example for a long time. Thank you.
July 7th, 2008 at 9:06 pmNo judging! I’ve always wondered what moms with more than one kid do just to get a shower!
I think mom cars get so dirty because we spend more time in them than we do in our houses. At least, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
July 7th, 2008 at 9:10 pmI love stories like that! I always like to know what little tricks other moms have up their sleeves to get through the day. I bet you have a million!
July 7th, 2008 at 9:50 pmI hope you have lots of fun out of town with the three big kids. Is it baseball related?
When my girls were newborn and one-year-old, I would put the baby in her bouncy seat and the toddler in her exersaucer/playseat to get a quick five minute shower. My bathroom was so crowded you could barely walk from the shower to the sink, but I did get clean.
July 7th, 2008 at 10:00 pmI have been shocked by all the things I’ve forgotten! We waited six years between boys no. 4 and 5 (the first four boys were within five years). So here we are with a baby again and it’s been like starting over. Today I took the boys to the movies and brought the baby. I don’t know how I ever forgot how absolutely exhausting that would be.
It’s sweet to read about your memories.
July 7th, 2008 at 10:08 pmJust cherish these memories you have now, Chris, because when you get to be my age they’re gone! Oh, I remember lots of stuff about our girls growing up (they are about your age) but so many of the memories are back in the cobwebs of my mind. They may pop up every now and then, but just enjoy the ones you have.
They didn’t even have car seats in “my” days. But it seems like a great idea to me. We had playpens, which I know are taboo today, but it seemed to work just fine then.
July 7th, 2008 at 10:15 pmNo judgment here! I am in awe of your ability to improvise as new sitations present themselves. That and staying sane. I’m impressed. My one child drives me crazy!
July 7th, 2008 at 10:17 pmIt took a tarantula in my car to finally convince my husband to clean it.
July 7th, 2008 at 10:28 pmI suspect you felt a little bit of all those things. Do enjoy your time with your oldest ones. I’m sure you will create many new memories to cherish for a lifetime.
July 7th, 2008 at 11:11 pmI was so thrilled when Elliot could sit in his high chair. So I could strap him in in front of Baby Einstein and take a shower. Same premise for the DVD generation.
The vacuum reaches to the car? I didn’t know that. I don’t think the cord on mine is long enough. Or at least that’s the excuse I’m sticking to.
July 7th, 2008 at 11:15 pmBrilliant idea about the car seat . . . I cried the day my kid outgrew the Jumperoo as it was my ticket to the shower. Now I just shower and hope no major injury happens while I’m gone . . .
July 7th, 2008 at 11:30 pmWith you on the trash-filled car thing. Usually I fill up a couple of large bags and then vacuum while the kids ride bikes up and down the drive.
July 8th, 2008 at 12:44 amLast week, in a panic at sister-in-law’s impending arrival, I decided to get an interior/exterior clean at Bubbles. Oh, also because I didn’t want to go on garbage duty in the 90 degree heat.
1 hour 30 minutes later and $50 poorer and there were still crumbs through the car when I got it back. Learned my lesson.
When I only had one child, I took a shower when he napped. When I had twins two years later, for a while, I took showers at night, but I got very tired of that (and felt like an old lady.) I decided that I needed to take showers in the morning “like a regular person” again. Now I make sure my husband knows that he doesn’t leave for work in the morning until I’ve had a shower, too.
July 8th, 2008 at 1:26 amHaving started over with a wee one - with two olders, I realized today I had forgotten (blocked out - ha!) how much time of my day is just entertaining/holding/working toward BED TIME! I LOVE my children, and most love the baby days, but, MAN - they are dizzying at times. With one more head/body in the family, dh bought a new (to us) car and announced “there is to be NO eating in it!” - we all giggled quietly…
July 8th, 2008 at 1:28 amCame from Tranny . . . I think about this ALL the time. J is nearly a year and I can barely remember him as a newborn. We are still reminded of the sleepless nights . . .
He is nearly out of his Exersaucer. When that happens, bye, bye shower . . .
July 8th, 2008 at 1:46 amI established a no food or drink rule for our latest van. The rule did not last very long. However, I pick and choose what is acceptable to eat in the van. This has saved many a mess. For instance, Happy Meal–Yes; ice cream–No; Poptart–Yes; Pancakes with syrup, a definite No. I also try to remove all cups from the van ASAP. We are beyond sippy cups and bottles…by the way I don’t miss finding a disgusting bottle of milk rolling on the floor of the van! Double eewww.
July 8th, 2008 at 1:59 amare play pens taboo today???? i had no idea…..i could not survive without my play pen!!!!! it’s a safe place where the little ones can sit while i grab a shower, cook etc.isn,t it the same as strapping them into a car seat???
Chris says: I honestly don’t know if they are taboo. They seem like a good idea to me.
But I can imagine people out there saying, “oh I am not putting my preshus baybee in a CAGE!” And then they will offer up advice on how you can shower with your preshus baybee. Because that would not at all drive you insane.
July 8th, 2008 at 3:24 amyes i know my punctuation is appalling…i can,t type properly!!!!!!!!!!!!
July 8th, 2008 at 3:25 amLol, ingenious car-seat use! I used to let my friend’s tiny baby sleep on me while she showered, and wondered how she was going to manage when i wasn’t there and the kid had grown to ‘mischief’ age.
July 8th, 2008 at 4:43 amAn oh-so-funny post! I loved reading this.
Looking back only 6 years ago when I struggled to get a shower in, I can’t even remember what I was thinking about, mainly because “containing the chaos” seemed to be my only goal. Now when I shower, I tell my kids, “just don’t come and get me unless the house is on fire or someone is bleeding”.
July 8th, 2008 at 7:34 amFirst, I think it is very nice of you to clean the car for your SIL. Second, my kids have done the same thing as soon as I try to clean the car seats. It is puzzling, because when they are actually in the car they seem to tranform into torture devices. Third, brilliant idea. To hell with Dina Lohan and Lynn Spears, you need to write a parenting book.
July 8th, 2008 at 8:29 amI can so relate to the entire post!! My twins were 20 months old when I brought home my next baby. I had to tie my refrigerator shut because they would get in there every time I sat down to nurse.
Now the twins are about to be 16 and absolutely gorgeous. I am tempted to tie THEM down sometimes - or at least make them wear head coverings so the boys would stay away!!
However, now I can tell them to go clean out the car. It still gets THAT messy from the younger kids, but I don’t have to do the work. That’s why we have kids, right? To be tiny little slaves!!
July 8th, 2008 at 8:39 amI read every day, but I think this is my first comment. I really enjoy your blog.
I am so mad that I never thought of doing that! Now it’s too late. My 3 1/2 year old can unbuckle himself.
July 8th, 2008 at 8:44 amProbably all of the above were going through your mind when you saw the babies in their seats.
About the car, have you considered having it detailed? That’s what we do to get our car really deep-cleaned. It would be worth it to see your sister-in-law’s face.
Chris says: And then I could pretend that it always looks like that
July 8th, 2008 at 9:00 amI just got out of the shower. My 7 month old was stuck in her johnny jumper (though I could hear her over the shower) and the 2.5 year old is put in front of a Sesame Street dvd. Good to know there is a time in the future where I will be able to shower daily and without all the thinking about it beforehand.
July 8th, 2008 at 9:55 amWith my first, I showered when his dad was home or when he was napping. He was terrified of the shower noise by the age of 1.. probably because he had never heard it.
With my second, I set the 3 year old up with something probably=not-life-threatening and brought the baby in the shower with me. This was awesome once she could sit in the tub and play as I could have longgggg showers again!
Number 3 is newborn and her 9 and 12 year old siblings are traumatized at the idea of me leaving her to shower. geesh.
July 8th, 2008 at 10:04 amSeriously? No food in the car EVER?
I can’t even imagine.
I really appreciate your sentiment in this post - that’s one reason why I started blogging. I have a horrible memory and this is one way of keeping track.
Becky
July 8th, 2008 at 10:45 amhttp://www.stinkylemsky.typepad.com/
Chris I can so relate to the carseat idea (which by the way is a fabulous idea). When my son ws an infant I put him in his bouncy seat so I could shower.
July 8th, 2008 at 11:16 amHave a great time on your trip! I’m sure it will seem so freeing to only have three kids. Which I find hilarious since I only have two and still can’t get my act together. Love your posts - what happened at Parenting? I don’t see you there anymore (and your post is the only one I read)?
July 8th, 2008 at 11:40 amTotally loving that you locked the kids up in their carseats in front of the tube. Hilarious!
July 8th, 2008 at 11:48 amYour story reminded me of my own “beneficent restraint” memory. ( : My oldest son was born while his navy submarine dad was at sea. I’d put him in the baby swing, wind it up, put the Nutcracker on the cd player and run take a shower. I had til the swing wound down or the cd ended, whichever came first. I would stick my head out of the shower and if I could still hear the music I’d enjoy a few minutes more of peace and clean. He’s now almost 18, an amazing young man. Oh, and he still loves classical music, especially the Nutcracker!!
July 8th, 2008 at 11:53 amChris, you really hit it on the head. I have seven children, the youngest four years old. Sometimes I see photos of the older ones when they were babies, and I think, was that real? Did I really have seven little babies? It seems almost like a dream now, or someone else. Maybe that is what sleep deprivation does to the brain, makes it all fade and fuzz in retrospect. Anyway, I wish I could hold them one more time as babies. I really do.
July 8th, 2008 at 12:25 pmThat is a really good idea. I was wondering how you’d done with the little ones and an infant for so many years.
The car seat. Better than a playpen.
July 8th, 2008 at 12:48 pmI used to do the morning greeter gig at the elementary school, where we would open car doors to help kids unload. There are only two kinds of cars; immaculate, and normal - where stuff falls out when you open the door.
Wish I’d thought of the car seat idea!
July 8th, 2008 at 3:22 pmI only had two and those four years apart. The idea of seven children BOGGLES MY MIND. But the car seat thing? Genius. Which is why you can manage seven.
July 8th, 2008 at 3:23 pmThat is hilarious, and genius. Of course most of us don’t have the “blessing” of a 2, 1, and 0 year old at one time.
July 8th, 2008 at 3:47 pmYour SIL sounds like my husband. He grew up in Arizona and you NEVER leave ANYTHING in the car… unless you don’t really want it later.
July 8th, 2008 at 5:06 pmHave a great time away with the older kiddos! Your memories are spot on - we remember now that they were so cute then… we thought differently at the time though, I’m sure!
July 8th, 2008 at 6:05 pmWhere the hell was this post when Hansel and Gretel were that age????
The car seat idea is BRILLIANT.
I just dragged them into the shower with me. Or showered at night after they were asleep, if I managed to stay awake long enough.
July 8th, 2008 at 6:10 pmI just paid $29 to get my car cleaned inside and out, I figured I was helping the economy!
July 8th, 2008 at 6:18 pmWow, your van sounds exactly like mine. The car seats get so gross, and I just don’t care. Until someone else gets into my van and then I am ashamed. But not ashamed enough to keep it cleaner next time.
My kids are currently 3, 2, and 6 weeks. I am thinking your car seat and TV combo sounds BRILLIANT.
July 8th, 2008 at 6:23 pmThe Twins actually made this ‘game’ up one day. They said they were flying in their jets. God knows what a girl can handle and when she needs a little help.
July 8th, 2008 at 7:06 pmYup, I had twins. Lost an entire years worth of memory after that. Unsure if I blocked it out to keep myself sane or what. When I look back on it, I have only good memories, but they all start at about 18 mos. LOOL
July 8th, 2008 at 10:51 pmHave a wonderful weekend. I am laughing when I as much as go to the grocery with only one child or at times to, they will gaze at me and say..see momma this is what it COULD have been like if you did not have the other two!
As for the messy van, please I literally went out to our truck minutes ago, Noone has been in there since we came home from the Jersy shore on Sunday. Can I just say EWWW.
July 8th, 2008 at 11:10 pmclearly something is foul in there and I am not going to be the one to hunt it down.
I feel so….vindicated!! It’s not JUST ME!!!
I remember leaving the baby in his little car seat, at the end of the bed watching Teletubbies while I took the world’s fastest shower…either that, or he was planted right outside the shower door, with me making goofy faces and noises to keep him entertained as I showerd. Ah, the old days! (babies now 13 and 9)
I have always let my kids eat in the vehicle…I guess I prefer peace to cleaniness
However, we are just about to turn our only ever lease vehicle back to the dealer and I do not envy my husband the job of cleaning that sucker out!! LOL
Have a great holiday!!
July 9th, 2008 at 12:47 amGoodness, I really should proof read. I meant ’showered’ and ‘cleanliness’. Ack!
July 9th, 2008 at 12:48 amI leave mine in their cots to have a shower. I will go into them in the morning, give the baby (now toddler - eek!) her milk, my son (2) a book, and run for a quick shower. Depending on which side of the bed they woke up, is an indicator of whether I get to shave my legs or not (or just make the water look like a scene from Psycho). I know my preschooler will be out of his cot soon, and I guess bodily hygiene will have to suffer - or he will get locked in the bathroom with me (so as not to torment his sister). I will gladly pass up privacy so as to avoid warfare…
Please do come clean my car for me, Chris - I am definitely not of the Q=tip variety of car-cleaners, as you can see from the various life forms that call my car their home. And I don’t just mean small children and spiders…
July 9th, 2008 at 10:36 amClicked on a link to your blog today. This post made me laugh…instantly! :0) I love it when people are honest, real and funny at the same time and I would love to come back to read more.
July 10th, 2008 at 5:16 pmLove the car seat idea? How come I never thought of that? I would have to buy spare car seats that lived in the house for that purpose. Is it too late when they are 5 and 6…probably, huh? Damn.
July 11th, 2008 at 12:18 pm