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True Friends Will Bake You A Cake with a File

True Friends Will Bake You A Cake with a File

August 8, 2008

Or at the very least they will send you accessories to match your orange jumpsuit.

Me: My kids are driving my nuts today!
Her: Join the club.
Me: Was there some sort of edict that went out that us parents were not aware of that said, today is act like a little asshole day?
Her: Yes that must be it.
Me: You would not believe what my 7 yr old is doing… I swear he is begging me to strangle him.
Her: I hear him. I will testify in court on your behalf.
Me: You are such a great friend.
Her: I’ll tell the judge. He was begging for it.
Me: I love you.

Her (friend without a blog, yes they do exist. Like unicorns): So we were driving home from vacation and my son was throwing up the whole way.

Me: Oh yuck, we had that happen recently too. It was so horrible.
Her: We kept having to pull over. Except at one point on the highway there was no shoulder and we had to give him a McDonald’s bag.
Me: Ewwwwwwww. We luckily had beach buckets in the van.
Her: It smelled so bad. And it was leaking. And the other kids were all complaining. So we threw it out the window.
Me: I’m not laughing at you. I swear.
Her: All the cars behind us were honking at us. Then they drove up and gave us the finger.
Me: You polluter! Ruining our environment with your breeding and littering!
Her: I like to think Mother Earth would forgive me. Being a Mother and all.


Update: Geez people, you have weak stomachs. It’s not like a photographed the meal INSIDE a McDonald’s bag. That would be gross. Funny, but gross.

But I get the hint, I have removed the photo and link. I’ll put them back up in a different post. Away from the vomit story.

Posted by Chris @ 8:33 am  

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  1. Erin says:

    I really like your blog and unlike some others I can identify because I have seven kids and I like money. ;-) But, the way I can NOT want to eat that is looking at the picture right after reading about the puke-leaking McDonald’s bag. Yum?


  2. suburbancorrespondent says:

    Boy, that second story makes me feel a tad better about this incident.

  3. threeundertwo says:

    LOL at the “like unicorns” comment! I don’t know how I’d survive without my sympathetic girlfriends. Even the non-blogging ones.

  4. julie says:

    um, yea, the salad looks way less appealing after reading about puke-in-a-bag. Blorch.

    Will try to soldier through and look at it later with non-puke-in-a-bag connotations.

  5. shanna says:

    I like the recipe, but maybe the placement of it right after the throw-up story isn’t the best?? LOL. My stomach was still churning and then you talk about food!! :)

  6. hotcoffeenow says:

    Oh I can attest to your WTF is up with the kids day yesterday. My 8 yr old (DD) cut her long golden hair….just a few spots and you can’t really tell except she left the evidence on the bathroom floor. I figured we were waaaaay past the haircutting stage. Then she filled a water bottle with mini chocolate chips and water trying to make a chocolate drink…but it didn’t work so she drained it down the BATHRROM SINK. Don’t you know that caused a giant clog. She also got ahold of the Febreeze and Fantastik while cleaning her room (another oddity right there - voluntarily cleaning her room!) and sprayed so much that everything in her room was soaking wet. These are all things she knows better than to do. Except yesterday apparently.

  7. Heather B. says:

    I love how you talk about vomit and then show a giant photo of food. You are a woman to love.

  8. Christy says:

    I can definitely NOT eat that…mainly because I just read the story of a kid puking in a Mickey D’s bag…then getting it chunked out the window.

    Pardon me while I go blow chunks.

  9. Elizabeth says:

    Unicorns without blogs, not quite as rare as the unicorns without microwaves, eh?

  10. Cowmomba says:

    I don’t know if posting the picture of the recipe right after blogging about bags of barf was a good idea. My tummy is queasy!

  11. lani says:

    Well, bummer… I missed the picture. So let me get this straight… the unicorn is asking Mother Earth for forgiveness? ;) I love how in general the public is so quick to jump to conclusions about how “evil” everyone else is without stopping to get the whole story. The other day, I guy yelled out his window at us… something along the lines of “nice blinker!”… only it WAS on. He just couldn’t see it because of the angle of the sun.

  12. slynnro says:

    I recently threw up in a Nordstrom bad while I was driving. It leaked. It was awesome.

  13. Tina says:

    I think TODAY is ‘kids drive you nuts day’ in our house. (I’m assuming yours was yesterday). Yeah, I was one of “those” mommys yelling at my child at the park today. Something I hate to see or do (I’m really trying to work on not yelling), but really, the child was NOT listening to anything else and when he disappeared just has his brother fell and scraped his knee and was crying to be held and…well, you don’t need a whole blog post in your comments, sorry. Just needing to vent.

  14. ali says:

    i’m crying for your friend. seriously. nightmare.

    (ps. i MUST see this photo!)

  15. Laziza says:

    I’m still just laughing about “driving my nuts.” Isn’t there a pirate joke in there somewhere?

  16. Valentina says:

    You are the best!

    The puke story is funny maybe even more so if the picture were still up. Oh well.

    Thank you for helping me feel “normal”. Sometimes I look at my daughter and think you don’t know how lucky you are that I’m in control of my emotions right now because seriously I’m about this close to….. She’s lucky she’s so cute.

  17. J from Ireland says:

    I wanna see the picture!! Am gross like that.

  18. Jen says:

    Yesterday was “kids drive you nuts day” in my house too! They must have secretly texted or emailed each other.

  19. Tater Mama says:

    I am so glad that you write!

  20. Christina says:

    Orange flavored chewable Dramamine. It turned my life around. My oldest once threw up SIX times on a 5 hour car trip (turned it into an 8 hour trip). On the way home we found these at the gas station and it was like I’d stumbled upon a miracle. It’s now at the top of my list when planning a vacation.

  21. diana says:

    Vomit Shmomit!! I say to your friend Congrats!!! At least she kept traffic moving!! LOL!! I am the oldest(39) of 7 kids. My mother’s moto was that, If she had to stop everytime someone threw-up she would still be stuck in the 70’s.

    Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do!!!

  22. Tranny Head says:

    When I was like 5000 weeks pregnant I had to do a long drive solo. I pulled over at the only bathroom for miles and miles in either direction and there was a line 40 people long. I was way too fat to pee in the woods, so I decided (in pregnant woman desperation) to pee in a “Biggie” cup from Wendy’s.

    Let me just say I don’t recommend it.

    *hangs head in shame*

  23. Michela says:

    LOL! I remember when my son was about 3. He got sick in the back seat, and super-mom that I was…I turned around and CAUGHT it. Sometimes good reflexes aren’t always a good thing. :) At least I didn’t have to clean it out of the carpet….. Oo

  24. SoMo says:

    That vomit story was hilarious. I much rather reading about it then actually being there. I wish I would have seen the original, because I am wondering what was so bad. I loved the comment about Mother Nature. It is so true and our rule is anything organic, if in an emergency, can be thrown on the ground. How else do the birds eat?

  25. kat says:

    hahahahahahahahaha! i knew there was a reason for mcdonald’s!

    “unicorns” heehee.

    ok stop making me laugh - i did not do kegels.

  26. Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas says:

    That’s classic. It’s not as though you left a McDonald’s bag o’ flaming poop on their doorsteps! On second thought, I am usually one of those angry vehicular environmentalists (flipping the bird at idiots who throw cigarette butts out the window, calling the smog line for smoking vehicles, etc.) Maybe I’ll think twice next time!

  27. jennielynn says:

    This is exactly why I carry a few gallon size Ziplocs in my car and purse. People poke fun, but I remember the agony of throwing up in an old fast food bag and having NO WHERE to put it!!!

  28. Alissa says:

    I’ve been lurking your site for a bit. Love it. So sorry that you felt the need to divide the barf and food story to please the masses. I loved it. Laughed and laughed and told my girlfriends! Keep on doin what you’re doin.

  29. Michelle says:

    I happen to be one of those unicorns. :) Actually I put up a site, but then came to the ghastly conclusion that I have nothing clever to say. Despite having a three year old boy who drives me equally crazy as it sounds your children are driving you crazy. You’re just funny. :) I’m a perpetual lurker but wanted you to know from a unicorn that I love your webpage. It brightens my day and I’m always sad when there isn’t a new post each day. What a great writer you are! (I’m an English teacher nerd. Sorry. Had to comment on the writing.)