Boys of Summer
August 14, 2008
The last game of the season was on Tuesday. The other team didn’t show up. So the boys played a scrimmage game with some of the Dads, the umpire, and a few other older kids who were there. Those are the games that always seem to be the most fun. You are reminded why you agreed to drive them all over hell’s half acre every day.
After the “game” we had a cook out to mark the end of the season. The boys all ate their weight in hotdogs and junk food. Then they grabbed their stuff and went to the small Little League field and had their own homerun derby. A few short years ago they struggled to hit the balls, now they can hit them over the fence at will.
The sun was going down and we lit some latterns under a pavillion, the parents all sitting around chatting. We have spent five seasons sitting together. Our little boys are now bigger than us.
*****
I had to go to the town hall to get birth certificates for my boys who are playing football. The photocopied versions I handed in were not acceptable. Honestly, I never realized that I did not have the official sealed versions.
My 13 yr old and 3 yr old were in the car with me. I pulled up to the town hall and before I could even turn the car off, my oldest said, “I’ll stay here. Can you leave the radio and air conditioner on?”
He apparently has not heard about the price of gas. I offered up the choices of sitting in the hot car in silence with all the windows rolled down or coming in with me. I am sure I don’t have to tell you what he chose.
Meanwhile my 3 yr old unbuckled his car seat and spent the entire time I was negotiating with my 13 yr old screaming, “I coming wif you, Mommy! I coming wif you, Mommy!”
I went inside with Miles, where he wanted to “help” me with everything. He wanted to open the doors. He wanted to push the buttons. He wanted to ride the elevator even though we were already on the correct floor. To which I said, ‘Why the hell not!’ What do I have to do that is so important it can’t wait five minutes for an elevator ride.
I don’t know if it is because I was young and selfish when I had my first children, or if it is because I am so acutely aware of the passage of time now, but the “help” doesn’t bother in the least anymore. I inwardly grimmace at how rushed and impatient I used to be. At three years old I am still the light of his life. He wants to go with me everywhere. He frequently tells me how much he loves me and grabs my face with his chubby hands, or is it my chubby face with his hands?
All too soon he will prefer to wait in the car. Riding the elevator up and down alone just won’t be as much fun.
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I know time does go by so fast. I seen that in me with my last son. My first 2 boys were 15 mth. apart & it seemed that we ruched through every thing & then we had our last boy 9 years later & I would do the very same thing.I think the older we get we appreceate time with our children more.
August 14th, 2008 at 10:36 amThanks for the reminder about how fast they grow up. I will try to be more patient with my little guys today. But if he tries to drink apple juice concentrate again, I am just going to have to let him live and learn.
August 14th, 2008 at 10:44 am13 year olds. ew. I’m severly dreading it.
August 14th, 2008 at 10:45 amThanks, I needed that. After a long summer with all of us getting sick of each other I need to re-learn some patience. Though, I can handle the “helping” and wanting to be with me at all times. It’s the 3yo wanting to be held all the time I can’t deal with. Dude, you are getting TOO HEAVY. WALK, please.
August 14th, 2008 at 10:47 amNow that my oldest will most likely have just one more year at home with us, I find myself cherishing the teen moments as much as I used to the toddler ones … (on a good day, anyway!
)
August 14th, 2008 at 11:05 amHow sweet he wants to be with his mommy. I agree cherish these moments, they don’t last long. Love your blog!
Jenna
August 14th, 2008 at 11:07 amhttp://newlyweds.wordpress.com/
Thanks for that… Too often I find myself rushing things along and getting irritated with the “helpfulness” of my 3 & 4 year olds. It is nice to have some perspective!!
August 14th, 2008 at 11:16 amI can’t thank you enough for so often reminding me of the passage of time, and how quickly it flies by.
August 14th, 2008 at 11:16 amThanks for reminding me to cherish the little moments that seem to annoy me on a daily basis! I need to remember that my little guys will soon be hitting them “out of the park” soon too and that I need to slow down with them more often. This is something that I often struggle with.
August 14th, 2008 at 11:22 amSo sweet…. so true! Thanks for the reminder:)
August 14th, 2008 at 11:27 amIt’s amazing, isn’t it, how our attitudes changes as we…uh…mature?
August 14th, 2008 at 11:39 amMy first three were dealt with entirely different than these last two- and it’s a lot more fun that it was because I’m a lot more relaxed. I wish I could start over (not really) and enjoy those first three some more.
Beautiful! And you definitely sum up my thoughts on how I parent my 4th differently than my first 3. Why the hell not is frequently something I think about the strange things he wants to do. I never would have done them with my older 3 and that makes me a little sad.
August 14th, 2008 at 11:48 amThis brought tears to my eyes.
August 14th, 2008 at 11:56 amIt could be because I am really starting to understand how true this is or it could be because I am newly pregnant with our fourth.
Doesn’t matter, both are good reasons to shed a tear while reading your words.
What a sweet post and no, you were not selfish, just young with your first children. My two (19 months apart) are now 27 & 28 and how I wish I had had the wisdom when they were little that I do now. As the old saying goes, hindsight is always 20/20, but trust me, when they get older, you’ll be amazed at the fun things they remember that you may not have realized were making an impression at the time. Just count your blessings that you can still savor the sweet moments with your little ones!
August 14th, 2008 at 12:08 pmDamnit it is THURSDAY! I should be rejoicing that the weekend is so near, but instead I am misty eyed and closing my lap top to go sit on the couch with my 3 year old and watch Barney. I hate that purple dinosaur…but I love your blog
August 14th, 2008 at 12:21 pmMy two girls are 13 and 2, no other kids in between. I cringe when I think of how harsh I was with the elder, how impatient I could be at 22 when she was a toddler. What was I racing to accomplish?? If I could go back and change it all, I’d STILL want to be right where I am, in this house, with this husband, raising these kids. We’re cooking #3 at the moment, and I’m loving the lazy, pointless elevator rides and the looooooooong visits to the library and the “help” at the counter mixing cookies–and I’ve finally learned to let the older one help, too. She’s finally letting go of the anxiety complex I instilled in her, praise heaven, and is just as much fun to hag out with as the little one–and kisses me every time she leaves the room. Ah, love. Take it slow….
August 14th, 2008 at 12:51 pmI hear ya! If only we could have our youngest first so we don’t have to make all our mistakes on the oldest.
Or something.
August 14th, 2008 at 12:52 pmUm, that was HANG out with, not “hag out with.” Although that particular phrase does bear some examination, as it may come in handy one day…
August 14th, 2008 at 12:52 pmI dread the day when I am no longer my little boy’s best friend. And I will miss little hands on my face making me look at him so he can tell me something really important.
I am trying so hard not to be impatient, and I always make a point to remind myself of how quickly he will push me away.
I’m right there with you!!
August 14th, 2008 at 12:54 pmAWWWWW!
Excuse me, gotta go smoosh my face into my newborn’s neck!
August 14th, 2008 at 1:20 pmI thought your son ceased to exist?
Or is your second son now FREAKING THIRTEEN?!!!
August 14th, 2008 at 1:25 pmOh, I am the same way with my 3-year-old (youngest of 6)! The thing is, you had a reason to be more rushed and impatient with the others: you had a baby and/or were pregnant. Our littlest ones are getting a different kind of mom, that’s for sure.
August 14th, 2008 at 2:11 pmAlso, sometimes I’ll indulge the youngest with those extra elevator rides just to annoy the surly teens who are with us. I can’t resist.
August 14th, 2008 at 2:12 pm1) Didn’t the other team not show up for the final game last year also?
Chris says: Hmmm, I don’t remember that. Last year his last game was the regional championship game, so I know the other team showed up for that
But there was probably a different game that the other team didn’t show up for…
2) Thank you for this post. As a new mom, I needed to be reminded to appreciate the time I have with my little one and not worry so much about getting everywhere, doing everything at a rapid rate.
August 14th, 2008 at 2:14 pmAww, I guess having kids so spread apart in ages has helped you to realize not to take that 3 year old age for granted.
I’ll file that away for hopeful future use. ;o)
Btw, still waiting to hear about your “discussion” concerning what age the kids can go to the park by themselves.
Also…first comment? Woot!
August 14th, 2008 at 2:27 pmThis made my heart go thump thump…I have two daughters, one is almost three, the other is 4 months. I fear that too often I’m in a rush or busy or overly practical. I fear that I’ll regret being this way when they’re angsty teens. Thanks for the reminder to enjoy them while they still enjoy me! Have a wonderful day!
August 14th, 2008 at 2:28 pm“I don’t know if it is because I was young and selfish when I had my first children, or if it is because I am so acutely aware of the passage of time now, but the “help” doesn’t bother in the least anymore.”
Or because we’re just too damned tired anymore to fight the little stuff anymore? An unnecessary ride in an elevator really is sooo much easier than a 3 y.o. on the war path.
Or maybe that’s just me.
August 14th, 2008 at 2:42 pmI don’t know if it is because I was young and selfish when I had my first children, or if it is because I am so acutely aware of the passage of time now, but the “help” doesn’t bother in the least anymore. I inwardly grimmace at how rushed and impatient I used to be. At three years old I am still the light of his life. He wants to go with me everywhere. He frequently tells me how much he loves me and grabs my face with his chubby hands, or is it my chubby face with his hands?
All too soon he will prefer to wait in the car. Riding the elevator up and down alone just won’t be as much fun.
As I sit here reading this, 7 1/2 years after having my first child, 5 since the youngest, and just now deciding ttc again, this hit home with me. I am so trying to just embrace my kiddos where they are at now, knowing that the future is all too close.
August 14th, 2008 at 3:24 pmI have a 10 week old son (my first) and I read your blog before I was even pregnant. I now read the posts about your children (especially your boys) and I can’t get through one without getting all teary. You are rough on a hormonal new mom, lol! But I keep coming back for more
August 14th, 2008 at 3:27 pmMy eldest is 4. I *truly* appreciate your perspective!
August 14th, 2008 at 3:30 pmAwwww…that’s so sweet about the “help.” I totally know what you mean.
Sounds like a fun ending to baseball as well!
August 14th, 2008 at 4:06 pmWhat a great post, and thanks for the encouragement to enjoy my kids while they are young. I needed that, as life seems really hectic right now!
August 14th, 2008 at 4:44 pmThis made me cry. I have four under four and I know how fast the time goes, but GOD it is so hard sometimes to just enjoy the moment. Unless that moment happens to be when they are napping. All at once.
August 14th, 2008 at 5:06 pmOMG! ur thoughts on the whole ‘helping’ scene just fixed it for me. Thanks so much! I dont think I’ll ever have that impatient reaction to his ‘helping’ again!
August 14th, 2008 at 5:57 pmI need to remind myself about that sort of thing too, I think. Sometimes I get annoyed when the “help” ends up not really helping much at all, but I should let it go more often.
August 14th, 2008 at 6:06 pmI’m crying!
I have three little boys under 6. I am anguishing at the thought of the oldest one starting first grade this year. It feels like the beginning of the end. I get the feeling already his world is going to start revolving around not me. He’s going to think wearing superhero costumes is for “little” kids and it’s killing me.
(When I’m not anguishing however, I’m counting down the hours, minutes, and seconds before I can send him to school.)
I really am going to try to be less impatient today (and less county).
More cherishing.
Thanks.
August 14th, 2008 at 6:15 pmI’m not sure if that comes with more children or with age, or a combination. My oldest and youngest span 9 years. The middle one, though, is the one who notices that things are different for the baby of the family! She doesn’t like that it’s so unfair, but I’m treasuring his childhood and I admit he’s getting the better end of the deal.
August 14th, 2008 at 6:26 pmI think i snorted milk on that last line. As for the rest of the post? I try so hard to be ‘with’ my little boys all the time, I’m so sad when I see other children being dragged here and there, and yelled at because they can’t ‘keep up’ or ‘be quiet’ (not usually in those words). Sometimes my children drive me nuts but it is usually in those moments (when they are in time out) that I panic the most about the passage of time. Even as I try to savor these moments….I know they are fleeting…
August 14th, 2008 at 7:24 pmI wish I could go back and do it all differently. Instead of sleeping in on the weekends and going out with friends on the weekend nights leaving my husband home with “his kids” I wish I wasn’t so selfish. I was young and stupid though. The good news is that they probably just think I was giving them “dad” time, only their dad and I know how dumb I was and the time that I wasted.
August 14th, 2008 at 7:40 pmI’ve been a big fan of your blog for quite some time…but it’s my first time to actually comment. Thanks for the reminder to slow down and enjoy the help…I needed to hear it today after a little too much help from my almost 15 month old!!
August 14th, 2008 at 8:03 pmIt’s funny you wrote about Miles today. I had an epiphany this morning about my 3 yr old, who currently is a mad, random-person cuddler. If we’re in the shopping centre, at school, anywhere, he’ll go upto a total stranger and just wrap himself around their legs for a cuddle. It occurred to me this morning, rushing around getting the other 3 ready for school, lunches made etc etc that I don’t stop and cuddle him that much anymore because I am so “busy”. So, I stopped and cuddled him and the other 3 because you’re right….it really doesn’t matter if we’re late for school, soon enough I’ll be begging for a cuddle so I should get them now while they’re being offered. Once again a lovely post.
August 14th, 2008 at 8:08 pmThank you. I needed that reminder today.
August 14th, 2008 at 8:42 pmI stumbled on your blog from Amazing Trips and as a first time mom, it did me good to read this! I spend a lot of time wishing him to sleep, worrying about laundry or cleaning the house… tomorrow I will just enjoy him and not worry about the small stuff.
August 14th, 2008 at 8:47 pmWhat a great post to end the baseball season. And isn’t it amazing the difference in attitudes of a three-year-old and one ten years older?
And Chris, there’s no way on earth you can honestly imply you have a chubby face! No way!
August 14th, 2008 at 9:11 pmWhat a TRUE and beautiful post. You are so right. My “babies” are all grown now and what I wouldn’t give to go back in time, for just a few minutes and ride an elevator, to nowhere in particular. Awesome!
August 14th, 2008 at 9:59 pmI love this…….thanks for the reminder. It couldn’t have come at a better time!
Ok.
I was about to hit “submit comment” when I heard my husband out in the yard yelling at our two oldest sons (4 and 6) for PEEING ON EACHOTHER.
Seriously???
August 14th, 2008 at 10:10 pmAn awesome mom will randomly ride the elevator.
August 14th, 2008 at 10:14 pmSo true. The days just slip by. My “Boys of Summer” are my son’s buddies, who, along with him, are leaving one at a time for college this summer. By this time next week, they will all be gone to their separate universities. I just hope this is a Summer to remember for all the boys — no matter what their age.
August 14th, 2008 at 11:49 pmoh I needed that. Oldest is 5 1/2 and about to start kindergarten. Youngest is 2 and very into “helping.” Thanks for the reminder about appreciating the help.
August 15th, 2008 at 12:23 amAwesome….thanks for the perspective.
August 15th, 2008 at 1:16 amThe littlest/last probably always gets the benefit of Mum realising there will be no more “helpers”…but I’m still struggling with my older ones to remember they’re older, not old. When they were quite little I expected so much of them (that I don’t of the youngest, at the same age now - “too little”)..and I’m still doing it! Motherhood has taught me a lot about patience and going with the flow, but mostly that I’m not very good at either. And Lacy … widdle wars is the least of what two boys will come up with!
August 15th, 2008 at 1:43 amHmm, I think “t in h” might be on to something, being an old mommy I’m often too tired to bother fighting about little stuff.
Then again, my mom was rilly rilly young when she popped the 4 of us out in 4 years, and super-impatient with all our little kid behavior. As the oldest, I was supposed to be “grown-up” by the time I was 2 or 3. I almost cried at the memory when I saw a young, multi-childrened mom scolding her TWO-year-old daughter at the store the other day for stopping to look at a display when she was walking in front of the cart, and thus the mom had accidentally hit her with the cart. Of COURSE a 2-yr-old is distracted by displays!
I’m glad I have the luxury to treat my child like the 3-year-old she is. I’m certainly impatient a lot too, but I try to suck it up whenever possible, because before too long she’ll hate hanging out with me!
August 15th, 2008 at 5:31 amThank you for the reminder about the little things………
August 15th, 2008 at 8:36 amIts funny you should write about it though, as yesterday we had a family outing and I was just enjoying the kids enjoying themselves, but my husband was acting the same way I would have acted a while ago. Although my kids are 6 & 8, I am slowing my pace down because I realized that I have no idea where the years have gone and I feel as though I spent most of them rushing about…………….
I’m up against this right now, with my kids. Thank you for reminding me to enjoy the little things while they last!
August 15th, 2008 at 10:50 amAwwww! Don’t worry. His desire to stay in the car means you’re doing a great job as a mom. If he were the one to panic at the thought of being left behind and if he were the one who wanted to ride the elevators with you, well then we’d worry. Or wonder what he was totally sucking up for!
August 15th, 2008 at 1:13 pmThat makes me laugh- what Katie in MA wrote, imagine your 13 year old was all “Mom, let’s ride the elevators! Can I push the buttons?”
It’s a good reminder for me, too, when I am tripping over three kids in the kitchen who want to “help” me make lunch.
August 16th, 2008 at 12:52 amMy oldest just hit 13 and I’m freaking out that we really have only a few more years with him. And one day there won’t be any more little kids AT ALL! Kudos to you for riding that elevator.
August 18th, 2008 at 3:10 pmI’m happy to hear that there is hope for me — that someday I won’t feel the need to be so rushed and impatient with my children all the time…
August 18th, 2008 at 11:56 pmYou speak the truth. I remind myself of this every day - even just to myself. Stop, back up, breath and enjoy.
August 19th, 2008 at 12:37 pmOh. my. goodness. My little boy is six months old today, and I’m already worried about “losing” him to the inevitable teen years. I just about cried reading this. I will definitely cherish every moment.
August 19th, 2008 at 3:45 pmI have experienced this same thing - having two almost grown and one that is now 6. I wish I would have been more patient with them…mostly I wish I would have stopped to just enjoy them more - my oldest goes to college in a few weeks. *tears*
August 21st, 2008 at 8:44 am