Just Another Day
October 20, 2008
From: Chris Jordan
To: Susan Wagner
Sent: Oct 20, 2008 6:44am
Subject: DENIAL
I am in denial that I am leaving in a few hours. House is a mess. No food. No gas in car. Laundry everywhere. Have to co-ordinate rides to football practice and print directions to all the various places the kids need to be this week.
Still don’t even have suitcase down from attic.
From: Susan Wagner
To: Chris Jordan
Sent: Oct 20, 2008 8:11am
Subject: Re: DENIAL
So stressed out. So much work to do.
I am thinking of going to have a manicure because at this point, WHO CARES?!?
From: Chris Jordan
To: Susan Wagner
Sent: Oct 20, 2008 8:14am
Subject: Re: Re:DENIAL
Yes, soooooo stressed.
Instead of manicure am heading out to buy son football gloves. Because clearly that is what is important at this moment.
From:Susan Wagner
To: Chris Jordan
Sent: Oct 20, 2008 8:27am
Subject: Re:Re: Re:DENIAL
Mmmmmmm football gloves. I don’t even know what those are.
From: Chris Jordan
To: Susan Wagner
Sent: Oct 20, 2008 8:44am
Subject: Re: Re:Re: Re:DENIAL
Stating the obvious here… they are GLOVES you wear to play FOOTBALL.
37 degrees here right now. Brrrrrrrr.
From: Susan Wagner
To: Chris Jordan
Sent: Oct 20, 2008 9:11am
Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: DENIAL
What are gloves?
From: Chris Jordan
To: Susan Wagner
Sent: Oct 20, 2008 2:29pm
In my car heading to the airport with large ass suitcase because I couldn’t decide what to pack. So I brought it all.
From: Susan Wagner
To: Chris Jordan
Sent: Oct 20, 2008 2:47pm
Waiting for the car and sweltering because it is like 90 degrees here.
From: Chris Jordan
To: Susan Wagner
Sent: Oct 20, 2008 2:48
Packed two coats because…say it with me… I couldn’t decide. Also wearing a sweater coat. I cut the tag out of it because it is from JCP and apparently I am a snob.
Also, I need a manicure. Wonder if I can find time to get one in Chicago?
From: Susan Wagner
To: Chris Jordan
Sent: Oct 20, 2008 2:59pm
I bet we can swing that.
From: Chris Jordan
To: Susan Wagner
Sent: Oct 20, 2008 4:00pm
I was frisked going through security. Do I look threatening? Everytime I come to this airport I am pulled aside for a “special” check. I think they secretly hope the security woman and I will start making out in the glass booth.
From: Chris Jordan
To: Susan Wagner
Sent: Oct 20, 2008 4:35pm
Are you at the airport?
From: Susan Wagner
To: Chris Jordan
Sent: Oct 20, 2008 4:36pm
Yes. Thinking of getting a beer.
From: Chris Jordan
To: Susan Wagner
Sent: Oct 20, 2008 4:37pm
Was considering go to the “Last Resort” bar, but I’d have to carry my stuff across the hall and lose my coveted electrical outlet. Why can’t they have a waitress who roams the airport?
From: Susan Wagner
To: Chris Jordan
Sent: Oct 20, 2008 4:38pm
I was smart and sat in the bar. Also, American wanted to charge me $15 to check my bag.
From: Chris Jordan
To: Susan Wagner
Sent: Oct 20, 2008 4:58pm
I had to pay it. Stupid big bag. They took my money and then frisked me.
I feel so used. And cheap.
From: Susan Wagner
To: Chris Jordan
Sent: Oct 20, 2008 5:00pm
WHORE! I am dragging my bag and feeling all smug about getting my hair product through security. take that TSA.
From: Chris Jordan
To: Susan Wagner
Sent: Oct 20, 2008 5:01pm
Plane is here. Also phone is now dead. Guess where the charger is? In my packed bag.
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So basically you paid $15 to not charge your phone.
October 20th, 2008 at 5:39 pmOMG. That reads like Seinfeld!
Hope you had a safe flight.
October 20th, 2008 at 7:34 pmHilarious. I loved reading every last bit of it….sounds like how my friends and I talk to one another.
October 20th, 2008 at 9:00 pmFunny stuff!
Have a great trip
October 20th, 2008 at 10:36 pmyou girls are going to have a great time.
And definitely get yourself a manicure.
October 20th, 2008 at 11:13 pm“Why can’t they have a waitress who roams the airport?” What a fabu idea! I don;t know why Vegas hasn’t thought of that yet!
October 21st, 2008 at 12:56 amGet the manicure! Have fun - I’m sure you are already.
October 21st, 2008 at 10:05 amhave a fun trip!
October 21st, 2008 at 11:43 amWhen my nephew was in college he took a course in flight instruction. A few weeks into the course each student picked a 3 x 5 card with a topic on which they would have to teach the class. Dan’s topic was “How to prepare & cook a turkey.” His first call was to Mom, she told him to call the turkey hotline. The turkey hotline was very helpful but when he made his presentation he changed a few things - the wings were of course the wings but the skinniest parts were the ailerons, the fuselage (cavity) first received baggage & cargo then it was filled with passengers (two types of stuffing), the neck area was for the pilot & copilot (more stuffing), the rear end was the rudder, the doors were all tightly closed (stitched up) then it was de-iced (rubbed with butter). He had his class in stitches and received an A.
October 21st, 2008 at 12:58 pmIt sounds like you will have alot to tell us every day! Have fun.
October 21st, 2008 at 4:25 pmthat conversation is my life in a nutshell. except you have to add in the part where my modern american family means taking are of not only my children, but also my father and his third wife’s children who are, in fact, younger than mine. and yes, their mother thinks that my children calling them aunt and uncle is “cute.”
i need a manicure AND a beer.
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:13 pmI can’t believe your first email was sent before 7am…where do you get the energy! I am half dead before 7am…
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:42 pmWell, DUH…don’t you know when you cut the tags out of your clothes you are put on the highly suspicious list.
October 22nd, 2008 at 4:49 pmOh, wait, maybe that is when you remove your tags from your pillows…I forget.
Hilarious! Have a great time.
October 22nd, 2008 at 7:14 pmI don’t know how to actually email you so I’ll just post a big THANK YOU here for all the laughter you give me. I’ve been reading you for about a year (since you were featured in GoodHousekeeping) but this past couple weeks I’ve been reading every single old post in chronological order. I am totally caught up since your very first post. I sit down here in the dark after the kids are in bed and the dh is watching boring man tv and laugh till i pee in my pants every night. Thank you thank you thank you. If I lived on your coast I’d be your friend
October 23rd, 2008 at 12:25 ami’m off to the airport now to get frisked. beggars, choosers…whatev.
October 24th, 2008 at 9:32 pm