And So It Ends
October 27, 2008
Honestly, I think they should have the parents out there slapping hands. Congratulating each other for having made it through the season.
Instead of “great game,” we could say things to each other like:
“Great job keeping those white practice pants white!”
“No more hotdogs for dinner!”
“No more pads stinking up the trunk!”
“Our weekends are ours now!”
Except truth be told, deep down inside, we are all going to miss it a tiny bit.
*****
Yesterday morning my son went to a team breakfast before the play-off game. A breakfast he couldn’t eat because he had to make weight. Each week has become increasingly difficult for him. Last week he was a pound over and couldn’t play. Yesterday, he was so close to the weight cut off that we weren’t even sure he would make it. Some dust clinging to his shoes might send him over. We were literally dealing with ounces.
He ran laps before the game in a different pair of cleats because the puddles on the field would soak his game cleats and make them heavier. He took his t-shirt off from under his pads. I cut the bottom six inches off of his game jersey. A game jersey we now own for the bargain basement price of $35.
Everyone wanted him to make weight. His commitment and work ethic have been admirable. I don’t know many adults who could have done what he did for an entire season. He is, after all, still a kid.
He went to weigh in and everyone held their breathe. When he walked out of the locker room a cheer went up. All his team mates jumped up and down, clapping him on the back. The parents cheered. The coach handed him a take-out container of scrambled eggs, bacon, and fried potatoes. I handed him two power bars and a sports drink. He inhaled his food and ran off to warm up with his team.
Moments later controversy would erupt when a kid from the other team who was also right at the weight limit was caught changing his uniform. The rules state that you must weigh in exactly the clothes you will play in. No adding extra pads. No adding t-shirts under your uniform after the fact. No changing cleats, which for my son has meant playing the season in soccer cleats that he hates. This particular kid was warned before about this and had already tried yesterday morning to weigh in without wearing any pads. While I think the whole thing is stupid and that you should be able to weigh in with no pads if you want since that technically is your weight, rules are rules.
They brought the kid back in to reweigh him and he was now 1.5 pounds over the limit. They insisted that he was just eating in the back of his car. Which would be a plausible explanation if he hadn’t already been caught cheating…twice.
So the coaches from the other team insisted my son be brought back and reweighed too. Even though my son had been on the field in plain sight for the entire time.
It went round and round whether or not he should step on the scale. His weight had already been certified by the official. There was no reason at all for him to step back on that scale. I marched myself right into the locker room and confronted the coach on the other team. “This is bullshit,” I said. “You can’t do that to this kid. It is completely unfair.” I was furious.
I told my son to to go back to the field.
A few minutes later they called him back off of the field again.
My son stood in front of the scale protesting, “But I just ate all that food.”
When they made him get on the scale anyway he held his head up and stared straight ahead while the scale measured him a pound heavier than it had just a a few moments before. He stepped off the scale, grabbed his helmet and said, “I’m going to warm up with my team.” He put it on his head and ran off fastening it under his chin.
In the end, after much drama, a call to the president of the league, and the two coaches shoving the rest of us out of the locker room to talk, it was decided that both boys could play.
But I was still angry. I searched for that kid’s number on the field with my dagger eyes. The kid was tackled and slid into our sideline, one of the father’s of a kid on our team called him a cheater. It made me uncomfortable, mostly because I pride myself on being above calling kids names. At least out loud.
Later, after the game, I asked my son what he had thought about it all. “Mom, he just wanted to play. Just like me.”
Too bad all the adults involved couldn’t remember that. Myself included.
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wow. that was really sad.
October 27th, 2008 at 10:18 amUnlurking to say this…
October 27th, 2008 at 10:22 amChris, You’ve done an awesome job at raising your children. When they can put perspective on situations that adults can’t see at the time, you know you’ve done ‘your job’ superbly.
I can only hope to as well of a job raising my children. Thank you for sharing.
god, i would be so mad too. kids are so forgiving, aren’t they? it’s us who hold the grudges. my son is always telling me, in so many words, to get over it. last week i was SO MAD at someone - my 9-yr-old said to me, “mom, think about the good things about that person, not the bad - a miracle can happen.” wowza, out of the mouth of babes.
October 27th, 2008 at 10:29 amI love your mommying.
October 27th, 2008 at 10:31 amyou do such a fantastic job.
Unfortunately sports seem to do a number on the parents, the claws at some point always come out, sad but true. My son has been playing football since he was 6 (JFL), he played as a freshman this year…thank goodness it was a really good year. But trust me I have witnessed the ugly side of it! So glad your son got to play! BTW our season ended Friday, bittersweet, but at least now we have a little more time for homework
October 27th, 2008 at 10:37 amWow. Sometimes the kids are wiser than us all.
October 27th, 2008 at 10:38 amYour post made me cry for those kids. For pete’s sake they should be able to play football without starving themselves. Stupid stupid stupid.
by the way, I am dying for an update on the squashed van situation!
October 27th, 2008 at 10:50 ami know this “making weight” thing has been going on all season. but i seriously don’t get it.
what is the big deal? and if their weight was an issue, why aren’t they weighed in their birthday suit? because 6 inches off his jersey is a crazy way to make weight. why does this matter?
ok, i’m done ranting now. maybe.
October 27th, 2008 at 10:50 amWhen I was reading this post I was thinking, “Jeez, can’t the kids just play a game?” I think your son is wise.
October 27th, 2008 at 10:59 am(Upcoming rant directed at football league, not you!) I just don’t get it. Isn’t the point that we encourage our kids to participate in healthy activity? It seems like this set up, with all the weighing and not being able to eat, gives kids *un*healthy habits and attitudes toward food and activity. Seems counterproductive. Your son has the right idea. Let the kids just play man! Sheesh.
Okay. My rant is over. Now to the real stuff. You are a great storyteller and a great photographer. Thanks for such a wonderful site.
October 27th, 2008 at 11:00 amI am so sorry, Chris. My oldest son–the one who loves football the most, the one with the most natural talent, the one who will be a star on his team in high school when there aren’t any weights–has gone through this stupid weight crap since he was in third grade. He’s in the sixth grade now. He’s considering skipping next year because it’s the last year of dealing with the weight issue and he has to stay at the same weight he is now. I don’t know what else to say but I’m sorry. We have at least another week of it because our team advanced in the playoffs but it just plain sucks.
October 27th, 2008 at 11:08 amJeeze, you hate it when the kids get life lessons. I hate it even more when the kids hand me my own lessons.
October 27th, 2008 at 11:11 amCan I be brutally honest and tell you that I remember this stuff from the parents–the pressure–from when I was a kid and it was horrible. I am not looking forward to these types of issues. Hang in there!
October 27th, 2008 at 11:21 amWhen I read what your son said about the other boy just wanting to play, I got a huge lump in my throat. You’ve taught your son that wanting something badly doesn’t justify cheating, so he’s played by the rules. He’s discovered that sometimes it works in your favor and sometimes it doesn’t, but he knows to do the right thing regardlessly. He also seems to have a great heart. From all I can tell, you’re raising a very nice young man.
October 27th, 2008 at 11:50 amOh, wow. I’m not involved in this game, have never met your kid and I’m not eve a parent, but I was siding with your righteous indignation all the way. My respect for your son just jumped another ten notches.
October 27th, 2008 at 12:30 pmAs the mom of a perennial “heavyweight”, I can so relate to your football stories. It may seem silly to other moms, and trust me, I think the nonsense that went on with your son and that other kid was RIDICULOUS, but the weight thing is kind of important. The weight limit is there to protect the kids. I agree that it is crazy what we go through to help the kids make weight, and to those not involved in this level of football, it does seem unhealthy. We played a game a week or two ago where our team was destroyed by the opposing team. Each boy on that team had to have been within a pound or two, some an ounce or two, of the weight limit. Most of the boys on our team are considerably lighter than the limit (75-100 lbs.). It made for an ugly game. We lost (duh) and had the bruises and sprains to show for it.
October 27th, 2008 at 12:42 pmWe’ve been down the same road as your family, only a few years ahead. I know how maddening the parents can be. We’be been involved in Pop Warner football for 7 years and it’s always the parents who are the problem. That being said, to let some commenters know why the weight issue IS important is that in our league the weight range for one of the younger teams is minimum requirement 50lbs and maximum is 90lbs, obviously a very wide range. You are talking major safety issues if you do not track and control it. Cheating is the wrong way to go around it and helps no one.
October 27th, 2008 at 1:06 pmI can understand why they have weight requirements if it’s for the safety of the players, but it’s still brutal to make kids go through this. I would have been heartbroken as a child if they’d had this sort of this for Little League.
I’m glad that your son was able to participate in his last game of the season though! That’s great!
October 27th, 2008 at 1:14 pmAnd the reality of it is…
they just want to play.
I am glad in the end your son was able to look at it the way he did.
October 27th, 2008 at 1:56 pmOur youth league doesn’t have a weight limit and we’ve got 80lb 10 year olds playing against 160lb or more 10 year olds (on his 8 year old team we had a 156 pounder). Even though it’s more realistic to how it’ll be when they get older, I can see the merits of the weight limits. Sorry he had to go through that though, but I remember you saying this was the highest weight you guys had near you so it was a sacrifice he was willing to make to play and I admire his dedication as well his understanding of the kid on the other team.
October 27th, 2008 at 2:00 pmFor your son–I so admire him–his dedication, drive and understanding of this whole situation. Do you just feel so proud of the young man he is becoming? He is well on his way to becoming a wonderful man and father. Tell him to keep up the good work, that he has a lot of people out here impressed with who he is.
October 27th, 2008 at 2:28 pmA great lesson for your son in the unfairness of life. At least he played fair.
October 27th, 2008 at 3:00 pmAnd you will miss it.
Your son’s reaction + the last three posts = you are an excellent mother. Hands down.
October 27th, 2008 at 3:06 pmIt is unfortunate that the league puts so much emphasis on weight at an age when young boys are growth spurting. In so many sports rowing included young men and women are pressured to “make weight”. Kids who should be developing strong bones and muscles end up compromising their health to be part of a team. Kids die because of it. Three years ago at the Dad Vail regatta in Philly a college kid who dieted to make weight arrested at the finish line. If your child is within the normal BMI for his age/HT/WT, he shouldn’t diet, it can lead to eating disorders and worse….Believe me, we know all about it in our family!
October 27th, 2008 at 3:23 pmma
Brava to you for being so transparent. I think you echoed exact sentiments felt by many parents, on both levels.
October 27th, 2008 at 3:23 pmOur kids play CYO league. they weigh in at the beginning of the season, get a tape stripe (or two or three) to mark them off as the big kids and get to play every game, no jersey trimming necesary. But stripers cant carry the ball. Im glad my kid doesnt have to make weight every week.
October 27th, 2008 at 3:45 pmIt’s sad that a parent, who should know better, would call someone’s son a cheat, their just kids. I’m proud of your son and I only read about him. We parents need to step back and let the kids get on with it.
October 27th, 2008 at 6:12 pmSorry, you can land blast me and my attitude to high heaven, but this sports at all costs thing has gotten way too far out of hand. When it comes down to healthy fit children having to diet to make weight, get creative with the outfit to shed ounces to make weight, have someone not eat breakfast to make weight, and then panic because they ate and need to get reweighed, what in the hell are we teaching our kids? Then the stupidity, yes - stupidity of the arguing and yelling and frustration of the adults involved, how utterly ridiculous. You’d think these children are getting contracts and bonuses, scholarships and celebrity, for all the garbage that’s tagged along with playing. My kids got to be kids, the first time a coach told my son he needed to eat, sleep, breathe and live the sport, was the first and last time I told the coach to get a grip, this wasn’t the NFL or NCAA. My kid would come to every practice, give 100% in playing, but the rest of his life off the field and out of practice was his, not the teams. That unless the Organization or the Coach was going to put my son through the school of his choice on a full-ride scholarship, when the time came, it was YOUTH football and that’s all it was. My kid played, he was an outstanding Running Back, MVP, and he had fun without all the garbage.
October 27th, 2008 at 6:48 pmThis whole weight thing seems sort of insane to me. Every time you write about it, I find it shocking.
October 27th, 2008 at 7:31 pmUnlurking to say I feel your pain…my son wrestles and must make weight several times per week.
Your son sounds wise beyond his years…you should be proud.
October 27th, 2008 at 8:18 pmI pink-puffy-heart your son. I hope my sons grow up to be just like him.
October 27th, 2008 at 8:45 pmOuch. That hits home. We get so wrapped up in the competition, we forget that they are all kids and they just want to play.
Thanks for the reminder.
October 27th, 2008 at 9:15 pmWow- your league is tough. We have one weigh in before the start of the season- (they can be down to their boxers for the weigh in too) and then that’s it- You’re helmet get’s taped if you have weight restrictions. The biggest players are only allowed on the offensive line. There’s restrictions for weight for the defense as well as for handling the ball. Your situation almost reminds me of wrestling weigh ins! It’s bitter sweet to see football end- especially if your son enjoys it so much. We’ve got the league championship to go this weekend!
October 27th, 2008 at 10:49 pmBut isn’t it important that everyone play by the same rules? I’m glad your son played by the rules, but saying the other kid “just wanted to play” excuses the cheating. That’s not acceptable no matter what.
October 28th, 2008 at 12:29 amChris,
I’m delurking because I was so touched by this story that I have to respond. Although I’m a complete stranger to you, I feel close to your family because I follow your blog everyday, and I wanted to ask you to tell your son that I admire him. I admire his ability to look at the situation through the eyes of the other child, and to feel no resentment. Please tell him that a 45 yr old mom is honored to be able to learn a valuable life lesson from him.
I wish for him to keep this attitude throughout his life, because both he and those surrounding him will be happier for it.
October 28th, 2008 at 3:38 amI also feel and know your pain very well. Before high school my son played football and they were classified by weight instead of age or grade. I hated this, my son is 15, and he is 6 foot tall and he weighs more than I do… he couldn’t make any team until he started high school becuase of such said requirements. It killed him not to play and it affected his school work and his self effacy. Since there was nothing for him to excel at… he gave up for awhile. But now I am proud to say that he is rocking at high school football and after the game last night, he is awesome all around!!!!!
October 28th, 2008 at 8:31 amCan you tell that I am a proud parent?
Jess
I understand the need for weigh in’s - I mean the bigger they get - the harder they hit, the harder they fall.
Your son is “wise beyond his years Grass Hopper -”
October 28th, 2008 at 10:17 amMy husband coached pee-wee soccer (read: 7 and under) for years. He quit the year he got into it with a parent who was paying off kids on the team to shove the kids on the other team and knock them down. Seriously, people.
Thanks for this post, and for the candor you display about your own frustrations with the situation. Here’s to your son for an awesome season of hard work, dedication, and perspective beyond his years!
October 28th, 2008 at 10:46 amThis situation has honestly made me so upset for you and your son that I had to stop reading. I’m going to pretend like I finished reading it and that he made it out onto the field and that other kid didn’t.
October 28th, 2008 at 1:34 pmPathetic (but your son had a great attitude!).
October 28th, 2008 at 3:34 pmI’m the mom of the smallest kid on the field, on either team — who also just wants to play. Fortunately weight limits give him a few brief seasons to play; later on the big guys will own the field and won’t have to be hassled by rules set up to protect the little guys.
Congrats to your son for showing such dedication to his sport; he must be a fierce competitor, yet he’s noble enough to forgive an opponent. What a big-hearted boy.
October 28th, 2008 at 4:18 pmI’ve told myself that I will be levelheaded about sports. That I will not fall into the crazy travel trap, the chasing down the best coaches trap. And yet, I find myself inching over there.
Sounds like your boy has a good head — and a good heart. He must have learned that somewhere.
October 28th, 2008 at 11:08 pmMy son play football for the local high school. One thing about playing for a small school - they are thankful for any warm body that happens to show up for practice. In our neck of the woods, weight limits aren’t an issue. Wrestlers have to worry about weight but not football.
My son LOVES football. He isn’t the greatest student but he comes alive on the field. Good for you for marching in that locker room and standing up for your son. Oh, the wisdom of your son’s words. Isn’t it just like a kid to snap everything back into perspective? You just got a glimpse of the wonderful man he will be someday.
October 29th, 2008 at 8:33 amI’m in awe. What a great - albeit difficult - lesson for your son to learn. I hope you and his dad have taken a moment to pat yourselves on the back and revel in what a good job you’re doing. You worry plenty of times, be sure to revel in the good moments, too!
November 3rd, 2008 at 3:06 pm