It Has Been A Long Training
October 29, 2008
So a couple weeks ago I decided that I needed some new bras. I ordered the size I thought I was, instead of the size that I wish I was, because I have discovered that just ordering the bra in a larger size does not make my boobs grow. Go figure.
Last week they came in the mail. I opened the box and looked at the bras. I was excited to wear one, even though it had teeny tiny hearts on it which I do not recall from the website. But whatever, as long as my nipples are properly harnessed.
I tried one on and it was too small. This was a new experience for me. I have never found a bra that was too small. Ever. In fact, I wore this too tight bra anyway because I kept thinking that it would stretch or something. But it did not.
I mentioned this phenomenon to one of my well endowed friends who told me that it happens to her all the time and how much she hates it. Then she started mentioning something about her boobs spilling over the top of the bra cups and dents on her shoulders, but she lost me there. I usually have the problem of hollow cups sitting on my chest, the sort that dent if you banged into them. On the plus side, I can store things in there — my chapstick, my wallet, spare sweater, a toddler…whatever.
That night after I took the bra off I gathered up the other ones to mail back (Why can’t I return them to the store, Victoria’s Secret? Why?) and I noticed the tag had a photo of a girl wearing the bra. A young girl. A girl who was under 12 years old. Suddenly the cutesy little hearts on the straps made sense.
Hello, my name is Chris and I am 39 years old and I bought myself a training bra.
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You crack me up! I’m right there with you in the hollow cups department, but I never thought of stashing a spare sweater or toddler in there. I usually just resign myself to the sports bras, which horrifies my teenage daughter because with them you can sometimes still tell I have nipples. She’d rather see me with the “dented” look…
October 29th, 2008 at 8:30 am*spits coffee at computer screen* only you! LOLOLOLOL
October 29th, 2008 at 8:46 amAnd on that note, I am going to have a wonderful day!
LOL! You could send it to me, it would probably fit.
October 29th, 2008 at 8:48 amI always wondered what we were training them for!
October 29th, 2008 at 9:13 amOh how I understand the hollow cups! Try the Biofit. I have 2 in A cup and one in B and love them all!!
And you could always save that training bra for your daughter. With your luck, she’ll need it before she’s out of elementary school!
October 29th, 2008 at 9:18 amOMG I feel your pain. Go get fitted. I was wearing SO not the right size after having kids and now I have the right bras for my ittie bitties.
October 29th, 2008 at 9:23 amI can relate to the hollow cups too. Thanks for the laugh this morning.
October 29th, 2008 at 9:30 amLMAO - not at YOU, but with! Oh, Chris that made my day.
October 29th, 2008 at 9:33 amSadly, I use to store ALL kinds of things in my sports bras (I mean not a sausage or such…) until I saw a lady in a store pull out a dollar from her’s, the clerk got red-faced, and it clicked that my bra stuffing days needed to end.
Your humor often reminds me of something Kelly Ripa said. Re her boobs: “I always wore a size 32AA. Now that I’ve breastfed three kids I’m a 32AA-long.”
October 29th, 2008 at 9:34 amI’m not sure how I stumbled across your blog, but I am so glad I did!! Thanks for the daily laughs…you are hilarious!!
October 29th, 2008 at 9:36 amOh dear. You MUST visit the boobologist when you are in Chicago. Jeannie took me there and my life was changed. They even have bras from a place called The Little Bra Company. I actually have cleavage in those babies.
Chris says: Oh my gosh. Give me the directions to the place and I will go this weekend.
October 29th, 2008 at 9:42 amNow I have to get up to get a rag to clean up the computer screen. That was funny!
October 29th, 2008 at 9:46 amHAHAHA!
October 29th, 2008 at 9:47 amLOL!!! That made my day
I love your blog!
October 29th, 2008 at 9:52 amThat is just awesome. I also hate buying new bras…before I had kids, I was a normal size. Now after nursing three babies, I wear the same size bra I wore in junior high. Sweet. Actually, I probably COULD wear the training bra.
October 29th, 2008 at 10:01 amOh Victoria’s Secret…the place they laughed at my large pregnant self when I asked for a 34E black strapless bra. The 12 year old who was helping me went to get the 20 year old manager so they could both laugh at me. Gotta love VS!
October 29th, 2008 at 10:03 amBwhahahahahahahahaha!!
That is the GREATEST story ever.
How does this stuff happen to you? Are you a magnet or sumthin’?
October 29th, 2008 at 10:08 amGo get fitted!!! By an expert! (Not at VS. I used to work there. Go to the lingerie section at a nice department store.) It really only takes a few seconds and then it is over. And you will know exactly what size you are and you will avoid gaps, bulges, dents, slipping straps & too tight/loose bands.
Seriously, you will be so happy as anything you purchase after,in the correct size, will be SO comfortable.
October 29th, 2008 at 10:12 amOMG, that made me laugh so hard for two reasons. First, because I too suffer from dented bra syndrome. Those hard cups that are oh-so-natural and appealing. Second, I actually bought a bra from the girls section ON PURPOSE last year. I just needed a really light one, no underwire, padding, etc. and they were so much cheaper in the girls section I figured why fool myself? Those would work just fine. And they did **sigh**.
October 29th, 2008 at 10:12 amDamn but that was funny. Wish I had that problem, but I am on the opposite end…
Where oh where did my perky C-cup boobs go, to be replaced by these droopy hanging things?!?!
October 29th, 2008 at 10:14 amI just laughed out loud. I have the same problem with the hollow cups. I swear one day I’ll find a bra that fits!
October 29th, 2008 at 10:15 amAlthough it just hit me…why is Victoria’s Secret selling underwear to little girls??? Ack!!!!!
October 29th, 2008 at 10:15 amHey, at least you can save it for your daughter, right? Little hearts never go out of fashion with the training bra crowd, I imagine.
October 29th, 2008 at 10:16 amThat’s what I wondered too! DUDE, Vicky’s selling boob slings to tweens?
October 29th, 2008 at 10:22 amOMG
I love that…. you crack me up!
October 29th, 2008 at 10:59 amAhahahaha - thanks for the laugh!! And whatssup with Vicki’s selling bras for tweens? D’oh!
October 29th, 2008 at 11:10 amFrom those turkey conference pictures, I think you look very pretty, big boobs or not. Be glad they’re not big. I can only imagine what the big ones look like after breastfeeding.
October 29th, 2008 at 11:20 amThe sad part is that even training bras these days have underwire in them. WTF??
October 29th, 2008 at 11:25 amI laughed too hard at this–enough so that my 9 yr old son asked me “what’s so funny?”. To which there was no appropriate response to give to a 9 yr old boy who only has inklings as to what the heck boobs are for, other than for breast feeding.
October 29th, 2008 at 11:29 amYou know, everytime I order bras from VS online they’re never right. Always end up going to the store so the salesgirl can chase you around which is incredibly annoying. Hope you find something that fits soon!
October 29th, 2008 at 11:34 amWhat a great laugh you are responsible for in our household! Hilarious. I’m afraid I’m the dented shoulders kinda gal, but I love Kelly Ripa’s expression. Thanks “Kathie from NJ” … My 37-year-old daughter and I went to Nordstrom’s to be fitted properly after watching Oprah’s show a couple years ago. We had such a good time and have never laughed so hard trying on so many bras. But I did end up knowing what size I really wear and found that most stores do not carry such a size. Now I found them online at Bare Necessities and love the bra. My oh-so-long-boobs now sit up where they’re supposed to on my chest!
October 29th, 2008 at 11:36 amOh Ani, I know! I work in an affluent part of KC, the VS here always has young girls shopping for thongs and lingerie. SCARY, and sad.
I didn’t know about that stuff until I was in college. My mom certainly would not have bought it for me. I see Mom’s in this particular store shopping with their daughters for the sexy stuff.
I had no idea VS had training bras. I’ve always been small and suffer from the dreaded dented cup too. I’ve found that their IPEX brand works pretty well for me. It has no underwire, which I can no longer wear on a regular basis. It’s also way more comfy under your every day clothes.
October 29th, 2008 at 11:53 amIt’s no better to be at the other end of the spectrum and have a boobologist say, “Wow, sweetheart! Have you ever considered a reduction?”
That was truly great humilation moment, let me tell you. I’m a 34H. Yes, H. No enhancement either. Just naturally squishy on top. I wear three sports bras when I do aerobics just to keep the girls still.
October 29th, 2008 at 11:57 amditto Ani… i don’t want my young daughters buying VS bras! Ridiculous.
I have the opposite problem as it’s very difficult to find 32D bras.
October 29th, 2008 at 12:00 pmAt least it was too small.
October 29th, 2008 at 12:36 pmThat is so funny! I just spit tea out on my monitor. That would so happen to me.
October 29th, 2008 at 12:39 pmHa ha ha! Too funny! I totally know what you’re saying. I didn’t actually need a bra until I was over 18 and even now I could probably get away with going without…
October 29th, 2008 at 12:57 pmI know it’s a hassle, but go to a good store (specifically for lingerie or Nordstrom) and get fitted. I’m large chested, but my mom is not, and we went in the spring to get fitted. Mom thought she was “barely an A”, but the fitter showed her that she’s really an almost C cup and the bras fit her so much better than the As! Even after getting fitted, I do have trouble buying bras online as no two brands fit the same, so it’s best for me to try them on in person, first.
LOL at you getting a training bra though!
October 29th, 2008 at 1:15 pmThat is soooooo funny!
October 29th, 2008 at 1:17 pmROFL!! Nothing else to say!! Thanks for the laugh!!
October 29th, 2008 at 1:24 pmWas the picture of Hannah Montana wearing the bra on the picture
That is hilarious!
October 29th, 2008 at 2:00 pmThat is too funny!
October 29th, 2008 at 2:05 pmI have no boobs, I stick with sports bras or support cami’s, I hate the dented look. My mother’s side of the family is well endowed and considers the bra another form of luggage. At my uncles funeral a couple years back my aunt couldn’t find her cell phone so she asked my cousin to call it. She turned awfully red when her cleavage started to ring!
October 29th, 2008 at 2:27 pmCate- get the reduction. Most insurances will cover it, expecially at your size (I wasn’t much smaller). It was the BEST thing I ever did!!!!
I don’t think I was EVER this perky or small (solid C now).
Chris- though I can’t relate, thank you for the laugh.
October 29th, 2008 at 2:50 pmOMG.. I just laughed so hard! What a pick me up that was!!
October 29th, 2008 at 3:24 pmHahaha, so funny!
I hate how you can’t return stuff to their store too! It drives me nuts!
October 29th, 2008 at 3:36 pmChris, here is some unsolicited advice. Google Colesce Coture. These are THE best bras on the planet. They are not cutesy or sexy, but they give the best support/uplift and comfort I’ve ever found. When I first got mine 10 years ago, my husband couldn’t keep his hands off and my mother said she had a desire just to touch them. Creepy, but good. No?
October 29th, 2008 at 3:36 pmThere are however, 2 negatives…this is a “party plan” company and the representative will probably try to talk you into a party so you can get the items free. No thank you. And they are a bit expensive. About $40-60 each. I can tell you that after 10 years I will wear no other bra and the price is totally worth it.
The consultant will personally fit you and they have every size imaginable. So the fit is very precise.
OK, ad over.
You gave me a much needed laugh today.
October 29th, 2008 at 4:14 pmI needed a good laugh today!
October 29th, 2008 at 4:37 pmOh Chris — today’s entry is a perfect example of why I love reading you. I’m a ‘big ol’ gal’ with a large band but smaller cup so something is ALWAYS out of whack!
October 29th, 2008 at 5:09 pmAbout ten years ago, I bought a bra from a company that only made A & B cup bras. They specialized in us moderately endowed ladies, and in all of my 25 years of wearing a bra, it was the only one that ever fit me correctly. Of course, I only thought to check the label for the company name after I had washed it a million times and there was no longer any actual writing on the tag…
October 29th, 2008 at 5:11 pmI love your blog. You always put a smile on my face.
October 29th, 2008 at 5:21 pmHahahaha, too funny !
October 29th, 2008 at 6:12 pmYou just totally cheered me right up! HAHAHA! I’m on the other end of the spectrum, where if I were to go in and get measured to find my real size, a la Oprah, I worry they’d send me to a home improvement store for bungee cords.
October 29th, 2008 at 7:24 pmI know you’re not soliciting advice, but I want to throw this out there for the commenters: Those “experts” at the stores aren’t always so expert. I’ve been measured a few times in my bra career. Most recently,the one I had at Nordstrom, declared me a 36DD (sorry, they’re not that big)and the pricey bras I chose were no more comfortable than my Kohl’s choices. I got fitted again a month later at Soma and THEY decided I was a 38C. That’s quite a difference. Those bras were better, but I still haven’t found that magical fit and style. And I’m 45! That’s a lot of years wearing bad bras. Loved your story though!
October 29th, 2008 at 9:24 pmChris, I feel your pain- I am also a member of that “committee”. I buy my bras in the juniors section because they actually FIT (no dents)…but the first time I bought a bra called “sweet nothings” (no joke), it broke my heart just a teeny little bit. But the bra fits so well, I can’t deny ‘em.
October 29th, 2008 at 9:29 pmHahahahahaha! That cracks me up!
October 29th, 2008 at 9:44 pmThis is from somebody who went from flat to a C overnight. I totally missed the training bra stage. I wish that I could were the cutesy bras with hearts on them. (sigh)
ROFLMAO! Oh that’s something I would do. I found the perfect bra at Jockey.com. Style number 4706.
October 29th, 2008 at 10:21 pmI am laughing with you, not at you.
October 29th, 2008 at 10:30 pmSo funny!
October 29th, 2008 at 10:57 pmI have the opposite problem to you but didn’t realize how bad until I heard my 3 yr old son say as he watched me dress,
That’s right mum, hang them up! as I put on my bra.
Long gone are the days where I could get away with either no bra or wear those t-shirt fabric type sports bras.
I’m afraid I find bras are the most uncomfortable piece of clothing ever made, only a man (who doesn’t have to endure wearing one)could possibly have designed them.
Mum always taught us girls that we should go to ‘Good Quality Bra Departments’ and be measured up correctly and fitted correctly for our bras. Well initially I always did, but of course as you get older you go for the cheapest and what you can readily get off the rack, after all you knew what size you are. I had gotten to the stage where I couldn’t wait for the end of each day, ust so I could take the damned thing off !!!!. However a few years ( about 6) ago I decide it was about time I went for a proper fitting, I was pleasantly surprised that I actually had my size correct, just not the type of bra that I needed. The lady was very pleasant and found me a bra that over the next couple of weeks I fell in love with. I had bought 2 initially so I went back and bought 2 more. Unfortunately about 2 years ago this particular bra was taken off the market and I went back to my old habits and again back to uncomfortable bras. I MUST go out and get myself refitted properly, I’m not overly huge but I am over 50 and gravity seems to be having some affect on various areas of my body.
Chris, take the time to fitted correctly for the correct size and type of bra, I think you will be pleasantly surprised.
Take Care and thankyou for your kind e-mail
xxxxx
Lots of Love Carolynn xxxxxx
October 29th, 2008 at 11:08 pmWhen I was petite all over, the “Olga” ones were OK, though the underwires hurt. Now I’m like Donna, big everywhere except for the gals, so nothing ever fits right.
October 30th, 2008 at 5:35 amGo. To. Nordstroms. Have the yentas fit you. They will do right by you, I promise.
All my best
October 30th, 2008 at 9:35 amThat’s hilarious
October 30th, 2008 at 11:40 amHilarious! I can’t imagine Victoria’s Secret being the place I would take my preteen to buy her first bra.
October 30th, 2008 at 4:24 pmthanks for cheering up my day!
October 30th, 2008 at 4:41 pmI HATE Victoria’s Secret. Even if you go to the store, they don’t really know how to fit you (they seemed embarrassed when I asked to be fitted - and did it over my shirt and nursing bra…) Go to Nordstrom and get naked with the bra fit specialists. It’s so worth it that I don’t think I’ll ever buy a bra anywhere else!!
October 30th, 2008 at 6:27 pmAlso - to add to my other comment: the greatest thing about Nordstrom is that if you buy a bra, wash it, wear it, and don’t like it: they take it back, no questions asked. It’s the best!
October 30th, 2008 at 6:29 pmsomebody already said go to a good store and get fitted, but I say be wary of that as well. Go to a couple places before committing your cash, so you can tell if anyone is trying to fudge the measurements just to make the sale.
At a VS in the states, rather than admit they don’t carry my band size in the store (42) they tried to convince me that going down in the band and up in the cup would work. Ummm, painfully not. The whole reason I was shopping for bras was that, yes dammit, I’d gained weight and the 38’s I owned were too small.
Even worse, here in the UK, a major department store/national institution type place tried to do the same thing when I went in to be fitted for nursing bras. Yeah, because wearing too tight a band won’t be problematic in that situation. Mastitis anyone?
October 30th, 2008 at 7:48 pmCrack me up. I was fitted once a VS and they said, “We don’t care bras that small.”
October 30th, 2008 at 9:18 pmLaughing out loud over here…
And chipping in with everyone else in saying VS is slightly clueless.
I went in because my bras were too big and had the lady measure me. And she sized me UP a cup size. I insisted on trying on a cup size smaller, and guess what? It fit. This comes about a year after they told me that they didn’t carry my size. Ack!
October 30th, 2008 at 10:37 pmi am with liz, a nordstroms bra fitting will do the job!
October 30th, 2008 at 11:42 pmOh, I wish I had your troubles! But I do see how perhaps a training bra might be a turn off for your husband.
October 31st, 2008 at 6:03 amLOL! I love to tease my 12 year old daughter about whether she has them trained yet. Why the heck do they call them that?
Thanks for the good laugh this morning.
October 31st, 2008 at 7:29 amThis is absolutely hysterical. Great writing.
I have to admit, I have the opposite of your problem. I can keep my cell phone in my cleavage - jump on a trampoline and not lose it.
November 1st, 2008 at 1:21 pmI don’t have really big boobs but I would love to be able to wear a training bra all the time…would love it!
November 1st, 2008 at 9:45 pmWhen I was 10 I called my boobs dots - as that was a more accurate description, then for my 11th birthday I asked for a bra, my dad said, “So, do you want a dot trainer?” That still makes me laugh - I try to get my 5 year old to call hers dots, but she likes the word boobs better.
November 6th, 2008 at 1:32 amLOLOL I thought I was alone!!!!
November 8th, 2008 at 4:58 pmOh my. That is totally something I would do!
November 11th, 2008 at 12:31 pmLong time member of the A-team here.
I feel your pain. Thanks goodness for padding, that’s all I can say.