Suburban War Zone, a.k.a A Birthday Party
May 10, 2009
The children storming the neighborhood.
The thing that makes me laugh the most about these photos is that once upon a time I was one of those mothers who said their children would never play with guns. They were going to be peaceful pacifist children. Who were vegetarians. And wore all organic clothing made from hemp. And they would love to sit quietly and sing songs. And make their own toys from twigs they gathered in the yard.
Okay, I am exaggerating. A little. Maybe.
When my oldest son was a baby we were living with my in-laws for four month. Four long, hot, summer months with no air conditioning AND I was pregnant with my second son. Good times. Anyway, we made the baby a swing from sticks we found in the woods behind the house. (Clearly I had too much time on my hands.) We lashed the whole thing together with twine and hung it up on a tree in my inlaws front yard.
When they arrived home they looked at it and their precious grandbaby and said nothing. The next day it mysteriously disappeared and in its pace was a plastic Little Tykes swing.
What was the point of my story? Oh yes, I used to be insane and had lots of free time. Thank God AL Gore invented the internet and solved that problem for me.
Now I allow my children to run around with laser guns and kill their friends. I’m pretty sure I told one of the children to knock off the singing last week, though in my defense it was a song about farts or vomit or something, so that hardly counts as what I had envisioned.
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You know, I was exactly like you, no guns ever and then we moved to the suburbs and we have what you see above…we call it protecting the neighborhood, sounds more peaceful that way.
May 10th, 2009 at 7:59 pmYes many thanks to Al Gore for the internet. I’ve heard kids instinctively know to make their little fingers into a gun and point, cock and pull the imaginary trigger even if they are NEVER exposed to guns….weird eh?
May 10th, 2009 at 8:16 pmSounds like every single person who says “My kids will never…” amazing how things change!
May 10th, 2009 at 8:22 pmI had the same thoughts for a bit. Then my Mom promptly pulled out MY kid pics and showed me the BB gun, the cap gun, the REAL gun (my dad taught me to shoot - we lived on a farm). So, I got over that real quick.
They look like they are having a blast - the most important thing.
T
May 10th, 2009 at 8:34 pmLooks like they were having fun.
May 10th, 2009 at 8:39 pmDoesn’t matter, boys will make guns out of anything. Boy 2 shot his brother with a spatula just this morning while making pancakes. And hey, all that singing and harmony would get on your nerves after a while, right?
May 10th, 2009 at 8:54 pmWow. You lashed together sticks to make a baby swing? Thank God for Al Gore.
May 10th, 2009 at 9:10 pmI never made the statement about no guns, but haven’t bought any for my 3 yr old son. He shot me with his bread last night and gleefully yelled, “I kill you, mommmy!”
And you are so right, the singing is annoying especially when they are made up and go on forever.
May 10th, 2009 at 9:10 pmI use to be that cloth diaper wearing breastfeeding mom too. With homemade wipes and make yourself baby food…OH WAIT that wasn’t all by choice. My daughter was allergic to plastic diapers..yes my oldest is 13 and this was before quilted diapers…and she couldn’t kind of formula forcing me to breastfeed. And all the of the store wipes contained alcohol..another thing that her skin could not handle..and when it came to baby food..all of it had additives and she had the craziest stomach. So I totally get your plan! I was the only 20 year old Hippie mom out there…in her defense she was born 6 weeks early! I too ask the singing to stop. But our song was about a ringing banana phone!
May 10th, 2009 at 9:23 pmxoxo
ronee
ok- is it just me…or does your youngest have a “Don Johnson” look as he is running with the gun? Photo 2 a little, but definitely Photo 3! I LOVE IT! First smile I have had all day!!
Chris says: Hahahaha. I need to dress him in a little pastel suit
May 10th, 2009 at 9:31 pmYou made me laugh out loud! Thanks. Today I REALLY needed it.
May 10th, 2009 at 9:37 pmCait
You live in Texas now. It’s important to be armed. You know — to prepare for the secession.
May 10th, 2009 at 9:52 pmi supply the neighborhood boys with guns and swords…. boys play with guns and swords and can make them out of anything. i try to make sure all the swords are nerf like so at least they are better than sticks…
May 10th, 2009 at 10:22 pmThey look like they are having such a fun time!! You can almost see the adrenalin pumping through their veins. My kind of party!
May 10th, 2009 at 10:38 pmLooks like they are having a blast. Glad your kids have found so many friends in the new neighborhood.
May 10th, 2009 at 10:42 pmMy son was slow to pick up on the gun thing so I thought ‘Nya-nya, you’re all wrong, you who say all boys love weapons becuz mine doesn’t.’ but I was wrong. My son is now all battles and weapons, all the time, of one sort or another. Even sports events are battles.
That is exactly like me. I wouldn’t even buy my four boys water guns–instead they had water squirters. Boring. Everyone rolled their eyes at me. This Christmas they got gobs of weapons including laser tag and nerf machine guns. Now even I am playing laser tag. Hey, it counts as exercise!
May 10th, 2009 at 10:50 pmYes, I was that mother too until I got the actual real kids. This morning for Mother’s Day my two year old daughter shot me with the Nerf Wii Gun. Baby fat fingers pulling the trigger. Aimed at me. Break my heart, why don’t you? Where o where is that idyllic childhood my precious angels were going to have? Thank goodness I’m not the only one!
May 10th, 2009 at 10:58 pmLove it - #3 has the “Protected by Brinks” sign…Either you have the best home security team out there, or you need to switch…!
May 11th, 2009 at 1:16 amI wrote a whole essay about guns and boys one time — so weird how it all falls by the wayside. It was my little guy’s birthday today and he got a GIANT nerf gun set with target vests and numerous bullets. Who would have thought it?
By the way, I love your blog — lurk all the time and am intimidated to comment given the sheer numbers of those who do!
May 11th, 2009 at 1:16 amA neighbor talkd about her son’s fascination with turning anything in to a gun. I didn’t know what she was talking about until my son was about 3. Everything from a fork to a lego creation to a carrot was a gun to him. He loves Star Wars light sabers, Nerf dart guns, and any other pretend gun.
It makes me think of my own childhood. My prized possession was a camoflage army suit, helmet, and toy machine gun. I guess the aplle does not fall far from the tree!
May 11th, 2009 at 1:18 amWho needs toy guns when one can use the carrot and banana from the plastic food set? Or the lower case “r” from the wooden puzzle spelling his name? Or the pretend drill from the tool kit? Or make one from Legos? I cannot believe how many guns my child has invented so far. I’m trying to convince myself that this is “creative.”
May 11th, 2009 at 2:37 amHappy Birthday!
Miles is totally having the Time of His Life with that gun and all those big boys.
May 11th, 2009 at 2:39 amI’m convinced it’s a boy thing. I’ve heard tales of moms who have purist thoughts and won’t allow guns in their houses, their kids don’t watch violent shows, etc. Yet by the time the boys are 3, they’re chewing guns out of their graham cracker snacks or chicken fingers to shoot an unsuspecting sibling across the table. Legos are fashioned into a weapon of choice as are sticks form the yard, crayons, markers, play doh, and anything else they can get their little hands on. My husband’s in the Army, so we have images of guns and tanks and things in our house, but my sons still do all of the above.
May 11th, 2009 at 6:31 amAt my 10 year old’s last birthday party, I just skipped the goodie bags and theme paper goods and instead issued each party guest a nerf gun and let them go at each other for two rounds during the party provided that they did my craft and games during the rest of the party. Best. Party. EVER.
May 11th, 2009 at 6:40 amLooks like a great party.. I can say that i felt that kids did not need guns to play with. I never bought any and they still used other toys to pretend play guns as they would have said.
Love the pics
May 11th, 2009 at 7:39 amNow THAT’S what I call “socialization”! Love it!
May 11th, 2009 at 7:47 amAre they running in front of the door that got whacked and shattered by the golf ball?
May 11th, 2009 at 8:29 amWhat better protection could you ask for. Look like they had a BLAST! :o)
May 11th, 2009 at 8:57 amThe best birthday party I ever had for my kids was the one where I told all the kids to wear their bathing suits and bring their super soakers. I had about 100 water balloons also. My yard was a soggy mess, but the kids had a great time. It was cheap too!
Looks like they had a great time!
May 11th, 2009 at 9:08 amPlease post a picture of the twig swing!
May 11th, 2009 at 9:26 amWhere was your daughter in all of this? Was she running and screaming or armed around the corner to take each and everyone of them down?
May 11th, 2009 at 10:28 amCan little boys live in Texas without guns? Haha! My 6 year old has a basket in his playroom for his “weapons” - and I too used to say he would not play with guns! They look so happy!
May 11th, 2009 at 10:29 amNo Guns… my children will NOT play with guns… with all the violence already being portrayed in the media and on regular TV, my children will not play with them. PERIOD.
I retract now. I have boys. They know nothing else. It’s their instinct to want to play with them! Funny how they can change our minds. They have LOTS of them now.
May 11th, 2009 at 10:49 amRunning, hiding and shooting! The BEST game EVER!!!
They can still be pacifists who love to sing - but this is part of boys - …er KIDS growing up.
My son just got his long ‘goldilocks’ cut off … I kind of miss them when I see your boys!
Party on!
May 11th, 2009 at 11:09 amBoys.
May 11th, 2009 at 11:23 amMy son’s ultra-sound picture at 2 months BEFORE he was born shows his hand pointing like it’s a gun. The Dr. cracked up! Now he’s almost 13 years old and he hasn’t changed a bit.
It certainly is true, kids can turn anything into a gun. I was always a girly girl, but I had a pirate style cap gun and my girlfriend and I made guns that shot rubber bands. Nobody ever put out anyone’s eye either.
May 11th, 2009 at 11:27 amI love how the older boys are so serious with their expressions as Miles is joyfully playing along. Oh the splendor of toddlers…
May 11th, 2009 at 11:51 amI know! I kept it up with the no-guns thing for years. But it’s really kind of pointless since they’ll just fashion guns out of legos, or apple slices…
May 11th, 2009 at 11:53 amI wanted to thank you and all the other mothers who contributed to your post “Little Ways I Fail”. I read many of the comments left about that post to a group of women I was addressing on Mother’s Day. It brightened the day of many women who hate mother’s day. thanks.
May 11th, 2009 at 12:29 pmHey Chris, I think you’re still doing pretty darn good to homeschool your kids. That’s pretty “organic” and wholesome-souding to me!!
May 11th, 2009 at 1:41 pmThere is no better way for a boy to spend a birthday than shooting their friends. We used water guns, and they had a blast!
May 11th, 2009 at 1:45 pmI said the same thing… I have two boys, by the time they were 2 & 3 they were shooting each other with pretend lasers (thank you Buzz Lightyear). My only rule was no shooting mommy. That ended up having to include no shooting teachers. And now that there’s a baby in the house- no shooting the baby.
May 11th, 2009 at 2:24 pmWe have recently introduced water guns into our summer toy repertoire (but only because they’re big enough now for the water battles to be a little more even in kids v. parents. My 5 and 3 yr old girls seem to be much more into Hannah Montana and Elmo (respectively). I think I’d prefer toy guns.
May 11th, 2009 at 3:19 pmIt never works out like we think it is going to does it? Great shots and very funny post.
I’d type more but I have to go sing Kumbayah, or however the heck that is spelled, and knit a hemp shirt for my 2-year old.
May 11th, 2009 at 4:05 pmOne of the first posts I ever read of your’s was about how bad it is for kids to play with toy guns. I just rolled my eyes and kept reading. I knew you would come around soon enough. Or yet, your boys would drag you to the gun totin’ side.
And, you’re in Texas now, they HAVE to have some kind of firearm in their hands. It’s the law, isn’t it?
Chris says: Hmmm, I don’t recall ever writing that! But hey who knows, I can barely remember what I wrote last week.
May 11th, 2009 at 5:12 pmGood gawd. You’ve only been in Texas three months, and he’s already wearing Longhorn shorts?
Looks like a blast. We camped at Palo Duro Canyon near Amarillo a few years ago during Memorial Day weekend, and it was so hot that we practically begged the kids to shoot us with their water pistols.
May 11th, 2009 at 7:29 pmChris, I think it was on your other blog. That’s where I first found you.
May 12th, 2009 at 12:26 amI was searching for ways to keep my van clean. Your suggestion was to keep plastic bags in the car. Duh! I’ve been doing it for 2 years now and my car is relatively clean.
Did you make that super cool sign for the front door with that awesome, stupendously cool printer that I DIDN’T win? (hee hee!) I love, love, love seeing kids have this much fun.
Chris says: No, that is my next door neighbor’s front door. It was their birthday bash not ours.
May 12th, 2009 at 12:40 amAwwww…look how much Miles resembles his big brother with their hair and little red cheeks…too cute!
May 12th, 2009 at 6:47 pmAs a gunshot victim of an armed robbery (http://mamaneedsacosmo.com/?p=529), I swore that my son would never play with guns. Then my husband went to his father’s house and taught my 5-year-old how to shoot a .22, which is exactly what *I* got shot with. We didn’t speak for a week.
I’ve got to get over my apprehension and let my sons be boys. I’m so glad you posted this; it’s helped me along just a little more.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:36 amIt is an interesting post. We are raising our kids to be gentle, non-violent people over here, too. We have the huge super soaker guns but otherwise we avoid that kind of stuff. The funny thing is … my kids have been making spears and knives and bows and arrows with twigs and popsicle sticks this spring. And they have been doing a ton of sword fighting with fallen branches and paint sticks! So … I guess part of it is human nature?
May 13th, 2009 at 8:43 amI didn’t let my kids play with toy gun’s when they were younger, and even discouraged them from making anything else into a gun. The funny thing is that my oldest son joined The Marines after high school and when he sent me pictures from boot camp, he made sure to include a few pic’s of he and the guys with their weapons. Also, when my daughter was in high school she joined the teen police academy, where she did ride alongs with police officers and learned to shoot at the shooting range. As a college student, she owns a shot gun and enjoys going to the shooting range with her friends. She is majoring in Sociology, with an emphasis on Criminal Justice. My nephew, who was allowed to wear camo outfits and had quite a toy gun collection, has no interest in real guns. Go figure. I think the saying is “we plan and God laughs”.
May 13th, 2009 at 10:58 pmJust catching up now that 240 mile commute to work keeps me away from the precious internet.
Really loved this piece. I got in trouble when I bought my oldest nephew a small handmade rubber band pistol when he was very small. A few years later while I was working in Germany I got pictures of the kids at Easter that resembled your’s above. (Bazookas for the tiny girls as well.)Took my breath away.
When I returned from Germany we were heading to war. My nephew was all gungho war. Took them to the cemetery in El Paso and told them this is war. I love the US Army but I like to think that kept him from joining up with his friend, which he almost did. He is now, with a degree in engineering from Texas Tech, serving the world as some sort of environmental engineer. This Christmas pictures of shotting practice with the in-laws, including the girls, was the highlight. Ain’t life crazy!!
Your story of the swing is priceless!
May 16th, 2009 at 12:50 pm