I Shall Speak of It No More
May 21, 2009
I know this isn’t going to make me popular, but I am going to say it anyway.
As a nation we sit around, yes sit, and complain that our children are growing lazy and fat. We wonder why. Could it be that we have placed so many rules and restrictions on their physical activities that it is no longer fun? If you have to strap on protective gear to ride your bike three houses down the street, are you going to ride your bike?
Want to ride your scooter? Strap on the elbow and knee pads along with your helmet. Who cares if you can no longer properly bend your limbs. That just means you won’t go as fast. That is safer. You probably won’t ride very often if you are uncomfortable, so that will exponentially decrease your risks of being injured.
I know the best outdoor activity. Just go sit in the yard. Not the front yard though, a pedophile might drive by and decide to kidnap you. Better make it the back yard. In the shade. Bring your DS outside so you have something to do.
Sadly this isn’t that far from the truth.
I have heard parents chastise their children for running outside. Running outside. Where are you supposed to run? Inside on a treadmill in a controlled environment?
Sure, you might fall. You might get scraped up. You might even break something. And while that would completely stink, it happens. One of my sons broke his nose mowing the lawn. Maybe face masks should be required when using a push mower.
I was talking yesterday to a good friend of mine about this very subject and how we have pathologized childhood.
We try to take away every single risk. We try to protect them from every single thing. But at what cost?
What happened to having a balanced approach to life, weighing risks and acting accordingly?
Similarly, the judgement that parents, mostly mothers, feel entitled to heft onto one another astounds me. I get so annoyed when I hear mothers justifying their actions, as if I am entitled to an explanation. If you feel it is safe to leave your child in the car and run into the 7-11 for a soda, good for you. I don’t need to hear about the big window through which you could see your car the entire time, or how it only takes one minute, or that you are packing a machine gun to cut anyone down who dare to comes near your car. I don’t care.
Or if you are the parent who thinks it is safer to get all the kids out of the car and make them stand next to the gas pump while you pump gas, wearing protective helmets and sunscreen, I say good for you too. Just don’t tell me that in order to be a good mother I need to also.
How I parent is not an indictment of your parenting. Nor is how you all parent an indictment of mine.
I wish more people would remember that.
We should get it printed on t-shirts.
This is why I have pointedly not discussed the helmet rules at our house, or the perceived non-sunscreen wearing. Though I do have to wonder if all children are expected to be ghostly white nowadays. Is this the new standard of negligent parenting? Tan children?
Maybe if I made them stay inside and play video games more…
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Amen to everything you just said. We should all let each mother do it her own way and stop the judging. BTW, my kids don’t wear helmets when biking thru the neighborhood.
May 21st, 2009 at 9:56 amLoved the post & the thoughts behind it.
May 21st, 2009 at 9:59 amSome friends and I just had this conversation the other day. I feel so lucky to live in a great little neighborhood and can’t wait unitl my son can ride a bike so I can send him off to ride bikes with his friends, hit the park, etc.
May 21st, 2009 at 9:59 amAnd once again, I wish you lived on my street. (Only a little broken glass and a few syringes here. And the closest registered pedophile is BLOCKS away. And we make margaritas on Fridays. At noon.)
May 21st, 2009 at 10:00 amWell said, and I agree completely. So many of the rules that parents enforce are based solely on fear and the need to control, when the fact is that while we should be reasonable and use common sense, we cannot control what happens to our children, and we cannot protect them against every bad thing that could happen.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:01 amTo hell with them. If you are not doing anything to intentionally harm your children then people need to mind their business. Some think their kids should not watch tv and only eat organic food. Good for them, but my daughter read at 4 years old but also watches tv. She eats healthy but Cheetos are still given to her. It’s not killing her. If you chose to put helmets on your kids, Great. If not, Great. I didn’t wear a helmet as a kid and I fell but I got up and kept it moving. Sorry but I get annoyed at other people pushing their beliefs and I’m glad you wrote this post. Go Chris!
May 21st, 2009 at 10:04 amHear, hear!
May 21st, 2009 at 10:05 amAgreed!
May 21st, 2009 at 10:07 amI mean, I agree with your post, not that you should have them stay inside and play video games more… =)
May 21st, 2009 at 10:08 amHave you read “Last Child in the Woods”, by Richard Louv? There are so many physical, emotional, creative benefits to just playing outside.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:09 amWell, I learned as child that the metal slide got hot in the sun and would burn my butt. Now they aren’t made of metal anymore. When was the last time you saw a teeter-totter at a playground? And is there any playground that doesn’t have thick padding of some kind under all the equipment. I never had a bicycle helmet, I rode in the car without a car seat or even a seatbelt. Did I wear sunscreen? Yeah, I think I did if we were going to the beach for the whole day. Oh, yeah and I walked home from school many times all by myself. It was a mile. In junior high my girlfriend and I would take the bus downtown and just walk around. This was in a large city. How did I ever survive?
May 21st, 2009 at 10:09 amKudos.
I recently finished a book called The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined Women (Michaels & Douglas)
I cannot stop myself from quoting it here:
“Intensive mothering is the ultimate female Olympics: We are all in powerful competition with each other, in constant danger of being trumped by the mom down the street, or in the magazines we’re reading. The competition isn’t just over who’s a good mother–it’s over who’s the best. We compete with each other; we compete with ourselves. The best mothers always put their kids’ needs before their own, period. The best mothers are the main caregivers. For the best mothers, their kids are the center of the universe. The best mothers always smile. They always understand. The are never tired. They never lose their temper. They never say, “Go to the neighbors house and play while Mommy has a beer.” Their love for their children is boundless, unflagging, flawless, total. Mothers today cannot just respond to their kids’ needs, they must predict them–and with the telepathic accuracy of Houdini. They must memorize verbatim the books of all the child-care experts and know which approaches are developmentally appropriate at different ages. They are supposed to treat their two-year old with “respect” If mothers screw up and fail to do this on any given day, they should apologize to their kids, because any misstep leads to permanent psychological and/or physical damage. Anyone who questions whether this is the necessary way to raise kids is an insensitive, ignorant brute. This is just common sense, right?”
Sorry for the ridiculously long comment. I really wanted to share this though. Thank for the reality check.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:09 amBravo! You said it so perfectly.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:10 amAmen! Accidents happen, whether totally protected or not. We certainly survived our childhoods happy and intact. Heck, we left the house on a summer morning and grudingly came back when they called us in for dinner. We were insensed if we had to go to bed and there was still light in the sky.
And yes, the whole indictment thing, that can go for more than just child rearing. The t-shirt should read, “What I think or do is not an indictment on you!”
Hey it rhymes!
May 21st, 2009 at 10:10 amSo you went there. Good for you. I was wondering how long you were going be able to hold out. Or if you were going to go there at all. You’re a great mom. It is evident. It was funny to me that anyone would feel so inclined to comment on their helmets, sun tans (as if that’s a bad thing!), shoe wearing. The photos of your kids on that particular day were gorgeous. I could feel the love and happiness from here. I couldn’t see past their beautiful shining faces to see what all the fuss was about. They are, after all, your kids. They were obviously not in any immediate danger - other than being gobbled up for being so darn delicious.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:11 amVery well said. I have a tendency to justify my parenting for fear of other mothers judging me. After reading your post I plan to stop. Bravo Chris! Great post that I needed to read. And I just erased my parenthetical statement justifying why.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:12 amGood for you, Chris!!! I have been hearing it from everyone the last week, because my daughter broke her arm when she fell off her Ripstik. “Why in the world would I have bought that for her?”, and “Surely you are not gonna let her back on it!” are what I have heard over and over. SERIOUSLY?!?! Of course she is geting back on it (and she did, right after she got her hard cast yesterday). What are we teaching our kids, if we encourage them to give up everything fun in the name of FEAR? I do not want my children to live their lives in fear!!! Enjoy life, don’t fear it!!!
May 21st, 2009 at 10:12 amwow. yes. two things. one is, helmets are completely ridiculous. unless you are hauling ass through a forest on a dirt bike, and could hit a tree root the wrong way, fly off, and bash your head into a tree trunk. but riding in the front yard at maximum 6 mph? not so much. i have NEVER worn one. they’re hot. ugly. stupid. and the tanning thing…my kids are on the swim team and they have friends who wear SHIRTS to swim. swim shirts. what could be more uncomfortable than swimming in a damn shirt?? they’re very white. but still. tan skin trumps white skin anyway. go ahead and hate. i will still look better. (kidding)(but not much)
May 21st, 2009 at 10:13 amAMEN! Well said, Chris!
May 21st, 2009 at 10:14 amI love this post. I’m not a mother, but hope to be one day. And I hope to have the strength to adopt the mindset you have. The cost of being overprotective is that your kids don’t learn. People learn from making mistakes, from getting hurt. It’s better to make those mistakes young, rather than when you’re an adult. Children heal faster (both physically and mentally) than adults.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:14 amI couldn’t agree with you more.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:16 amAmen.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:17 amSo true:) Dont even get me started on sports {and not keeping score} god for bid a child feel a loss that may drive them to work harder for something.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:17 amHere! Here! Yes, if we were going on a 20 mile bike ride on an old country road, i might consider a helmet for my son. Riding up and down our driveway, however, i think it’s a bit much.
Also, sunscreen? An all day boat ride or swimming in the pool - yes put it on… Playing in the yard for an hour or just for a soccer/baseball game - give me a break. No thanks.
I completely agree. Thank you.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:18 amI am standing up clapping, you just can’t see it.
AMEN!
May 21st, 2009 at 10:19 amAmen!
May 21st, 2009 at 10:19 amI have to admit the helmet rule in our house is totally based on location. If we are at the park or other hard surfaced areas (and where other people can see us) they wear helmets. If we are at home where it is all grass (and no one else can see us) they don’t wear helmets. I’ve also left my kids alone to play in the yard (gasp!) while I go inside to make dinner & then come out to find one or more of them naked!….in a tree!…with no sunscreen! My reaction? “Dinner in 10 minutes! No being naked at the table!”
May 21st, 2009 at 10:19 amAmen, sister, Amen. Why can’t kids just be kids and enjoy themselves a little without living in a bubble. It’s a wonder my kids survived since apparently I was an awlful mother!
May 21st, 2009 at 10:21 am*applause, applause*
Play is the work of children. ‘nuf said.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:21 amCan I get an AMEN?! Well put! Love it.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:24 amA-to-the-men, Chris.
Can we get back to letting kids be kids?
May 21st, 2009 at 10:26 amI know my kids are happy around this time of year when they have warm tan skin, dirty toes, and even their hair is a lighter color from playing outside for hours at a time.
I miss the way we got to be kids. We used to play in the woods that were all around our elementary school. For hours, we would ride our bikes between those trees, popping wheelies, picking berries, sitting on logs, building forts in the summer……things that our kids just don’t get to do. But even after saying that, I can’t see myself allowing my 7yr old to hop on her bike by herself, ride 1/4 mile to the woods, and play in the woods with her friends. Wish I could, though.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:29 amMy son wears a helmet on his bike, but not the pads. The poor kid can’t move in them! That said he doesn’t always wear his shoes, but hey I’d rather have scraped up toes and elbows than a brain injury. Yes he wears sun screen, but I’ve had skin cancer at 19 so I’m a little paranoid when it comes to that.
I totally agree that most parents just go a bit too far! Car seats, ok.. Helmets, fine.. that’s protecting from some major life ending things, but protecting your children from little bumps along the way is pointless. (which gets me thinking of the sports teams in some schools where if you try out you get on the team so no child is disappointed). You make your child wear the full “biking gear” and your child is likely going to fall on their face walking to their bike and get a fat lip! Then what? Well then they whine like crazy for hours and complain for days while it heals because they aren’t using to getting hurt.
It’s the summer, no tv, no video games… GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY! How many times did we hear that when we were kids? Enough to know it’s good for the kids and good for the parents!
May 21st, 2009 at 10:29 amI think this is a terrific post. The only thing I take issue with is the helmet thing, because when I was 10 I fell off my bike for the first (and last!) time and cracked my helmet into 2 pieces. (also broke my wrist). If I hadn’t had a helmet, well, that would have been my head.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:30 amOn the other hand…three houses down? Maybe not such a big deal.
I am not a parent, just a babysitter, but I spend a lot of time thinking about things like this. (I teach Sunday school, and I am a early childhood ed major, so I am allowed to geek out on stuff like this. Just ask me about whether kids should play with toy weapons;)
Anyway, I think we do kids a huge disservice by giving them so many focused things to do. sometimes kids I watch say they dont know what to do…and my response is, for gods sake, go outside and play.
I really do think it is up to parents to make decisions about their own children. You are DEFINITELY a good parent, Chris. It is obvious.
I completely agree with your comments about overprotecting our kids.
Have you seen Lenore Skenazy’s book and blog “Free Range Kids”:
http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/
My kids do wear helmets though — even to ride a few houses down the street. It is a habit for them, and they do it because THEY think it matters. Two of my three kids have had bike accidents in front of our house (cul-de-sac) that have broken the helmet (one accidentally hit the mailbox, the other hit the pavement). They were both freak accidents (aren’t all accidents?), but we were really glad they had the helmets on!
May 21st, 2009 at 10:31 am“Is this the new standard of negligent parenting? Tan children?”
This line has made my day.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:32 amThey have your back over at Salon
http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2009/05/04/free_range_kids/index.html
The world is safer than when most of us were children, it is the parents who are more paranoid!
May 21st, 2009 at 10:34 amPreaching to the choir here.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:36 amSo VERY well said. Thank you!
May 21st, 2009 at 10:38 amGreat post. I agree with it all.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:38 amI can not tell you enough how much I agree with this post. As parents, we all have different rules and standards and beliefs. Why, why, why must others’ beliefs be enforced on everyone? Can we just expand this topic to include government legislation as well as well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) comments by other parents?
May 21st, 2009 at 10:40 amAmen, sista.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:46 amI’m delurking to tell you that I’m glad that you came out and said this. I think it all the time. My mother’s universal prescription is sun and salt water. For her there’s nothing a trip to the beach won’t fix. When my pediatrician told me to give my kids vitamin D supplements I *gasp* put them in the sun instead. As a kid I never once wore a bike helmet. I did fall and get stitches once, but my brother broke his nose watching someone else try out for a baseball team. It’s impossible to protect them from everything. I’m not saying I never put sunscreen on my kids, or that they won’t own bike helmets. I’m just saying that people get carried away. Like me with the length of this comment.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:47 amWell said! It’s amazing how free people feel to criticize what bloggers write/post on their personal blogs. Has everyone forgotten “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”?
One of my favorite things to say is “different rules for different families”. It seems to work well with my kids.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:50 amwow. you are my favorite ever! Thanks for saying what i have been thinking!!
May 21st, 2009 at 10:53 amWe wear helmets because I don’t want to spend my afternoon at the emergency room. So I’m protective for laziness sake
I try not to force my parenting on anyone. Yeah we wear helmets but I also think that a majority of my kids dinner last night was candy from the snack bar. Everyone fails a little and by saying I’m the perfect mom I make my kids wear a helmet, I’m also saying come find something less than stellar in my parenting style. I don’t want to open that can of worms.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:54 amI have to laugh because our pediatrician scolded me for having tan children for which I replied “At least they won’t be Vitamin D deficient and clearly we spend the summer outside.” My favorite t-shirt that my youngest wears is “My mommy doesn’t want your advice”–he calls it his “mommy” shirt–I call it the best shirt made!
May 21st, 2009 at 10:56 amAmen! Amen! AMEN!
May 21st, 2009 at 10:56 amYou are my new hero!
May 21st, 2009 at 10:56 amWe live in Arizona, so no matter how much sunscreen I put on my kids, they are going to tan. We do it without burning, but tanning is inevitable for all of us here. There’s no way I could have my children engaged in sports or playing outside without them getting a tan. Swimming in our pool, too? Imagine if I told them they could only go in with long sleeves/pants on…
May 21st, 2009 at 10:59 amAmen.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:59 amSo I went back and looked at the comments, and I was one of the only people who commented on your kids’ tan-ness, so now I feel a need to comment AGAIN to clarify my intent. Which is silly ’cause I don’t know you, but anyway…
Lord knows I spent my summers a very brown girl and even just a few summers ago when we went to Mexico I worked the SPF 45 and still looked like a blond-haired mexican after 5 days. It’s just what being outside does to some people. (My husband came home looking the same as when he left, it’s a mystery)
I didn’t think you’re not sunscreening your kids, nor did I think to care whether you’re sunscreening your kids, ’cause they’re not my kids.
I’ve had the same thoughts about kids these days. I think less about the safety equipment and more about the CONSTANT CONTACT kids are in with their parents. When we were kids (which doesn’t SEEM like that long ago) we used to just go. Playing in the stream, hiking through the ‘burbs, picking and eating berries, etc. I think the fear of bad people has taken a lot away from childhood. It’s a valid fear, but there’s some happy medium, right?
PS - Your son broke his nose mowing? Wow.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:04 amAmen, sistah!
May 21st, 2009 at 11:05 amYou might really like to read the following book - Last Child in the Woods: Saving our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:05 amI hadn’t been reading the comments, but am not surprised by the backlash. I’m in your camp with the helmets, we have them and they stay mostly on the garage shelf, sometimes they’ll get put on when my daughters leave our neighborhood for a long bike ride, but only then.
I live in a small town and when my girls were little I WAS comfortable leaving my girls in the car when I ran into 7-11…that’s just the way I roll.
My oldest daughter and I get just as brown as your kids - it’s genetic. Even if we TRIED to keep from tanning it wouldn’t matter, we turn brown.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:05 amSometimes we forget the golden rule. And the glass houses rule. And the “if you don’t have something nice to say” rule. But also the “it takes a village” rule.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:06 amUnfortunately, I have a feeling this one will only resonate with the people who already believe. The “holier than thous” won’t think you’re talking to them…
Dh teases me that I’d really like to bubble wrap the kids before they leave the house…. though I don’t make the kids wear a helmet or pads to ride around in our cul-de-sac that has no traffic. But if they were riding in a traffic area (obviously older children), I would want them to wear helmets. I just saw this story today:
May 21st, 2009 at 11:07 amhttp://www.timesunion.com/AspStories/story.asp?storyID=802030
Thank you. Mompetition makes me so mad. Women are already mean enough to each other. We don’t need more reasons to make each other feel inadequate.
I miss the world I grew up in. I don’t think this world is any more dangerous; I just think with the immediacy of news these days, we hear about a lot more stuff, and a lot faster, too. So it *seems* scarier.
Hate that.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:08 amWoo Hoo!
May 21st, 2009 at 11:08 amThank you so much for your post this morning! I’m in 100% agreement, and I’d buy a dozen of those shirts!
I loved your post about the bike riding and honestly didn’t even notice the helmet or shoes or street. I was actually feeling kind of nostalgic as I was reading that particular post and looking at the pictures…and I didn’t know why. Now I do..because it was NORMAL! It reminded me of when I was growing up. I survived. WE survived!
You are clearly an awesome parent and you are teaching your kids some great things…things that are REAL. The world would be a better place if more parents relaxed and let their kids truly be kids!
May 21st, 2009 at 11:12 amAmen. AMEN.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:12 amAnother reason to love Chris!!
May 21st, 2009 at 11:13 amThank you so much!!! I too have wondered why we judge others moms…parenting my own herd is hard enough…too assume I know better for another family is just pure ignorance.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:18 amBravo. As a parent I am incredibly judgmental of how others parent but I try my hardest to keep it to myself. No one knows each others battles. No one knows what chains have been broken from childhoods gone by. My own mother let us run around NYC without shoes on back in the early 70’s. Sure she pulled glass out of our feet daily but we were given a freedom that she never was allowed to have in her own life. Who is to say she was wrong in her decisions? In my book, the only people allowed a voice are one’s own children and to me she was the greatest mother ever.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:20 amYou’ve definitely hit a nerve with this post!
Great post!
May 21st, 2009 at 11:22 amYay!
Some families just like to put their kids in a bubble. Can’t blame ‘em. Can’t join ‘em.
Mine are fine outside. In the English rain. They love it (no, really!).
May 21st, 2009 at 11:23 amBravo, Chris! I feel just like this, too.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:24 amThe family that lives across the street from me are like what you said in you post. Her kids are 15 and 11. They have never, ever been allowed to run. Never. They don’t know how to ride bikes or scooters or roller blades. They have a trampoline that was jumped on 1 time and then forbidden to them. The have a swing set that just sits there. Both of her kids are allowed to go to our neighborhood pool, but only in the shallow end and only after dinner. (then the sun is too low in the sky for a sunburn) Neither of her kids have ever done sports. She has asked me a hundred times why I let my kids take chances. And I tell her that I have to. That’s the only way they can learn how to do stuff. I have taken each one of them to the ER for bumps and bruises and they have lived. I have to let them be kids.
How does one perceive “non-sunscreen wearing” anyway? I mean, kids play outside = they get tan. It happens even with sunscreen!
I think it is ridiculous how overprotective so many parents are these days, although I agree with you that it is their right to do so… but it is also my right to think they are doing their children a disservice. How are children supposed to become independent and be willing to take risks?
As far as the helmet thing, I was one of the people who commented on it, but that’s mostly because it is an actual law where I’m from for kids under 14. But on a cul-de-sac with no traffic and no hills, riding a bike without a helmet is much less of a risk than climbing a tree or jumping on a trampoline or all sorts of other things kids do. Riding around a busy street or jumping off ramps is a different story, though, and I see far too many kids without helmets doing those things.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:26 amLast week my sister was visiting and her five year old went out to ride bikes on the driveway in the rain with my 11 year old son - he had never played out in the rain before. When Joey came in grinning from ear to ear, he shouted at my sister, “Mom that was so much fun. I can’t believe how filthy I am.” My sister glanced at him over her shoulder and said, “That’s okay - you’re washable!”
And that is our new phrase for the fun and with boys mostly down and dirty outside playing of summer.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:30 amI think you’ve shown a great deal of restraint in what you have said. I was reading some of the comments over the last few days and was wondering if you would say anything about it all.
Last night my kids (6 & 7) were playing out front with the neighbors. I went outside and yelled, “time for dinner” then came back inside and commented to my husband about how right it felt to do that, just like my mother. To let the kids play, mostly unsupervised, all afternoon and then call them in for dinner, knowing as soon as dinner was over, they would want to go right back outside.
It is unfortunate how greater media awareness of all the dangers out there are slowly robbing our children of childhood.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:32 amI agree with you on every point. I have to laugh though because I am albino white - I burn in the shade. My oldest and middle sons take after their father and tan - even with SPF 50. The youngest boy burns crispy like I do at the mention of the word sun and then turns a golden brown like his brothers.
I still get lectures about how fair I am I should care more about my children’s skin health blah blah blah.
I let my kid wear rain boots to school the other day - because it was just esier than arguing that even if he wore rain boots they still would not let him play in the rain at recess - the counselor called. I was damaging his self esteem. After I quieted the voices in my head I told her that when I let my child play with a crack pipe she could be concerned but until she needed to mind her own business.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:33 amYES YES YES YES YES……
I hate the mother judgment the most. When are people going to realize that there are 4 billion ways to raise kids that end up being awesome adults.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:33 amYes, yes, yes.
This is why I could never stomach “playgroups”. Too much competition. I was more sure of my decisions when I stayed home.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:37 amAmen.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:39 amJust as I’m writing this my older son is on a school daytrip that involved, in the morning, a boattrip to do some dolphin spotting in a seaside bay about an hour away from here. In the afternoon they go treasure hunting at a nearby castle.
Now, two kids in the class won’t make the trip: one is having her First Communion today (a weekday! must be crazy, this church!). The other her parents deemed the trip too dangerous - this a kid who won’t participate in most physical activities because she feels fat and clumsy and, yes, anxious about being in an unsafe environment. She has to have her mother with her at the swimming pool dressing room because she doesn’t feel ok dressing herself. She’s 9, very funny and inteligent. She’s just a by-product of her mother’s insane, smothering love.
Speak more! Lord knows we need a voice of reason. Your kids are healthy, happy, and loved. Parental duties successfully carried out.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:41 amCan you see me standing up and giving you a standing ovation ? Well written and I totally agree with you.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:42 amYou go, girl. Hell yeah.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:47 amSome of my best memories of childhood were when my mom opened the back door, pushed us out and said, “Go play!” And we wouldn’t come in until we absolutely had to.
It’s sad that kids don’t experience that as much…. that’s where imaginations run wild and memories are made.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:48 amMy hubby & I have raised my two sons (now 19 & 16 years old)…the OLD-fashioned way. Riding bikes w/no helmets, sunburns, long days outside in the sun, a few broken bones and lots of stitches, etc. They both are wonderful, smart, funny guys and I’m immensely proud of them. I also taught them the meaning of “DEFERRED GRATIFICATION” and that means, sometimes you have to wait to get your reward… not everyone will get a blue ribbon … sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. That’s what I call REAL life!
Love the post Chris - you are one great Momma - WTG!
May 21st, 2009 at 11:48 amIf I have one pale child (naturally paler and easily sunburned, usually sunscreened for that reason) and one tan child (tans easily and quickly, sunscreen or not)…do they cancel each other out such that I am not negligent?
I apologize, I mentioned your son’s sock line before, but I meant it in the…cool, he’s been playing outside…sort of way.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:50 amAn argument well made is … well hard to argue with.
You go girl!
Was tanning ‘an issue’ somewhere? I must’ve missed that.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:52 amI once snapped at my mother in law - My bad parenting is no reflection on you.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:55 amoff-track thought: I wish my boys’ hair grew like your kids - long & flowing in the wind - they would take such nice pictures. My 6 yr old just skinned his knee riding his bike in the ALLEY this morning. I showed him my knee scars - one with dirt still IN it from 30 years ago. I don’t think the dirt has caused any problems, but it could be the lead from the pencil jab scar I have!
May 21st, 2009 at 11:55 amAmen Chris!
May 21st, 2009 at 11:56 amps - After he was kissed bandaged, I let him watch the Military Channel.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:57 amha! i’m going to make my hubby read this. he was yelling at my daughter to climb out of the tree the other night. i’m like why? he’s like, she might fall. okaaaaay. didn’t you ever climb trees when you were a kid?! i don’t get it.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:57 amHuh, funny thing is I didn’t even notice the lack of helmets, and I was one of those “must-always-wear-a-helmet” kind of mom. I did notice the suntans, but figured they are probably wearing sunscreen but have that beautiful olive skin and are just going to tan no matter what. (And yes, I’m jealous.)
My son knocked out four teeth while riding his bike. I’m glad he was wearing his bike helmet…but wish he’d have had his hockey helmet on, since it has a cage and could have prevented losing all those teeth.
Now he’s in college and has taken up longboarding. I’m pretty sure he’s not wearing any protective gear at all. Oh well. I just try not to think about it. And hope he doesn’t knock out that beautiful $3000 implanted front tooth.
So do I have to go back through and read all the comments from previous posts so I can understand the references to hand guns and syringes? What did I miss…?
May 21st, 2009 at 11:58 amI totally agree with you, on all counts. Kids should have FUN!! One of my husband’s strongest childhood memories is of being made to wear galoshes in a soccer game because his feet would get wet!! WTF?? Kids should be kids, and fall & get scraped knees & ant bites. How else will they learn to get up, brush themselves off, and move on? My pediatrician said we needed to get my 3 year old a helmet for her tricycle! What?? I was stunned, it had never even occurred to me to do that. But hey, if someone else wants to make their kid wear a helmet for a trike, good for them.
Great post!
May 21st, 2009 at 12:00 pmWhen I was growing up we went outside after breakfast, came in only for lunch and supper when told to, and in for the night when the street light went on. I didn’t need sunscreen, a helmet, or a booster seat in the car. I also drank water from the tap. I survived and am as normal as possible.
May 21st, 2009 at 12:03 pmPeople are too paranoid. Everyone just needs to relax and teach their children common sense and morals.
Although I do think that some of the ‘rules and changes’ are made because of the few lazy parents out there that don’t watch/supervise their kids and then sue when something goes wrong.
Just want to say, Amen. If I wanted to compete, I’d join a sport.
May 21st, 2009 at 12:08 pmIt’s a wonder we all survived our childhoods! Scraped knees & all!
May 21st, 2009 at 12:13 pmWow how true is this post. What ever happened to our parents during the summer kicking us out of the house and we played all day long outside, just our bikes, shoes optional. I actually feel bad for most children that don’t have this life. Our neighbor has a 10 year old boy, and I’ve only seen him playing outside (since we’ve lived here, 3 years) count it 3-4 times. I think its really sad for him.
I will be sure to remember this when my boys get older.
May 21st, 2009 at 12:13 pmI make 5 year old wear protective gear because I know when he falls and bashes his knees and arms he will NEVER no matter what I tell him go near that bike or scooter again. He has fallen so hard he cracked open the pad on his right elbow. When I looked at it I know it would have been another emergency room visit and weeks of healing. Instead he laughed and got back on the bike. It is definatly worth making him wear it.
May 21st, 2009 at 12:16 pmtell it, sistah.
this morning, i was beating myself up because I sent my daughter to school with a PB&J (but on blueberry pancakes instead of bread). I was worried about it because it is 1. a little strange and 2. unlike the bulgar and tofu that many of the other kids have for lunch. I logically know that it’s stupid and I can feed my child any thing i damn well please, but I also know that I am going to be judged for it. And that is paralyzing. The hyper parenting around here is freaky and I’m sick of it. And just to continue my rant - many of these hyper parents are all about letting kids do things in their own natural time but then judged me because my daughter is a late potty trainer… and if i had just done EC/used cloth diapers/nourished her emotionally then that wouldn’t be the case. You can’t win.
May 21st, 2009 at 12:16 pmI believe in helmets, regardless of a short ride or not. Then again, I’m not a parent, and who am I to impose my views and judgements on another person. I remember when I was a kid, we were always outside playing, now, kids’ idea of activity is the Wii… sadly.
May 21st, 2009 at 12:16 pmGood post.
Favorite memory: Being chased by dogs, while riding a scooter downhill at who-knows-how-fast with no helmet or knee pads.
Good times, good times.
May 21st, 2009 at 12:17 pmAmen; you are not alone. My kids get broken wrists, concussions, and stitches. And occasionally a little sunburn. Big deal.
May 21st, 2009 at 12:17 pmI so totally agree with you…my daughter is 2.5 and has a tan. We do apply sunscreen, when we remember, but she loves to be outside and it would be impossible for her not to be brown-skinned by now (we also live in Texas). I’m so glad she likes to be active now and I want to foster that desire throughout her childhood.
May 21st, 2009 at 12:25 pmBravo!
May 21st, 2009 at 12:26 pmIt’s been said a number of times already -
May 21st, 2009 at 12:27 pmAMEN!
I’ve been saying the same thing for some time now.
It’s self-serving bullshit. We strive to protect our kids, and hell, I totally get that. I want my daughter to occasionally go through hardships. I want her to learn now that things are not always sunshine and happiness. I want her to understand that sometimes things aren’t fair, and sometimes, you have to bust your ass to get the things you want.
I had severe asthma as a kid. Severe to the point of a three-week hospitalization when I was five. My parents’ initial instinct was to lock me away in the house so that I never go through any kind of asthmatic trauma. My allergist, however, stressed the importance that I get out there and play and be active and get dirty and be a kid. You know what? Asthma has not been a concern for me since I was seven or eight.
Sure, it’s easier to protect your kids from life, but it’s the most unfair thing you could ever do.
Have you ever noticed that the parents with the most out of control and temperamental little devils tend to be the ones who over-protect their precious little gem? If you want your life to be truly easier, let your kids go outside and burn off that energy! They’ll SLEEP at night.
May 21st, 2009 at 12:28 pmWell said! But the real reason I am commenting for the first time is to ask you for a favor. Can you PLEASE thank your 10-year-old son for teaching my 8-year-old daughter how to ride a two-wheeler? His instructions were excellent! It only took one try–when she got off, she ran to me and gave me a big hug! Thanks again to your son!
May 21st, 2009 at 12:33 pmWe’ve got two houses for sale on our suburban cul-de-sac street. Sure you don’t want to move to CO?
May 21st, 2009 at 12:34 pmAmen.
May 21st, 2009 at 12:34 pmWohoo! Does it make me a bad mom that I didn’t even notice your kids weren’t wearing helmets in those pictures?
May 21st, 2009 at 12:36 pmUntil I went back to check because obviously, you’ve been getting slack about it.
Um, aren’t they your kids? I know all those kids aren’t mine!
One of the reasons I always read your blog. We have the same sort of humor and values regarding raising our kids.
Of course, here in CA, we aren’t given choices. If the kids are out riding without helmets on any ‘vehicle’ with wheels, they will get a ticket, as will I.
Um, yeah, my kids wear helmets but only because I’m CHEAP.
I grew up in Texas. I see your kids tanned skin and it brings back memories of my own childhood spent running around the neighborhood until the street lights came on. I miss that. I wish my kids had that where we live now. I love that you have found it.
May 21st, 2009 at 12:37 pmApplauding you right now. Serious.
My kids wear helmets on long bike rides, but around the neighborhood, heck no. I am just not that parent. Safety, yes. Over protective, nah. I get shit all the time for have a trampoline without a net, for letting them swim without flotation devices, for sending them outside to play. And we live in the safest, most kid friendly, suburb in the Denver area. Besides the times my kids have gotten hurt, it has always been like falling down half a flight of stairs. Or tripping on themselves.
May 21st, 2009 at 12:43 pmI had just posted on my blog about a women at Bi-Lo who commented on my oldest son’s tan. “He really should be wearing sunscreen. You don’t want him to get skin cancer.” Translate that into “Oh, you’re a terrible lazy mother who doesn’t care about her child.”
Instead I told her that he does indeed wear sunscreen. He wears Bullfrog spf 36 spray. But he’s tan because he spends a lot of time outside. A. lot. of. time. And he has inherited his mother’s skin which tans very easily. (I have no idea why I didn’t just tell her to mind her own business.)
To which she actually replied, “He’s outside all the time? Doesn’t he play video games?’
I kid you not.
May 21st, 2009 at 12:48 pmAnother supporter here - kids are meant to be tanned, dirty, and a little bit banged up from time to time. Mine do wear bike helments, simply because I want that habit ingrained from day one, but it is none of my business whether yours do. My personal bugaboo now is the whole push for helmets when tobogganing - the only people I know who were ever seriously injured were the parents - we don’t bounce as well as the kids! I love these discussions though, it keeps all of us thinking about our choices. What I dislike is the judgemental tone.
May 21st, 2009 at 12:48 pmGreat post! I too believe we as a nation have lost our perspective somewhere along the line. Good for you for finding your own and following your heart. Your kids are obviously happy and loved and that’s the most important thing.
May 21st, 2009 at 12:55 pmYou know, that’s funny - I didn’t even notice that the kids were not wearing helmets. I did notice your daughter’s tan however, but just thought that she must tan easily down there in TX! Kudos to you for standing up for what you believe in!
May 21st, 2009 at 12:59 pmAgain, giving you kudos to how you parent. Love it. Remember when we were kids and we stayed out playing kick the can until we couldn’t see the can anymore? Those nights were magic and I wish my kids could experience that. There’s an awesome book I read a while ago by Silken Laumann that touches on this subject much the same way as you. (Am not a publicist, just like the book). She basically says kids are not having enough pure, damn fun - thus the obesity issue. How do we fix it?
May 21st, 2009 at 1:02 pm‘How I parent is not an indictment of your parenting. Nor is how you all parent an indictment of mine.’
Oh yeah!! BRAVO!
May 21st, 2009 at 1:08 pmYou are SOOOOO right! I have a child care and the rules the state gives me, makes me want to have the children sit in a chair all day. But wait…. I would have to watch the clock and to make sure each child is in time out for the age of that child. AND yes kids do fall, and yes they do run and no matter how many times you tell them they will all fall! How did we all learn not to run too fast? Or what HOT means? We all ran and fell and we all touched something hot.
May 21st, 2009 at 1:13 pmHallelujah.
May 21st, 2009 at 1:16 pmI agree with you 99.9 percent of the time, but on the bike helments, I’m going to have to disagree. Scraped elbows and broken arms can be repaired; brain injuries are quite another story. And Moms are critical of those who don’t follow this rule because we’re constantly having to explain to our whining children why they have to wear helments, even when so-and-so’s mom doesn’t make her kids. Of course, I tell my kids that different families have different rules, but it’s hard to explain to them why some moms aren’t worried about potentially-fatal injuries that are quite common.
Chris says: Except they aren’t quite common. Not to discount the traumatic brain injuries that do happen…
May 21st, 2009 at 1:23 pmCouldn’t agree more! Three of my six kids are boys: twins age 9 and a 7-yr.old. I love to see them outside playing in the summer… running, getting dirty and getting TAN (God forbid!). At the end of the day, all the dirt washes off and they sleep hard. Hooray for happy, healthy children enjoying summer! Let kids be kids!
May 21st, 2009 at 1:30 pmFirstly, I don’t say this to judge your parenting style. I’m sure you are a wonderful mother. However, my sister teaches fourth grade. Last weekend, one of her students was hit by a car while riding his bike without a helmet. He was med-flighted to a hospital, where he remains in critical condition with bleeding on his brain. We’re not talking about scraped-up elbows here. We’re talking about traumatic head injuries, and they do happen. It’s a horrific risk to be taking.
May 21st, 2009 at 1:30 pmI’ve always made my kids wear bike helmets (and my husband and I always wear them, as well). My boys are 18 and 15, and now it’s just habit. I’ve told them a hundred times that I don’t want to have to change their diapers again. Their helmets are stored on the handles of their bikes and are readily available. I think there is actually a law in Connecticut about wearing them?
As to a commenter yesterday who said that “we didn’t wear helmets growing up and we’re fine”, we didn’t use seat belts growing up, either. Would you consider driving without buckling up now?
May 21st, 2009 at 1:30 pmPreach it sister!
May 21st, 2009 at 1:32 pmI couldn’t disagree with you more. My kids ride their bikes more than any kids I know (a police officer in our town actually said that to me recently after seeing my kids on their bikes so much). They wear helmets, every time. Why? Because knowing what I know I couldn’t live with myself if they died of a head injury that a helmet could have prevented. However, I allow them to take risks other parents may not allow–my daughter is a gymnast and I’ve heard many a parent say how they would never let their child do something so dangerous. It’s all a calculation of risk and benefit–my daughter loves the gymnastics and if the unspeakable happened I definitely could live with myself knowing we took reasonable precautions and she was able to enjoy something so loved. We’re all coming from different places, different experiences, and we’re all doing our best. The most important thing though is that nothing about my disagreeing with you suggests I think you’re a bad parent! I think you are an awesome parent! What would be really helpful is if we could, as mothers, discuss our points of view openly without worrying that we are making a comment about each others’ value as mothers. Then maybe we could debate an issue, potentially learn something, and still be supporting each other. I haven’t previously commented on your blog, but I’m willing to bet most of those who suggested your kids might wear helmets were not implying you suck as a mother.
May 21st, 2009 at 1:35 pmI couldn’t agree more. I wrote on this very topic a year or so ago and I still feel the same way, amazingly. Our kids have been way too “protected” - we live in a society where fear is the ruler of our children. We are afraid something bad is going to happen to them and so we never allow them the true JOY of living as only a child can.
Excellent post.
May 21st, 2009 at 1:38 pmI have to say here that having the world’s whitest skin that fries to a lovely lobster shade if I spend too much time in the sun without sunscreen that I am something of a sunscreen freak. Though I haven’t yet this year put any on our kids, they aren’t outside between the hours of 12 and 4pm anyway, our routine is such that we are doing naps and quiet time indoors at this time. Having been stuck indoors this horrible winter that just passed they have been soaking up some vitimin d to make up for it now that it’s spring. Also I love getting my kids outdoors. It makes them tired so they go to sleep easier!
May 21st, 2009 at 1:44 pmI had to go back to the post and read the comments to know what you are talking about - why on earth do people get so PREACHY? Are they seriously trying to tell you how to parent???
I just bought a trike for my 2 year old - it didn’t even occur to me to buy a HELMET for God’s sake.
May 21st, 2009 at 1:50 pmBrav-f’n-O! Thank You!! I dont have kids yet.. but I have lots of friends/family w/ kids and most of them are the opposite of you… I was afraid I was going to be the one exhiled from the group once we decide to have kids. I thought they’d look @ me like a complete idiot and I wasnt exactly sure how I would respond. But, I think “Is this the new standard of negligent parenting? Tan children?” is something I’ll think about!
May 21st, 2009 at 1:56 pmI absolutely love it. Our neighbors make their kid wear a helmet on his tricycle in the driveway. We laugh at them all the time.
I do have to mention that while the post is poignant, I still want to see another one of your trademark photos!
May 21st, 2009 at 1:57 pmI personally think a weekly post like this about crazy sh*t people say to you would be very entertaining to read! Your kids look so happy, healthy and normal!!!
May 21st, 2009 at 1:57 pmAll the moms need to turn Oprah off for a bit. I think it’s the same reason so many moms need medication these days, besides inbalances issues. You got bored kids with nothing safe to do, but drive you insane.
May 21st, 2009 at 1:57 pmYou’re a brave woman for writing this post and even braver for leaving your comment section open! I appreciate that about you. I’m sorry if people have been rude and judgmental about things like helmets and sunscreen…. we, as mothers, (& people in general) need to use a bit more discretion.
I think people tend to speak out their experience… if they’ve experienced a bike accident they might be more vigilant about helmets, if they’ve have skin cancer more concerned with sunscreen use, etc… we each have our own perspective to draw from and then make our own decisions.
Here’s my perspective (if you want to read it!)– I’ve worked in a children’s ER for the past 5 years and generally most bike accidents that come in are mild– scraps and cuts with a few broken arms thrown in… but then there are those that are indescribable. The ones that completely change a family forever either through a life-long impairment or through the death of a child. Yes, it’s the minority but to those families it is everything… and it’s forever.
There are a million ‘buts’ and ‘what-ifs’ out there in parenting… we each have to make our own decisions about what is most important. We shouldn’t keep our kids in bubble wrap. I do have a hard time when a parent seems to jump all over the latest thing (bpa free bottles, bleach in diapers) but fails to address other safety issues like car, water or bicycle safety.
And I’m done…. sorry it was so long. Hope none of this was taken the wrong way– I truly appreciate your blog and your willingness to dialogue about a variety of parenting topics.
May 21st, 2009 at 1:59 pmMine wear helmets. It saved my oldest daughter’s life at 6. Elbow and knee pads? Not so much. Too much of a pain and they don’t protect your brain. Mine also wear sunscreen. They’ve had occasional sunburns though and by the end of the summer, they are little brown beans even with sunscreen use on most days. I love little brown beans. That is what summer is all about.
May 21st, 2009 at 2:01 pmI rolled my bike down a hill in the mountains when I was a kid. Didn’t have a helmet on. My sides were completely scratched up, my knees were scraped, and my pride was mutilated. Not one bump on my head though!
May 21st, 2009 at 2:01 pmApplauding as loudly as possible!
My son broke his nose on our trampoline - but a week later he was back on doing flips again despite so many people insisting we should get rid of it.
I like to think that no matter how prepared one can be, accidents happen anyway.
May 21st, 2009 at 2:03 pmHere’s the thing for me and my three kids. I’m not willing to wear a dorky helmet when I ride my bike, how can I possibly make them wear one. My son has made it to 15 yrs now and my girls are 12 and 10. I have made it 40 whole years without cracking my head open once on my bike.
Now, when I see that perfect family riding their bikes down the street with all their helmets on, I say good for you! You rock!
We all have to do what feels right for us.
I home school. Am I popular for that? In some crowds yes, and in some crowds no. Do I condemn those for sending their kids to school, no. I made the choice to home school for our family, I don’t get to make that choice for other families, it’s not my right to judge.
Why can’t people be more like you and I. Just let it be what it is. As long as our children are happy, healthy and well adjusted, at the end of the day isn’t that all we want?
May 21st, 2009 at 2:03 pmAhh, the helicopter mothers are so cute.
I’m a competitive mountain biker. Do I wear a helmet when I ride on the trail? Yes. I’ve cracked two IN HALF. Do I wear a helmet just messing around on my bike on our street? No. Not unless I’m jumping curbs. Do my kids wear helmets? Yes, on the trail. I think all the protection on scooters, et al, is so dumb. Let kids be kids. Life is supposed to be fun, and the occasional ER visit is a part of life.
We also wear helmets when we ski (I got a pretty good head knock a few years ago), road ride (skinny tires in traffic, not around the neighborhood), downhill bike, and run class four rapids surrounded by lava rock. Personally, I own five different helmets. I joke about getting little manequin heads to line them up on in the garage. But the kids just out riding in the cul-de-sac, give me a break!
May 21st, 2009 at 2:06 pmbrilliance today Chris. Saying everything all the normal moms are thinking, as usual.
May 21st, 2009 at 2:08 pmwe need to stop judging people
if you love and care for your children thats what matters
we all have different ways of doing things
It’s okay
HAVE A GREAT DAY
May 21st, 2009 at 2:08 pmWhile I do make my children wear helmets when on their bike (working a month in a pediatric ICU scared that into me) I otherwise completely agree with you. My children run around, eat dirt and have stick sword fights. I survived, I’m sure they will to.
May 21st, 2009 at 2:11 pmYou have written this so well, Chris. It is so true that parents (especially mothers) judge each other. I’m sick of it.
On a side note regarding your tan children, when you live as south as you do, regardless of how much sunscreen you do (or don’t) put on your kids, you WILL tan. It’s our bodies’ way of adapting to the sun and protecting our skin. (And for the record, I grew up in Hawaii and always had tan lines like that.)
May 21st, 2009 at 2:11 pmI *totally* want one of your T-shirts. Let me know when I can order one, O.K.? My kids are too tan, their hair too unkempt, the baseball uniform not always clean…and doesn’t look clean even when it is. But I still have a lot of respect for that mom who believes her giant 5-year-old (who is taller than my 1st grader) is safer in a giant SUV, strapped into a 5-point harness. How can you hold that against someone? The only nasty bike injury we’ve had around here happened with the helmet ON!…and required stitches. (Helmets on kids are the law around here). Turns out eyeglasses are good for causing lacerations when you fall on your face too. Not about to forgo those!
May 21st, 2009 at 2:13 pmYou’re so right about the T-shirt: especially for those of us who choose to homeschool –
How I Parent/Educate My Children is Not a Judgment on You!
and on the back it would be –
In Fact, I Wasn’t Thinking About You!
For the record, this could probably apply to the women’s attire for Mass category too.
From a mom of filthy, bare-headed, scarred, tan children.
Gotta go get a beer.
May 21st, 2009 at 2:17 pmWhen we first pulled up to our house before we bought it, I saw a little kid riding his bike alone - ALONE!! - down the street and knew it was the neighborhood for us.
Our kids share bedrooms and a bathroom too. Evidently this is also a problem these days…
May 21st, 2009 at 2:20 pmOur family wears helmets religiously because it’s just safer, and we wear sunscreen because a couple of our family members have had brushes with skin cancer, but I do agree that it’s not right to judge others for their choices. I would never go on someone’s blog and leave something critical in a comment (I didn’t see that one: I’ll have to go back and look at the insanity)…do onto others as you would have them do onto you, you know? I would rather say nothing at all.
I totally agree that there are some hyper-vigilant parents out there though, who might as well wrap their children in bubblewrap and tie them to the living room floor. Kids need to play. Scrapes (and unfortunately, breaks) are a part of childhood.
May 21st, 2009 at 2:25 pmwow! Great post. Psstt…mine has actually been SUNBURNED…
May 21st, 2009 at 2:34 pmA-FREAKING-MEN. AMEN. My kids are bruised, scabby kneed, running around getting dirty playing FOOLS!! I figure my kids are happy, healthy and are being raised by two people who love and nurture them and everyone else can kiss my ass. Although, I do sunscreen the crap out of my kids if we are going to be outside for a really long time but that is only because they unfortunately inherited my pasty white skin. Seriously, so pale that when I worked at Burger King in high school I would get sunburned by the heat lamp over the fries. So, I lube up my kids once or twice but I am not obsessive over it. Also, anyone who doesn’t think I am raising my kids right can suck it.
May 21st, 2009 at 2:48 pmI’m going to run out and buy the roller skates I’ve been eyeing for my 3 year old and not worry if he falls over!
May 21st, 2009 at 2:50 pmIt’s times like this I feel quite fortunate to have a very laid back family doctor and have grown up fairly free range myself. There are times of year where my kids are covered in mud, assorted scrapes and bruises (they seem to get exponentially more clumsy if they’re growing) and bug bites. But as the doc says, “At least I know they’re getting plenty of exercise!”
I think we as a culture sometimes have very little perspective on risk severity and risk probability.
May 21st, 2009 at 2:54 pmI’m supposed to send them to the neighbor’s before having the beer? Huh… I tell ‘em to go fetch for me…
I have failed as mother.
I have teenage daughters who are happy, well adjusted, community minded, active in church, kind, considerate and polite. Both of whom I like hanging out with.
And they don’t wear sunscreen.
May 21st, 2009 at 2:55 pmI couldn’t agree with you more - and I LOVE this blog! But, please be aware that the judgement goes both ways. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve arrived at the pool with my heavily sunscreened kids with hats and sunshirts just to be told what a “kill joy” we are and how the kids would benefit from some Vitamin D. I honestly think a tan looks better and Vitamin D is very important- but maybe my kids swim shirts could read “My Pale, Pasty Irish Mom and Dad are Skin Cancer Survivors (Melanoma and Basal Cell) - See Their Ugly Scars!!” because for some reason they seem to say “Where’s your sunscreen?”
May 21st, 2009 at 2:57 pmMy kids wear helmets (but we live in military housing so they *have* to) and I think helmets are a great idea. When they were first learning the ripstick, I made the little guy wear wrist guards, because a friend of ours had just broken her wrist so badly she needed pins. Now, of course, I couldn’t find a complete set of safety gear if I tried. We do sunscreen, or else they burn and whine. But after about two weeks of summer, they have such a deep tan you’d never know I use it. Me, I have to slather it on or I burn.
May 21st, 2009 at 3:03 pmWe, however, are of the “Get outside and play” variety of parent - witnessed by the fact the youngest just sailed in when our streetlights came on..sweaty and stinky, like little boys should be. It gets so hot here in the summer that the kids play in the early(ish) morning then come inside till late afternoon, then back outside till its ten o’clock and I say “Oh crap! Dinner!”. I love summer in Sicily - that’s where we are!
I agree, and I wanted to comment on Lynette’s comment (about 4-5 above me). THIS is why we have this problem. When you take your child to the doctor and the doctor spends the entire time confirming that you have COMPLETELY childproofed every area of your child’s life (Do you have outlet plugs? Does the child ride in a car/booster seat all the time? Does the child wear a helmet? etc.) you end up with parents who are forever paranoid. What if the doctor reports you to child protection because you admit to letting your child ride without a helmet?
May 21st, 2009 at 3:04 pmI was just formulating a post on this very same thing. I often wonder what other parents think when they see my kids (4 and 3) playing unattended in our backyard, climbing across the monkey bars, and jumping off the ladder.
May 21st, 2009 at 3:07 pmI was also going to ask if you’d seen Free Range Kids. Lenore is awesome and thinks a lot like you do.
May 21st, 2009 at 3:08 pmI couldn’t agree more. I think many parents, and sometimes even schools, have gone to far when it comes to “protecting” our children. They believe that by creating endless rules, they will be able to prevent accidents from happening.
My boy needed surgery in January to repair a severed tendon after an accident with his pocket knife. The comments I got from other parents were unbelievable. You would have thought I had given him a AK-47 and a box of bullets to play with.
Yes, I would have loved to have prevented my son’s injury. However, I am willing to bet that as a result, he is infinitely more careful using a knife than most kids twice his age. He is certainly more cautious than I am. According to my boy, the injury was no big deal. He has a cool scar and a really great story to tell his friends.
May 21st, 2009 at 3:19 pmWell said, well said. (FYI, my kids are tan, AND we wear sunscreen, Have to in NC, skin cancer runs in my family)
May 21st, 2009 at 3:25 pmMy own mother has chastised me about how my kids never wear helmets on their bikes. Dirt bikes… yes. Bicycles….. no. My reply? Mom, WE didn’t wear helmets and we are FINE. Okay, I did have a bad bike accident once that involved stitches. But it was my chin, a helmet wouldn’t have helped anything, lol.
I’m on the fence here. I wholeheartedly agree that kids need to play more & should spend lots of unstructured time outside. I also agree that parenting is not a competition, so I generally keep my 2 cents to myself and appreciate when others do the same.
That said, I can’t get behind “If you have to strap on protective gear to ride your bike three houses down the street, are you going to ride your bike?” because, yep, even in the short 3-house distance, that helmet will save your life. Just like the carseat or seatbelt - not negotiable around here.
May 21st, 2009 at 3:26 pmIt’s funny- in your post you said “I get so annoyed when I hear mothers justifying their actions, as if I am entitled to an explanation,” and then a bunch of commenters proceed to justify their bike helmet rules to you!
May 21st, 2009 at 3:27 pmI apologize, I should have googled before leaving my last comment about the helmet law. I have lived in so many different states over the past 10 years that I start to think all states have the same laws. Texas does not in fact have a bike helmet law (but Connecticut does)!
http://www.iihs.org/laws/HelmetUseCurrent.aspx#TX My concern was for you as a parent, continuing to be a parent. You just never know what laws CPS is going to crack down on.
I often joke that it is a miracle any of us survived childhood with the lack of protection and the complete freedom we had!
May 21st, 2009 at 3:29 pmSorry, I don’t buy it.
My children wear sunscreen and sunhats while playing outside. They spend hours and hours outside and love it. Wearing items that will protect them from cancer (and yes, we have a family history of it) doesn’t prevent them from enjoying the outdoors.
Make the parenting choices you want to make–but I resent the implication that I am limiting my children because I opt to do my best to protect them from cancer or cracking their head open.
May 21st, 2009 at 3:31 pmChris, you rock! seriously, who do people think they are?
guys if you think helmets are so important thats fine, get your kids to wear em, but dont ever critisize other peoples decisions, ESPECIALLY when it comes to their kids..
May 21st, 2009 at 3:35 pmi HAD noticed how nice and tan your kids are becoming. i didn’t see any terrible sunburns. yay for your tan kids. and i agree with you on all points. i hate the helmet-wearing nazis. much more fun to not wear one. esp when it’s really hot. if they were riding on roads into town or down big paved hills or something, i might make my kids wear theirs, but not all the time.
May 21st, 2009 at 3:36 pmThanks be to God I am finally reading a bit of sense. It is so true, we are mollycoddling our children these days.
May 21st, 2009 at 3:39 pmNow that you mention it, my kids stopped going out on their bikes lately maybe its because I make them wear the helmets. They are mortified being the only kids on the street that wear them. They do walk to the shop themselves to get sweets, they walk home from school alone. You would think I let them run wild by allowing them this freedom to some people especially my MIL. They are 13, 12 and 9, not babies. Thanks so much for NEVER making me feel like your judging me and remember i am not judging you either.
Best wishes.
Good job of reminding folks that just because you’ve chosen to share the neat moments of your kids’ precious childhood doesn’t give readers the license to judge parenting styles. You are so right we shouldn’t have to justify our decisions (conservative v. liberal…either way).
Thanks for sharing all the fun activities that accompany your busy household!
May 21st, 2009 at 3:46 pmLOL, it was tough holding it all in, I bet!! It is interesting the back and forth blame isn’t it? Not just the blame from the moms who say that you (and others who aren’t as “safety conscious”) are not being safe enough, but the reverse from the more free-wheeling who say other parents are TOO safe.
We all draw the lines at different places and do what is comfortable for us. Personally, my question is always “what is the worst that can happen barring a freak accident?” So, since we know two kids who have gotten concussions without helmets and I know they could get killed or severely injured fairly easily…yes to helmets. Hmmm…kneepads and elbowpads to save a skinned knee? No. I also let my kids climb to and jump from heights that would make others cringe…no, I don’t want them to break a leg or arm, but the risk is small and not permanent (barring the aforementioned freak accident!) Suncreen? usually, and they even wear the reviled swim shirts (see how the finger-pointing goes both ways??) but most physical activities and jumps into independence - absolutely!! I am sure plenty of people could criticize my choices and do, I am happy with them and don’t usually feel a need to defend them and I TRY to not judge others!!
Everybody does make their own choices, from people who let their small children ride in the front seat of cars while they smoke with the windows up to people who put their children into bubbles of safety and don’t let them take a single risk. Most of us fall in the middle. Very few of us are completely able to withhold judgement all of the time, but it would be nice if we could all do it more often.
My only annoyance is with the lack of logic in a lot of decision making. “Well I grew up fine without helmets/sunscreen/vaccinations/xyz!”. We should all make our own choices but I cannot stand that argument. Maybe I grew up healthy even though my dad smoked a pack a day and drove me around every weekend while drunk. Umm, that doesn’t mean I think it is the right choice. I love logical arguments and discussions, can’t stand platitudes. Everybody should make their own choices, but at least with their own thought-out reasons!
Chris, I LOVE the site, read every day, I think your children are so lucky. And now I am going to prepare for a little backyard happy hour. That is right. Alcohol. While I am watching my children. Maybe I will put the hose on the slide and let them slide down it in their swimsuits even though it will be REALLY fast and dangerous!
May 21st, 2009 at 3:49 pmChris, I have been reading your blog for a couple of years now and I think you’re a terrific mom. HOWEVER maybe you should drop in on dooce.com and read today’s post (May 21st) about skin cancer. My kids are very fair and I “block” them but they still get sun. We all just do our best, right? That’s what Moms are made of: lots of love and doing our best.
May 21st, 2009 at 3:50 pmI only commented because some of the previous comments really poohpoohed sunblock.
There’s safety and then there’s wrapping your child in bubble wrap. Where the line is keeps getting moved closer to the bubble wrap. I think it’s important to remember that as moms we all love our children. We all have different experiences in our lives which will influence our choices. That does not make anyone a better or worse parent. And as moms we should respect each other and try not to push one’s personal stance on others.
May 21st, 2009 at 3:51 pmI am so happy to see so many people agreeing with your sensible post. All the people my age (63) have wonderful tales of super-fun dangerous things we did as children.
Accidents happen, and kids sometimes get hurt. But far more harm is done to many children today by not allowing them to run and feel the sun on their back and have “secret” meetings with their new best friends to decide the rules of the rudimentary treehouse they’ve built and experience childhood as children and not sterile robots.
Strong bodies and strong minds don’t come from being wrapped in protective gear and kept indoors.
May 21st, 2009 at 4:00 pmWay to go! I totally agree. While sunscreen is important, so is the Vitamin D you get from the sun. Helmets: Great, Brain injuries are life altering for everyone involved, believe me, but riding a bike with the wind in your face: Amazing. Running and playing outside are crucial activities for kids. Lots of kids don’t know how to play anymore. Isn’t that the tragedy?? Let kids be kids, keep them as safe as possible, but a few skinned knees, a nice healthy looking tan and even a broken arm are all part of growing up a kid. We survived all these things. Our kids will too! And think of the great memories they will have. I have amazing memories of playing with the neighborhood kids and my siblings. We still laugh about some of our antics to this day! Happy Summer!
May 21st, 2009 at 4:01 pmI was just talking about this with a friend. I’m youngish (25), no kids and I completely agree with your sentiments here. Maybe once I have kids I will be a zealot-like mama bear but for now I see so many kids that I just want to say “GO HAVE FUN!” I grew up in a neighbourhood where all of the kids were kicked out of the house at breakfast and were expected to be home by dinner time. Then after dinner we went outside again until sundown. It’s the way it was and I’m so thankful for that. I love all of the scars I got from racing the boys down our street on our feet, bikes, anything with wheels. It was an incredible childhood to have that kind of freedom and I cannot FATHOM a child not having that.
May 21st, 2009 at 4:01 pmLike everyone else commenting, I agree. That said —
You do run the risk, when you post openly about your life and your mothering, that people will criticize your life and your mothering. When I made unprotected posts about sensitive topics, I would sometimes get blowback. People feel that if they can see the post, it is within their right to comment.
I used to get unsolicited advice about lowering my grocery bill by feeding the kids oatmeal (as though I didn’t already do that), potty training advice from people who had never been parents, etc. etc. etc.
As the internet grows and everything becomes searchable, every public aspect of our lives becomes freely available to the world.
I respect you for putting your life out there, even while I know I could not do that, long-term.
People’s urge to leap to judgment is unending, and my patience is not.
May 21st, 2009 at 4:01 pmI got hooked on reading your blog well over a year ago (a friend told me about it). Another friend told me that I am a “lurker” because I never post comments. I told her that I simply enjoy reading the posts and looking at the beautiful photos. I also must admit that I love your camera….I have a similar one.
Anyway, why am I commenting now, you might ask? The photos of your children riding their bikes without helmets has always irked me a little, and from looking at the comments, it appears that people have opinions that vary widely. It is your latest post that makes me want to comment. I understand that helmets are no fun for kids. And while I’m thinking about it….car seats really are not all that fun for kids. They restrict their activities while in the car. But a majority of people protect their children by using car seats, because it can save a life, and it is the law. While there are no federal laws that mandate the use of bike helmets, there are laws for individual states and counties. Why would this be looked at any differently?
I am right on with the rest of your post. There are too many rules for our kids.
Fortunately, you post your blog so the rest of the world can take joy in reading about you and your beautiful family. Unfortunately, because you allow comments, there are going to be people that disagree with some of the things you post. I guess a little controversy can be a good thing…
May 21st, 2009 at 4:02 pmYou know, after reading this post, I realized that this whole competitive mothering thing is the reason that I don’t have more mom friends. That’s so very sad when I stop and think about it.
We had our kids young and since our oldest could never be found in any of “the books”, we threw them away and have set about raising our kids by our own gut instincts. As such, we never really realized that there was such a rigid standard of “acceptable” parenting today…until our kids went to school, that is.
You should hear the gasps when the other mothers find out that we allow our children to drink soda and roller skate…without kneepads. I guess I should have had an inkling this was coming based on the looks I used to get when I’d put the kids’ binkys in my mouth to clean them off.
Excellent, excellent post!
Trish
May 21st, 2009 at 4:04 pmGET TEE-SHIRTS PRINTED?!? Are you KIDDING me? With all the toxins in the ink and the pesticides in the cotton those things are made of?!
SHEESH!
May 21st, 2009 at 4:07 pmHaven’t we evolved beyond dirt and grass? Aren’t we better than the animals which depend upon the filth and violence of the wild? The advancement of our humanism has only come to pass with the technology that allows us to seperate ourselves from the fauna that infest the outdoors. I, for one, am happy for my child to be protected from disease and dangers that are present. If we can protect the children and properly control their activities and thoughts, we will ensure a more enlightened future than what we experienced ourselves as children. I am surprised by some of the answers here.
May 21st, 2009 at 4:11 pmI’m glad you’ve said something. I have been expecting an all out war here soon, watching as the flaming sword of righteous parenting continued to burn brighter. Ugh. I hate that BS. Love your kids. Don’t kill them (intentionally). The rest is pretty much negotiable, no?
And really, people who live in glass houses … with glass furniture and glass front lawns … should be far less worried about paper cuts.
May 21st, 2009 at 4:31 pmSeriously? Someone said something about your children being tan? Good gracious. I think if we all stepped back a little and stopped looking at (and, consequently, judging) all the moms around us, our own kids might actually be a bit happier. If we’re spending so much time telling other moms what they’re doing is wrong and put that effort into what we’re doing with our own families, we might actually see some fruit there!
I was going to go into the whole Vitamin D deficiency thing (not that I know much about it), but Susie already got that.
I think it’s easy to look at any other mom on the planet and find something that you don’t agree with when she parents. But maybe, just maybe, that same mom is doing something we never thought of that would make our own kids happier?
May 21st, 2009 at 4:32 pmHuh. and here I thought your children were looking so healthy all tanned and happy.
May 21st, 2009 at 4:34 pmI’ll buy a shirt. And wear it around my MOTHER every time I see her. She absolutely thinks everything I do different than she did means I think she did it wrong.
When I was in 3rd grade a classmate fell off the monkey bars attempting a lemon drop. Broke both arms. For as long as I was at that school the monkey bars were then off limits. Whatever.
May 21st, 2009 at 4:37 pmAmen to everything you said, Chris. I’m no longer going to be afraid of being judged because I don’t make my kids wear helmets while biking. I’ve seen kids with helmets at the indoor roller rink, just skating in a circle! Are you kidding me? My kids climb trees too. I am kind of careful with sunscreen with the youngest one in the summer, but only because we live in Arizona, and she is WHITE. Not just white, but white blond hair, blue eyes, and very fair. Although even with the SPF 15, she still ends up with a tan every summer. My reasons are less than selfless though. I use the sunscreen on her not because I’m afraid of her getting skin cancer, but because sunburns hurt (I should know, I’ve had lots of them), and I don’t want to deal with the whining that would accompany said sunburn.
Quick story here: About every kid receiving a trophy for every sport they play, no matter how the teams does. When I was a kid, the team that won the league got a trophy, and maybe the runner up. That was it. Now, the kids get a trophy anytime they do anything. You know what I discovered? When you get those trophies no matter what,they don’t mean a damn thing. We are getting ready to move, and my 14 year-old had a whole closet shelf full of trophies, for everything from softball to soccer to bowling to Awana derby cars. I said, “What do you want to do with all these trophies?” She shrugged and said, “Throw them away.” Because they don’t mean a dang thing to her. If she had say, only two trophies from the two times her team won the championship, I’ll bet those would mean something to her and she would have wanted to keep them. When kids are rewarded or praised for every little single thing they do, the words cease to mean anything at all.
May 21st, 2009 at 4:38 pm*gets off soapbox*
Sorry.
Ditto, Chris.
You rock.
That’s all I got.
May 21st, 2009 at 4:39 pmWell, the doctor down the street likes to tell kids this doctor joke (and yes, he has kids of his own):
Q: What do doctors call people who don’t wear helmets?
A: Organ donors.
Haha, doctor humor. (You know, because often their bodies are totally intact, but the brain is dead/dying, voila, a perfect donor.)
May 21st, 2009 at 4:40 pmWhoo hoo!!! Well said Chris.
May 21st, 2009 at 4:50 pmMy sister and I were just having this same discussion. We live in such fear of something bad happening all of the time that we aren’t letting our kids live and enjoy their childhoods.
I also think that as moms we could be more effective if we supported one another rather than judge and criticize each other.
I learned early on not to watch my children at play, because then they would never get to do anything fun. I stay inside and keep my ear peeled for screams.
Although my daughter slammed her bike into a playground bench the other day and fell on the side of her head (and no, I wasn’t there to see it happen - sorry). The helmet cracked and she didn’t. So I’m a true believer as far as helmets go. Kneepads, etc? Not so much.
May 21st, 2009 at 4:57 pmThe day I read that other post, my first thought was, “Wow, look at how tan they’ve gotten” ~ NOT in a judgemental-way, but in an admiration-way. I never considered your kids not wearing bike helmets - we don’t even own any. (Hee hee. I was justifying myself and thanks to the backspace key, I just deleted what I typed.) Anyway, great post. But, can we fly back in time to last year’s hummus? That’s the post where I discovered you and I’d like to return to hummus if we may. That and margaritas. Of course I’m open to discovering a new dish for Summer ‘09. It’s up to you. It is your blog and all. Thank you.
May 21st, 2009 at 5:09 pmAmen Sister. If I parented the way my parents parented me, I’d get arrested and thrown in jail. I was so free to run around, roam the neighborhood on my bike, walk with my friends to the community pool, and play in the creek. We wouldn’t dream of letting our kids do this today. Why not? Is it really that much more dangerous? Something big is being lost by not giving our kids the ability to make their own mistakes and learn from them. I also think it was soooo much easier to be a mom back then. Let’s just all agree to go back to that now.
May 21st, 2009 at 5:10 pmSuch a fantastic post..thank you so much!!! I’m a young (ish) mom and that was so incredibly refreshing. It feels like it’s all worry worry worry now. Where’s the enjoyment? Thanks again! Your blog rocks!
May 21st, 2009 at 5:15 pmAmen to you! I think this applies to how we choose to educate our kids, too. I don’t care if you choose private school, public school or home school. And my choice for my kids has absolutely nothing to do with just about anybody who likes to comment and justify for or against me. Did that last sentence even make sense? Anyway, we all make what we think are the best choices for our families and they aren’t all the same and that’s perfectly OK! So there!
May 21st, 2009 at 5:15 pmExcellent. I love that you’ve been sharing pictures of your kids outside playing. They look happy and healthy. Check out Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv and this documentary, http://www.wfum.org/childrenplay/index.html.
May 21st, 2009 at 5:23 pmWow. Good stuff. Thanks for starting this conversation. I agree with you on the helmets around the neighborhood and sunscreen…. good Lord. But I would welcome your advice/thoughts on how to be more relaxed about kids playing in the front yard. It’s the pedophiles that get to me most…. probably the kidnapping too. Is it just me? How can I be more relaxed??
May 21st, 2009 at 5:27 pmFunny, i just posted how maybe we as a family need to cut down on the sports. Yesterday, my 7 year old did 1 hour gymnastics, 1.25 hours on the summer rec swim team then another hour with our year round swim team.
Oh, to just sit on that front lawn…
Loved your post. Loved it!
May 21st, 2009 at 5:36 pmFirst off, I love reading your blog. I also enjoyed this post, as I do agree that the restrictions being placed on kids today are out of control. Kids are going to fall, get scrapes, perhaps the occasional broken bone - and honestly, what doesn’t kill them makes them stronger. However…it is proven that wearing helmets prevent life threatening head injuries. Is it your choice as a parent? Absolutely. And I agree that you shouldn’t be judged for that choice. But it just seems to me that when an opportunity to prevent such serious injuries can be so easy, why not do it?
As a side note, a very sad story that probably could have been prevented…
http://capitalnews9.com/content/top_stories/472365/boy-dies-in-bicycle-accident/Default.aspx
May 21st, 2009 at 5:43 pmAmen sister!
I’d love to have a shirt that said that!
I saw a onsie once that said, “my mommie doesn’t want your parenting advice.” It was the coolest article of clothing I have ever seen in my life, hands down - but a shirt that says, “How I parent is not an indictment of your parenting. Nor is how you all parent an indictment of mine,” would also be pretty great.
May 21st, 2009 at 5:57 pmI also want to add that by being so over protective, we are not allowing our children to practice how to get along in possibly scary situations and practice using good judgement skills in those situations.
I have a fiend that won’t let her kid ride the bus because it is too dangerous. But this same kid was taken to the rifle range by her father to learn how to shoot a gum so she can protect herself. She is 11. So she doesn’t have the skills to navigate the school bus, but you expect her to use good judgement when handling a gun? The logic is so skewed.
May 21st, 2009 at 6:01 pmThere’s a school near me that is taking all the swings off the playground because one child jumped off and broke an arm. And because too many kids have walked in front of or beind the swings and been hit. NO swings on a playground? How is this good for anyone?
A neighbor of mine never, ever lets go of her 2.5 year old’s hand at the bus stop, which is at her house. It is not a busy street, but she says he will run up or down the driveway possibly, and fall. It is a 20% incline, after all. I have thought, so? So he runs and falls. Then what? Will he be scarred for life?
That said, I am a judgy judgerton myself, and I’m not that apologetic about it, frankly. I didn’t even notice the lack of helmets on your kids, and don’t have an opinion about it, but I do have an opinion about the little boy I see at school being picked up by his dad, put in the FRONT seat, without so much as a seatbelt, while his dad lights a cigarette and drives away. I think that with all we know today about smoking around kids, and car safety, air bags, etc. a five-year-old in the front seat with a smoker is a terrible idea, and this guy is hardly Father of the Year. Does this type of judging make me a bad person? If so, so be it.
May 21st, 2009 at 6:13 pmRight on sistah! I completely agree and want to thank you for having the guts to stay it out loud. When I lived in England one playground was taking the rubber mulch up and replacing it with regular mulch because they thought the rubber mulch gave the kids a false sense of safety. A friend of mine last night was yelling at her two young girls for running in the grass while watching her dad play a (casual) tennis match. I couldn’t figure out what the problem was because they weren’t making noise. I asked her and she said “you don’t understand how accident prone she is”. In my eyes, accidents happen and you keep on moving. Like you said, stupid accidents can happen in completely unexpected places. My 2 yr old fell badly down our two steps into the backyard. Should I forbid her from walking into our own backyard to play anymore? No. That’s part of being a 2 yr old! Thank you for being a sensible mom and role-model.
May 21st, 2009 at 6:30 pmAll I notice is that your kids look happy and healthy. I don’t care what you’re doing or not doing as a parent, that’s your business. Obviously you’re doing something right.
I am another reader who commented on your kids tans. Not because of sunscreen (I never mentioned it and never would), but because I am jealous that they’re that dark this early in the year.
I get it…my siblings and I all tan easily because of our mixed heritage (Native American/Mediterranean). We never use(d) sunscreen because we never burn(ed). We played outside pretty much all day in the summer, every day weather permitting.
May 21st, 2009 at 6:45 pmWOW!! Just read almost all the comments and have to add my experience.
May 21st, 2009 at 7:02 pmMy daughter has broken her arm 3 times in 3 years. The first was falling off a jungle gym, a normal kid injury.
The next was WALKING outside and tripping over a tree root.The last time was falling after doing a handstand INSIDE ON A CARPETED FLOOR!
Point is…accidents happen. Anywhere. When you least expect it. Of course, you can take precautions for some, but you can’t protect your kids all the time. And that’s ok.
And, in case anyone’s wondering, we did get our DD scanned,and checked out in every way possible. The docs all chalk the 3 breaks up to bad luck!!
Amen!!! They are your children, and you are the one raising them. It is no one’s business how you raise them. If you don’t like the way she raises her children, don’t read her blog. It’s really none of your business anyway. I don’t remember her asking for parental advice.
May 21st, 2009 at 7:03 pmBy the way Chris, cute kiddos!
considering I know 7…7 people with severe Vitamin D deficiency… (and seriously, I don’t know that many people..) I think a little sun never hurt ANYONE. Somehow I lived to 40, being driven in my Mom’s army green 72 Mercury with no seat belt, eating a full fat ice cream artificially flavored strawberry, barefoot with scrapes and mud between my toes, trying to keep my (gasp) newly adopted (horror) unpapered MUTT from eating it.
Those my friends are memories… I never even knew what Sesame Street was, as we weren’t allowed to turn the TV on until after 6 and (SHOCK OF SHOCKS) I was IN BED at 7 pm. NO MATTER WHAT.
I shake my head at what we are raising now.
May 21st, 2009 at 7:08 pmYes.
And I am secretly proud of my kid’s tan lines in the summer (and he wears sunscreen. But only secretly.
May 21st, 2009 at 7:20 pmI’m on both sides of the fence, I suppose. Well, let’s say that I appreciate and understand both sides.
It makes me sad that we are so paranoid nowadays about childhood and its potential threats. However, I do play into some of it but not all of it.
I had quite a few friends tell me they couldn’t believe I let my kids run free (with other friends) on a recent Disney cruise we took. *shrugs* Maybe not the smartest decision, but this is the kind of thing I bend on. My kids are responsible and mature, and I guess I just hoped for the best. I also (probably stupidly) assumed that pedophiles aren’t going to pay $7k and up simply to stalk children when they can do it at a playground for free. Also? Seemed everyone on the cruise was with family members and just minding their own business. Not a lot of drinking going on or any of that stuff. Maybe I just lucked out, though. Who knows.
With head injuries/helmets, it’s a different thing. I have a brother who is severely disabled (13 years now) from a traumatic brain injury - he was a pedestrian hit by a car. I live in fear that my kids could suffer the same fate. Before his accident, I didn’t think helmets were all that important. Now, I don’t let them ride without them. It’s only because I’ve seen the potential of what could happen that I’ve become paranoid. Still, I do wish my daughter could feel the wind in her hair… just jumping on her bike and riding away!
Neither of my kids have ever had a sunburn, but it’s not because I’m always so vigilant. My son has gone without sunscreen and never, ever burns. It’s easier for me to forget about getting it on him - admittedly. My daughter is fair skinned, so I guess I’ve always kept her slathered up enough. All sorts of cancer runs in my family like crazy, so I hate to take too many chances. However, just because I am pretty careful with my kids’ sunscreen doesn’t mean I pay any attention to anyone else’s kids. It’s not my business. Same with helmets — I didn’t even notice your kids weren’t wearing them. I just thought how carefree and sweet they looked.
I’m not into judging like that. The times I have, it’s come back to bite me in the ass. None of us is perfect. We all do the best with what we have - right?
May 21st, 2009 at 7:20 pmI wouldn’t tell you what to do with your kids, but I’m all for education the masses about the benefits of using resources available to protect their children. I mean, a lot of commenters openly mocked those who were concerned about helmets, showing a real lack of thought about the issue.
My kids do use helmet every time. I couldn’t live with myself if they suffered a brain injury that I could have easily prevented, and I know from personal experience that statistics mean exactly zip when it’s someone you know.
I am one of those ridiculous people who started them with helmets as toddlers on trikes. Not out of fear, but so that it would become second nature, just like putting on a seat belt. My kids don’t think twice about helmets. And it doesn’t stop them from having fun or doing things. (I can just imagine: “I want to go play with Cameron but I’m just going to pick my belly button lint because it’s just no fun with my helmet.” Um, no.) It makes life easier. I don’t have to listen to the endless bitching when I think one is especially necessary. Of course, Cameron doesn’t have to wear a helmet, so I am having to pull out the “different families” line more often.
(And, by the way, my kid is one of the losers with the sun shirt. It’s not about wrapping him in bubble wrap. It’s about making a responsible choice. I have skin cancer and, like me, he burns to a crisp. Quickly. He hates waiting for sunscreen. The shirt was his choice. My daughter does not wear one but submits to sunscreen before we head to the pool or beach.)
Anyway, to each her own. Y’all hopefully know the benefits and risks and make the best choice for your own families.
May 21st, 2009 at 7:32 pmI agree…, let them be kids, let them get dirty, let them ride their bikes on the gravel, let them swing to high on the swing. They are KIDS they need to explore and discover their world. They grow up to fast as it is, don’t hide them away in your home because you are scared they will get hurt. My son had his nose broken when he was 5 playing soccer (he was goalie) it hasnt hindered him in anyway shape or form. He sill plays soccer now he’s 10. He is also still the goalie. Oh and to the sunscreen only one of my kids ever has sun screen put on as he burns real fast. The others wear it maybe 2 or 3 times in summer, they rarely wear hats outside too..oh my goodness I need to be reported to the authorities I think..lol..
May 21st, 2009 at 7:33 pmYeeHa! Finally! Thank you… I have been half joking that the downfall of this country began w/seatbelts and bike helmets!!
May 21st, 2009 at 7:40 pmAmen.
May 21st, 2009 at 7:41 pmWell said.
Let ‘em have it.
Ditto.
All of the above.
Yesterday I notice a kid on a bike with training wheels with a helmet, and elbow and knee pads. The kid was school age. The mom was jogging beside him.
It’s nuts.
You said it well. I have a trampoline, a pool, scooters, skateboards and bikes. I’m looking for a pogo stick.
Our only emergency room visit was caused by my daughter running her finger on a mirror. She should have worn gloves I guess.
May 21st, 2009 at 7:43 pmOne more thing…
May 21st, 2009 at 7:46 pmYou were criticized for not using sunscreen? Ummm, aren’t your children 1/2 Italian? Mine are 1/4 and tan even with sunscreen. The only thing that stops them from tanning is 60 spf. I only use that when their eczema breaks out and I have to use steroid cream.
Give her a break people.
The other day I was thinking that I am a terrible mother. My 13 year old went out the door for school with no breakfast (he knows how to pour himself a bowl of cereal) and a cup of coffee.
May 21st, 2009 at 8:06 pmA Big AMEN !!! You go girl! I agree with you 100%
May 21st, 2009 at 8:14 pmOh yeah, and holy shit… last weekend while going out to dinner with some lovely non-judgemental mommy friends of mine, I was wearing a pair of really high wedge-espadrilles (really cute, bought on clearance at Nordstroms!) and fell. FLAT ON MY ASS in front of a LOT of people who were waiting at a cabstand in front of the restaurant. I fell. I wasn’t even wearing a helmet. AMAZING that I LIVED! Can you believe that it’s not required to wear a helmet when wearing 5 inch shoes??? But I did rip open the knee of my jeans, which sucked. And I was certainly embarassed. However! I am alive to tell the tale!
May 21st, 2009 at 8:16 pmYES!!!! for the record, my son fell off his bike today while wearing a helmet. It did absolutely nothing for the huge red bruise that he is now sporting on his right thigh. How dare they make those damn roads hard! don’t they know that kids can fall?
May 21st, 2009 at 8:47 pmAnd the tanning comment made me laugh because when I saw your daughter’s photo, I just assumed she was Italian descent. I swear to God!
Wow a very loaded post with so much to think about. I definitely enjoyed it. I really think the comments about mom competition are on to something. I don’t have kids yet but I interact with a ton of young mothers because of my age and my God, it is a JUNGLE for you people. Now that I’m an adult, my mom has revealed to me some of things that she was made to feel inadequate about by other mothers when she was “in the trenches” and it is truly sad, especially because I know that my mother was totally amazing and of course totally flawed, just like 99% of mothers out there. Rock on mothers, with a thick skin for sure, and helmets and sunscreen if necessary.
May 21st, 2009 at 8:56 pmThe “mommy blog world” seems to add exponentially to the “mom competitiveness”. I have a love/hate relationship with the “super moms” who blog about their seemingly perfect lives. Grow asparagus crops from thrifted planters on their rooftops, feed a family for $50 a month, and find time in between raising kids and chasing chickens and concocting homemade antibiotics to work as a serial crafter/artist.
I digress…
But I appreciate your humor and your willingness to take risks (i.e. break the Mommy Blogger Commandment of “Though Shalt Not Admit Shortcomings or… Humanness”. In doing so, you really do show that you are a great mom, an admirable mom. I’m sure there are many, many things that you COULD blog about to “show off” even more, but you exercise restraint and dont’ go over the top with the self centeredness that I see on other blogs.
All of us have a tough load, some more than others. As long as we are striving to do our best and love our kids, we oughtn’t be threatened by the decisions of others.
May 21st, 2009 at 8:58 pmMy kids wear helmets — it has not had a negative impact on their desire to ride bikes or scooters. They also wear sunscreen because their mother had a skin cancer scare. I promise not to judge your parenting for skipping these things if you promise not to judge mine for insisting on these things.
Chris says: No judging here. I really don’t care what you do with your kids. And I mean that in the kindest way possible.
May 21st, 2009 at 9:05 pmWhatever, Chris. Everytime your child gets a suntan, Jesus kills a kitten AND THAT MAKES IT MY BUSINESS.
Chris says: This is by FAR my most favorite comment ever.
May 21st, 2009 at 9:13 pmWow! I thought kids were supposed to play…what happened? I pray that mine won’t play another video game or watch another episode of the Suite Life of Zack and Cody till the rainy season starts again in the fall. I encourage them (gasp!) to ride bikes, climb trees, play with the goats and dogs, explore the pond and ride our horses (ack!). In fact, they participate in junior rodeo! OMG! The helmets..depends…but my son split his chin wide open riding his bike WITH a helmet on…he has also broken his collar bone…had his cheek split open playing on a little league baseball team and my daughter broke her toe when a pony stepped on it! What was I thinking? We know the ER doctors and nurses, our pediatrician thinks the kids have most interesting files and above all else…my kids have a LOT of fun! We camp, hike, fish, play, climb, explore, imagine, ride and have a fun time doing it…memories are made this way. When other moms ask me how I can let them do it…I ask them how can I not? Bumps and bruises are a part of life.
So, thank you for sharing and for everyone else who is sharing in the comments…
May 21st, 2009 at 9:13 pmI completely agree with you. I am still thinking and fuming about why moms are in so much competition and judgmental of one another.
A little off the subject but I remember being criticized for not breast feeding (something I couldn’t do with my first). I had friends that had a problem with this and would let me know. . . HUH?
First child - “I’m sorry”.
Second child - I ignored comments
Third child - STFU
It took me that long to realize I am not “keeping up with Jones’” nor do I care to. I am my own person and a good mommy and guess what. . ..? My kids are pretty healthy and great.
May 21st, 2009 at 9:21 pmAnd They love to play outside as I push them out the door every day (even the two year old. . go for it!)
Oh, please, would you say it again…and again…and again.
And let’s DO get t-shirts!
This is life; everyone has different rules and different challenges and different joys!
May 21st, 2009 at 9:30 pmLack of sunscreen = skin cancer. It won’t show up until your child is an adult. Major problems. Just sayin’.
Chris says: For the record, I didn’t say that my children don’t wear sunscreen. Many of my children have dark skin. They tan quickly. They never burn. But that’s okay, continue to feel your self righteous indignation.
May 21st, 2009 at 9:45 pmI have had many a discussion with friends about this issue- just heard from a friend the other day that the fear of child abduction is actually higher than the actual rate of stranger abductions. There is going to be a new disorder in kids…. Kids that don’t know how to play. I mean really play. We are purposeful in raising our kids. We wanted a simply life for our kids. They took some lumber from my husband’s stash and built a platform in a tree and call it a tree house- now they have a perfectly constructed play structure- but they wanted a TREE HOUSE. Our 8 year old son did it on his own. Husband inspected it. It is 6 feet off the ground!! They play in it all day long. people that live on our road comment to us all the time on how happy our kids seem to be playing outside all day long. Why? We don’t own a game system. We don’t own a DVD player in our vehicle. They don’t have expensive tech toys! They have each other and a huge backyard! We have friends that won’t let their kids play in the “tree house” because they are afraid of a broken bone. WHAT?? But they play HOCKEY! and Wrestle and play football at 7 years of age? Are you kidding me? No protective gear is going to save your neck in those games.
May 21st, 2009 at 9:49 pmTHank you!
When I saw Miles on the bike without the helmet I thought… brace yourself Chris for the onslaught of comments!
We go without helmets for our neighborhood rides. We do not slather in sunscreen unless we’ll be on the water all afternoon either.
Sheesh. Sounds like we’re all coming out of the closet!
I’d say amen too, except that I’m athiest,or is that secular humanist these days?
May 21st, 2009 at 9:52 pmI may be repeating what someone else already said, but I haven’t read all the comments yet so forgive me. AMEN. I wish I could do caps lock bigger to really tell you how AMEN I am about it.
My father-in-law, bless his heart, is a wonderful man but I have heard him say SO MANY times, “careful, don’t run, careful, you might fall” when my kids are visiting. And running. In their YARD. They’re not running outside the handrails on a bridge, they’re not running along the edge of a sheer drop, they’re running on grass. My kids are somewhat clumsy, odds are good that yes, they will eventually fall while running around, but 99% of the time they don’t even react if we don’t. The other 1%? We bust out the band-aids.
I’m all for safety but good lord, kids need to be KIDS and play and run and have fun. I read about schools banning tag or banning recess altogether and wonder why people are shocked at the lack of decent fitness levels these days.
I’m careful to a point, but I still let them enjoy themselves and it makes me crazy to be judged because I let my kids do things that another parent may not allow for them. I don’t get it.
Thank you for this.
(Also, I HEAR you on the tan thing. I got lectured by a mother that I had just met at the park one day last summer. She went on and on and on about how my kids were too tanned and I needed to be more careful with sunscreen and blablabla. When she finally finished blowing out all her steam I informed her that I put sunscreen on them daily in the summer, but their father is BLACK and so it’s pretty difficult to tell their genetic makeup to please stay pale so they can appear safe and healthy. She was pretty embarrassed.)
Chris says: Okay, your last paragraph just made me laugh out loud. Too funny.
May 21st, 2009 at 9:54 pmGo, Chris, Go!! I’ve often wished I could write a reply to some of your commenters but did not want to start a flame war. But enough is enough, no one who reads your blog, except perhaps your dear hubby, has a right to tell you how to raise and entertain your children. It seems to me you do a fine job. And the Texas tans looks great.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:00 pmI am all for mothers not judging eachother– or, if they must, to keep that judgment to themselves.
For me, bike helmets are an essential, but not knee pads, etc. So what? My reasoning (that a broken knee can be fixed, a broken head not-so-much) is my reasoning, and it effects only me and the children I’m responsible for. I don’t need pious mothers on one end telling me that I’m not caring my children’s well-being enough, or on the other end that I am being too strict and stifling.
My thought process is: You parent your kids you way, I’ll parent my kids mine. I figure it’s a healthy one.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:07 pmI totally agree that some families are WAY to overprotective. I hate the articles that say kids should not play outside from 10-2 or 10-4 to avoid the most sun. Hello?!? Obesity kills tons of people, skin cancer while awful is a much smaller problem.
Of course, there are lines for each family to draw. I think traumatic brain injuries scare the freak out of me. The thought of my “normal” kid not being able to walk or talk or understand things, is too scary - he’ll wear a helmet. I put sunscreen on him because I put it on my quickly burning skin. He however, inherited his dad’s nicely tanning skin and has a dark tan despite my efforts. I let him climb high on the playground, jump on trampolines, eat food that falls on the floor and *shh* but when he was little I let him sleep in my bed. We are all trying to make the best choices for our families.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:14 pmWell said.
I took the parenting style quiz you posted the other day and was considered a Sgt Mom. I thought that was kind of funny because I have had several people tell me how strict I am with my son. It’s not the helmets, or sunscreen or any of that fun stuff. It is the fact that I don’t let him have a ton of soda, candy, etc. I also feel the need to yell at him often for standards other people are trying to impose on me.
This post has really made me think of the things that I get on my son for just because of what other people think or say to me. Next time, I will think more about it before hauling off and yelling at him.
Thanks for being such a good momma and blogging about your life! I love it because it can spark debates here in the comments as well as within myself.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:14 pmLife is about experiencing the world and having meaningful relationships….and without a shred of doubt Chris provides countless beautiful experiences for all of her children day after day. It is no ones business whether her children do or do not wear helmets (I feel stupid even writing that!). I feel grateful that she chooses to write this blog and I would never feel that I know any more than a sliver of her family’s life. I am so appalled every time I hear people giving their unsolicited advice and passing judgement on a person who is so obviously a loving and capable mother.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:16 pmI’m with Sarah–I don’t buy it, and what’s more, I don’t get it. Yes, there are too many rules these days, yes, mothers judge each other too much, but I don’t understand the disdain for simple safety measures like sunscreen and helmets. I mean, fine, don’t do them for your kids if you don’t want to, but why act like everyone else is a jackass because they don’t agree with you?
Chris says: Uh, nowhere did I say anyone was a jackass for not agreeing with me. In fact, I think maybe you missed the whole point of my post.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:29 pmAmen. My 6 year old just broke his arm falling out of the tree in our front yard. I had to tell him not to climb THAT tree anymore. Because it’s a scrawny little thing.
My kids wear helmets on their bikes, but no pads. They stay outside all day long, often without me outside to hover over them like a hawk. (Gasp!) The older one(s) look out for the little one. (My kids are 6, 5, 5, and 20 months.
We have a teeter totter in our yard. Not just a teeter totter, but a teeter TWIRL! The thing goes up and down AND spins.
We use sunscreen, because my children are very fair, and burn easily. But they tan because I don’t use SPF 70.
I do have to keep an eye out for bears, though…
May 21st, 2009 at 10:41 pmChris,
Thank you for writing this post. My kids only wear helmets when they are riding in areas with high traffic,otherwise they usually dont,my son the goofball though will wear his just walking around the yard. 2 of my kids are GASP!!!! TAN. its called genetics and their mother(me) tans VERY easily also…my 3rd child has the skin of his father and is very white. They all 3 wear sunblock at the pool every single day and 2 of them just tan while the 3rd doesnt,but if they arent at the pool,lake,waterpark type places they generally arent going to have sunscreen on, i just dont think about it. I never wore it growing up as a kid and also never burned and I very very very rarely burn now.
The kids are happy and healthy and I think everyone should just keep their opinions to themselves, they arent raising your kids, just like you arent raising mine and what works for their kids might not work for mine.
Love the Site! Enjoy the Texas sun, I know we sure are!
May 21st, 2009 at 10:50 pmTiffany
Talk to a parent of a kid with a TBI and you may change your mind about the helmets.
Mountain biking up the canyon? Helmets are on. That’s common sense even my kids adhere to, on their own even.
I live at the base of a gorgeous mountain range. My fair skinned kids fish in beautiful streams,and hike these natural wonders we live in the shadow of. They golf, and play soccer and baseball.
All with sunscreen on.
While my husband grew up in a world where his parents could drop him off in the mountains to camp with friends for the weekend, my kids are growing up in a world where camping with friends includes a parent to supervise. There’s a lot worse than bears up there these days.
You can be smart without being extreme…on either end of the issue.
I think as you get older you start moving in the realm of not giving a damn about what others think of your parenting. Your kids get to be 22 (whoa!) and are excelling in college with a bright future ahead of them, and you start to think that you must have done something right.
Even if you couldn’t afford organic milk.
Then you have a kid with special needs that you spend your days trying to keep alive and you realize how NOT important all the crap you once thought so important really is.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:07 pmWe’ve lived in neighborhoods where there were lots of kids…and mine were either the only ones outside or the other kids only came out when parents saw my kids outside.
I actually had a parent come up to me yesterday when I picked up my son from school. There is a community park directly adjacent to the school and the many kids walk to the park to get picked up there rather than picking them up at the school. This mom felt the need to inform me that MY son was hitting her son with his backpack the ENTIRE walk to the park. She just thought I would want to know, because she would want to know if her kid was doing it. Doing what exactly is what puzzled me. Now, my 1st grader’s backpack was completely empty, the other kid supposedly doesn’t know my son but my son knew him by name even, and as it turns out there was another boy involved and the 3 of them were swinging their backpacks at each other the whole way. (yes here little princess…I mean prince…was horsing around too) In other words- they were being 6 year old boys and having fun with no malicious intent whatsoever. But this mom felt the need to tell me how inappropriate my son was being, as she watched her son walk the entire .25 miles to the park- probably with binoculars, and a gps locating device.
So just maybe Chris, another reason kids stay inside is because it’s easier than having to deal with helicopter mom and her embarassing scenes.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:58 pmIn Ca. helmets are the law, for kids under 18.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:58 amMy granddaughter wanted to ride a bike around the block with my husband, her helmet was at home. I said “Papa she doesn’t have a brain bucket” He said he would pay the ticket if they got one. She said “Nana there is a bucket in the garage, should I get it?” LOL
Kris, please read this:
http://www.americanprofile.com/heroes/article/25661.html
It happened in my town, and now there’s not a parent within miles who would dream of letting their kid on a bike without a helmet any more than they would allow their child to ride in a car without a seat belt. Scrapes, bruises and even broken bones are temporary and tolerable; broken brains are not. Make your kids were helmets, every time.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:17 amMy sisters and I never wore a helmet or pads and we came out just fine. yeah we wrecked our bikes and fell off our roller blades but we cried got over it and did it again, its part of being a kid
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:05 amI just read an article about this non-issue on Slate.com. Of course now I can’t find it. At the time I thought I should write about it on my blog because Italian parents are hilarious with this. They haven’t caught on the sunscreen bandwagon but they are big on the no running. At the playground that’s all you hear: DON’T RUN OR YOU’LL GET HURT! Wha?
But I have no time to write about much at all lately, so thanks for taking care of that.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:05 amI saw the comment “Lack of sunscreen = skin cancer.” and your reply including “But that’s okay, continue to feel your self righteous indignation.”
I think you jumped the gun here on your reply. As a third party, I didn’t read it at all like a judgmental “you’re a bad parent for not using sunscreen” comment, just a matter-o’-fact statement. I’m sure that not everybody knows that skin cancer has a tendency to rear its ugly head later in life. Why not FYI everybody who reads the comments?
Otherwise, I couldn’t agree more with the article. I can’t believe how much “Melissa” three comments above missed the point. This entire society, not just moms, needs to desensitize to outside criticism. So much of society is in a constantly guarded state, expecting to have to defend themselves, and so when a comment comes along that could be perceived remotely as an insult, they spring. [/psych eval]
You know, I wore a helmet on and off when I was younger. I always wear one now. Except now, I’m on a motorcycle. My mom is smacking her forehead wondering where she went wrong. lol
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:32 amAnd oh, to Jen wayy above: My boyfriend is a doctor and we both make the organ donor joke. And we both are registered. Should be a prereq to get your moto license.
And I forgot to congratulate Chris on opening this can of worms. You go, mama. Your kids are amazingly cute. And gorgeously tan!
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:42 amAmen sister!
Here is my admission, my boys have BRUISES! Unsightly ones that come from who knows where. They run around bare foot outside and have even been known to play in the rain, on their little trikes with no safety gear in sight (in fact, we don’t own safety gear).
Thankfully ours is a pretty cool block so I don’t have to face much criticism in real life but online, heck all the time. Fortunately it is much easier to delete words if they’re online, trying to do that in person gets really messy and I think may even be a criminal act
On the subject of sunscreen, we need sun in order to need sunscreen.
I LOVE you for voicing your opinion so eloquently Chris so thanks.
Amy
May 22nd, 2009 at 5:25 amIn other words: “Live and let Live”
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:36 am(or maybe “Parent and let Parent”)
Chris– If there is one thing I can beg of you– tell people you have to do what feels right for them. I am pretty protective– job hazard I am a lawyer who has to see individuals injured in every way imaginable. Two summers ago I decided to shake off my paranoria and to let up on the reins. I wanted my kid’s summer to reckon back to the 70’s like the way I spent mine. This included allowing jumping on trampolines. Literally–10 seconds into my new philosphy I found myself giving CPR to my 5 year old. I was able to revive him and after some time in our local trauma unit, our prayers were answered and all was well. In that 10 seconds I let up on my good sense and still feel guilty. I had to endure lectures from doctors who spoke to me with the tone that I was an uneducated piece of white trash for letting my kid go anywhere near a trampoline. Now I know — although every kid in the neighborhood jumps– mine can only do it one at a time. I wish I would have followed my instincts. The mothering instincts within us allow us to know the limitations of our kids. I hate to see moms encourged ( I know you are not encouraging– but stating your opinion– but you know people follow your lead or you wouldn’t be sent on corporate junkets) by you to abandon some of their practices to be more carefree because Chris says so.
It boils down to a risk benefit analysis. What can you live with/without. I get your message and think most of it is right on point. To me — you know if your family has a collection of uncoordinated or unlucky individuals. Don’t abandon good sense if your kids do not have the finesse to run like we all used to.
M.
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:01 amHalleluiah!!
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:11 amYou said a mouthful, most importantly how I parent my child is my business, not yours or hers or Oprah’s.
I had a similiar experience as sherry, At a pool party a mom turned to me and said ” you don’t beleive in sunscreen ” I was too shocked to say much butlet her know my kids are 1/2 hispanic, that shut her up.
Love your post
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:26 amSo just this past weekend we met up with a couple and their kids (I had gone to highschool with the wife and hadn’t seen her in 14 yrs). When my husband mentioned that our kids sometimes like corn dogs, or fries, or chicken nuggets the mom quickly said “oh, so you’re one of THOSE parents”. I let it go, but it infuriates me. My 2 yr old also occasionally runs around in the backyard with panties and a t-shirt, or a dress with no panties. Hey, we are in potty training mode here. Well, when a neighbor of ours was over it was pretty clear they didn’t appreciate that sort of parenting.
I didn’t defend myself in either case, but I have in the past. It just gets too tiring!
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:44 amGO CHRIS and I think some of these comments made me laugh out loud.
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:44 amWhat you just expressed there is how I grew up. Taking risks, not wearing a helmet. Hell, I skated on the backyard pool in the middle of winter. Granted, I got in trouble for the latter, but it was fun nonetheless. I have scars on my knees from falling down, falling off my bike, skidding around. I had a great childhood and was very active. My parents supplied the perfect amount of guarded protection. So kudos to you telling people who mouth off about your parenting skills to get a life. I concur. It’s your business how you raise your children in this politically correct society. What’s next - the children’s playground will mirror that of a sanitarium with it’s white, padded walls?
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:04 amIt’s a shame that because you choose to put snippets of your life on the Internet that there are people who feel the need to criticize you for the way your family rolls … parenting is kind of like religion - who is really right?
I should take a picture of my 4.5 yr old and send it to you. He’s currently sporting an egg-like bump, scrape and a bruise on his forehead, a scraped shoulder, 2 skinned knees and a skinned shin - all happened in 3 different incidents over a few days. I’m proud of his battle scars. It either suggests he plays outside too much or he’s klutz. Either way - he’s a boy!
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:14 amChris, I was just having these same thoughts the other day
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:21 amat a homeschool park day- as I was basically letting my
wild and free daughter run “naked”- no sunscreen, no helmet
on the scooter she was borrowing, no sun hat- while the other moms reapplied SPF 70 every 15 minutes and forced water upon the kids for having red cheeks from the exercise.
My daughter had a drink from the water fountain- gasp!- oh
the germs! Childhood has become dangerous indeed.
Love your posts, thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
My dad once said that when he was growing up, they didn’t have a top 25 most dangerous toys list at Christmas, and therefore didn’t need to have Standards of Learning tests at school as the toys naturally weeded out the kids…
Great post Chris
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:28 amObviously I’m in the minority here. I’m all for personal freedoms and raising your children as you see fit. My 4 kids all run, jump, climb, play sports , have had stitches etc. One thing that is not negotiable - bike helmets. Work in an ER and you’ll agree. Helmets save lives and prevent devastating head injuries. Most bike accidents are low speed and close to home. My kids never complain about wearing theirs just like they always wear their seatbelts. Many years ago there was no helmet use in football, baseball or hockey - why now? Aren’t they inconvenient and uncomfortable? Why not embrace the safety improvements we have - that’s not the same as not letting your child run outside (hopefully not with scissors
)
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:28 amChris - I’ve been thinking about this post since I read it yesterday. And - I finally figured out why it stuck with me. I agree with you - I hate it when my dad tells the kids over and over to “be careful” - I never remember to put sunscreen on my kids and they climb trees. I guess I finally figured out that to me helmets are like seat belts - the non negotiable because the stakes and risks are too high. Soooo - when my neighbor kids come down the street on scooters and skateboards w/out helmets I cringe and say a prayer - BUT - I don’t say anything to their parents b/c it’s not my place - everyone parents differently and maybe her daugher’s such a fabulous free spirit b/c her mom doesn’t make her wear a helmet. I just hope she doesn’t hit her head and suffer a brain injury. I say the same prayer when my son climbs a tree.
Bad things happen - there are reasonable precautions - it’s that whole balance thing.
Enjoy your blog - you write really well and are a good story teller.
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:36 amChris,
I agree with your sentiments generally. I think childhood obesity fits into this discussion as well. Have we made it so difficult for children to get outdoor exercise b/c of very small probability risks (kidnapping, etc) that we actually shorten their life expectancy by inadvertently promoting heart disease which effects millions of Americans?
Summer
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:42 amI came back today to find like another 50 responses -
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:43 amI couldn’t read all of them all the way through - but I thought about this “good mother/bad mother” competition all evening - and you are right … I make choices, you make choices … we may not agree but isn’t diversity important too? I’m not looking to live the Stepford Wives and Children Sequel … are you? When my kids were young a conversation like that led me to wonder about myself - but I’m over that. In my experience Doc had it right ‘the little gems who are most protected are usually the biggest trouble’ and they grow up ill-equipped to field even the most basic issues without pulling out the cell phone and dialing Mommy. Helloooooo - as a nation what are we doing to our ‘Next Generation’????
You’re swamped with responses, but wanted to say I LOVED your post. I’m reading “The last child in the woods” right now about “nature deficit disorder”, and you should pick it up if you haven’t heard of it. I’ve had a few mom arguments for thinking it’s okay for my 6 year old to play on the front lawn without me.
Chris says: So many people have mentioned that book, I am adding it to my cart right now.
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:48 amKudos to you Chris, for having the guts to say what the rest of us are thinking!! Everytime I see a parent (wearing a helmut) bike riding around our block with their fully safety gear laden child in tow, I wonder how the heck my husband and I ever made it to adulthood. What with the no seat belts, car seats, helmuts or knee pads wearing parents we came from!
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:55 amWhen I was a kid, I not only rode my bike barefooted and bare headed, but I tied my jump rope to the handlebars and steered as if I had reins. My mother stood in the front yard and applauded.
When I was a kid, self-esteem was something that you earned by making decisions, taking some risks, and living with the consequences.
I know a family whose high school aged children are not allowed to use any power tools IN SHOP CLASS WITH A TEACHER’S INSTRUCTION because it is “too dangerous.” In this same family, the 12 year old boy does not know how to climb a tree.
I shake my head in wonder.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:10 amOkay, so I gave up trying to read all the comments but it amazes me how many completely missed the point of your post. Good grief.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:21 amWOW! you have struck a nerve with several:)
as i type this i a kid just went by on his skateboard with a shirt on his head, NOT A HELMET! holy cow!
i am one of those parents, like you! my kids ride their bikes with no helmet and i don’t put sunscreen on them. i made it as a kid and i am sure my kids will make it too. i think a lot of the reasons kids are so much more prone to accidents and other things is b/c the parents shelter them too much and don’t let them be kids.
my son broke his arm at CHURCH, yes at CHURCH. they were playing a game and oh my gosh, a girl landed on it wrong and he broke it. so should i not let him go to church now or do i need for him to wear protective gear there too?
great post! i agree with you 100%!
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:57 amGood Mums never go out of fashion! Apart from all the above, the trouble with bike helmets is that the figures don’t show that they work - helmet laws have stopped a lot of people cycling and have done nothing for head injury rates, see Robinson DL. No clear evidence from countries that have enforced the wearing of helmets. BMJ 2006;332: 722-5. http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/332/7543/722-a. It appears that helmets break easily, but don’t absorb the impact, see the engineers quoted at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bicycle_helmet. A broken helmet has simply failed. At my moderately advanced age it’s far too dangerous not to cycle - regular cycling, Danish style, not too far, not too fast, nearly halves the death rate, see http://archinte.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/abstract/160/11/1621 All-Cause Mortality Associated With Physical Activity During Leisure Time, Work, Sports, and Cycling to Work. Andersen et al, Arch Intern Med. 2000;160:1621-1628. Helmets have also strangled some young children who were wearing helmets while playing off their bicycles.
I no longer wear a helmet and haven’t pressed them on my children. I do check that their brakes work and that they have a good idea of the rules of the road.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:06 amLove the post!
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 amBRAVO!!!
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:44 amwell, I agree with everything you said and I lived it. My kids are now grown but I was the bad mom of the neighborhood…..my kids didn’t wear helmets, they were all sun tanned and spent their days at the pool and (oh horrors) they walked home from the pool. They survived…
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:58 amSpot on.
The message I take away from your post is this:
Be sensible but let your kids live life and be kids. Oh -people need to MYOB regarding my parenting
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:20 pmMy youngest daughters best friend died watching Sponge Bob on TV (freak accident). Seriously - you can wrap them in bubble wrap and bad stuff still will happen to them.
In Texas, the legislature is trying to pass a law to put kids in boosters until age 8 or 4 ft 9. A bit nuts.(i seriously hope this one just died in committee, as i think all open bills are now discarded)
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:21 pmI agree.
We literally chose the house we live in based on the fact that it would be a wonderful place for kids to grow up…outside. It’s a small community, with a creek and large yards (tiny houses, sniffle), and the neighborhood kids are always outside skateboarding and biking and rollerblading and WHATEVER. My husband and I both grew up with parents who shoved us outside and said “come back when you hear the dinner bell,” so it was a top priority of ours that our children be raised the same way.
So we live in the middle of freaking nowhere in southern California, and it takes us an hour to get anywhere or visit friends or whatever, but the exchange? I’m betting it’s going to be totally worth it. We looked at more suburban areas, it’s just…there were never any kids outside. Never. I want my kids to think that’s strange.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:25 pmlord,woman. I almost gave up commenting because I’m a lazy scroller. too many comments, too many opinions give me such a headache.
i’m all for the drinking while not watching your children parenting method.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:39 pmTotally agree with you. The word helmet never even crossed my mind when I saw your pictures (and if it had I never would have asked you about). I just saw your happy children on their cool bikes. I hope I can make my kids smile as much as yours do!
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:45 pmI think it’s funny that you wrote in your post about not caring about what other people did as parents and then everyone sort of went on and on and on about what they do and why, just to show that they are just like you and support you and I think half of them secretly have a crush on you and want to come live with you. I know, I’m snotty and obnoxious for even writing that and probably should not hit submit but I simply can’t help myself.
Chris says: Only half? Damn, I thought it was way more than that. Will have to rethink the group orgy I had in mind…
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:00 pmYou are an inspiration. Thanks for being real and reminding me to relax a bit!
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:22 pmChris this is my second and (don’t worry)last comment here, when I first saw your posts of your kids riding their bikes, I thought how much fun they are having and how great that Miles is riding without his training wheels, and I didn’t even notice that they didn’t have their helmets on! (Or that they are tan). I would never have thought of it had you not written this post, today I went back and saw the comments on your other post…I guess there are some people out there without anything better to do. I have my kids wear helmets, but I’m not busy looking around to see if other kids have theirs on or not…sheesh. Also I wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your blog, I read it every day. It doesn’t matter if there’s a new post or not!
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:38 pmHear, hear. Unfortunately, around here if you leave your kids in your car while you run into the QuikTrip or the bank and the cops roll up, they call DCFS on you and home visits are scheduled to see how else you neglect your kids (true story, happened to a friend of mine). Since that would involve keeping my house clean and all the knives picked up, I just bring them in with me. They have a whole lot more effect on my choices than what other moms say. This competition and judgement thing that’s so prevalent nowadays? It’s beyond crazy.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:57 pmWow. Did you hit a nerve or something? Lots of responses. It just reminded me of yesterday: I was shopping at Trader Joe’s with my cart full and my four-year-old son standing on the end of the cart. As I was browsing, a woman came up to me and told me I shouldn’t let him do that because her child ended up in the ER by doing the same thing. At first I was annoyed and tried to figure out why. I think it was the delivery. Give me the benefit of the doubt that I am a good mom, then if you must, give some advice. And if I don’t take it, keep on walking. As a friend says, life’s about choices, and we need to make our own and live with the consequences. By the way, I kept my hand on the cart the rest of the way - just in case.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:59 pmChris, I’ve long admired your ability to raise your family with at least what you portray on the internet to be a lot of grace and humor. And that’s not some lame preface to say that I disagree with this post. I agree that going “overboard” on safety precautions can hinder kids from ever wanting to do anything.
But. There are certain safety measures that should always be employed. Bikes on helmets (or rather, helmets on bikes) is one of them. My husband is a fantastic bike rider (road and mountain and has competed in numerous triathlons) and the worst injury he ever sustained on a bicycle - as a coordinated adult, nonetheless - was a zero mile an hour crash going over a curb. He flipped over the handlebars and suffered a concussion.
Assuming that someone won’t get hurt riding their bike “just” three houses down the street is about the same as assuming you won’t get in to a terrible car accident driving three blocks to the grocery store without wearing a seat belt. Shit happens. Most fatal car accidents are within 10 miles of someone’s house … and there are actually statistics that show living on a cul-de-sac is MORE dangerous than living on a through-fare street.
I hesitated even replying to this post because I don’t want to further stir the waters. But well, my fingers just started typing and there was no stopping them.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:59 pmI totally agree.
May 22nd, 2009 at 3:41 pmAs a mother of children in their twenties, I am amazed at how bad it’s gotten in the past ten years. Sadly, “rules” seem to prevail, while common sense and learning through experience seem to have been left behind. And it shows….
May 22nd, 2009 at 3:41 pmMelissa says :I’m with Sarah–I don’t buy it
What in the heck was Chris selling????????????
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:43 pmFor the most part, I agree with your post. I originally read this post and the comments yesterday, and while I couldn’t put my finger on it, something just didn’t sit right with me. Re-reading the comments today, I figured out what it was: how many parents said they don’t wear helmets or make their kids wear helmets because it “feels better” to ride without one. I mean, sex “feels better” without a condom- is that justification for risking exposure to STDs? I was also a little saddened by comments saying that the person or their children don’t wear helmets because they are “dorky”. I guess I just don’t get that- I’ve certainly never looked at a picture of Lance Armstrong in a helmet and thought “what a dork!”
May 22nd, 2009 at 5:08 pmChris, well said. Enough is enough. I read your post almost everyday and I enjoy seeing your kids being kids and having fun. The kids appear to be happy and enjoying life. You have also shown their not so happy side from time to time and yet they still appear to be happy. Fathom that! Accidents happen with and without protection. I try not smother, although I have been guilty of that. I am trying to let them be and learn from their mistakes. All I can do is guide - I cannot live their life for them. Amazing how much unsolicited instruction (not advice) was generated from a few pictures. Keep ‘em coming.
May 22nd, 2009 at 5:49 pmAmen, sista! I had a neighbor look at me like a deadbeat Mom when I told her that my 10 year old had a housekey to let her sister and herself in the house if I ever (which I never am) was late coming home from my part time job.
May 22nd, 2009 at 6:00 pmOK, there are so many comments here that I can’t imagine you would ever have time to read all the way down to mine, but I’ll leave a note anyway. I think parents today go overboard with the safety/overprotectiveness thing too, but I have to say, helmets for bike riding are non-negotiable in our household. (I’m not talking about biking three houses down, I mean for regular biking–any sort of distance.) Also, despite the helmet requirement, my kids aren’t obese.
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:23 pmI was hit by a car while riding several years ago. Not my fault. It happened in a second. I never saw it coming and never even had time to react. I flew over the handle bars spun in the air and landed head first on the street. My head whiplashed into the road cracking on the back, right above that little bump at the top of the vertebrae. My helmet split completely in two. Broken like an egg shell. (I later found out from the manufacturer that helmets are designed to fracture upon impact to release the force and divert it from your skull. The company wanted to check the helmet out for a performance evaluation so I sent it back to them for testing. (Giro) They returned it and even sent me a new one for free.) When I made it to the ER they treated me as if I had serious head injuries. Xrays, neck collar, back board etc… I had none. Nothing nada Not even a headache. . I had numerous abrasions and cracked ribs but no head trauma. I was released from the hospital a few hours later and walked out of the er.
So having said this. I don’t care if they look dorky. I don’t care if they’re hot. i don’t care if you don’t want your kids to wear one. I don’t care what anyone else thinks about them . I don’t care how stupid most of the people on this blog think they are. I will ALWAYS wear a bike helmet every time I ride and…. so will my children. I would not be here writing this rant if a bike helmet were not upon my head that day.
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:28 pmI assume by this time you’ve stopped reading the comments and enjoying your weekend, but I thought this was a great post. I was recently in Amsterdam and Copenhagen where everyone bikes everywhere all the time. To work, to school, to the store, in the middle of February. I saw one person in Copenhagen, steering his bike with one hand and CARRYING A CHAIR with his other hand.
And no, he was not wearing a helmet.
I’m an eco-nutcase, so I spent a lot of time thinking about why it is that people in those cities ride bikes all the time. I think part of it is the infrastructure … bike lanes EVERYWHERE. And part of it is societal. People don’t wear special clothes and helmets to bike, they just jump on their bike. And because so many people bike, the cars are aware that they have to watch out for bikers. As a consequence, it’s very safe. Apparently Amsterdam only has six bike related deaths per year.
But in the States, we all have to wear helmets and special outfits with reflective gear. So because that’s a hassle, everyone drives, even if it’s just down the street. Which ironically leads to more cars hitting bikes, and then leads to angry throngs of people on the internets castigating you for your parenting which is really no one else’s business.
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:32 pmChris, you have NO IDEA how much that response made my day. Screencapped, saved, appreciated.
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:12 pmWell, I am definitely late to this party! And I apologize for what I know is going to be a long comment, and I probably should just post it to my own blog, but now I am on a tear….I am very glad that you took the time to write about this subject as it is near and dear to my heart. I do find it fascinating that even in asking others not to judge, people feel judged. I also happen to feel as a blogger myself (not that anyone reads my blog…) it is an activity that invites comments. I read you pretty much every day that you post, and I often read the comments, and personally I did not think people were any more or less judgmental than usual. I think if we did not want people to comment, we would just keep a journal, we would not feel the need to blog.
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:21 pmAs far as this topic goes, although I 100% agree with everybody in regard to - let’s not be afraid of outdoor play, I do feel strongly that it takes a village. Some people are just annoying when they give advice, other people are awesome! I appreciate my friends who help me out with advice and concerns. Hey sometimes we do not know stuff. Personally I am a helmet person and not a big knee pad person. Why? Because head injuries are life altering and broken bones not so much. I am a sunscreen person. Why? Cause melanoma can kill you, and it is caused by continual exposure to the sun without protection and global warming has made our sun much more dangerous than it was even 10 years ago. OK - that’s me just saying what I think is basic stuff.
Also I had to laugh at everybody who said that they rode bikes without helmets and skied through the alps without helmets and sunburned every summer in the riveria, and they are all ok. Great. What about the people who did all those things and are either dead, in a coma or brain damaged? You may still make those choices, but it should not be because you are ok, it should be because you have determined that the risk/benefit analysis makes sense.
As far as the parent who is frightened of pedophiles and therefore cannot let her child play outside without constant supervision (I am assuming this is for a child not under 7 or thereabouts). Please check the statistics for child abduction etc….MOST children are abused or kidnapped by family members NOT strangers. In addition, if you follow the risk/benefit analysis for this, remind yourself that you are much more likely to kill your own child in your own car statistically than anything else you will ever chose to do, and obviously you are still going to drive your child places in a car so please let your children play outside without your constant hovering. It is ok. It is healthy. Teach them proper precautions etc…
Last and probably this will never be read, but I can live with that…sometimes what you think is just your own parenting choice actually has a big impact on our society. For example, one of the reasons helmet laws were enacted was not because of “purity of parenting” — these laws have been passed because they make economic sense. When you are sent to the ER because of a head injury, the actual dollar cost to society (never mind the actual suffering of the individual and family), is enormous. Your insurance alone does not cover the real long term cost of head injuries. So sometimes when it seems that our society has just become completely crazy on the subject of individual rights vs. the good of the people it is related to money, pure and simple. It is like smoking. When you smoke cigarettes, you cost your society a lot of money. It is not an individual right when it comes down to it. And just to keep everything interesting, when I was 21 years old, I just sat on a wall and a car crushed my leg, and I have been an amputee for over 25+ years - now I am 50 so hell. Shit happens. OK. Sorry. ‘nuf said. Thanks for putting it all out there for us to talk about!
I’m with Melissa, I guess? (Someone whose comment you replied to). I’m on the helmet bandwagon. I’ve had them wearing them since day one so that it’s second nature and we don’t have to argue. We live on a mountain in a rural area. There are still cars. No such thing as a cul de sac up here. As “country” as we are, all the neighborhood kids wear them, so none of them question it. But whatever, like you said, my parenting decisions have nothing to do with yours. But I truly feel a *disdain* from you regarding the comments. I think you’re a good mom, obviously, I read and mostly enjoy your blog. I guess I would have figured by now you know how this works, you post a picture and the crazies come out and point and stare, as Dooce says, saying “YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG”. You got so angry…that’s the part I don’t get. Yes, we survived. But really? the downfall of society coinciding with seatbelt and helmet laws? I don’t know. On one hand I think we are too overprotective. On the other hand, as far as safety measures like car seats and helmets, isn’t more knowledge better?
I just need you to know…I live with my parents. THey just got home and my 6yo greeted them, and they immediately asked “oh no what happened to your arm?! Why do you have a bandaid on?!” “I fell off my bike and scraped my arm.” “no! i guess we’re going to have to get you pads!” omg really?! no thanks! Just funny because it’s relevant to the conversation. I’m not that extreme! Again, all this blathering..I guess I missed the point of your post, could you explain? Because my problem with the recent posts is that I’ve felt a true disdain, like not only do you think helmets are stupid and pointless, but almost like you refuse to use them on principle. I’m sorry about my tone, if it comes out wrong. I’m just trying to see both sides.
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:44 pmThough I do have to wonder if all children are expected to be ghostly white nowadays. Is this the new standard of negligent parenting? Tan children?
Maybe if I made them stay inside and play video games more…
i have had over 20 cancerous growths removed from my skin (you know, like skin cancer) in the past 7 years….yes, over 20. most were bcc, a couple scc and one melanoma…i wish someone had bothered to put sunscreen on me…i wish i had.. skin cancer is easily preventable yet one of the fastest and most deadly cancers around. no, your kids don’t need to be pasty white or stay in all the time but i think using sunscreen is pretty easy to do and can prevent cancer.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:41 pmAMEN SISTAH………….
May 23rd, 2009 at 9:42 amChris,
May 23rd, 2009 at 12:23 pmYes, I second Last Child in the Woods; it is an eye-opening book! I think you’ll really enjoy it.
Amy
Amy, comment above me.. I read every word you wrote and agree .. Helmet laws are for a reason. Sadly, too many people find out too late that you don’t have to be going fast to get a head injury in a bike accident. It is the fall to the road (or against the car he hit for the 11 year old who died of his (helmet-less) head injury this week in Albany NY).. it’s just not worth the risk to me. But, if it’s worth it to you, I’m not judging.. My son had a bike injury when he was 12.. helmet cracked, serious concussion but no fatal skull fracture. Four months out of school, months of recovery.. but he’s alive. Neurosurgeons said without the helmet protection we’d have been planning a funeral, so we’re very grateful. Helmet company requested the helmet to see if it ‘performed as it was supposed to’.. Well, he’s alive and living a very active life now because of that helmet! If anyone makes a comment about his wearing a helmet, (at 16,he’s in the minority, sadly) he just says “I prefer to keep my brains on the inside of my skull”.. usually shuts them up.
That all being said, we all have to live with the choices we make for and about our kids.. What others do is not my problem.. or my business. It has been an interesting discussion on here!
May 23rd, 2009 at 3:33 pmhell to the yeah! Can I publish this on Blognosh? Love it!
May 24th, 2009 at 8:21 amI definitely worry about the culture of sheltering children too much. We do use helmets and sunscreen when we deem it appropriate. But I also take great pride in my son’s lack of video games skills especially since he loves exploring and he sports a great tan while doing so.
May 24th, 2009 at 12:12 pmYou know, this is good for your kids. It will help them later in life to be able to relate. So, when they’re in college and they meet someone who grew up in the projects, they can confidently say they understand where they’re coming from. Drug deals? Crime? That’s nothing! My mom? She let us ride our bikes with no helmets and go outside barefoot and without sunscreen! And on the really bad days, we went to bed without a bedtime story. It was rough, man, rough.
May 24th, 2009 at 3:15 pmI’m 100% pro-helmet. It doesn’t take the fun out of the ride. Unless you have told your kids that. And they will not see it as a lot of work. Unless you have told your kids that. We always kept the helmets hanging from the handlebars of the bikes. Grab the helmet, put it on and hop on the bike.
The same thing with sunscreen. Yes - we didn’t use it. But we didn’t know what the sun can do to you. It can kill you. Plus - on a vain note - a lot of my friends (me included) who weren’t spared from the sun when we were young have seriously damaged skin now. Not at all attractive.
How about letting kids smoke? Some people think it is fun. Not everyone gets cancer from it. Our mothers did it when they were pregnant with us. But - now we know better. So we should try to do better.
May 24th, 2009 at 3:40 pmMy goodness, Chris, I’ve been reading you since your big yellow house days, and I believe this is the first time I’ve disagreed with you. About the helmets, not about the sunscreen since I only apply it to one of my three children. Gotta love that Italian heritage. I still think we could be best friends if you were on my street though. I’d just be the mom screaming at her kid to put a helmet on.
May 24th, 2009 at 5:10 pmMy parenting moto is “Judge Not”. I live up to it as best I can. So, I shouldn’t even be posting. LOL
I agree with the premise behind this post, but I knew there was something that I did not agree with. It took me a while to put my finger on it. For the record, I choose to make helmet wearing while bike riding non-negotiable. Not an acceptable risk for me, and I don’t think it in any way slows down or hampers the kids’ ability to just take off on their bikes. Maybe that assumption is what bothered me about the post? Obviously, wearing a helmet is even close to being enough to make a kid sit inside and play video games, so I don’t buy that not bothering with helmets will increase our kids’ fitness. However, again, I do agree with (1) we can’t wrap our kids in bubble wrap and (2) parenting styles vary, and we should not be so judgy judgy.
May 24th, 2009 at 9:13 pmHelmets ARE a symptom of the problem in the U.S. being a auto dependent nation - having no infrastructure for safe/everyday biking. In many (not all) countries in Europe, the biking is part of everyday life. Cars are SECONDARY. The mentalility is different. In the Netherlands MANY people drive, but there is room made and given to bikers. Some of the biking drives me nuts. The girls (after school) ride side by side (as many as four) - and a car WAITS for the opportunity to go around. It only drives me nuts because of the mentality I had *learned* living in a car-nation. These are not bikes on highways (which too often have GOOD bike paths along the entire stretch of!) - but in neighborhoods, where people should be able to bike/walk, live - without worrying about a huge arse SUV plowing down the road. I for one am all for returning to a car-less society…
May 24th, 2009 at 9:22 pmI grew up roaming our little town wantonly, I still ride my bike without a helmet (downhill going 30mph), I wear sunscreen sometimes, and I broke every limb at least once as a child (and some more as an adult). I attract accidents, but I don’t mind. I have amazing childhood memories of climbing giant trees in the woods our parents didn’t know we were in. I also have scars on my hands, my forehead, my knee and shoulder, and some crooked fingers, but I truly don’t mind. They remind me that my body is being used for fun, memorable things. Sure, broken bones hurt and scrapes and bruises aren’t fun, but I believe that children are meant to be dirty and scraped up and allowed to run around and climb trees and do mischievous things in the yard and beyond.
Thank you for letting your kids be kids.
May 24th, 2009 at 10:27 pmAlready commented, but wanted to add that there is a running joke in our family about helmets. My kids were jumping on a trampoline one day and my mother gasped and said “maybe they should wear their helmets”. LOL. So now we tease her about it- kids going on the swingset, get the helmets. Kids playing tag, get the helmets. Kids playing kickball, get the helmets. All of which is particularly funny this woman used to let us as kids jump off the shed roof (13 feet up) into snow piles.
May 24th, 2009 at 10:32 pmWow! 292 comments! Is that a new record? And I read them all! I have always liked the way LLL started their meetings. (If what you hear at the meeting works for you, great. If not, just leave it at the meeting. You, the parent, are the expert on how to mother your child.) My kids wear helmets when biking and scootering in our quiet cul-de-sac. I make them wear hats and put on sunscreen and sun shirts when we go to the beach or pool. I am not perfect and sometimes we forget and we get too much sun exposure and burn. They climb trees all the time - with no helmets. They run without fear and they are not obese. We love playing outside and as with everything in life, it is all about balance. Reading all of the comments has made me even more determined to make my kids wear helmets and protect their heads. As for the sunscreen, the kids and I don’t really like using it but I think it is important for me and my fair skinned brood. One thing no one has mentioned is that some sunscreens are actually toxic. Be careful what you are putting on your skin. I have read that some of the chemicals in sunscreen products can actually cause cancer. That is why I like hats and staying out of the sun during prime sun time. No judgment here. Just trying to relay information to those who may be interested. Here is a helpful website: http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com/splash.php?URI=%2Findex.php Love the free range living ideas. NDD is a problem for a lot of kids today.
May 25th, 2009 at 12:56 amWow! How refreshing to read. I used to consider myself a fairly over-protective parent. Recently, my son turned 2, and I have been trying to loosen up a little bit. Let him watch Barney, run through the same puddle ten times in a row, etc. Anyway, a couple days ago I was at the small local grocery store right down the road from my house. My son was watching tv (Thomas,his favorite!) on the DVD in car, that I finally broke down & bought. I pulled up to store(2nd spot from door,btw) and told him that we had to turn the TV off and run in really quickly, and he yelled No Mommy, I want to watch choo-choo! So I said what the heck, i’ll run in and grab my couple of items. It was 4 pm at the time, and I locked my doors except for the driver door that doesn’t lock. Anyway, I run in and get my stuff, and I get to checkout approx 5 min later, and I see a police car pulled up, blocking my car in, with a 40-ish woman gesturing at the officer. I drop my stuff and run outside, and this woman has flagged a police officer down because she saw my son in his car seat through the windshield while she was loading her groceries. The officer tells me that I am under arrest for chid abuse and that DHS was going to come take my son and I would have to go to court to get him back. I called my husband and he was in disbelief and did not understand why they were trying to take me to jail. I have never been in legal trouble in my life!! So an hour and 3 more officers later, I get to leave with my son and go home. I felt shaken, but also a little violated. I feel like my parental and personal rights were overstepped. I was treated like a hard-core child abuser at the suburban neighborhood market 1 mile from my house. I really did not realize that what I did was so terrible, but maybe I am wrong? If I saw another Mom do something that made me uncomfortable, I would at least have the respect to confront her about it instead of doing what she did!I mean, I was 50 feet away for 5 minutes!
May 25th, 2009 at 2:16 amThanks for listening, just needed to vent and tell that story!
Also, the car was Running, just so anyone that reads this knows.
May 25th, 2009 at 2:17 amI had to laugh at your post, because yes, tanned children are a sign of low social class where we live! The educated professionals are sunscreen and sun protection mad. But rightly so in my opinion, having spent most of my childhood living on the equator and getting burnt; what the hell were my parents thinking?! I am a walking skin cancer time bomb, just like my husband. Even with my Italian father and dark skin I should add.
But I do agree with your sentiment Chris, however I don’t think basic safety measures (sunscreen, helmets, trampoline nets) ruin anyone’s fun. Or maybe I’m kidding myself; either way I don’t care since they’re completely non-negotiable - along with twice a day teeth brushing and respectful conversation (which is about it in our house).
Our parents worked with the safety knowledge, or lack of it, that they had at the time, just as we do now. The risks have simply changed. My parents were electrical socket mad when my eldest was born, but they’re so safe now that there’s usually no need to worry. Now we happen to know how damaging the sun is as time has shown us.
Like you, I think balance is critical. My kids play outside all the time, whatever the weather and time of day (so midday is fine) BUT they must wear a hat, t-shirt and sunscreen. They don’t think twice about it to be honest; we have the once a day sunscreen that is part of the morning getting dressed routine for all of us during the Summer months. And if anyone complains (rarely), I can always remind them of a life in poverty! Or yes, they could play on their Nintendo’s inside.
May 25th, 2009 at 8:38 amfor Lorie re: carseats
European law is a child need to be in a correct car seat until they are aged 11 or 135cms tall, whichever comes first. This is not whimsical stuff thought up by no-hopers high on crack, it is designed to save lives. I am gobsmacked that some people find this so hard to live with, assuming they are reasonably educated, which most blog readers presumably are.
May 25th, 2009 at 8:53 amThe thing that bothers me the most about how so many kids are raised today is that it’s mostly ‘cos parents must constantly live in fear of the neighbours anymore. Your kid has a scrape or a broken bone - we’ve all heard the horror stories of kids being taken away from their homes and families due to allegations of abuse.
And while, yes, child abuse is a horrible and is definitely something about which we should be vigilant, kids are supposed to fall down. We learn from those (usually) small scrapes.
As to those who comment about the dangers of sun exposure… You know, while that has been the propaganda party line for quite some time, there are significant dangers from avoidance of same — and there are studies out there now that actually indicate sun exposure may not be to blame for the more dangerous types of cancer. In fact, exposure to broad-spectrum UV can be beneficial to the immune system in fighting melanoma, which are usually not found in places one (hopefully) exposes to the sun.
So there’s that.
May 25th, 2009 at 3:08 pmi am a child-less, husband-less (and happy) 27 year old in new york. i grew up in the south, in suburbia. i grew up riding bikes barefoot. (my mom actually encouraged this, since you get more control that way when you back-peddle to break) i am the whitest girl you’ll ever see, and she slathered so much sunscreen on me i think we kept coppertone in business. i had to wear t-shirts at the pool. and i would burn anyway. (of course.) and people would stop us at the grocery store when i was still in elementary school and ask my mother how she could live with herself when her daughter got sun blisters. my mom said it was easy. i may be burnt, but she does her best to keep me safe, and she’s not going to make me miserable to keep other people happy.
my dad remarried a woman by whom i have two halfbrothers. they are both over six five, both in their teens, and neither are allowed to play sports. “it’s too dangerous.” they’re both overweight, both scared of their own bodies, neither comfortable in their own skin, and neither would know what to do with their free time if there weren’t safely-inside video games.
my dad remmarried AGAIN and this time it’s a girl close to my age. they’ve got a 2 year old. he runs around barefoot in the yard all the time. he got a nail stuck in his foot the other day. we took him to the doctor… got it removed… and first thing he did? run back outside. “time to play!” at least he won’t grow up fat and afraid.
May 26th, 2009 at 2:21 pmEuropean law may say that, Carmen - but it ain’t being practiced. I live in Europe and see, almost daily - babies in car seats in the front seat. Okay, maybe those parents are turning off the airbag control (are they?) Many (many!) 5 - 11 year old kids are riding in the front seat (no kid car seat.) I see kids ALL the time on parents laps in front seat - it amazes me, now witnessing it with my own eyes - how awesome/prefect we always think the other side of the fence has it/is doing it (whatever *it* is.)
I personally have NO issues with kids sitting in booster seats up until about 4th grade (depending on size…)
May 26th, 2009 at 2:22 pmElizabethk - I’m intrigued as to where you live since I have never seen a child on a parents lap in a car since I was a child back in the 70’s. But being honest, I’m not at all surprised people are doing it. In my experience most airbags will be turned off; new cars have a switch in the glove box which most of my friends have. Although I kept them in the back, as impractical as it was when they were screaming their head off or being sick etc!
My 7 and 9 year olds ride in the front seat without car seats on the car pooled school run, because they no longer need them (they are both substantially over 135cms), so it isn’t always a case of reckless parenting. It is only a recent thing where I will take them in the front though, when space requires it. Interestingly my 7 year old does usually use a booster, despite not requiring one by law. She likes being higher and says she feels safer. My eldest always found them restricting and was delighted to be rid.
But it is a matter of height (&weight) and not age. So the smallest children will still need them until they are 11.
May 27th, 2009 at 3:48 amThank you.
May 27th, 2009 at 7:33 amMy kids were asked to stop running on a path at an outdoor children’s garden.
May 27th, 2009 at 9:47 amSorry, but I don’t think making your kid wear a helmet will ruin anyone’s fun. Having your kid’s head split open on the pavement is definitely a downer, though.
May 28th, 2009 at 8:07 pmCee.. that was so succinct.. and so true! Split open skulls are definitely downers!
Amy Peterson.. I’ve left my kids in the car before.. not making a comment about that part,not really freaky about that.. but the car was running? You were gone for five minutes? Drivers door wasn’t locked?? Did it not occur to you that since the door wasn’t locked, someone could hop in and DRIVE AWAY???? Had a car stolen at a store near here when someone ran in for milk and left the car running. They were on the highway before the person even noticed that the car was gone. Luckily, all that was stolen was the car, no kids or animals in there.
Think.
I did stop leaving my kids in the car when Oprah had a show about things like this.. and she said “If you wouldn’t leave 100 in cash on the front seat and walk away, WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE YOUR KIDS?” That made me think!
May 30th, 2009 at 10:56 amlet me tell you this is the best thing i have read in quite a while. i think it all comes down to mom competition we all feel we have to prove we are the best ugh irritating!
May 31st, 2009 at 2:22 ammy kids are tan we live in CA it gets 110 degrees regularly and my kids swim like 3-4 hours a day, hello they wear sunscreen but they are kids who play outside what a novel idea!!!
AMEN SISTAH!
I don’t know if you read Free Range Kids or Mommy Myth Busters, but both of those blogs would be of interest to you.
I’ve long been a “bad mom” because I follow my instincts and not an anonymous first time idiot mom on a message board, or an “expert” that wrote a book even though he’s never had kids. I’m very well known as a horrible mom because my kids climb out the dog door to go outside or because I give them “real” food as babies instead of icky bland jarred foods. So God Bless You and All You Stand For! That’s what I blog about every day too!!
You rock!
June 2nd, 2009 at 12:37 pmI think that the pathological tendency that mothers have to justify all of their decisions is sad. I know that I’m guilty of it, and I’m not sure why. I’m fully confident that the decisions I have made for my sons will keep them safe and not result in them growing up to be serial killers.
June 2nd, 2009 at 1:13 pmGreat Post. I love it.
June 3rd, 2009 at 11:01 pmWe do what we know is the best for our children. We shouldn’t concern ourselves with how other parents parent their children. They do what they think is best for them. We can all learn from each other though but you take what is good and what fits for you.
I also agree let children be children but as a parent you know what boundaries you need for your own children. No one elses!
Again great post!
Heck, my kids ride their bikes in their swimsuits and we haven’t bought sunblock since we to Disney 2.5 years ago, LOL! We live in a very small subdivision and I do not see the point of helmets, kneepads, and what-not. Now, if we were going out on major roadways- like a highway (which wouldn’t be safe ANYWAY) then I would load up the safety paraphenelia. Kids need to be kids! You are so right! My children haven’t burned in forever, however. Maybe it is in our genetics?
June 8th, 2009 at 3:21 amWell said!! WOW! I have to agree totally with everything you said here, it’s so hard these days to parent without someone giving some sort of opinion about what you do and don’t do. I’ve been called an overprotective mother and equally one who gives my kids ”too much freedom”. So which is it? I guess the best thing to do is send them out to go where ever they want, wrapped in cotton wool and cling film with a friggin homeing beacon attatched to them and bodyguards. Guess I’ll have to get a second job to afford all that *sigh*
June 10th, 2009 at 4:55 pm