Um, ouch
July 6, 2009
I thought I would have more time before my daughter would leave me notes like this, just casually lying around the house.
There isn’t a space for this in the Baby Book, is there? First time your daughter tells you she hates you.
Though technically she doesn’t hate me. She does, however, “hat” me.
I found the notes and said, “Oh my goodness. You HAT me? Does that mean you want to buy me a HAT?”
“What? NOOOOOOOOO!!”
“But that’s what your note says: I hat you. I love hats!”
“Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”
She grabbed the note, tore it into little pieces, tossed it onto the floor, stomped on the pieces, and stormed out of the room. Such fury in a pint sized body.
I fear for those teenage years. And for when she learns to spell. That missing “e” takes some of the sting off.
Just what did I do that invoked such anger? I suggested that I might be better at touching up the polka dots on her pedicure.
I thought I had said:
“I’ll do your nails in a little bit. Just let me finish what I am doing.”
But apparently, according to her, what I really said was:
“You stink at doing nail polish. You are horrible and no good at it. And I am NEVER going to help you. Ever.” And then I kicked some puppies and stole some candy from babies.
We might need a translator to get us through puberty.
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I also have a note writer in the family (youngest)
I find it difficult sometimes to take because she is very expressive in her writing. I do however like that she does
let me know how she feels and it makes it eaiser to get to the bottom of issues. If she has been sent to her room she makes her notes into airplanes and sends them down the hall.
Write on dear daughters write on.
July 6th, 2009 at 11:58 amOMG, I love this! And, misery loves company. This stuff started around age 3 with my daughter. (She’s nearly 10 now and it hasn’t gotten any easier. But not any harder, either.)
When she was about your daughter’s age, I found a note on her bedroom door with MOM in a circle and a line through it.
She wasn’t exactly pleased when I doubled over in laughter and called my husband over to see.
July 6th, 2009 at 11:59 amYeah, I was very confused when people said to wait until my daughter is a teenager. Why, wait? At 7 yrs old she seems to be in full on hormone rage, sometimes. I like to think of her as advanced.
July 6th, 2009 at 12:08 pmroflol…..
July 6th, 2009 at 12:14 pmSorry. I know it stings, but at least you know she is normal.
July 6th, 2009 at 12:20 pmI waited to hear my first daughter utter those words, as every child does, and I think that after 28 years, I haven’t heard it yet. My younger daughter, however, rolled it off her tongue by two and half or three. No notes, though, from either of them.
July 6th, 2009 at 12:21 pmThat has to be the cutest thing I have ever seen…
July 6th, 2009 at 12:31 pmGather the pieces, put them in an envelope, and find the baby book. That’s hilarious.
July 6th, 2009 at 12:32 pmI am glad you got a picture before she tore it into all those tiny pieces ^^
Karen
July 6th, 2009 at 12:35 pmYeah, I’m with you. This morning, my five-year-old said, “Why are you ALWAYS MEAN? You are ruining my summer!” This, because I told her that no, she could not sit inside watching a Bob the Builder DVD when we got home, but that rather it was time to play outside since it is a lovely, sunny, perfect summer day (the first nice day in a week). Oh, the horror.
July 6th, 2009 at 12:42 pmOuch is right! The funny does help take the sting out. Thank god, right?
July 6th, 2009 at 12:46 pmAh, the sensitive drama queen! We have one of those at our house too. Makes life a roller coaster, so no dull times here. She was like that at 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . is now 11 and, she and I are both learning to take each other with a grain of salt. She hasn’t written me a nasty note in months. The last one she wrote and slipped under my bedroom door. Correct spelling only makes it harder to take!!
July 6th, 2009 at 12:46 pmI have a 10 year old girl…what I wouldn’t give for an “I Hat you ” note…
July 6th, 2009 at 12:57 pmI have two boys and one girl. They are all adults now. My daughter told me she hated me when she was four years old. We were at a park, taking her older brother to soccer practice. Her brothers never said I hate you! She is now 26 years old and we made it through the teen aged years! She was always Daddy’s little girl. (So of course she never said I hate you to him.)
July 6th, 2009 at 1:12 pmGood lord. I am NOT ready for that. Seriously.
July 6th, 2009 at 1:41 pmThe funniest note we ever got from our note writer said something like “Dear Dad- Please change the lightbulb in the kids bathroom. Both of them. I am tired of taking a shower in the dark”
July 6th, 2009 at 1:44 pmROTFLOL-
My question has nothing to do with this post, though I do have a seven year old daughter whose middle name is Sassy. Actually, it’s Faye, but I’m thinking of changing it legally to Sassy (or Mudge - short for Curmudgeon).
So, you have these seven beautiful children that I love to read about and it just occurred to me that you always refer to them by age, except for Miles. Perhaps this is something you cleared up before I started reading your blog (about six months ago maybe). Just thought I would ask if there is some secret to the other kids’ names.
July 6th, 2009 at 1:53 pmSomehow I think I took the word “hate” very seriously as a child. I actually don’t think I ever directed it to a person.
I found more evil ways to torture my family members.
Tammy, the paper airplane notes down the hallway is priceless!
July 6th, 2009 at 2:15 pmShe should be friends with my daughter… they can complain about their mothers together.
July 6th, 2009 at 2:22 pmMy oldest (9) still leaves notes around. When he was little he would tape them on his bedroom door. We would walk by and giggle and he would become furious all over again. Last month he drew an intricate comic book like note about how he and his 7 year brother managed to shatter the kitchen window from the inside of the house, and he wrote “I still love you Dad”. I thought we should still love him?
July 6th, 2009 at 2:27 pmFunny stuff!On a side note, your pics from the 4th are gorgeous!
Well, I lov you. If that makes you feel any better.
And your kids too! They are beautiful! And they usually look like they are having such a great time in your pictures. You are giving them a fantastic childhood.
July 6th, 2009 at 2:36 pmMy daughter hasn’t yet said the exact words, but she does tell me that she doesn’t love me and will wipe my kisses off her face.
July 6th, 2009 at 2:38 pmI was a note writer when I was younger and my mother definitely needed a translator when I hit puberty.
It’s one of my greatest regrets now that I’m older that I ever hurt my mother that way. What I wouldn’t give to take those notes back. She remembers them all, even the ones that were misspelled.
July 6th, 2009 at 2:41 pmI remember my older sister being punished and sent to her room. She “kidnapped” our younger sister (then 2 years old) and slipped a ransom note under her door!
July 6th, 2009 at 3:19 pmIt makes me feel so much better to see others have “mean girls”. I thought my daughter would like me til she was 11, but it’s been uphill since she was 3 and she’s almost 10 now. Do you think it’s the hormones in the food that makes them like this so young? For what it’s worth, I’m the meanest, worst mom in the whole world, just in case someone is trying to tell you that it’s you. Nope, that would be me.
July 6th, 2009 at 3:23 pmI remember being angry at my mom like that - everything seemed so IMPORTANT and JUSTIFIED when I was younger. And I was a pretty conservative kid! Although it really made me feel like crap when she cried. You will always have that as a weapon against her.
Until then, get her a hat.
July 6th, 2009 at 3:26 pmMy oldest daughter was a note writer. We used to live in a house with stairs and I would see the balled up notes bounce down the stairs. She’s 18 now and going to college in the fall. I guess email and facebook posts will take the place of the notes. She’s also the only one of my 3 daughters (age 14, 16, and 18) to ever say she hated me. I would like to say that she has gotten better (the years between 13 and 15 were the worst), but we have good days and bad days. She loves me, I don’t doubt this. She just is very explosive. At least she exploded for the most part on paper, lol.
July 6th, 2009 at 3:57 pmYou have no idea how much I needed that today.
Sorry to take so much pleasure in your family drama.
July 6th, 2009 at 4:06 pmFor what it’s worth, I’m finding the teen years (my girls are now 15 & 16) much easier in a lot of ways than the 6-10 years. Those were a lot of fun, but it was when we still had miscommunications, out-of-control emotions, etc. Those were the building blocks to now and I’m LOVING the teens.
Then again, there’s still time… lol.
July 6th, 2009 at 4:12 pmYou can just see the fury in the dot over that “i”…. (-:
July 6th, 2009 at 4:41 pmNow that is funny….It does hurt when they say they “hate” you though…I try to pretend that it doesn’t hurt my feelings, but it does.
July 6th, 2009 at 4:41 pmI would never have the guts to tell my parents something like that…why do our children think it is acceptable behavior?
Frustrating.
I’ve always loved your website, however lately it is just over the top fabulous. I need to remember to come here first thing every morning just to have a smile
I hope she’s recovered from the horrible toe nail painting show down!
July 6th, 2009 at 5:06 pmOh no, not the first “I hat you” note. And yes, there will probably be more.
Not to worry, though. The teen years are ever so much more fun! (I’m kidding, by the way. My daughter is 13 now, and they are not fun.)
Hee hee!
*hugs*
July 6th, 2009 at 5:09 pmToo funny. And I suggest you never let her know you blogged it, at least until she is something like 30 and has a little girl of her own.
July 6th, 2009 at 5:43 pmYou’re not making me feel ANY better.
July 6th, 2009 at 5:59 pmMy 3 yo told me last week “Yucky Mommy!!!!” before she slammed the door to the play room.
I keep hoping it will not get any worse before puberty hits. I think I might be a little delusional.
Am I naive to think I won’t allow my kids to use the word “hate” toward their parents? I ask this not in criticism….I realize I’m fairly new to the parenting game and I find myself doing/allowing things now that I thought I would never do. So maybe this goal of mine is too lofty (especially with a drama queen for a daughter), but if I dared ever use the word hate toward my parents, my backside would have paid dearly!
July 6th, 2009 at 6:50 pmThank you for sharing. I absolutely needed this! My most hilarious instance of daughter going ballistic for absolutely no understandable reason was when I asked her at the ripe age of about 15, “How was your day?” She went crazy and just shrieked that I was absolutely without question the world’s “nosiest” mother. How could I possible be so nosy as to ask her how her day was? I still absolutely crack up thinking about that. On the flip side, she still goes ballistic when she thinks I am somehow being mean and I honestly have NO CLUE what the heck I said or somehow insinuated? I love her dearly but she is now 20 and I am starting to panic at the thought of being a grandmother because goodness if she thinks I am interfering now when I just ask her mild questions, god knows what is going to happen when she has a baby. Gulp. “Mouth closed, purse open” — that is going to be my motto when I am a grandma or mother-in-law…
July 6th, 2009 at 6:55 pmMy 9 year olddaughter just posted a note on her door, “Please knock to come in ONLY if you care about me…”
July 6th, 2009 at 7:04 pmOuch.
ya my daughter is 7 and we have already started the door slaming, stomping up the stairs screaming “your ruined my life” stage…I was SURE I had a few more years… apparently not!!
Julia
July 6th, 2009 at 7:12 pm‘Hat’s off to you’ for keeping your cool, sorry I couldn’t resist just a little pun.
July 6th, 2009 at 7:12 pmThat whole thing about boys being easier to raise? mmmmhmmmm.
July 6th, 2009 at 7:17 pmThat’s about the same attitude my 8yo son copped when I said I didn’t want to play Life or Monopoly this afternoon, but I was open to another suggestion. Evidently because I didn’t want to play the 2 games we own that take the longest to set up and play it was the end of the free world as we know it. Do you think I could slip him some Midol? I thought by having boys we had avoided these PMS-like mood swings. I was sorely mistaken.
July 6th, 2009 at 7:28 pmMy youngest son (now 7) started about a year ago - when he began to read - to write me notes like this. Usually it is how he “rilly needs a better mom than me” and that I NEVER give him things and how “I don (don’t) take good enough care of him” He is adopted so I got a little worried about it the first few times, but then we had a talk about it and now, I write him notes whenever he goes off angry - and I know a note is coming! Usually mine say things like how I fell in love with his brown eyes when they put him in my arms and how the Judge made me promise to take care of him and that includes sometimes saying no! It doesn’t make him any happier at not getting whatever he wanted but, he has begun to realize that writing those things are hurtful and that I am not going to rise to the bait!
July 6th, 2009 at 7:48 pmI don’t have any babies of my own yet, but over the weekend a friend of mine was regaling me with stories of her kindergarten-bound little girl who has recently learned the phrase “You won’t be my mom anymore.” As in “You can either give me more ice cream or you won’t be my mom anymore. You’re going to have to decide.” I thought it was hilarious, though I suspect it won’t be so funny when I hear it from my own child.
July 6th, 2009 at 8:22 pmI have one of those letters, saved for when she’s older and I can torture her with how awful she could be to me. Although my note proclaims that I am “THE WURST MOMMY”. I believe my daughter called me a sausage. And, hey, I like sausage.
July 6th, 2009 at 8:23 pmMy eldest is 10. Can I PLEASE just skip the next 10 years? I can’t imagine that parenting a 20 year old is that much easier, but at least I’m no longer legally responsible for their well-being!!
July 6th, 2009 at 9:29 pmI think “I hat you” is kind of like scoring your third goal in hockey. You know a “hat trick” when every one throws their hats on the rink for you.
Not nice but maybe a good sign that your working hard as a parent and willing to take the crap to get the work done.
My little girl can barely say “DaDa” so I have at least a couple of months before I have to face that.
July 6th, 2009 at 9:34 pmI have the same note on my dresser. My six year old wrote it on the tiniest scrap of an old sticker and ran in the room and gave it to me about 3 months ago. I cannot even remember what I did to make him “hat” me but he was so mad! It’s priceless.
July 6th, 2009 at 10:13 pmMy daughter, just about the same age as yours, recently left a similarly scribbled blue magic marker note for her older brother that said, “I HALT YOU MIGUEL!” Like your daughter, her rage was only fueled by her brother’s amusement. Kind of nice they seem to have trouble spelling that word.
July 6th, 2009 at 10:41 pmI was told today by my eight year old that I’m a “little bit mean” “a lot of the time.”
July 6th, 2009 at 10:54 pmI too have one daughter in a family of boys. I believe I have received this very note or one similar and probably concerning nail polish as well. I am thankful, though, that my one girl appreciates nail polish!
July 6th, 2009 at 11:27 pmMy 5 year old works at the same little antique desk with an ink well hole. Except I put a little SpongeBob cup in it to hold his pencils. Not exactly staying true to the history of the desk, but eh.
July 7th, 2009 at 12:08 amo my - i just recieved one of these myself - from our 6 year old daughter - except mine had f**ck also written on it - kinda scribbled as an afterthought-( i hope? )( and, of course, I have NO idea where she could have learned that one…… ) ( just to twist that knife,apparently) . I honestly don’t remember what my dire offense was - maybe insisting on , I don’t know- BEDTIME? . I know there will be more - our oldest is 18 - but yikes! that first one is a zinger……
July 7th, 2009 at 12:11 amOh sweet lord…this is too hilarious and terrifying. Mine just turned two and she already has complete melt downs when I have the audacity to do things like not allow her to eat cheerios three times a day. Oh the horrors. Mean I am, MEAN.
She will shout “NO MOMMY!” and shove the food away, crossing her arms. Of course, then when I take the offending food away, she freaks out, because I took “MY FOOOD!” away. And she screams “NO MOMMY!” waving me away.
I can’t wait for her to turn 6, 12 and 16.
July 7th, 2009 at 12:27 amI went to Catholic elementary school and when I was 7 I told my teacher that I hated my brother, and she gave me a stern ass-chewing lecture on how hate is a BAD word and I should never use it. I never told my mother I hated her (and believe me, I did at times, way before I hit my teenage years) but only because we were a traditional Chinese family and I would’ve gotten smacked in the mouth for that.
Your daughter is so lucky to have a mom who can see some humor in the situation!
July 7th, 2009 at 1:47 amI continue to live in complete terror of having a daughter. My hat is off to you.
July 7th, 2009 at 8:26 amI cherish a “hate” note written by our 10 year old when she was about four. She hated me! I was mean! She also signed it “love Lizzy”
giggle
July 7th, 2009 at 8:36 amI found a note under my daughter’s bed (she was 11 at the time) that said “my mom is a bitch.” I left it on the kitchen table without saying a word and when she came in and saw it she said “oh, that wasn’t about you.” I was too amused to be mad. I guess she has another mom I don’t know about. And to people who think it’s only girls who say mean things, it’s not. My son just directs his rage at my husband, which I find extremely refreshing and delightful.
July 7th, 2009 at 8:38 amI win because I am the “Meaniest Mum in all of history!” according to my 7 year old son.
July 7th, 2009 at 8:47 amThat pretty little smiling girl in the 4th of July photo wrote this? Tisk Tisk!
I can’t remember being a 6 year old girl - but I remember being a teen - do you? Perhaps it will actually ease up by then.
How is Miles?
July 7th, 2009 at 9:06 amOMG I almost spit yogurt all over the computer at the “then I kicked some puppies and stole candy” part. I have 2 girls and so far I have been spared the random hate mail.
July 7th, 2009 at 9:47 amOur youngest was the “note-writer” in our family of four kids. His note that he was running away was to be truly heart-breaking as he was leaving forever. The best part, he signed it— “Love, Michael”
July 7th, 2009 at 10:13 amWhen my youngest was 8 he through a note at me and stormed out of the room. I opened it, “I hate you Mommy!” All because I made him go to bed on time - tsk, tsk - the nerve of me :o)
July 7th, 2009 at 11:30 amI have a note writer too. I used to think it was good until I let her have an e-mail account and she started writing others (mostly family because her e-mail account was restricted to only include family) to tell them how much she hated me. Nothing like getting calls from the family wondering what you have done now!
July 7th, 2009 at 3:05 pmMy standard response when one of the kids screams that is, “Good. I must be doing something right.” Then I call my mom and apologize for being such a brat when I was that age.
July 7th, 2009 at 5:05 pmSometimes, my daughter (now 4) has those “pissy” moments, where nothing I or her brother does is right in her eyes. I bite my tongue becuase I have those days too. *cough* PMS *cough* God help us the day the hormones really kick in…..
July 8th, 2009 at 10:04 amThe first time my son wrote me a hate letter he asked me how to spell the words!
July 8th, 2009 at 2:13 pmWow Chris, only a few hours ago my 5yr old daughter drew a little picture of me, wrote “Mum” underneath, followed by the letters COUMNK in her best five year old writing. She then scribbled out the picture and told me her writing said “Mum I hate you”. I share your pain. Actually, inside I laughed it off, empathized that she seemed really mad and encouraged her to tear it up and stomp all over it. She still was mad but then asked, “Can I go out to play?” I told her yes and she headed for the stairs. From the top she breezily called back to me, “I guess it didn’t say I hate you” and smiled. All I could do was smile back and say, “I love you too.” Do you think it will all sort itself out this easily a decade from now??? I live in hope. After seeing your post I wish now I’d taken a picture too…
July 8th, 2009 at 7:33 pmI share your pain. And humour at the note.
However when I first saw it I have to (sadly) declare that the English language rule called “magic E” came straight into my head. Do you call it that in the US? I only learnt it when eldest was at school, not as a child myself, but it is genius for spelling so I will share it in case it helps anyone.
In words like hat, cat, bat etc, the ‘a’ makes its phonetic sound. However in words such as ‘hate’ where the ‘a’ “says its name” (ie capital letter sound A) it is a magic E on the end of the word that does this. Thus a magic E on the end of words makes the ‘a’ say its name of ‘A’ (make/bake/cake etc). How brilliant is that?! Sad I know, but I was amazed when my 5 year old taught me it!
Chris says: The way that I have taught it to my kids is that the e is silent, but it kicks the vowel to make it say its name.
July 9th, 2009 at 7:40 amTo quote “The Word Factory” by Leap Frog…
July 9th, 2009 at 10:54 pm“Silent E makes the first vowel say it’s name…” Sing with me!
I only found your blog a few weeks ago and I am really enjoying it. This post was one of the funniest things I have ever read, my 6 year old daughter has done the same thing complete with “I hat you”. I agree, the missing ‘e’ does take the sting off;)
July 13th, 2009 at 6:15 am