We All Need Friends Like This
September 30, 2009
or a cozy for them.
One of the things on my Life List is to learn how to knit. It seems so relaxing. Although I know myself and I generally hate following directions which means that I will never be able to knit one of those cable sweaters, or a hat, or a scarf with a pattern. But that’s fine. I am simple.
Susan has been promising that she will teach me to knit. I am holding her to that in California next week. The following is an exchange that we had yesterday while I was shopping in Jo-Ann fabrics.
Me: What size knitting needles should I buy?
Me: Helllloooooo?
Me: Why are you not sitting around just waiting for me to text you so you can answer me back with these all important questions?
Twenty minutes later:
Her: NOT wee skinny ones. Helpful, yes?
Me: Too late I already bought some.
Her: What size did you get?
Me: 8 or 9 or something or other?
Me: More important: They are bamboo!
Her: I have bamboo needle — LOVE them.
Me: And I got this really soft organic cotton hand dyed “wool”
Her: Ooooooh, what are you going to make?
Me: I have to decide in advance?
Her: Uh, that is usually how it works.
Me: A square?
Her: Potholder.
Me: Hahahaha.
Me: It will be fine as long as I don’t try to pick up anything hot
Her: Right
Me: Or reach into the oven and catch it on fire.
Her: Washcloth
Me: My hand knit organic cotton washcloth
Me: I think that would make me an asshole
Her: You can feel all superior when you wash your face
Me: And you know I would
Her: It can be your lovey like babies have
Me: Oh I can use a lovey
Me: ooooooh, I know. A vibrator cozy.
Her: Hahahaha, perfect.
Me: THAT would make me feel superior.
Her: The gold and diamond encrusted vibe* needs a cozy
Me: Yes, yes it does. It DESERVES one
Me: As do I.
Me: I don’t think everyone has a handknit organic cotton vibe cozy
Her: Hahahahaha
Me: It would satisfy me in so many ways
Her: You could certainly feel superior about that
Me: You know I am blogging this
Me: I think all my friends and neighbors need to know about my handknit organic cotton vibe cozy
Me: A little window into my world
From here the conversation took a decidedly unbloggable turn. You can use your own imagination about taglines that would be great for marketing a vibe cozy.
Honestly, I don’t know what I am more excited about, finally learning how to knit or being able to tell people who ask that I am making a vibe cozy.
*This is from a recurring email that Susan gets about an $8K vibrator** that is made of gold and encrusted with diamonds. The last email refered to it as a “vibe” and we both agreed that we would have to work that into our vernacular as much as possible.
**For $8K it would have to take me out to dinner and whisper sweet nothings in my ear
RSS feed for comments on this post.
“handknit organic cotton vibe cozy” has got to be the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. I think you should make it, take pictures, and post them here.
September 30th, 2009 at 5:57 pmLOL. I love your blog so much.
September 30th, 2009 at 6:00 pmI can’t imagine why no one in my knitting group has made one of those yet…
September 30th, 2009 at 6:06 pmTake me out to dinner, whisper sweet nothings, shovel the driveway all winter, clean the gutters, walk the dog, file my taxes…. But stoopid vibrators can’t even mow the lawn, which is why God made husbands.
What colour is this really soft organic cotton hand dyed “wool?” That’s a very important point, y’know. Inquiring minds need to know.
September 30th, 2009 at 6:21 pmNow THIS is what I call a mommy blog! Great post!
September 30th, 2009 at 6:27 pmHahaha, somehow “diamond encrusted” does not sound too pleasant for that particular device!
September 30th, 2009 at 6:32 pmFor $8K it would also have to agree to send my children to college and care for my mother-in-law in her dotage. That must be one spectacular vibe…
September 30th, 2009 at 7:07 pmWhere are the pictures? I’d like a visual on this one!
September 30th, 2009 at 7:09 pmI asked Susan about the vibrator cozy (or koozie) (seriously, you can also spell it like that) and she ignored me. Hmm…I should have mentioned that I would need it to protect my $10,000 vibrator. Maybe then…
September 30th, 2009 at 7:10 pmThis post cracked me up, I can’t believe that there is an 8k vibe out there.
September 30th, 2009 at 7:10 pmI think you should tell everyone you are making it for your husband.
September 30th, 2009 at 7:40 pmWhy am I wasting my time knitting dishcloths?
September 30th, 2009 at 7:56 pmYet another reason for me to learn to knit.
September 30th, 2009 at 8:12 pmAwesome. I was going to start another scarf (can only knit in a straight line). That would feel so inadequate, though.
September 30th, 2009 at 9:04 pmOMG i spit at my computer screen laughing so hard. then i sent it to my husband to read. I have started crocheting again and am making a blanket. you know, something small and easy (heh). obviously, i should have asked you for suggestions first!!! oh my, thank you for the giggles
September 30th, 2009 at 9:53 pmDiamond encrusted? Really? Ick, I can’t imagine the person who thought, “wow I love this diamond necklace… You know where else I’d like to stick some diamonds?” and got the ball rolling on THAT campaign.
September 30th, 2009 at 10:21 pmknitting is awesome and i don’t ever follow directions either. which is why i write knitting patterns instead. silly, no?
September 30th, 2009 at 10:46 pmI have tears running down my cheeks. Of all the things I have knit - I have never knit one of those. I might have to now.
September 30th, 2009 at 11:17 pmGood luck with the knitting! Please post a pic…would love to see it!
September 30th, 2009 at 11:50 pmDude, you are the funniest blogger on the Net.
October 1st, 2009 at 1:01 amHahahahahaahahah….SOOO funny!
October 1st, 2009 at 1:08 amYou need to go and check out http://www.ravelry.com, think of it as the ultimate knitting community, somewhere to ask for advice, see what others are making, a pattern library and so much more…..
October 1st, 2009 at 1:15 amI guess if I had been knitting cozies for a vibe, then I wouldn’t have to have been knitting wool diaper covers!
October 1st, 2009 at 2:10 amYou could make it for the hubster as Heather suggested…it’s then called a willy warmer. A particular group of friends used to always ask if that was what I was knitting.
October 1st, 2009 at 3:46 amAnd why am I not on THAT spam list? They are at least targeting the right gender. ;-D
October 1st, 2009 at 7:04 amIt might also have to take out the trash without being asked, or am I expecting to much?
October 1st, 2009 at 8:01 amI have friends who knit “willie warmers” — perhaps you could make one of those — for those organic vibes.
Actually, I learned to knit about 4 years ago and never looked back. I hate patterns and yet, I make all sorts of complex and fabulous stuff (and yes, I’m bragging). Knitting rocks my world so much — so congrats and welcome to the addiction.
October 1st, 2009 at 8:09 amIf you do get into knitting, join ravelry (ravelry.com) and friend me please. They have tons of patterns and I bet since they have a pattern for a willy warmer that they also have a vibe cozy pattern too.
If you ever need yarn I sell hand dyed yarn on my etsy shop….just sayin.
October 1st, 2009 at 9:04 amYou two have got me cracking up out loud … at the office … and now the other people want to know what is so funny.
Hmmm - should I tell them the truth or let them wonder?
October 1st, 2009 at 9:25 amYou could make squares and feel all karmically good when people ask you what you are making- My knitting group every year makes lap afgans and donate them to the local veterans hospital in the holiday season.
Each blanket is made from 48 little squares.
Once you learn the basics, you can make a square by ‘casting on’ 26 stitches in a worsted weight acrylic (regular old red heart or something similar) on size 8 needles.
Knit back and forth for 50 rows.
bind off.
Now you have a square that is approximately 6″ x 6″.
So if you feel charitable, knit some up in red, white, or blue, and drop me an email. I’ll see if I can get you in touch with a group in your area doing this, or give you an address to mail them to for joining up.
October 1st, 2009 at 9:33 amOk, I was laughing so hard at this post and the following comments that my sick at home 11 year old came over to see what I was laughing at. I had to shut down the screen! Oh dear!
October 1st, 2009 at 9:51 amif you make it they will buy it. Knit click and sell
good luck
October 1st, 2009 at 11:35 amoh, cozies. Cozies are *fun*. Though *someone* refuses to let me make him one, no matter how much I offer.
Knitting is awesome. Patterns are useful, even the most basic ones; think of it as guidelines. I started knitting seven years ago. I’ve made three pairs of socks, one sweater, one pair of gloves (that I came up with on my own with some instructions from a mag), and a zillion hats. I am the crazy hat lady. I’m often described as ‘the girl who wears the hat.’
Good luck!
October 1st, 2009 at 12:05 pmThis:
October 1st, 2009 at 12:23 pmhttp://www.amazon.com/Teach-Yourself-VISUALLY-Knitting-Consumer/dp/047052832X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254414055&sr=8-2
is actually a really great beginning knitting book. The crochet one is good, too.
It must be the new Jimmy Jane vibrator.
That thing deserves a cozy, fer shur.
October 1st, 2009 at 1:12 pmOh dear. I can just picture career day at school.
October 1st, 2009 at 2:14 pmIt probably should mop the floors and do the laundry too.
October 1st, 2009 at 2:32 pmYou are so stinking funny. You should totally knit one AND tell people what you are knitting! Now that would be a conversation starter!
October 1st, 2009 at 3:41 pmI agree with the others about joining ravelry.com. They have tons info there. I learned to knit about 3 years ago and I’m just now making my first baby blanket. Wanted it to be an afghan, but I’m just not that ambitious. lol
October 1st, 2009 at 3:54 pmLOL Thanks for the laugh. I’ll have to remember this next time I’m looking for a knitting project.
October 1st, 2009 at 4:40 pmHee.
Knitting is so fun and a great stress reliever, I’ve found. (by the way, I have a million hand knit washcloths, I love them even if they do make me seem like the world’s oldest 30 year old)
October 2nd, 2009 at 12:11 pmDiamonds and gold?
October 4th, 2009 at 4:34 pmMan!…. plastic works just fine!
I do need to get a vibe cozy though.
Thinking I should quilt one for all my closest friends :0)
Happy Knitting
For 8K it would have to always tell me I am right.
October 4th, 2009 at 8:37 pm(Obviously)
And I was wondering…if you would knit one for me. I can’t knit.