In Which I Make Fun of Myself
November 16, 2009
Things you should notice in this photo:
1) The SCRUNCHIE worn on my wrist like a bracelet.
2) The Flashdance look of my shirt hanging off my shoulder. Because nothing says SEXAY like a woman one day post-partum
3) The white couch I am sitting on that I purchased while pregnant, further evidence that pregnant women are insane
4) Not only is my baby is escaping his swaddling, the bottoms of his feet are still dyed from having his footprints done. I couldn’t bear for the nurses to wash him and MAKE HIM CRY. Ha.
I very clearly remember this day. I was at my mother’s house and my baby was about a few weeks old. I wanted her to take a photo of me and the baby. She was really annoying me with her inability to focus the completely automatic camera. This was in the days before digital cameras so I had NO IDEA until I went to the mall and dropped them off at the one hour photo place that this would be the best of the bunch. What? Wouldn’t you want this on your desk at work?
Things to notice in this photo:
1) I was chaneling Crystal Gayle or perhaps Rapunzel.
2) I am making my 4 week old baby, who still lacks any control of his neck muscles, stand up.
3) Stand up while wearing tiny white shoes WITH BELLS ON THEM. Why bells? Well, in case he tries to run off somewhere.
4) Why would he try to run off? Because his mother has dressed him in a quilted velour outfit, clearly she is not mentally stable.
Just look at his little baby face. If he could talk you know he would be saying, “Duuuude, I am not toy!”
And I would have whispered back, “Oh yes you are.”
I wish I could find the photos from when I was pregnant with him. Back in the days before GAP, or Old Navy or any normal clothing manufacturer made maternity clothes. I shudder at some of the things I wore. Jumpers? Big Peter Pan collars? One piece jumpsuits? I remember I had one made of denim with pearlized buttons all down the front. We all know hugely pregnant women never are in a rush to pee, right?
On second thought, it is better that I can’t find them. For all of us.
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Were you like 13 when you had your first baby????
November 16th, 2009 at 3:05 pmI also notice that you appear to be oh, approximately 12 years old in those photos. Really, if I didn’t know you were the mom I’d think you were the high school babysitter. Not that you look old now, you know, but …
Anyway. You two are still cuter than cute.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:17 pmI had a similar selection of outfits for my oldest. There was certainly a dearth of decent baby clothes back in the mid-90s. After 7 baby boys, I now have a collection of outfits I love so much I can’t bear to part with them (even though I have no more use for them!) Each time I got a new outfit, I was sooo happy to get rid of one of the awful ones!
And holy cow woman, did you have him when you were 16? Seriously.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:21 pmChris, the thing I notice about the pictures as that you look younger then than he does now! That and the fact that that kid has always had great hair.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:24 pmI always enjoy your posts! Thank you!!
I know there will be a jillion people noticing this ahead of me, but, c’mon!! Were you 12 when you had him? This is like me holding my nephew WHEN I WAS TWELVE. You shouldn’t feel too bad about your early mothering–apparently you got the hang of it–and kept reproducing until maternity clothes got cute! You rule!
November 16th, 2009 at 3:30 pmso, you started having babies when you were 11, right?
November 16th, 2009 at 3:38 pmIn 1978 thee wasn’t a single maternity outfit that didn’t have frills/bows/lace or all of it!
November 16th, 2009 at 3:42 pmAll those mistakes. Yet, look how well you’ve both turned out! Thanks for the sweet look back at a brand-new mom and her firstborn “toy”.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:46 pmHow old were you? Gosh you look like your 15… if you were then all the above is excusable. Glad you pointed out all them mistakes new Mothers make because someone here on the blog was sure to draw attention to them and tell you what to do right! Now you have way more experience then most and so you can ignore them. ha ha
Chris says: For the record, I was 25.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:52 pmSuper funny blog! I had tears rolling down my face while reading it!
I, too, have a fifteen year old son. I, too, wonder who went shopping for his baby clothes. Certainly I have better taste than that? Who would voluntarily buy their baby an outfit that resembled a clownsuit…in velour? And then voluntarily pose for pictures to document the outfit for all eternity? I’m not sure who is more mortified with the photos…my son or me.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:59 pmAh fashion, gotta love it!
I think you look wonderful in that first photo, even if it is dated. It is no wonder you look so great and youthful today, you look like a baby yourself.
The couch cracks me up, my sister bought light cream colored couches while she was pregnant the first time too.
Thank goodness for aging and the wisdom that comes with it.
November 16th, 2009 at 4:06 pmI love this post! Especially when you pointed out things in the photo I would have never noticed. The schrunchie around the wrist (I still do this with hair ties but at least they are not as colossal as a schrunchie), the ink covered feet so baby doesn’t cry, the wobbly baby head and bells on the shoes. It really made me see the photo through your eyes. All I saw was a young looking girl with a brand new baby.
November 16th, 2009 at 4:45 pmHonestly, this is what you should show The Awful Neighbor. Nothing says “Back off, [you know what]” like photographic evidence that YOU NEVER AGE.
November 16th, 2009 at 4:54 pmThe worst part about the jumpsuit-sitting there buck naked with your entire outfit around your ankles when you sit on the toilet. How does that ever sound like a good idea????
November 16th, 2009 at 5:10 pmYou look so…young! And you still look young but 15 years ago? Wow.
Question (kind of random but whatever): If I ever have kids are you going to tell them about that time I owned a skirt with anatomically correct people on it? Are you going to tell them about how I put deodorant on the bottom of my feet because they hurt?
Chris says: I am going to print out photos and posts for them… what??
November 16th, 2009 at 5:13 pmOh please find them…I will have worn worse. (my eldest is 21!)
November 16th, 2009 at 5:17 pmHa!! I agree with you. I freaking shudder at what I wore. I looked like some little freaky Mary Poppins idiot.
I am trying not to hate you because you have many children, yet you look better now than you did after you had just one child.
Hate, love. It’s a fine line!
November 16th, 2009 at 5:24 pmFirst off, what were you all of 12 when you had that baby???? Second off, don’t be judging by todays standards. I will NOT tell you the hidious Lucy outfits that I wore — they are soooooooo bad — but in the day, damn I looked F-I-N-E!!!!! And, as far as your mom and the pictures–not all of us are gifted with a camera–I get yelled at by my daughter because I can’t take a decent picture with a digital that she has set up for me. We have given up and she doesn’t even ask me anymore–she goes to strangers. Just be glad you have those pictures and the memories. Thank you for sharing so much of your life with us — I love your blog almost as much as my daughters.
November 16th, 2009 at 5:42 pmNo wonder you look so young - you got pregnant when you were 12! Love the photos - you should do this with each child as a fashion history.
Chris says: I would but there are SO very few photos of me. It makes me kind of sad, actually.
November 16th, 2009 at 5:52 pmDuuuuuude, you seriously crack me up!
November 16th, 2009 at 5:58 pmNow hang on a minute:
1) You are stunningly beautiful in the first picture, Flashdance shirt notwithstanding.
2) EVERYBODY put bells on baby shoes back then. No one ever explained why. We were just expected to do it.
3) His head is being supported by… his shoulders. Not ideal, you have to admit, but Meh! you were a new mother.
4) I am so bitter about how cool maternity clothes are now compared to 20 years ago when I was pregnant, half of North America can taste it. There is one picture of me pregnant after it started to show. ONE. This is not an accident.
5) Does anyone like pictures of this stage of their life? Hands up, those who do. Yeah. That’s what I thought. I’d break out my 1980s new mom pics of mine, but they’d just make us all cry (with laughter in eveyone else’s case, real tears in mine).
6) Also, I know you’re probably sick of hearing it, but you look about 14 in these pictures.
7) The adorability factor here is throught the ROOF! Miles making the peanut butter sandwiches? Like that.
November 16th, 2009 at 6:29 pmYou look like you’re about 12. LOL
Don’t feel bad… I remember dressing my 3 year old in velvet short overalls for church .
And my friend just plastered a picture of me on facebook with my HUGE curled mullet.
You win…you look better than we all did
November 16th, 2009 at 6:36 pmOh I’m with you on the garbage we had to wear. I’d get desperate and borrow my husbands old men’s large sweatshirts to keep from wearing that trash. Why did it take so long for designers to get wise? Now maternity stuff is so cute!!
November 16th, 2009 at 8:58 pmWhoa! Gotta love style from then. Also, in that second picture, you look so very young. Like 14 years old or so young.
November 16th, 2009 at 9:08 pmjust hilarious!
November 16th, 2009 at 9:19 pmPrint floral overalls. Two pairs, one a too huge print, one a way too tiny print. I even sewed them myself from a pattern someone dared offer for sale to hormonally insane pregnant women. At least there were only two buttons…but you had to try and keep them off the floor when peeing.
I am SO glad there is only one picture I know of with me wearing one of them. The pictures burned into the shame section of my brain will clearly last me forever, though.
November 16th, 2009 at 9:21 pmI am curious….how long did the white couch last??
Chris says: We kept it waaaaaaaay longer than we should have. It should have been thrown away after three years.
November 16th, 2009 at 9:35 pmI always wondered about the reasoning behind maternity clothing being styled like a 3 year old. Now they have such cute clothing…
November 16th, 2009 at 9:38 pmChris, This is priceless. I love that he has bells on his shoes at just a few weeks old. So cute
November 16th, 2009 at 11:34 pmI agree, you totally look about 12! Ah, velour….
November 16th, 2009 at 11:50 pmWow. I see I’m not the only one who thought you looked about 12 - especially in that second photo!
And just keep reminding yourself that the clothes back then were in style… I’m sure you’re not the only one who wore them/dressed your baby in them!
November 16th, 2009 at 11:51 pmI think your post partum photo is gorgeous, the best photo I have ever seen of you…you are glowing
November 16th, 2009 at 11:53 pmAh, yes. Memories of pregnancy clothes pre-Gap and Target and Liz Lange. I wore a brown and black checked flannel dress with black tights and black oxfords every day. And I lived in very hip NYC then –
November 17th, 2009 at 1:09 amI had a several one piece jumpsuits….one was rainbow tie dyed. I must have looked like an explosion.
November 17th, 2009 at 5:29 amYou gotta be tired of hearing this, so I ordinarily try not to join in, but . . . . awwww, wook at the widdle girl playing with her brother on Christmas morning! OK, I think it’s out of my system now.
November 17th, 2009 at 7:55 amYou were young when you had your first baby, but you look even younger than you were! Ah, lucky, lucky woman. It does explain why, in your present-day photos, you do NOT look anywhere close to your real age. By the way, I have the same experience of having ten million photos of my children and, like, two of me. A stranger perusing the photographic evidence would think I’m not even in this family!
November 17th, 2009 at 9:11 amLOVE it!!!!
November 17th, 2009 at 9:16 amMy niece who is 20 just bought a velour sweater and loves it, I asked my sister if she needed money for clothes (Niece is a new mom and usually dresses nicely) my sister said - kids these days don’t KNOW that velour is gross.. they think it new and cool.. ewwwww…
November 17th, 2009 at 12:00 pmThis is why I love you Chris….your complete willingess to poke fun at yourself. You’re an awesome mother.
November 17th, 2009 at 2:24 pmI found a picture of me when I was pregnant with my oldest (same era) in a salmony pink one piece romper. I looked like the missing neon pink teletubbie.
I bought the same outfit for my child - he asked me what I was thinking when I found it in a box a baby clothes last year.
November 18th, 2009 at 4:14 pmNo one will fault you for making your newborn stand up because you were an actual pre-teen when you had him!! You know, you could have used that big old scrunchie to keep the swaddling in place.
November 18th, 2009 at 10:29 pmYou don’t look like you just had a baby - I am jealous.
My oldest just turned 16 so I know what you mean about ‘the clothes’ … Angelina Jolie did (and continues to do) a lot for maternity wear of the current years. Our options were horrific to say the least! But we lived and we were dressed - can you imagine the pics if we hadn’t been dressed?
Oi!
These boys are soooo cute! Then, now - totally!
November 19th, 2009 at 4:26 pmChris - love this site. I honestly have to say that while you look beautiful as a first time mom, you just seem to get more beautiful with every passing day. I’m totally jealous.
November 19th, 2009 at 11:19 pmWhat cute and funny pictures. It really is hard to believe that you were 25 though. You really look young. Love your writing!
December 3rd, 2009 at 11:28 pm