Love Thursday
December 10, 2009
Yesterday afternoon was like any other day after school. Little kids came home, threw their stuff everywhere, ate snacks, talked about their day at school in increasingly loud volumes.
Then my middle schoolers walked in the front door.
Mom, you need to call the school. Like right now.
Why?
I caught two kids being mean to [12 yr old brother] in the hallway after school. It’s just… you need to call the school.
Anyone who has kids this age knows that they never want you to call the school unless it is something big. Something they feel is beyond their control… and most of the time they feel they can control everything.
Then the story came out.
*****
My 12 yr old is not one of the “cool” kids.
I don’t say this disparagingly. I say it as a fact. He doesn’t like sports. He prefers to wear clothing that is the equivalent of wearing pocket protector and head-gear back in my day. The non-conformist in a sea of Underarmour, Aeropostale, Abercrombie.
He plays the trombone in the band. He is crazy smart. (Mom brag alert– he has a 107 average in science) He prefers to talk to adults rather than kids his own age.
He reads things like the Thesaurus for fun. And then feels compelled to use the words than no one knows in his every day conversations. Not the sort of thing that makes you wildly popular with your peers.
The thing is that he also is one of the most tender hearted kids. He never even thinks that kids are being mean to him. He shrugs it off. He is the eternal happy optimist.
But I knew that this day would come.
I have watched him skip out the front door, swinging his instrument case in one hand, his lunch box in the other, and thought that he only lacks a Kick Me sign on his back.
And yet. And yet, my heart breaks.
I have tried to get him interested in other clothes. Maybe something that wouldn’t make him stand out so much, make him blend in more. Perhaps he could not slick his hair down like a 50 yr old man with a greasy comb-over.
And I am ashamed to even admit that I often wish he wouldn’t want to march to his own drummer so much.
To be so different.
To behave in a way that makes him a magnet for bullying.
It has always been more subtle before this. Things that have saddened me, but always been firmly on the non-parental intervention side of the line. A blurry, squiggly line whose edges become more difficult to navigate the older your children become.
*****
My 13 yr old went to go find his younger brother. All the different grades have their lockers in separate hallways. He got up to the 7th grade hallway of lockers and saw two boys bullying his brother. Slamming the locker shut on him. Shoving him. Stabbing him with their pencils. Hitting him on the back of the head.
My 13 yr old called out down the empty hallway,
Hey, leave him alone.
Why? What’s it to you?
He is my little brother and you had better get away from him.
Oh, I didn’t know he was your brother.
Yeah, now you do. So get out of here.The bigger of the two kids walked away down the hallway. The other kid stood there.
If I were you I would leave too.
My son tells me later that his adrenaline was pumping so furiously he could hear nothing but his own heartbeat in his ears.
*****
It was so cool, Mom, how he showed up out of nowhere. Like a superhero.
*****
My 10yr old and 13 yr old are in the kitchen alone together. They are the cool kids. The athletes. The ones who make friends easily. The parade of kids that come knocking on our door every afternoon after school come for them. They are the kids people gravitate toward, whatever elusive, undefinable quality it is that makes people like you, they have “it.” Remember those kids from your own days in school? The ones who made everything seem so effortless?
They are joking around, wrestling, giving each other “dead arms.” I am almost to the point where I am going to have to tell them to knock it off. It is inevitable that one of them will get hurt or they will break something.
You know next year you will have to watch out for him. I’ll be at the high school.
Yeah, I know.
Just for one year though, then he’ll be at the high school with me and [15yr old].
Yup.
My heart shattered. I don’t know if it is because of the fierce protection they have for their brother. Or the fact that they recognize he needs their protection. Or if it is because in spite of evidence to the contrary on an almost daily basis, they love each other deeply and without reservation.
I do know that I have never before felt as acutely what I missed out on growing up as I did in that moment.
*****
The sound of the trombone wafts into the family room. Waft might be glossing over the reality a little. Okay, a lot.
My 13 yr old describes it as the sound of an elephant dying.
Do you have to play that stupid thing now? NOW?
When should I practice?
I don’t know. Can’t you practice outside? So I don’t have to hear that noise?
It is like 30 degrees outside.
So?
I’ll freeze to death.
Yeah?
Most often this is what love looks like with siblings. They knock you down. Keep you humble. Laugh at you when you least want to be laughed at. But no one else had better do it or they will be the first at your side, the big S peeking out from underneath their Underarmour sweatshirt.
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Weeping.
December 10th, 2009 at 3:32 pmUgh - I got all teary reading this. I hate it that kids can be so mean to each other. I’m so happy he has a little army of protectors in your other children - he sounds like an incredibly special kid (actually, they all do).
December 10th, 2009 at 3:34 pmYour last paragraph nailed what it’s like to have multiple siblings. You gave them the best gift possible by having more than one.
And one day your twelve year old will flourish!
December 10th, 2009 at 3:34 pmI’d always wanted a big brother. This makes me wish I had one even more.
December 10th, 2009 at 3:34 pmTears pouring down my face. This is beautiful. What a beautiful family you have.
December 10th, 2009 at 3:34 pmBeautifully written. Well said.
December 10th, 2009 at 3:37 pmAw, I feel my heart breaking and swelling with this recap. Breaking for the son being bullied, but swelling with pride for his siblings who’ve got his back. Stupid mean kids!
December 10th, 2009 at 3:40 pmWow. Thanks for sharing this moment. We have 3 boys and I would hope they will always have each other’s backs like this.
December 10th, 2009 at 3:43 pmThat brought me to tears. You have some great kids.
December 10th, 2009 at 3:44 pmMy children are not yet old enough for the bullying phase (three of the four aren’t even in school yet) but I know that one of them will be this child you describe (which one, I wonder?) and I also know that when it happens, the others will come to his (or her) rescue, just as yours did. And sometimes I look around and think, “What the HELL was I thinking? FOUR KIDS?” and I wonder, with my husband not working, how we will provide for them all. And then I think of this kind of thing, and that they have each other and of how much they all adore each other (they have tantrums if I don’t let them all kiss each other goodnight), and I thank God for all of them.
December 10th, 2009 at 3:45 pm{{{ HUGS }}}
Glad his brother was there to protect him and let you know about the incident.
Karen
December 10th, 2009 at 3:46 pmOw ow ow…my heart. So sad that this is happening, but it’s so great that they stand up for him, and also that he doesn’t let it bring him down.
December 10th, 2009 at 3:47 pmThere’s a line my brother used once, when defending our other brother: No one beats up Adam except me.
You are raising good kids Chris. Your son will be okay, but it’s good that his siblings have got his back…you know, in public.
December 10th, 2009 at 3:47 pmYou have all the right in the world to be proud over your children. All of them.
December 10th, 2009 at 3:49 pmThis is sweet and sad all mixed up together! Mine is 12,also, and though he’s not a brainiac, he definitely marches to his own beat. I’ll admit to being sad that he needed glasses, because it might make him stand out even more. He’s the sweetest boy and kind of oblivious. He’s still in 6th grade and I worry so much about junior high.I know your kids fight a lot, but it is so cool that they are there for each other. I wish my boys were more like that (and not so far apart in age.) I’d feel a lot better about next year.
December 10th, 2009 at 3:50 pmOh, that brought tears to my eyes.
December 10th, 2009 at 3:51 pmSiblings are the first to push you down, but they are also the first to pick you up. At least if you raise them right*. And these actions and conversations are a true testament to the fact that you have raised them right.
I’m sorry you have to go through this.
*I had a brother who wasn’t raised right and did some things to me I prefer not to speak about on your blog.
December 10th, 2009 at 3:53 pmI think I might write a post in response to this for a million reasons but God, I feel for that kid. Even I was bullied and it passes but you never forget and I think that’s what is making my heart break for him. Also I know your kids and he’s so very sweet and quiet. This post kills me.
December 10th, 2009 at 3:53 pmHow wonderful that they have each other. What good kids you have. What lucky lucky boys.
December 10th, 2009 at 3:55 pmMy heart breaks for you as well. My 11 y/o trombone playing, hair slicking, button down shirt wearing son sits very closely with your son except he’s not a super smartypants. He has gotten into playing the guitar this past year and that seems to have upped his street cred. Even with his dead leg giving brothers.
December 10th, 2009 at 3:57 pmAside from the normal, what if my kid(s) get sick fears, etc - the thing I dread about my kids growing up is the fear of someone being truly mean to them and yet it will inevitably happen and there is nothing I can do about it. Such is parenting…
I know my two boys will look out for each other - as a sort of only child I never had that either (my brothers are 18+ years older than me) and that gives me comfort and yet I’m right there with you with the heartbreak, waiting for that day to come when they will need to stand up for each other.
December 10th, 2009 at 4:06 pmthis post brought tears to my eyes. there’s nothing quite like sibling love — it’s so amazing.
December 10th, 2009 at 4:09 pmMy heart is hurting for him and for you, his Mother. At the same time, so proud of your other kids for rallying around their brother and really showing what love is all about.
December 10th, 2009 at 4:12 pmThat is so beautiful. You have definitely done something right to have nurtured that protection. It does not come naturally.
December 10th, 2009 at 4:14 pmgoosebumps. such a sweet story.
December 10th, 2009 at 4:16 pmThere’s a reason why the good Lord sandwiched the 12 yr old between those Underarmour boys! That brought tears to my eyes and it breaks my heart to think that he was alone in the hallway. “Like a superhero” he said. Your daughter’s potential boyfriends won’t stand a chance!
December 10th, 2009 at 4:18 pmIf your boys are that protective of each other, what are they going to do to the first boy who dares to even look at their sister?
(BTW, sisters can be that protective of each other. As teenagers my cousins were at each other constantly, but when the younger one was being hassled, the older one rounded up her posse of “boyfriends” and made it clear what would happen to the hassler if he didn’t leave her sister alone.)
December 10th, 2009 at 4:22 pmBlinking the tears back right now. This remimds me so much of my little brother…only he was always at a different school, so I never had the chance to be there for him.
December 10th, 2009 at 4:22 pmI have to hold back tears. I also have a child who marches to the beat of her own drum. She is goofy, smart, kind-hearted, and did I mention how goofy she is? I love it, but I, too, ache at the thought of her surviving middle school. I just hope she does without it breaking her spirit. But what touched me so about you blog was how protective his brothers are. I only hope my independent thinkers’s older sister is that protective of her when I am not around, because I certainly don’t see it when I am around. Then it is all out verbal war in my house. (girls don’t throw punches, they throw verbal arrows that hurt just as bad)
December 10th, 2009 at 4:33 pmMy 12 year old sounds EXACTLY like your son. He’s so smart (smarter than me, that’s for sure), he prefers adult conversation because kids “don’t get him”, he plays the trombone and hates trendy clothes.
I wish he had a brother. Sigh.
(This post totally made me cry, by the way)
December 10th, 2009 at 4:35 pm*Sniff, sniff*
Those kids of yours are awesome.
And thank you for sharing all of this with us. I can relate with my 11 year old. She sounds pretty similar to your son…with a trumpet.
And ditto on the sibling thing. I love watching my children have those moments that melt your heart. It makes the other hours of the day a little more bearable.
December 10th, 2009 at 4:36 pmOh man, I pity the kids that ever try to bully my kids. I will beat them down myself!
Seriously though, I’m so sorry this is happening.
But, the thing I love about high school reunions is seeing all the wildly successful used to be nerds and the popular in high school kids who are still partying with the same people, don’t have jobs, and are living at home.
December 10th, 2009 at 4:43 pmYour kids are awesome. Each and every one.
Be right back, getting a kleenex. My eyes have sprung a leak.
December 10th, 2009 at 4:44 pmThat was a tear jerker…
December 10th, 2009 at 4:45 pmDo you have any idea how hard it is to read with the tears damming up behind my eyelids? Oh, my goodness.
How I love brothers.
December 10th, 2009 at 4:47 pmone of my favorite posts of all times.
I came from a large family…we fought with each other constantly but at school we were a unit.
December 10th, 2009 at 4:54 pmThis story made my heart melt and eyes tear up. I love how your kids love eachother. I pray that mine will do the same.
December 10th, 2009 at 4:56 pmChris, my oldest son (now 21) was your 12 year old…only he plays the piano, refuses to purchase/wear any clothing from a store that plays that loud, offending music, loves to wear vests and hats, is getting a pocket watch for Christmas, looks to J.R.R. Tolkien as his mentor, serves the Gregorian Latin Mass with utmost reverance…the list goes on and on. My husband and I sometimes wonder what planet he fell off of and he definitely marches to a different drummer. He attends college on full scholarship and will be one of the few kids who graduates with money in the bank. He’s an absolute pleasure to have at home and I cannot wait for him to drive up this afternoon, after his last final has been taken for this semester. His two siblings love him dearly and admire him, they are my American Eagle, Abercrombie kids and I wouldn’t trade any of the three of them for anything!
December 10th, 2009 at 4:57 pmI love this story! But, I have to admit that my first thought after reading it was how bad I feel for the future boys that are hanging around your daughter’s locker…
December 10th, 2009 at 5:01 pmI was your 12 year old.
I couldn’t help it. Even when I wanted to fit in, I couldn’t. It was an ill-fitting skin, and I always ended up reverting to what made me feel comfortable, even while I knew it was going to earn me rounds of mockery.
Weirdly, now that I am in my 30s, I wouldn’t trade that self for anything. Without it, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today, and I have to admit: I grew into it.
I’m teary because I remember being that kid. And I can only imagine how difficult it is to parent him. But it does get better. For both of you.
December 10th, 2009 at 5:04 pmWell my vision just got blurry…
December 10th, 2009 at 5:06 pmThis may be the sweetest line ever written or spoken for that matter *It was so cool, Mom, how he showed up out of nowhere. Like a superhero.*
My brother is older than me, but I have always been his protecter - it’s a hard job, but one I would have never quit. Your boys are lucky to have each other.
Suddenly so very thankful for my own siblings. At the same time, so very sad that I can’t give that gift to my daughter. Weeping here, too. Thanks for sharing.
December 10th, 2009 at 5:13 pmThis made me cry. I can see my seven year old son in this position when he is in middle school and I hope his sisters will watch out for him the way your boys look out for their brother. You have obviously taught them right. Thanks for sharing.
December 10th, 2009 at 5:14 pmThis makes my heart hurt. I can only imagine how it must make you feel. I’m so glad his siblings are looking out for him when you can’t be there.
December 10th, 2009 at 5:16 pmOh boy . I feel for ya. Kids are so cruel.
I just want to let you know I had a chubby little son who had to wear coke bottle glasses. Some strange kid in the grocery store once called him “Fatty four eyes”
He was a brainiac from the time he was a baby .Just so you know, he turned out fabulous! So will yours
http://catsonthecounter.blogspot.com/2009/07/ode-to-my-oldest.html
December 10th, 2009 at 5:16 pmThank you for sharing. Your boys touched my heart.
December 10th, 2009 at 5:25 pmmy god, i cried through that whole thing. oh how i dread junior high…
December 10th, 2009 at 5:34 pmYou have pinned it exactly: the way it is with siblings. I’m so sorry your son is going through this, but if he *had* to, I’m glad he has brothers like that by his side. You are doing a great job teaching your children about love and family!
December 10th, 2009 at 5:41 pmThis just tears me to pieces.
December 10th, 2009 at 5:45 pmI can see the writing on the wall for my wonderfully smart, delightfully oblivious and marches to his own drummer 5 year old, come middle school. He will be a walking target. It makes me shudder and worry and want very much for him to be a little less different and at the same time stay exactly the same. He has no big brother…just a baby sister, although, she is one tough cookie. So I will wait with bated breath as those delightful 6-8 grades approach.
I am glad that your quirky kid is flanked by no-nonsense brothers on every side….and I hope that he remains undaunted by those bullies.
December 10th, 2009 at 5:49 pmI am destroyed. Wow.
December 10th, 2009 at 5:51 pmI’ve always thought that, of all your kids, your third son is the one that would get along best with my son. They’re alike in many ways and they’re the same age. The easy banter of kids their age doesn’t come naturally to my son and my heart has broken when I’ve seen him not be included by kids his age. And yet, most of the time, he’s oblivious to it. He’s so happy and optimistic, he doesn’t see the little digs….
December 10th, 2009 at 6:07 pmHe’s an only child and I don’t feel bad about that. But sometimes I wonder what my 2nd or 5th child might have been like. Don’t you wonder sometimes how your experience as a parent would be so different if you had any of your kids as an only child? Just your daughter, or your third son, or your 4th? Know what I mean?
Wow.That’s my favorite blog post I’ve read this year. What a touching story. My children are younger (8, 7, 6, 2) and it made me think of what I have to look forward to and I hope I handle it with as much grace as you and your boys did. My oldest son beats to his own drum, yet no way would I want to change him. I’ve added your blog to my RSS reader. I love to find amazing writers and I found one today.
December 10th, 2009 at 6:10 pmThis brought back a lot of memories of the days my sister protected me (the non-conformist) the way your son protected his brother. Thanks for the very touching entry.
December 10th, 2009 at 6:21 pmAwesome kids. Every one of them.
December 10th, 2009 at 6:24 pmI don’t know if it helps at all or if you even need to hear it (because you already know your 12 year old is awesome just the way he is)— but my husband was your 12 year old son… EXACTLY. He read encyclopedias for fun. He had thick glasses,braces and unruly thick curly hair in high school and was tall and skinny. He was the picture of nerd and social awkwardness. Fast forward 20 plus some years and he has added pounds to his frame and an easiness to his walk and he is just about the coolest guy I know. Some people would still call him a nerd, but he has found a place in life where he is happy…. he has lots of friends, lovely wife and kids… if I do say so myself–LOL.
December 10th, 2009 at 6:36 pmI do not have children (hopefully some day) but read your blog from time to time because it’s written from the heart (whereas so many others are written from the “look at me, look at me” perspective). I have never posted a comment but this post moved me to tears. Having already stated that I do not have children, I’d have to say that if or when I do, if given the choice between having them be a “cool kid” or a “nerd” I’d choose nerd hands down any day of the week. These are the kids that triumph, that do good in the world, and that flourish. How wonderful that a 12-yr. old is so sure of himself! Kudos to him for having the courage to be himself. That’s not to say that all cool kids are jerks and that cool kids do not go on to accomplish great things…but the “nerds” of the world appreciate it so much more.
I predict that 30 years from now he’ll be living large with a hot wife!
Until then, kudos to your other boys for fiercely protecting their brother. Come to think of it, 30 years from now they’ll also be living large with hot wives in tow.
December 10th, 2009 at 6:42 pmChris that is beautifully written. Your son (all of your children actually) seem to know that they are very loved.
December 10th, 2009 at 6:47 pmThis is why I want to have a big family. (I am thinking 4 kids… We only have one for now, she is just 6 weeks old) How great it must be to never be alone in the world. And as a parent to know your kids are watching out for one another. Sounds like you have a great group of kids.
December 10th, 2009 at 6:50 pmSo sweet. And sad. This has to be a heartbreaking part of not homeschooling, because the times I have actually *considered* homeschooling are when one of my kids is getting bullied.
But what a great thing brothers are.
December 10th, 2009 at 6:54 pmYou are raising good boys who will be great men. Thank you.
December 10th, 2009 at 6:59 pmSniff! I was the non-conformist. No siblings but I had an older boy cousin that did similar once.
Your kids are wonderful!
WRT the loud trombone practicing, you may want to consider a Silent Brass or similar system if he sticks with it. They are worth every penny.
December 10th, 2009 at 7:12 pmI’m sitting here, a grown-up only child, with tears threatening to spill. This is my son too. But, he has a younger sister. I wonder what the future holds for him…
What wonderful kids you have!
December 10th, 2009 at 7:18 pmMy husband is one of 6 boys that grew up in the 50s & 60s - there was always someone taking up for somebody (and always someone who needed it)! Our youngest who’s 6 is following a different path and I’m extremely grateful that at the young age of 8, his older sister already has his back on the playground at school.
You are very blessed to have such tenderhearted kids — it’s a scarce commodity among teenagers in these narcissistic times.
December 10th, 2009 at 7:27 pmThis is a wonderful post. I too have an oblivious walks-to-his-own-beat kid (who plays the cello). So far, so good but I dread the day this might happen. I laughed while reading that you encourage him to care a little more about what he wears, etc. I do the same thing with my son and wonder why in the world am I encouraging conformity! You are very blessed by your children. Thanks for the reminder!
December 10th, 2009 at 7:30 pmFrom everything that I have gathered from my aunt & uncles, my father was this kid. Even in photos that I have seen of your son have reminded me of my Dad. Eerily similar. My Dad was actually in the “Glee Club” can you imagine? and his favorite music as a kid, and still now is opera. Really. Also super smart (free ride to college).
December 10th, 2009 at 7:34 pmWell, my Dad is the kindest, most compassionate (and hysterically funny!) person that I have ever met. Friends and relatives always seek HIM out for HIS advice, especially when it comes to some moral or ethical issue. He is the one that I always want to talk to when something goes wrong or I’m not feeling right about something. Even my children seek him out when they find themselves in a chaotic situation. My mother always says her grandchildren love their grandfather more. It’s probably true.
So while it breaks your heart, he will be fine, sought after for his kind generosity, and LOVED. Truly, truly loved.
You have a good kid on your hands, Chris. Right now he only has his brothers to protect him, and one day he’ll also have his kids, nieces and nephews, cousins and friends holding him up if he should need it.
No matter the issue with bullies (or whoever) your kids will do fine because you have raised them well and they have one another. Its nice (as the mom of three) to be reminded that underneath the tattling and arguing and complaining that they really do love one another.
December 10th, 2009 at 7:39 pmYou make my uterus yearn for a fourth. And fifth. And sixth. And seventh.
Incredibly touching.
December 10th, 2009 at 8:03 pmWow. Great post, but the ending just tied everything together so nicely. Isnt that the truth.
December 10th, 2009 at 8:14 pmSobbing on my keyboard. I love this! And I hope, no, I know that in a situation such as this, my kids would do this for each other too. Good on ya for raising good-hearted sibs.
December 10th, 2009 at 8:26 pmOh my…..
December 10th, 2009 at 8:30 pmYou’ve done well, young padawan. Two uniquely awesome sons.
December 10th, 2009 at 8:31 pmWow. Can they come and be my brothers…I have some bully’s in my life that need a talking to.
December 10th, 2009 at 8:35 pmI’m so sorry, Chris. Junior high gives me PTSD flashbacks, ugh. I’m amazed at how your kids are banding together to protect their brother. Your independent guy will grow up to be a sweet, empathetic man.
December 10th, 2009 at 8:36 pmI am an only child, and see every day with my 3 1/2 yo boy & 1 1/2 year old a bond that is sooooo different than the ones they have with my husband and me. It amazes me, but I am so grateful when I see them together — from day one my older son protected his little brother on the playground when kids would get too close to just get a look at him while he was in the stroller.
December 10th, 2009 at 8:56 pmWhen asked whose baby is he? My son without missing a beat says “My baby!” and ain’t afraid to tell anyone who’ll listen!
I am happy for you and your children that they have that bond that NO bully can break!!!
What a beautiful story. Thanks so much for sharing it with us. I hate that this happened to your son, but I love that his brother saved him. Such love. Thank you for raising responsible, loving kids. You’re starting to reap thee harvest of all that hard work.
December 10th, 2009 at 9:12 pmOh, the heart, it breaks, it breaks. OOF.
I see this in my own future. I hope that my children are as good to each other through these times as yours. And I hope that I have your grace.
December 10th, 2009 at 9:15 pmTears here… now THAT is what family is supposed to be about.
December 10th, 2009 at 9:17 pmWow, Chris. This is beautiful and heart-breaking all rolled into one. Good for your boys for sticking up for their brother.
December 10th, 2009 at 9:25 pmI love your children. I love this post. Thank you for sharing.
December 10th, 2009 at 9:28 pmNothing infuriates me more than a bully. How did your 12 yr old react when he got home? Is he ok? Will he be ready to go to school tomorrow? Poor kid. He is lucky to have such loving brothers.
December 10th, 2009 at 9:54 pmI.Love.That. and fear it for one of mine and hope it for my four kids ages 5,4,2, and due in Feb. So, so sweet.
December 10th, 2009 at 10:08 pmI have a raging case of PMS and the floodgates opened halfway through this post. You are raising some great kids.
December 10th, 2009 at 10:12 pmheartrendingly beautiful…
December 10th, 2009 at 10:22 pmWow, I never comment but read faithfully. This post made me teary-eyed. I hope my son will be just as protective of his sister and look out for her the way your kids do. Kids can be so mean sometimes. What a beautiful relationship they have.
December 10th, 2009 at 11:29 pmBeautiful..the fierce loyalty and your writing about it.
December 10th, 2009 at 11:31 pmYou just described my 12 year old. He is in 6th grade and I homeschool him. I have been struggling with the thought of putting him in public school. I want him to experience junior high and high school but then this also comes along with it. So unfair. Kids can be so extremely mean.
December 10th, 2009 at 11:32 pmGreat post, Chris. As a teacher in the middle school, it is surprising, yet believable, that we do not see these things happening. The bullies, have an external radar, that feel us approaching. WE need more than blood brothers to help those being picked on. Oh, if I had the power! SHAZAAM!!!
December 10th, 2009 at 11:37 pmEven I’m teary-eyed and I’m the most non-crying, beeyotch you ever did see.
Your 12-year old will flourish when he hits university and meets his peeps. They are out there. But damn, it feels like a long wait when they’re only in middle school.
You are raising wonderful, wonderful sons that they protect their brother so fiercely. Not all families do this.
Also: The transition from the paragraph “I do know that I have never before felt as acutely what I missed out on growing up as I did in that moment.” to “The sound of the trombone wafts into the family room. Waft might be glossing over the reality a little. Okay, a lot” struck me the same way as the scene in “Steel Magnolias” in which M’Lynn is freaking out in the graveyard after Shelby’s funeral, mad as a hornet, and says, “I want to hit someone!” and your heart is breaking for her, tears streaming and then Olympia Dukakis grabs Shirley Maclean and says, “Here! Hit Weeza!”
THAT kind of tears to laughter roller coaster ride. Thank you!
December 10th, 2009 at 11:50 pmI love boys. I hope my own two boys will be protective of each other someday.
My two older brothers have always had my back while my sister has been too busy stabbing it for 38 years.
December 11th, 2009 at 12:07 amI’m one of eleven kids and your words constantly speak the truth to me. When one sibling is in pain, we all feel it. While some think of all the sacrifices you must have coming from a large family, they are unaware of all the support and love that comes with it. I wouldn’t trade my siblings for anything. This is a great post Chris and you are and your husband are raising some very kind & caring children. Kudos to you all!
December 11th, 2009 at 12:30 amYour 12 year old is my now 31 year old, who is about to be a Dad for the first time and he is an awesome human being. Just so you know. It will all work out, just be there for him. I could have kicked alot of ass back in the day for my boy. He’s an adult son that any mother would be proud of…and I am. You are a great Mom and this too shall pass. I promise you it will! Great post as always.
December 11th, 2009 at 12:49 amThis was beautiful.
December 11th, 2009 at 1:08 amBravo! How proud you must be of your sons. You’ve done a great job raising them, and they are lucky to have each other. I hope my own sons would stand up for each other like that. And, not only that, but you must know your other boys probably look at “quirky” kids with more acceptance because of their brother (I have a quirky son myself).
December 11th, 2009 at 1:14 amOh my god, your kids are so beautiful.
December 11th, 2009 at 1:19 amAww…I loved this post!
I didn’t have brothers as a child, but now that I am in my twenties, my guy friends have adopted me, and have become my ‘brothers’. Three of them have just moved away to pursue their careers, and this post made me miss them so much…
Crap. Now I’m crying.
But this is a beautiful post.
December 11th, 2009 at 2:00 amBeautifully written.
December 11th, 2009 at 2:25 amThis is one of your most beautiful posts ever.
December 11th, 2009 at 2:54 amThis is what I hope for my girls, that despite the bickering at home, out in the world they’ll be there for each other. What a great post. Thanks for sharing.
December 11th, 2009 at 4:26 amps I played the trombone, too.
My heart is aching. This is so lovely. Your son is so lucky to havr such kind brothers to look after him. I have a son like this and all the crap people give him goes straight over his head, thankfully. God I wish my son had a couple of older brothers to help him out too.
December 11th, 2009 at 5:29 amBullies SUCK.
December 11th, 2009 at 5:59 amYour kids are AWESOME.
I hope your older son beat the crap out of those jerks.
Sniff. That mad me cry. Fabulous post!
December 11th, 2009 at 7:25 amYou and your husband have done a specacular job raising these kids, Chris. I am so proud of your boys I could howl. Well done, my friend.
December 11th, 2009 at 7:27 amOh my goodness. I am sitting here with eyes full of tears, I loved this post so much.
December 11th, 2009 at 8:34 amBeautiful. You made me cry. This will be my son when he hits that age. He’s in elementary school now and just realizing that he’s not good in PE like the other kids. He and his older sister are far enough apart that they will never be in the same school again. I wish you could send one of those wonderful older brothers his way.
December 11th, 2009 at 8:58 amWonderful story. BUT–did you call the school? I’m always curious about how other parents handle things like this…
Chris says: Oh yes, I called the school immediately.
December 11th, 2009 at 9:21 amI am crying at my desk in my office. You have amazing children!
December 11th, 2009 at 9:33 amChris - incredibly touching. I am wiping away tears..
December 11th, 2009 at 9:35 amI have a 12 y/o son like that. Except he’s not academically inclined–he gets okay grades but nothing spectacular. But he is so sweet, so tender-hearted, and so quick to forgive any slights. I worry about him so much.
December 11th, 2009 at 9:41 amI can only assume that my husband was exactly like your 12-year old. I’ve seen the pictures. I’ve heard the stories.
And I wouldn’t have him any other way.
Now, to prepare for the trials that our future sons will face…
December 11th, 2009 at 9:47 amYour 12yr old sounds very much like my 12yr old brain-box son. He plays the euphonium, and has waist-length hair (he is growing it to donate it to a charity that makes wigs for children who have chemo) he only wears shirts that are orange. When we shop and I point clothes out, he just replies, “No, it’s not orange” as if I had asked him to wear a shirt made of nails! He played in his School’s Christmas Concert last night, and during the finale when the whole crew sang, the most beautiful 12yr old girl held his hand and smiled at him. All I have ever hoped is that someone will see what I do, and see that he is the most loving boy in the world and will love him too, and last night I saw that that might really happen.
December 11th, 2009 at 9:53 amThis is one of the very reasons we adopted a second child. We wanted our first son to have this friendship and love.
December 11th, 2009 at 10:28 amYou have so many comments already, I don’t know if you will read mine, but omg this is awesome, you did such an amazing job with your kids, and this proves it.
*weeps*
December 11th, 2009 at 10:32 amThis post deals with so many things that we as parents both worry about and also cherish in our kids. Thank you for sharing.
December 11th, 2009 at 10:42 amthis is such an amazing post. it brought tears to my eyes.
and made my wish I didn’t stop at 2 kids.
my 12-year-old son is going down a similar path. I’m inspired by your attitude in all this.
you write beautifully.
December 11th, 2009 at 10:47 amAll I can say is - you are obviously doing a whole lot right. I hope my kids do the same. #2 son has a health issue that limits his stamina and he marches to his own beat too - but he cares deeply about it. Talks about not being popular, being made fun of because he’s the slowest. I wish his older brother would step up more but you also can’t force it (they are younger - 8 and 10…) big brother seems more annoyed by his brother than anything…
Good luck. I know it hurts but he’s got his brothers (and his parents!) on his side so that will help tremendously.
December 11th, 2009 at 10:53 amAll those times you may have referred to that big bunch as your ‘tribe’…it now suits them just right That whole situation makes me think “tribal”. Great kids.
December 11th, 2009 at 10:55 amMy husband was one of those. My mother in law was telling me how she cringed when he wore button down shirts in junior high. At some point, he got made fun of and started wearing more “normal” clothes. It seemed like (for both of us) that middle school was tough. Kids got picked on. But in high school it seemed a little more “live and let live” since most kids just hung out with their kind. Band kids hung out in the band hall with the other smarty band kids and it was all cool. Your son will be fine. How wonderful that his brothers have his back.
December 11th, 2009 at 11:00 amIt was nice to read a little about your 3rd son though it was heartbreaking to read about him getting picked on. I always wondered what he was like since you had mentioned before he was not sports loving like your other sons.
This just melted my heart! Your kids are all so lucky to have eachother.
December 11th, 2009 at 11:05 amThis makes me want to have multiple children all very close together in age. I’m married to the “different” drummer and wouldn’t change that for the world. And I was one of them the “cool kids”.
December 11th, 2009 at 11:16 amWhat a wonderful story of what family is! Love your boys, and I noticed the difference in how they were dressed in the first day of school pictures.
December 11th, 2009 at 11:24 amlove this Chris - even today - i’m one of 5, my mothers new husband tries to put one of my siblings down thinking i’ll think he like me better than the other, that is no way to win points with a family - we are a unit - you dont mess with this group! your kids will be like this their whole lives, fighting for each other, supporting each other, loving each other.
its the greatest gift i’ve ever received - my big loud bossy family.
December 11th, 2009 at 11:31 amWhat good boys (and a girl) you are raising. I remember a similar situation when my little brother was being picked on and my older sister and I came to his aid. Unfortunately there will always be bullies, in Kindergarten, in Junior High, in the workplace. I guess the best we can do is to try to teach our children to not bully and to stick up for those who are being tormented. Good luck in dealing with this.
December 11th, 2009 at 11:46 amI’ve come back to read this several times now, and I also read it to my husband. I was so moved and so heartened by your boys. I have a daughter and a stepdaughter. As hard as it is to blend families, it’s so worth it, as the two of them develop their relationship. My stepdaughter is the 7 year old girl version of your 12 year old son, and I hope and expect that by the time they are in middle school, my daughter will be there to protect her as fiercely and lovingly as your sons.
December 11th, 2009 at 12:36 pmSeriously, tears streaming down. The love they have for each other is a true testament to how they were raised. Awesome Job Chris!
Wow, just wow.
December 11th, 2009 at 12:55 pmPainful and yet so sweet.
I have a younger brother (by roughly two years), and he also has that magnetism quality. Meanwhile, I was a frumpy child who had more than my fair share of bullies. We were never allowed to attend the same schools, but he was skilled at getting me included at playgrounds.
Siblings are the gift that keeps giving. At the very least, I was up at 4:00 am a few nights ago, reading through my brother’s paper for his freshmen seminar at college, to help him edit it before he had to turn it in at 10:00 am. I rather doubt that I would be willing to do that for anyone else.
December 11th, 2009 at 1:27 pmI am such a fan of your writing, but this is the first time I’ve commented. I’m the oldest of 5 with a genius younger brother. I too had to come to his rescue many times throughout grade school. I knew he didn’t fit in, but I can’t tell you how proud I was of him, always. We’re 31 and 29 now, and I still feel so grateful to have him. To have all of my siblings. It’s the best gift our mother could have given us.
December 11th, 2009 at 1:36 pmYour 12-year old is my 21-year old daughter. And she is madly, crazily in love, and her fiance is madly and crazily in love with her too. I suspect her fiance was the same when he was 12. It will be fine, but there will be a lot of heartache for mama in the intervening years.Thank God his brothers care so much and look after him!
December 11th, 2009 at 1:51 pmYou are raising wonderful kids. Really.
December 11th, 2009 at 1:52 pmHe sounds like my husband. I don’t know if your son would go for it, but my husband really took to martial arts when he was about that age. He could geek out on the history, it wasn’t REALLY a sport, and he felt good that it was only for self-defense, not hurting others for no reason. It gave him a huge amount of physical confidence and allowed him to protect himself (and go on to protect his little brother who was always writing checks his butt couldn’t cash).
December 11th, 2009 at 2:02 pmI’ve always called this relationship between my two sons as territorial love. Only they can tease and threatened each other, when someone else does…..watch out. Makes me realize that in the far future when Mom and Dad aren’t around they will be there for each other unconditionally.
December 11th, 2009 at 2:31 pmI have 4 boys, each with very distinct personalites. One of whom has “IT” and another who will always be just a little bit different from the rest and who will inevitably need his big brother to do the same thing one day. Thank you for sharing!
December 11th, 2009 at 3:13 pmSo did you go to the school? That’s got to be so tough. I’m not looking forward to middle school for my daughter. It’s just such a tough age for everyone!
December 11th, 2009 at 3:59 pmLongtime lurker, first time poster - this was an amazing post. I have long been in awe of your parenting and your children, and now I’m even more impressed. Thanks for sharing this.
December 11th, 2009 at 4:14 pmHeh, I won’t leave my name as I WISH my siblings and I had stood so stalwartly for one another - as yours have learned, or just do…because they model what they see what you and your dh are for one another. (My siblings are now my dearest friends but were not growing up) I come from a real fricked up dysfunctional background and it has taken SO much to not let it seep into my marriage and kid rearing. I admire you for being such a strong person, moving onward from the past - and raising children who I will be so proud to have serving, along with mine - our country - as joe not-so average, as the President (the daughter of course) — our congress people, our teachers - those in charge and truly bringing about a much needed change. May God bless you, I am humbled to learn so much, every time I stop here. (now to apply it! ;P)
December 11th, 2009 at 4:30 pmI can not write for cr*p when I comment here - you make me all weepy and incoherent, temporarily…but it always shows, and I hate my weaknesses showing!
December 11th, 2009 at 4:31 pmThis makes me tear up, but you must be so so proud. Of all of them. That’s what we’re trying to do, right? Raise kids who love each other, defend each other, and aren’t afraid to be themselves. The hero line, oh. Thank goodness you blog cuz you’ll never, ever want to forget that one.
December 11th, 2009 at 4:51 pmWow, wow, wow. This brought tears!!!!
December 11th, 2009 at 5:01 pmP.S. You still may want to give his homeroom teacher a heads up privately. If you don’t, the school is going to take the “you never said anything before” approach. My second born is like your 12 year old. He has a mohawk and black weezer glasses. He could care less what everyone thinks and also hates sports. Total opposite of my first born. He would rather set his own trend than follow one.
This just made me weep but thank you for sharing. So beautifully written. You have children of character.
December 11th, 2009 at 5:01 pmChris, your son is my nephew. Except he only has one younger brother who is like your older kids — the popular one. Their dad, my brother, is going through a horrible divorce and my nephew is being bullied daily and no one notices. It is heart-breaking. I do what I can to help, but I live three states away. I wish for him that he had your older boys, someone to watch out for him, instead he deals with it alone and escapes into the computer when he comes home. It’s truly heartbreaking.
December 11th, 2009 at 5:12 pmAbsolutely beautiful!
December 11th, 2009 at 5:36 pmThis is so beautiful… thank you for sharing.
December 11th, 2009 at 5:45 pmYour 12yo is his own extraordinary person and all of your kids are lucky to have one another.
December 11th, 2009 at 6:03 pmI am going to cry. I am an only child and I have two boys and want more, just so I can have that crazy house full of chaos and love. For me, that is the hardest part of having children. Sure it’s hard when they are little and need you so much, but the harder part is when they are older and go out into the big, bad world. Their hearts get broken and their dreams get crushed. It’s great that they are there for each other.
December 11th, 2009 at 6:37 pmI followed you here from my Amazing Trips…She said you had a great post and she was right.
This post is full of love.
And this is when you know you are doing a good no great job!!!
What great brothers your guys has.
December 11th, 2009 at 6:44 pmForgot to mention/ just remembered that mine similar to yours, 2 years ago asked Santa for and recieved - A Trombone!!! He was 6! Ha!
December 11th, 2009 at 6:52 pmI love your kids. I know what it was like to be teased in middle school, and all I can say is that I have grown up to be a successful woman with many friends whom I love and who love me. I hope your son can keep his optimism for the next couple of years.
December 11th, 2009 at 7:46 pmA few others have said it already, but I’ll say it too…just because more reassurance can’t hurt.
I was your 12 year old, and for the most part I was pretty oblivious and happy-go-lucky too. When I was in 7th grade, the put me in this special counseling session/group for all those kids who didn’t fit in, got picked on etc. I totally couldn’t figure out why I was there. It’s not that I didn’t have a lot in common with those kids, it’s just that I was really good at being happy anyway. The older I got, the harder it got, but just for a few years really. In high school there were enough kids that I was able to really find my niche and I didn’t seem so different or uncool anymore. The same went for all of my friends in that group.
And more importantly than any of that…I’m a pretty successfully, very happy and very well adjusted adult. With a group of overly nerdy friends that I just adore. Plus, nerdy has become really cool, haven’t you heard?
If you don’t know about them already, you might check out the nerdfighters…they are doing so much for all the nerdy kids out there, for making nerdom cool, and just making the world an all around better place. Your 12 year old might like them a lot!
http://nerdfighters.ning.com/
http://www.youtube.com/user/vlogbrothers
Good luck! Your son will make it through, even as scary and heartbreaking as it might be for you now. (And I echo the sentiment about you hitting the nail on the head w/ that last paragraph too! I have 6 siblings, we don’t often get along well…but are fiercely protective of each other.)
December 11th, 2009 at 8:41 pmperfect post. Your kids are lucky to have one another–and you!
December 11th, 2009 at 10:27 pmand THAT is why i don’t want my daughter to grow up as an only child like i was.
December 11th, 2009 at 10:37 pmbeautiful and touching story.
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. My middle son and my youngest are fiercely protective of my oldest, who is Autistic. Siblings are an awesome thing.
December 12th, 2009 at 12:33 amI have to agree with the person who said what sets your blog apart from so many others is that it is not so “look at me, look at me” but rather written (and written WELL too — so refreshing!) from the heart. Thank you.
All of your kids sound just amazing, but your third son has my heart today. What a beautifully touching story.
December 12th, 2009 at 12:51 amI agree with what all the others have said. You have an amazing family. You must be so proud.
A friend directed me here (although I do read/post regularly) because I am going through something similar myself. However, we have an unusual situation: Our son (14) is popular and athletic, but he’s very passive when push comes to shove (literally). He won’t fight back, and kids pick up on that. He doesn’t get bullied often, but maybe once or twice a year (which is once or twice too much for Mama Bear here).
Yesterday another kid somewhat viciously attacked him, slamming a shoe into his eye so hard that it knocked him off balance, and left him with a big welt and black eye. (It was a P.E. shoe the kid’d been holding). Thank God the school had it on videotape and had the little bastard in the principal’s office before he could get to his next class even. We are still considering pressing charges; most everyone who knows us/him tells us we should. The VP and teen center director both told me they think my son’s a target because some kids are jealous. They want to knock him down to size, make him feel as crappy as they feel about themselves, I guess. (And, like your son, mine is amazingly smart and has the most kind and generous heart. It KILLS ME to see him treated this way.)
I pray your son finds peace soon, Chris. It’s just so unfair.
December 12th, 2009 at 1:27 amToday on the day that my FIL passed, this is the story I needed to read. My DH family is seriously dysfunctional, but mine are there and have stepped to the plate.
By the by-we use to refer to saxaphone practice as a moose dying in the basement.
December 12th, 2009 at 4:28 amOh, you made me cry. Now I’m all enmeshed in my own hideous memories of school days, and I’m SO glad yours has protectors who will stand up for him!
December 12th, 2009 at 8:15 amVery nice. I am from a large family as well. This heriosim will continue throughout thier lives.
And the beat goes on - we just went through a great loss with my Father, although the loss at times is unbearable we continue to rally around one another. Protecting and helping each through a bad day. Marg.
December 12th, 2009 at 9:53 am20 years ago I slapped a kid two years older than me in the face to defend my brother who did not “fit the norm”. He was smart and non-athletic. My brother today? He is a engineer in the air force, was just promoted to Major, has more friends than anyone I know (any loyal, nice friends), is married to a hot blond and has two gorgeous children. Smart trumps bully…..every time. It may not be in middle school or even high school, but bullys in my opinion usually don’t turn out to be success stories. The kids who I slapped? Ended up being a drug dealer and I think he still lives with his mom. Also, you have great kids if they stand up for each other like that.
December 12th, 2009 at 11:21 amWhat a wonderful story about brotherly love!!!!!
December 12th, 2009 at 12:04 pmBeautifully written….it brought tears to my eyes as growing up, well, i wasn’t a ‘cool’ kid, either. How very blessed your children (and you!) are to have each other…
December 12th, 2009 at 5:57 pmBig fat tears streaming down my face. I love your family for all its diversity and fierce love.
December 12th, 2009 at 10:11 pm@ liz: also weeping
December 13th, 2009 at 12:05 amWhat a beautiful piece of writing, about your beautiful kids. Well done, on both counts.
December 13th, 2009 at 3:37 amThank you so much for posting this. I cried….I laughed…..I empathized. We had saxaphone players in our house. We described it as a moose dying in our basement. You are a very blessed Mama Chris. Thanks for sharing with us. And to your 12 year old he will come into his own-just ask my 23 year old.
Lucie
December 13th, 2009 at 4:21 amI guess I will be the stick in the mud. Or maybe the only one game to say. I do not see this as beautiful at all. How is this beautiful? Please, someone, read this post again and tell me how you get that?
December 13th, 2009 at 6:57 amBullying is the biggest reason for teenage suicide today.
It affects people deeply for years, scarring many for life.
Other children were physically hurting your child. It may seem small now, but this kind of bulying can get very violent.
I am quite scared for your son.
Goes to show even the ‘best’ schools are not.
Amazing kids, products of an amazing mother. I hope my three boys have that kind of relationship some day, that my oldest will watch out for the little brothers who absolutely go their own way. Thanks for sharing!
December 13th, 2009 at 12:56 pmSo many emotions. So many thoughts. Mostly, what has been impressed upon me is that this letter and these hundreds of comments will be like little loves notes and encouraging words to your son. He will be the world changer, the CEO, the inventor, the sage…. Can’t wait to see a bit of his life unfold.
December 13th, 2009 at 6:09 pmseriously….wow, how awesome….
December 13th, 2009 at 7:02 pmhope you have success with the school administration as well…
December 13th, 2009 at 7:03 pmYou know, in 10 years, he will be the guy every single girl is dying for and all the guys envy. Marching to the beat of your own drum pays off in the long run, but why does it have to be such a rocky road to get there? How wonderful that they boys stick together.
December 13th, 2009 at 9:27 pmI love this post! My own two boys do this for each other in strange ways! My 7-year-old has special needs and already my 4-year-old is fiercely protective of him whenever they are near one another. But there’s nothing like watching my 7-year-old who can barely walk stagger-step between my 4-year-old and anyone who tries to pick on him. He has no hope of stopping them, but dang it he’s gonna try!
December 13th, 2009 at 10:41 pmOh, I just love, love, love this post - so sweet, so true, and so bittersweet.
Here’s an offering of hope: I went to high school with a kid who was very much like your 12yo. He used to say that he was going to “grow up” and be rich and marry a beautiful woman and have great kids. No one actually took him seriously. When we were in college, he - I have NO idea how it happened - became *very* good looking. He eventually graduated from a prestigious school with a prestigious degree and also landed that beautiful wife. They now have the perfectly cute and sweet kids too. I only know him through our parents anymore, but I see him occasionally…and it always practically makes my heart explode that he really has done so well for himself!
December 14th, 2009 at 12:22 amThis reminds me of how my brothers and I used to really not like each other, but would defend the others till the death. Tear.
December 14th, 2009 at 1:47 amI just love this! Thank you, again, for sharing your family with us and reminding me to call my sisters!
December 14th, 2009 at 9:16 amThis just broke my heart. I love this incredible bond your children have. They are so lucky to have each other and obviously learned the meaning of love from their nurturing parents. Your 12 yr old will be just fine. I’ve learned it is totally okay to be different - I just hope that your son doesn’t sacrifice too much of his individuality because of this. He sounds like such a sweet boy.
December 14th, 2009 at 9:44 amThat is to touching. I am glad to be having another baby. I know my daughter will go to great lentghs to protect her sibling. Make a mother proud.
December 14th, 2009 at 11:19 am@ Katie
I believe the comments about beautiful refer to the love and relationship the brothers have for each other, and the writing itself.
Clearly bullying is not to be tolerated which is why her son asked her to call the school. However, it also appears that her 12 year old has a tenacity and ability to shrug it off and march to his own drum.
And it is also clear that even his brothers, both older and younger are aware that the 12 year old needs some protection from bullying, and are trying to provide it themselves as well as seeking parental and school help.
I doubt that any of us who are parents condone bullying and yes, it does happen even in the “best” schools because unfortunately, best tend to be reflected by academic standings rather than moral standings. It is an opportunity to teach and to learn though, and I hope we get to read a follow up story to this anecdote.
Cheers
December 14th, 2009 at 1:07 pmI’ve come back to read this a couple of times. I feel so hopeful about their connection to each other, their perfect “sense” about their roles with each other. Amazing.
December 14th, 2009 at 1:39 pmThis story brought tears to my eyes. Your kids are adorable.
December 14th, 2009 at 1:54 pmI can only hope my boys will watch out for each other as well as yours do.
December 14th, 2009 at 1:59 pmYour boys are awesome - a true testament to “love thy brother”
December 14th, 2009 at 3:37 pmEr, Katie, are you serious? Nobody is suggesting bullying is beautiful. It’s the way the boys care for each that’s beautiful in this post. I don’t believe you have to tell Chris that bullying = bad.
December 14th, 2009 at 4:28 pmSo, how did things work out when you called the school?
December 14th, 2009 at 4:55 pmSent chills down my spine. I am glad your son has his brothers to help. I have heard karate and those type of classes help their self esteem and self assurance. My younger brother is still like that to this day if I ever needed him to handle something he would. When our house was broken into a couple years ago, he wanted to know if he needed to come and talk to the neighbors to find out what really happened.
December 14th, 2009 at 5:48 pmweeping here as well
wow
December 14th, 2009 at 7:48 pmReally Katie? You don’t get it? Hmmmm …
This rang lots of bells for me. Thanks for the privilege of sharing.
December 14th, 2009 at 8:04 pmI am weeping big fat happy tears after reading this post. You must be SO SO proud.
December 14th, 2009 at 8:54 pmAmazing children one and all. Good job mama.
I was your 12 year old - smart, but akward, despite being a star athlete. And the greatest thing about being oblivious and marching to your own drum is that you are blisfully unaware of most of it. He will find his own people in time if he hasn’t already, and will reap the rewards of who he is for the rest of his life. Don’t be surprised someday when the S is on his chest and he’s the one who is there for his brothers when they need him most.
December 14th, 2009 at 10:40 pmNot that anyone will read this or care, LOL, but I pressed charges today. The child is being arrested for assault with a deadly weapon.
I feel slightly sick.
December 15th, 2009 at 12:09 amTears, lots of tears. What a fabulous post. What a fabulous family.
December 15th, 2009 at 4:27 pmI’m in tears - at work, thanks! I am mom to a 6 year old son who I think will be just like your 12-year-old son some day. Thanks for the heads up on what I have to look forward to.
I should have had more than 2 kids!
December 16th, 2009 at 3:31 pmThis post just breaks my heart. We, too, have dealt with the bullying of our 12 year old this year. The unfortunate part is that he doesn’t have an older brother to step in and back him up - he’s our oldest. Our son does what he can to fit in - tries to wear the ‘cool’ clothes, go with the trendy hairstyles, super athletic, etc. - but kids can’t get past the fact that he’s the smartest kid in the 7th grade. We have to remind him daily that middle school just plain sucks and it will get better. Good luck with your boys. It always warms my heart to see how my kids will stick up for each other when outside our family unit. Siblings can be absolutely amazing. Kudos to your boys for recognizing this and stepping up to the plate.
December 17th, 2009 at 2:00 amI am bawling right now. BAWLING! On one of the few days I actually have makeup on. It’s so worth it. That is just awesome beyond words. And some day, when they are in college (hopefully together) and all the stuff that makes you cool suddenly doesn’t matter so much, maybe the 12 year old will help them pass Biology. And maybe he will thank them in his acceptance speech for the Nobel Peace Prize. So cool.
December 17th, 2009 at 11:36 amwonderful post.
December 21st, 2009 at 7:30 amwe should introduce our 12 year olds. they sound identical except we have the piano instead of the trombone- much more palatable.
ya know, i’m in grouchy as all heck mood right now with my kids and my inlaws and my recently discovered long lost sister in law coming for christmas and i’m all teary now.
your kids are incredible.
December 22nd, 2009 at 7:30 pmOh Chris, what a beautiful, heartbreaking post. I was bullied a bit before I learned to hide behind the “artist” label. You’ve got good kids, Mama.
December 26th, 2009 at 11:05 am