Eye of the Maelstrom
January 14, 2010
When I look back over my blog sometimes I feel like the most interesting posts to me are the ones where I wrote about my daily life, the “a day in the life” type posts. When you are busy going through the motions, the minutae of life, you think it is always going to be like that.
It isn’t. I never write about going to the grocery store anymore. Not because I don’t go. Trust me, I go to the grocery store more than anyone should have to. I go just about every other day. And yet, according to my offspring, there is nothing to eat.
But rather I don’t write about it anymore because there is no adventure in it. I don’t have babies who are grabbing things off the shelves and flinging them at people passing by us in the aisles. I no longer have toddlers that I am physically restraining with my legs at the check-out so they won’t run out the door. I don’t get the obnoxious comments from strangers anymore because I usually only shop with one kid. A socially acceptable number of offspring.
And when someone comments on the amount of cereal I am buying I only have to answer, “Teenagers.”
Life swirls around and these little moments get lost. The same scene plays out at my house every morning, only slight variations.
(According to my daughter, leggings are the tool of the devil. Just so you know. Same goes for tights, pants, jeans, and usually shorts. Skorts are okay because they look like skirts. She would like it known that she is wearing those leggings under duress. Duly noted.)
For the most part I allow her to wear whatever she wants. I know the day is coming when she will not want to wear skirts or dresses. The drawer filled with hair bows (pretties, we all still call them) will be replaced with make-up.
There is usually four or five of us in the bathroom at once. Teeth brushing, hair brushing, hair drying, complaining about something. All puncutated by me constantly urging them to hurry up. To get a move on. Sometimes I even clap my hands together really loud while I do my yelling. Not that it makes them pay any more attention to me. I am not proud of this fact. It just is.
Hurry up, already.
(*Rereading those old posts I have come to realize that I used to be funny. I think that went away with the toddlers, too.)
****
I also don’t write about my teeth and visiting the dentist anymore. Mostly because they have been all fixed up and aside from cleanings every 6 months things have been great. But, that changed, as these things are apt to do. I had to have one of the root canals redone. This morning I went in and had my second appointment with the endodontist and left with half my face numb.
I didn’t think much of it. On the way home, I stopped and bought coffee. I paid for it and I brought the cup up to my mouth to take a nice big swig. The coffee dribbled out of my mouth and all down the front of my shirt. I took several swigs of coffee because I didn’t notice until I felt it through my shirt. I tried to play it off like it was no big deal. Hahaha, this happens all the time. Nothing to see here. But I do not think the other patrons bought it. Though it was hard to tell what with all the laughing. And pointing.
I am now going to attempt to eat something. I am starving and if I don’t get some food soon I might just gnaw my own lips off. Which, now that I think about it, I might just do anyway. On the bright side I will save on lipgloss.
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Even though your adventures are of a different nature these days - TEENAGERS - I for one miss when you don’t have the time or inclination to blog. I feel like I personally know Miles since I started reading your blog when he was still in diapers. I wonder how you could possibly still have a hair on your head with all those boys. Notice I didn’t say children, but specifically boys. I had one and my hair is just now growing back (he just turned 31!) I wonder did you ever sell your house in CT, although not my business, I do wonder. Don’t stop writing, I’m sure others miss your daily notes on life as well.
January 14th, 2010 at 2:58 pmAnd you thought you weren’t funny anymore… Chris, the visual of you and your half-numb face trying to drink coffee is hysterical!
January 14th, 2010 at 3:11 pmWe still think you’re funny…funny LOOKING! HA! Okay, just kidding.
*I* still have toddlers - can ya tell?
January 14th, 2010 at 3:24 pmYou’re still funny.
January 14th, 2010 at 3:35 pmGnaw away. Assuming the Novacaine is still working, you won’t feel a thing,
January 14th, 2010 at 3:36 pmYour dentist story reminds me of the scene in “10″ when Dudley Moore comes home from the Dentist and tries to have a drink. Hilarious. I went to the dentist yesterday too. I came home and ate my bottom lip along with three pieces of pizza. My daughter finally looked over and asked why my lip was swollen and bloody. I couldn’t feel a thing. All this is to say, I feel you.
January 14th, 2010 at 3:38 pmChris,
I, too, am often not proud of my “morning” mothering.
Just to make you feel better about the coffee incident, my husband went in for a filling in July. The dentist “accidentally” hit a nerve while freezing his mouth and the right half of his tongue was NUMB for 3 mths. He has now regained feeling in it but he bit his tongue TONS in that few months.
January 14th, 2010 at 3:46 pmDoesn’t matter….you are still funny as hell!
January 14th, 2010 at 3:49 pmI sometimes to the clapping while talking loudly…sometimes I even go into a sort of ‘cheer’ mode, which is annoying to them AND me, so probably not a useful tool there either.
My daughters would agree that tights are the tool of the devil.
January 14th, 2010 at 4:31 pmOuch. I hope you recover soon.
January 14th, 2010 at 4:35 pmHello,
I just found your website and I think you are so very funny! I have been reading your archives (so if you keep seeing my ip address this is why) and I noticed that you do talk about going to the dentist a lot : ) and I love your grocery store stories.
I am just starting my own family (I am 13 weeks pregnant) and I don’t know how many children we will have, but I told my husband if we do ever have 7 children I’m going to tell people who ask why I have so many, that I wanted to start my own Vaughn-trap family!
Like you I was an only child (my mother had two more children when I was 14 and 16, so almost only child, but I don’t really have the typical sibling relationship obviously since I am now 26 and my sister is 12) and I would like to have a lot of kids because when I do see my brother and sister interact I feel like I missed out on a little something. I would like to give my children those experiences and relationships.
Ok sorry so long but nice to meet you over the internet! I am loving your blog!
January 14th, 2010 at 4:47 pmExcellent way of looking at it! Love your blog.
January 14th, 2010 at 6:14 pmWow. Those last two pictures are worth a thousand words. Be careful what you wish for ~ “Hurry up, already”. Wow.
January 14th, 2010 at 7:06 pmI love that you call them pretties. So do we!
January 14th, 2010 at 7:16 pmSee there? You are still funny! At least it was a funny visual, the dribbling java.
January 14th, 2010 at 7:18 pmFor what it is worth I miss you blogging all the time like you used to. But I do understand your out living your life rather than being stuck at home crotch deep in snow like the old days.
You still crack me up!
January 14th, 2010 at 7:54 pmWait, you had to have a root canal REDONE?? That can happen? Crap… Also, I wouldn’t try gnawing on your own lips while they’re numb, you might just eat your chin and then how on earth would you put a pillow case on?
January 14th, 2010 at 9:12 pmYou are funny,uplifing. sometimes you make us laught so we cry and sometimes you make us cry. You are a great writer. i love reading about your daily family life. You remind us with your writing to enjoy every moment as things are ever changing. And your photos are always awesome.
January 14th, 2010 at 9:47 pmI thought I was the only one who does the clapping AND yelling.
Not that it works here either.
My kids have outgrown that toddler stage too. Now there are so many things that are taboo to write about. And my oldest reads my blog now. It has seriously limited what I say.
I love to read about your day to day even if it is only going to the grocery store with one kid (which HELLO isn’t that awesome? No one staring, pointing, or counting your kids!)
January 14th, 2010 at 10:28 pmI’ve noticed how your blog has changed but I still think it’s beautiful. I loved the hilarity back in the day when Miles was a baby and you were renoing your house, but now find the emphasis on photos very poignant and they invoke memories of my own childhood. Keep on keepin on!
January 14th, 2010 at 11:13 pmJUst a comment on the cereal thing - there is a new place to eat up here called the cereal box. %6.95 gets an unlimited refill bowl of cereal and 2 toppings each additional topping is $1. The mom in me wonders if the people who run this franchise know how much cereal $7 buys?
January 15th, 2010 at 12:28 amYou are still funny. I love the visual you painted of trying to drink with your mouth numb.
I think that there is a whole different level of sarcastic, sleep deprived humor that emerges during those parenting years when you have multiple young ones.
January 15th, 2010 at 12:30 amI agree with k - those pictures really got to me. I’ve been doing a lot of hurry-it-up parenting lately, I even caught myself wishing them all just a little older. Now I’m going to go hug them in their sleep and thank God for their “little” problems.
January 15th, 2010 at 1:18 amDon’t stop blogging…i check everyday for a new post because I really enjoy your writing. I even started checking Blogher for your posts!
January 15th, 2010 at 1:30 amPeg said it perfectly!
January 15th, 2010 at 3:14 amI love your blog just as much as I ever have. Your life may have changed but your flair for writing has not. As Lindsay said, Keep on keepin’ on!
January 15th, 2010 at 3:43 amI hate when I accidentally do the clapping thing. Like my kid is a puppy or something?
My daughter thinks all lower-half-of-the-body garments are tools of the devil, especially panties and jeans (oh, the crying and shrieking that ensues!). She just wants to go commando in fuzzy, fleecy sweats if she must wear anything at all. I thought she was old enough to be over that, but seeing as she’s still a year or two younger than your daughter . .
January 15th, 2010 at 8:33 amI didn’t read until recently but I find your writing to be excellent, your take on most things in life to be ‘right on the money’ and your self-deprecating humor to be the best part of all. I took myself too seriously - for way too long. Because I read your blog (and another large family blog) I am trying NOT to do that!
So … thanks!
January 15th, 2010 at 9:11 amPlease tell me why you had to have a root canal re-done??? I just had my second - and can’t imagine paying for it again - on the same tooth!!!! (and I’ve been reading you for years and continue to enjoy you - keep up the good work!)
January 15th, 2010 at 10:06 amI’m a long time reader, and what I love about your blog is that you are real in it. You blog about the real stuff, not just the funny light-hearted parts of your life. The stories about that one kid (you know the one) in the neighborhood and how your kids reacted just broke my heart, because I know that pain from my son. What you write resonates with so many of your readers, that’s why we come back, that’s why we wait for new posts. Thanks for sharing your life with us, the funny and the rest.
January 15th, 2010 at 10:19 amComing from the someone who checks you site daily and never comments: please, continue in whatever style you deem appropriate for the day. Your posts are almost always witty, uplifting and deep at the same time. I enjoys your blogging tremendously.
January 15th, 2010 at 10:19 am- overworked mother of just two
Heartbreaking to see the empty bathroom. Thanks for the reminder that one day all too soon I won’t be rushing my children out of the door because they’ll already be….gone.
PS I love your photography. I’m hoping to take it up as a hobby here myself soon. Can you give me any tips? I love the emotion you capture. You are one of the inspirations for starting a new hobby this year. I’ve decided to forgo the resolutions in light of I’m already pretty damn good
and what I really need is a little more enjoyment.
Chris says: I really have no advice other than to just have fun with it. And always have it charged and ready to go
January 15th, 2010 at 1:05 pmThis too shall change. Soon you’ll be having great conversations with your teens! Yes, the more they learn the more heated the discussions with YOU their dumb parents and their idealistic slant on the world letting YOU know YOU know nothing about ” real life”.
January 15th, 2010 at 1:22 pmBut hang in there it gets better about 10 years after they get out of college they will realize you aren’t so stupid after all :0).
Don’t be so hard on yourself….everyday isn’t funny…but being able to find the humor in small things in life sure makes the ride easier and you do a great job sharing that with us :0)
Not funny?? What?!? I love it when I see you come up in my reader because I know I can come here for a smile…or, maybe a lump in my throat or both on the same day.
Your writing and photos are fantastic, and your family is so entertaining and, of course, just beautiful. Keep tossing out bones to us when you can!
January 15th, 2010 at 2:41 pmOh, and…I JUST did the yell/clap this morning! Ha!
January 15th, 2010 at 2:42 pmJust finished paying bills and depressing myself. I did my daily check of your blog and woke up my cats who were sleeping beside me as I visualized the spreading coffee stain on your shirt as you actually took ANOTHER sip. Love it and love your family stories. As I read I feel that me with my three boys can handle the daily grind if you you have made it this far with six and a daughter. Keep it coming.
January 15th, 2010 at 5:20 pmEnjoying your blog
January 15th, 2010 at 9:03 pmYou definitely have NOT lost your funny…you’re still my favorite blog EVER!!!
January 15th, 2010 at 9:06 pmkinda sounds like her mom, who hates shorts, capri pants, etc……
Chris says: True… though I have embraced the shorts since I moved to the face of the sun
January 15th, 2010 at 10:20 pmAfter I had my wisdom teeth taken out I ordered a cheeseburger, fries and big ice water. I took a huge swig and bloody, water soaked the front of my shirt. I never touched my burger & fries. I had no idea how incompentent you become with a numb mouth.
January 15th, 2010 at 11:03 pmMy daughter feels the same way about tights! She hates them, even when it is 5 degrees outside. For some reason knee highs are cool though and thanks to hananah Montana ( I think) leggings have suddenly been added to the cool list this fall as well, last year they were worse than tights…
Oh and I do the clapping thing to, with the same results you seem to get!
January 16th, 2010 at 11:30 amOh, I clap for emphasis, too. Sometimes I shout so loudly that I nearly black out. I KNOW it doesn’t make a bit of difference, I may as well be whispering, but the EMPHATIC CLAP and SHOUTING makes me feel proactive.
I look forward to the day when EVERY SINGLE TRIP TO THE GROCERY STORE is not blog fodder that involves the sentences: And then he had a temper tantrum. And she ran away laughing. And then she had a temper tantrum. And he ran away laughing.
January 16th, 2010 at 1:06 pmThat last photo really gets me.
January 16th, 2010 at 3:23 pmYou are still funny! But I did enjoy the walk down memory lane. I’m adding clapping to my morning routine as the yelling by itself doesn’t do much good. Also? I’m totally planning a breakfast cereal party in my head now.
January 17th, 2010 at 11:33 amI’ve only found this blog in the last year or so, but if you’re no longer funny I probably couldn;t read yopur earlier posts without splitting something important.
January 18th, 2010 at 6:29 ami clap loudly and try to chivvy them along in a loud and jolly voice… it’s horrible, i cringe as i do it - and it’s almost always in the bathroom which is the only room in the house joined to the neighbours so they must hear me
ah well. and like you it does nothing to hurry the situation, just irritates them.
January 18th, 2010 at 10:16 am