My Life As A Lifetime Movie
January 22, 2010
I posed this question over at twitter, but thought I would ask it here too.
Back story: Yes, this relates to the crazy neighbor and her bully children.
Every single day on the bus and as they are getting off of the bus the 11 (12?) yr old boy teases, taunts and is rude and nasty to my 9 and 10 yr old sons. Most of it is directed to my 9 yr old. He calls him “faggot,” “gay,” “retarded,” “stupid” Basically any word that you can think of that would be an insult in the vernacular of an 11/12 yr old. He taunts them to fight him, saying that they are afraid of him.
I guess he has forgotten how my 9yr old, who was 8 at the time, punched him in self defense causing the kid to run home crying to his mom. Literally. He trips my son while he is getting off the bus. It is just unrelenting. His 10 yr old sister is also a bully and has taken to saying things to my boys as well.*
And while I have been proud of the way my boys have been ignoring him, there is only so much a child (person) can endure before they are pushed to their breaking point. And my sons, one in particular, are reaching that point. They are not at all fearful. They are stressed. They are angry. And guess who gets to bear the brunt of their anger? Yup, their family.
My neighbor witnessed the behavior coming off of the bus the other day and told me about it. Her description made it seem even worse than my boys were telling me, more aggressive and less sneaky.
On the one hand I feel bad for these kids. Kids don’t consistently behave this way without reason and given the way I have seen their mother behave I know where it comes from. But on the other, much bigger and less empathetic hand, I don’t really care WHY they are acting this way I just want it to stop.
So long-winded explaination to get to the question:
At what point do you stop telling your kids to ignore it and “allow” them to fight back?
****
I have sat on this post for a couple of days thinking about the situation. And what really bothers me is the way adults are ignoring it. People love to talk to talk about taking bullying seriously, but in reality they just turn their heads because it isn’t their kid, or their problem, or they don’t want to get involved and incur the crazy neighbor lady’s wrath. I have actually heard one parent say exactly this even though their child was being called names also.
You can say that you are just not taking sides if that makes you feel better. But doing nothing is also making a choice. Standing by and ignoring that a kid is yelling and taunting another kid is making a choice. And we collectively wonder why children stand by and allow other children to get picked on. Or worse.
****
In the end, of course, I preach non-violence. I tell them about taking the high road. And the loving your enemies bullshit. But mostly I tell them about extending kindness when none is deserved, which is also called being merciful. That’s what being strong is about– it is making the choice to not beat up someone because they anger you and call you names, EVEN THOUGH YOU COULD. That choice is infinitely more difficult. That choice does not make you weak. It makes you stronger.
*The boys have not wanted me to call the school with every incident that happens. Insisting they can handle it themselves. And that it will just get worse if they “tattle.” Truthfully, I don’t want to be that parent either. This week it has just been too overwhelming and I told them the decision has been taken out of their hands. I called the school. My 10 yr old talked to the bus driver. They seem relieved to no longer be carrying the burden.
And I wait for CPS or the police to be at my door again. I know it is coming.
I just organized all my kid’s pencils and magic markers in anticipation.
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A shame, isn’t it? But even though your kids want to handle it and not be a tattle tale, I am sure they are secretly relieved you are stepping in. When it’s time, it’s time. Good for you! And for the record, when I see a kid being a bully, using bad language, etc. I always step in and say something no matter WHO they are. I wish more people would.
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:14 pmIf this is happening on the bus, you need to report it to the school. Most schools have a zero tolerance bullying policy these days. FORCE the school to take action.
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:16 pmI know I tweeted to let your kids beat them but that was all in fun…kinda. Well recently I did write a post on bullying. My 6yr old was being bullied by a boy and I didn’t take her serious. Long story short, she smacked the boy in the face and bit him and got reported before I realize that his taunting had taken her to her breaking point. We talked about not being violent but the things this boy did to her made me do a little fist pump when I realized my girl can take care of himself. To say the least, he doesn’t bother her anymore, they are actually bus buddies now.
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:18 pmas a teacher i definitely think you should call the school. we want to protect your kids!
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:20 pmBesides the obvious reasons you stated before, people like this are experts at lies and manipulation, and any sort of defense or retaliation is most likely to haunt you and your kids. Perhaps have one of your kids carry a cell phone and press “record” before approaching these other youngsters. Your best evidence is going to be a recording that can’t be denied or misconstrued.
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:20 pmThe adults ignoring only gives these kids more power.
I can empathize with your situation ~ its a difficult position to be in. I had the same type of situation that I let go for awhile while the kids ‘handled’ it but then I became ‘that parent’ that called the school and complained. Good thing was, they had so many complaints about the kid, he wasn’t allowed on the bus anymore. Hope it works out for you!
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:23 pmI would tell your kids to laugh at them-right in their face- each time they are teased/tormented. After a while it will piss off the brutes so bad they will take the first punch, and your kids can hit back in self defense. The school and bus driver are aware of the problem and will know they were only protecting themselves. I tell my kids never to start a fight, but to defend themselves.
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:24 pmI think you did the right thing. It sucks you have to deal with it but your kids are learning so many life lessons from it. Good Luck!
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:28 pmI’m all for being non-violent, and killing people with kindness. However, I also think there is a point where you need to stand up for yourself. This kind of junk makes me not look forward to my kids growing up.
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:28 pmI know exactly what you’re going through. My 16-year-old daughter had a “falling out” with one of her close school friends who is a couple of grades older than her. She isn’t experiencing physical violence, though there is much verbal and social bullying coming from the older girl. My daughter told me she didn’t want me to interfere…said exactly what your sons said (it will make it worse). I, too, have almost reached the point of taking the decision from her. I am giving in another day or two (will make 2 weeks) and if she hasn’t “moved on” to another victim by then, I’ll make the call. Kudos to you for stepping up and coming to the aid of your children. They don’t always realize they need help.
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:31 pmA little video footage of the kids getting off the bus might go a long way when CPS shows up.
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:32 pmHmmmmm tough one.
I know this lady is unreasonable, what about if, this may sound bizarre but if you got one of your children to record on the sly, their bullying. Then with a witness you march that little recording over to rude, psycho, sick-in-the-head neighbor and press play.
How do you think she would react to hearing the hatred in her children’s voices.
I think you did the correct thing by calling the school and talking to the bus driver.
The world is stressful enough for our children than having to deal with children whom have been parented incorrectly.
Hugs,
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:32 pmLisa
It may be the avoidance route, but can you and the other parents organize a carpool so they can just avoid the bus?
I feel so bad for all the kids! Bullying is the WORST.
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:34 pmI don’t have children so have no grounds to voice “what I would do” because until put in that situation, no one really knows what they WOULD DO…but damn, I applaud you for calling, for your son talking to the bus driver…They are KIDS. They are to young to be putting up with the harmful, hurtful, BULLSHIT of the world. I am so proud of you all, and hope this causes a ripple effect. One that will let your children enjoy their youth. Way to go Mom. Hang in there, more waves will come, but you are fully equipped to ride them - even if you don’t know how.
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:37 pmUgh Chris! I’m so sorry! I think you did the right thing by calling the school. It’s sad that one crazy family can just ruin things for so many.
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:40 pm“And I wait for CPS or the police to be at my door again. I know it is coming.”
I have no experience with this so please excuse my ignorance when I ask, now that you have alerted the school about this issue doesn’t that put her on the defensive now ? Does crazy lady have a husband? Is there any way to get a couple of the neighbors together and all of you approach the school with one voice ?
I’m so sorry to hear this is still going on. You are teaching your kids a valuable lesson with your example. Little comfort, I know but there it is.
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:40 pmMaybe if the police or CPS come, tell the story (which I think they already know) and see if there is some mediation you can do with the crazy lady. At least if she was forced to do that she would know you aren’t letting your kids just sit by and do nothing. You are serious and she needs to do something about her kids. Is something like this even possible I don’t know?
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:43 pmHave you considered getting a small video camera and giving it to your boys to capture what is going on. You can buy a very small camera for about $150 and I think it would be a wonderful way to show the school and other parents what is really happening.
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:45 pmYou’re far more mature about the situation than I think I would be. I think you’re handling it beautifully. I do wonder why the bus driver hasn’t said anything? Isn’t he/she a witness to this everyday? They should be stopping and reporting the behavior. They’re responsible for the kids’ safety in the same way a teacher is, correct?
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:45 pmHi Chris,
There are ways to “fight back” which have nothing to do with violence. I vote for the power of video or audio recording. I know a Flip Video camera is inexpensive and super easy to use - my 4-year old delights in the videos he makes of our family. Just think of all the neat ways you and your kids can figure out how to clandestinely capture the verbal abuse. Espionage as a family activity!
I don’t know about your state, but here in Washington bullying is proactively addressed and evidence of it on school grounds, and by extension, the school bus, is handled swiftly and sternly. Video of the bullying eliminates the “he said vs. you said” questions.
I wish you all the best. And please pass along my sincerest admiration for your kids’ composure.
Peter
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:46 pmI don’t have kids old enough to be bullied but I KNOW this would piss me off to no end! How can there be such crazies in the world (the mother) who are so hell bent on raising even crazier crazies?? Maybe you need to load your kids backpacks with hidden cameras to document the torment for CPS and the school and everyone else. Though I am sure it is obvious to everyone - it always seems the good kids get punished for the nutjobs in the world!
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:49 pmKnow what, Chris? I think that stepping in was the right thing to do. There is a point that you say “be nice” blah, blah, blah, but there is also a line. These kids cross it all the time apparently, and it’s time for it to stop.
Also? I, personally, would be practicing with them how to throw a punch and discussing how and when to do it so they don’t get in trouble with the school. But that might just be me.
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:49 pmFWIW, I think you’ve done the right thing. You let the kids try to handle it and when it became obvious that they could not, you reported it to the authorities. Chances are if they are doing this to your children, they are doing it to other children; children whose parents may not be aware.
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:50 pmI have kept up with what you have told about this (in the blog world anyway) and wish I could impart wisdom here. I have no idea what needs to be done, but agree that standing by only teaches that same thing. It’s not okay to let it continue to happen, yet the neighbor does not seem to mind calling the police. I guess I just wanted to let you know that it seems you are doing everything you can to teach your kids to be kind and show them that there comes a point when you as the parent in the situation must take control. I commend you for allowing them to handle it on there own for so long. Hopefully the adults in the know will help. And put on a pot of coffee for the nice man when he comes back to visit again!!
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:50 pmI don’t know that this is the right thing to say, but I’ll say it anyway…there comes a point, when it’s okay to fight back. Your boys may be at that point. If talking to the school, the bus driver and everyone else isn’t helping, maybe they deserve to have someone finally stand up to them.
I decked a girl in middle school. The only person I’ve ever hit in my life. After a year of being bullied, I took matters into my own hand. Literally. Decked her. She’d never had anyone stand up and give it back to her before. She stopped bullying me.
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:50 pmI’m glad that you called the school. I don’t think this sort of bullying can be left to children to handle. There was an article just this morning in the paper about a child in Texas who evidently committed suicide. Initial reports spoke of bullying –
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:53 pmI’m relieved you’ve taken it out of their hands. My son (14) has dealt with bullying this year to a degree that it became unhealthy for him. I became that parent…the complainer, letter writer, whatever you want to call it. I documented everything that I viewed as a violation of an anti-bullying policy. It is not my ambition to get kids thrown out of school, but you have to draw a line. And you’re going to have to deal with that crazy neighbor lady anyway…whether it’s because you’ve pissed her off…or because your son has had enough and blows his top. I used to work for family services before…you have NOTHING to worry about, but it will help if you have a paper trail of this bullcrap. Besides, they know you already…right? : )
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:58 pmChris,
I was just thinking about this earlier today. I remember in 9th grade two boys in class would always yell, laugh and taunt me. No matter what. They sat right next to me in class, and they never made any effort to hdie their behavior. (An aside: I was the grade below them.) The teacher never did anything. Neither did I. When I look back, I wish I had stopped being polite and not fighting back and instead told them to shut the fuck up.
I wish I had good advice for you, but it’s so true that people love to pretend bullying isn’t happening, and then decry that very fact when a violent incident occurs in a school.
Hope things work out for you all.
Caitlin
January 22nd, 2010 at 2:59 pmWhen it is affecting other parts of the childrens lives is when there is no other choice than to do something. I’m glad you called the school and your son spoke to the driver. As parents it is our job to be advocates for our children regardless of how independant they are. Document all incidents from now on and if your neighbors are willing, have them document as well. There has to be some kind of resolution to this even if it means getting a restraining order against the family. Bullying is not acceptable and if this is how they are acting toward other kids imagine how they are being treated in their own home.
January 22nd, 2010 at 3:01 pmAre there cameras on the bus? Anything that could backup the story? You could the school to view the video and see what’s happening and if they see bullying. I also wonder if there’s some kind of harassment case that could be made against the family, because of their children’s behavior.
I would definitely struggle with this. You’re doing such a good job teaching them the right way, but I’m with you too. At some point all that anger is going to explode, and who would you rather it explode on? Their undeserving siblings or the very deserving bullies?
January 22nd, 2010 at 3:02 pmWe told our big kids that they are to protect their younger siblings. We also told our bullying neighbor child. And his mother lost her fool head about it, but she got over it. The next time her bully child tried it, we wouldn’t let our son play with her son that wasn’t a bully for a week. That nipped this mess in the bud. . .but I’m still watching that kid.
I’m sure you and your children will handle this. Did you ever call CPS or the police on your crazy neighbor?
January 22nd, 2010 at 3:06 pmI have little advice to offer, except to say that I think you’re handling this correctly and exactly as I hope I will handle it if something similar ever happens to my son. (He’s 15 months old now, and I live in terror of the day someone bullies him or even just treats him badly.) Good luck, Chris & Co. Your readers are rooting for you. I hope your family gets some relief and that you tell us what happens.
January 22nd, 2010 at 3:06 pmI don’t have kids, but my little brother used to get bullied. He would wait until it got physical then fight back. When he was in elementary shool a kid would call him names constantly but when he finally shoved my brother, he drew a line. My brother hauled off and socked the kid in the mouth so hard the kid’s teeth split through his bottom lip. The bully’s parents tried to make a stink about it, but his bullying had been witnessed by so many other kids, there really was no point. Apparently after that, the bully wanted to be my brother’s best friend.
January 22nd, 2010 at 3:07 pmI say call the school, call the bus station that is in charge of the buses, while gratifying as it may be to fight back, the best thing they can do is walk away. I am not one of those adults who ignores it if there is no parent nearby to correct the child I will say something politely. If there is a parent nearby and they aren’t doing anything I have been know to say something to them politely first. We as parents can’t let others hurt ours and others kids. I totally agree that the main reason those kids are acting like that is because of their mom. Very sad what they will probably grow up like.
January 22nd, 2010 at 3:13 pmAt the schools here in our area they have a “zero tolerance” for bullying. There are no second chances. That kid is out of school and I believe they have to attend a course on bullying. Maybe you could push for something similar in your area. Our girls were bullied something awful when we moved here and the kids all had to take anger management courses and the boys took courses on respecting females. Hope this helps. I’m glad your pencils are all in a row too!
January 22nd, 2010 at 3:16 pmGood luck - I hope somehow the system works and the bullying can stop. Don’t let the mom bully you, either - at least the last time the cop came to your door, he was familiar with her and her tactics.
January 22nd, 2010 at 3:22 pmThis post reminded me of when I was 11 or 12 years old there was a nasty girl in my neighborhood who was constantly running her mouth to me. One day I got off the bus and she got off at my stop too mouthing at me as I started to walk home, my mom heard her yelling and walked outside to see me walking briskly towards home with my head down trying to ignore her. I’ll never forget my mother, who to this day wouldn’t say sh** if she had a mouth full of it said “Tiffany, you drop those books right now turned around and kick her a** or I’m going to kick yours!” Wow! Needless to say I dropped my books turned around and gave that little twit a piece of my mind and in true bully fashioin she ran on and really never bothered me again. My mother never encouraged fighting but she knew I had to stand up for myself. I am not in favor of violence or fighting it seems so trashy but sometimes you just have to, it’s the only way to shut some people up. We tell our kids don’t start a fight but don’t walk away from one if it means standing up for yourself.
I agree with you on teaching our kids to take the high road, but I also believe that once a bully is dealt with head on they stop messing with the ones who can’t be messed with and then the cycle starts over with a new set of kids. Sad but true. Sorry about your nightmarish neighbors!
January 22nd, 2010 at 3:25 pmwow. Just wow. It is so unfortunate that your kids and you have to suffer through interactions with them on an ongoing basis. And I really can’t think of any way to stop it. I’m sorry
January 22nd, 2010 at 3:26 pmChris,
Our family had a VERY similar situation last year with a brother/sister bully team in middle school here in Texas. He was an equal opportunity bully that went after EVERYONE at the bus stop, even his little toadies. Unfortunately, unlike you we didn’t know about what was going on. We knew these kids lived in the neighborhood and that our kids thought they were mean, but we never heard about anything going on with them specifically . . . until it was too late.
I’ll spare you all the details about the things this kid had done, but he was a lot like your bully. Also, he had my son’s hat for months and wouldn’t give it back and was being a real jerk about it. So that combined with the daily barrage of general meanness proved too much for my son to take. Over the weekend my son cleaned his room and found a hunting knife his grandma had bought for him. (He doesn’t hunt and isn’t into knives and we didn’t even know he had it. She gave it to him and he stuck it away somewhere.) His story is that he knew he couldn’t take it to school but he wanted to show it to his friends so he took it to the bus stop then buried it. However before he buried, he had it in is hand and told the kid he wanted his hat back. The kid said, “Or else what?” and my son said “Or else I’ll get you.” (I don’t really believe he just wanted to show it to his friends. On some level he wanted to threaten the kid and I think it was more of a conscious thing than he’ll ever admit, but that’s another issue.)
The bully told the bus driver that my son had a knife and threatened to kill him. The bus driver told the principal. The principal called the bully and his friends in for their version of it, then called my son in. Then the principal called the police and he was arrested for felony aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and sent to juvie. Four thousand dollars later, a lawyer got him out the next day. (After months of court dates he got community service and probation. I think mostly because he is a smart kid who is in gifted/talented classes and he is well-liked with lots of friends who along with their parents and some teachers wrote letters to the judge.)
So, I don’t really have an answer to your question, but I wanted to share our experience since everything leading up to the knife incident is SO similar to yours. I DO know, 1)they shouldn’t take anything with them that can be construed as a weapon and 2)they shouldn’t do anything on school property or even at the bus stop!
Chris says: Oh wow, my heart just aches for your son. Truly. And I will be telling the boys your son’s story.
January 22nd, 2010 at 3:27 pmMy heart aches for you, because my son went through some bullying and the peace-nik in me said “ignore him” while the Mama Bear side said…Beat the ever-living crap out of that little SOB.
Unfortunately I have no wisdom to impart. But I do have vodka, and cranberry juice. For you, not for the boys.
January 22nd, 2010 at 3:31 pmOh, and I hope the bully(ies?) get kicked off the bus, cause if you have to deal with crazy neighbor lady and the CPS….then you might as well get something good out of it.
January 22nd, 2010 at 3:34 pmI think you did the right thing by calling the school and by not “allowing” them to fight back.
When my daughter was about the same age, she inherited a hand-me-down bike from her sister she was ecstatic about and staring riding it to school. About 2 weeks into it, she HATED her previously beloved bike. It took me a while to get out of her that when she was putting it in the bike rack at school each day, a boy was knocking it down and making fun of her. She did not want to tell me for fear I would call the school. She is fiercely independent and easily embarrassed by me butting in, but this had been happening every day and had gone too far.
Kids need to learn to handle things on their own, but what has been going on those boys is more than a normal childhood tiff, and someone needs to hold those boys accountable if their mother will not. They will have to face the real world some day, and they need to see that not everyone does things the way they are allowed to do at home.
January 22nd, 2010 at 3:34 pmSounds like its time to start documenting what these boys are doing. Next time the police show up at your house, you have a list of times your boys have been harassed by these children, and who can verify that as true. The more stuff you can point to, the more ammunition the authorities have in ignoring the other mother crying wolf. No, its not neighborly, but clearly this family doesn’t care about that. At the end of the day, the best defense is a good offense.
January 22nd, 2010 at 3:35 pmI don’t know if this helps but I was in a slightly different situation but it was still bullying. Every time the child bullied my child I rang the parent. She quickly got very fed up and the boy backed off. Now in your situation it might be the school you ring but they will soon get pretty fed up of you calling every day. It is also worth asking that they log your calls so that if the situation escalates they have a record of it. That tells them that you are taking it seriously and are not about to back off easily. Who is responsible for the kids on the bus? (English! We don’t have a school bus here!)
January 22nd, 2010 at 3:54 pmWe are experiencing much of the same at the high school level with a kid who has always been different, but not aggressive. Now he has turned aggressive and he has changed a lot - and not for the better - this year. Everyone has noticed the change, but nothing is being done.
January 22nd, 2010 at 3:59 pmThe kids have talked to the principal. I’m afraid that the perpetrator has a lot going on in his head and at home - alas this is not my problem. My kids’ safety is my problem. Needless to say, my LLB fears the kid - he went after her and told her he was going to choke her. #1 stepped in, but who is to say that next time #1 will be near by when LLB needs him. I am worried.
I will contact the school again… and again… and again.
And if DSS shows up - I hope they don’t mind my dust.
Good luck - and a videotape goes a LONG way.
xo
LBC
Recording the bullying on the sly does sound smart but do beware. A good friend in NC had two sons going through the same thing. Their sister used her phone camera to record what happened one afternoon. Cut and dry case, right? Nope. The principal busted the daughter for using her phone on the bus and put her in in-school suspension and wouldn’t watch the video! Two days and a trip to the superintendent’s office later, the suspension was removed from her record, the bus driver was fired (long story), and the right kid was suspended. So mind-numbingly stupid…
January 22nd, 2010 at 4:02 pm“I told them the decision has been taken out of their hands”…good call. Sometimes it becomes too overwhelming…what a shame that no one has seen to do anything prior to this. This can’t possibly be new behavior…I often wonder what happens to these kinds of kids. How do they go from adorable 2-5 year olds to rotten old bullies??…sad really.
January 22nd, 2010 at 4:19 pmI was bullied as a child and I feel very compelled to tell you that the impacts of it are deep and long reaching. I’m very sure that my personality was forever altered by the unrelenting teasing, name calling, and meanness I endured in middle school. I understand your position of asking your boys to take the high road, but putting children in the way of emotional abuse by their peers and not allowing them to do anything about it can be very damaging to them. For obvious legal reasons, the answer can’t be for your children to become violent with them, although the red-neck in me screams that is exactly what the bullies of this world need. That only leaves getting the school administration involved, which I’m so glad to hear you’ve done, and your own supervision and / or removal. I’m obviously personally impacted by this situation, but if it were my daughter, I would either be meeting her at the bus stop or picking her up from school. I would do my best to just remove her from the situation.
January 22nd, 2010 at 4:22 pmMy nephew who is extremely high functioning PDD-NOS was the subject of repeated bullying at school, and one day my sister and brother-in-law get called into the principal’s office because my nephew, who is extremely small for his age, has just beaten the crap out of a bully on the playground. They asked my nephew what happened and he explained that he was trying to go down the slide when, “This fool started choking me!” While there were consequences from the school, my sister and brother-in-law took him to dinner.
I hope the mother gets busted for filing false reports and child neglect.
January 22nd, 2010 at 4:22 pmThank you for having the courage to talk about your bully problem. My first grader daughter was getting kicked and hit daily by boys whenever the teacher left the room/hall/etc. The school said they would deal with it but, guess what, it continued. We homeschool now but she still feels like the bullying was her fault.
January 22nd, 2010 at 4:24 pmOur rule is, once it reaches *that* point, you must first say, “if you do XYZ one more time I’m going to hit you.” If the child then decides to continue - all bets are off. It killed me to tell my own boys this as I am all about the peace but there does come a point (in our case a child was hurting my oldest on the bus - in KINDERGARTEN). I’m fortunate to say that most of my boys have had to say it to someone but not one of them has had to follow through. Telling the bus driver has never helped any of the kids and if anything it seemed to make it worse. Also, it eventually often continues off the bus… until the warning. So rules are: must be serious reason to give the warning and warning MUST be given before hitting.
January 22nd, 2010 at 4:26 pmI’m glad you called. Your children sound strong, and they have a mother who will advocate for them. It is the hidden children, the ones being bullied who don’t have parents or older siblings to watch their back… you have protected those children as well.
January 22nd, 2010 at 4:31 pmKeep doing what you’re doing Mama–some people are real freaks, no?
January 22nd, 2010 at 4:32 pmMy daughter was being harrassed by a BOY from 8th grade through their sophomore year in high school. He wasn’t just ANY boy though.. he was the brother of the American Idol winner. So, he was pretty cocky. (his parents would not have tolerated his behaviour though)…Anyway, we taught her the “Oops.. did I just smash you in the head really, really hard with my extremely heavy backpack?” move, which seemed to work after a few times.
January 22nd, 2010 at 4:40 pmAre any of your older boys also on this bus? Maybe big brothers should kinda hang out at the bus stop to get the littler kids off the bus. Not to cause trouble, just to make sure no one is falling when they get tripped by bullies. Is your daughter on this bus also?
January 22nd, 2010 at 4:41 pmDocument document document. Don’t just call the school, write a letter to follow up on the call. Note who you gave it to and when. Document document document.
What does it say that nearly everyone has posted some story of kids being bullied?
My brother was bullied in Jr High. He was hit in the back with a bike lock, and poked with a pencil- he had bruises and holes. And he didn’t want my parents to say anything to make it worse. And they listened to him! I still think they were wrong- a CHILD does not get to decide the best way to handle violent or potentially violent situations.
January 22nd, 2010 at 4:46 pmI know our school buses have video cameras on them……if yours does, too, the school can see for themselves bullying in action. You may want a copy to show the DFS investigator next time he shows up…..
January 22nd, 2010 at 4:59 pmI am going through the same thing with one of my (middle school aged) sons. It is ridiculous the amount of BS kids are expected to put up with. We would never expect an adult to stand by and be harrassed and tormented in such a manner without reacting, yet we expect it from kids all the time.
We, too, have tried the “high road”. The “be nice to them, they’re the ones with problems, blah blah blah…” My son is a bright, athletic, well adjusted kid and it is driving even “someone like him” insane. The school blows it off for reason after reason. The child doing most of the picking is going through “home problems”, or my son is so “well liked and adjusted” that it shouldn’t bother him. Total and complete BS, only because no one wants to make the hard decision and rip this mean kid a new one.
Problem compounds problem in that I teach at their school and have to see the little assheads that are mean to my son, one in particular - IN MY CLASS every day. I want to just beat the crap out of him when I see him, but try to be the adult and keep telling my son the “mature” way to handle it.
But, in the last couple of weeks, I’ve withdrawn those kinds of statements. I told my son to evaluate the situation. Decide what needs to be done to the kid to make him stop. Understand and accept what the consequences will be when you act. Then…act. Enough is enough.
I hope your sons can find some sort of resolution with the bully situation. That sort of stress can eat away at a child until they reach a breaking point. No child should be pushed to that point.
January 22nd, 2010 at 5:04 pmI think it’s right to teach kids to take the high road etc. until the bullying crosses the line to physical bullying…I think then our children have to learn to defend themselves. If the bullies continue through life without anyone teaching them that their behavior is not acceptable nor will be tolerated, they will just continue it…possibly even into adulthood…we’ve all met bullies in the parking lot, in line at stores, bully bosses, bully spouses, etc.
I do think cell phone video and any other form of documentation are GREAT ideas as well.
If your children attend public schools, not only is the bus considered school property, but the bus stop is as well. The school is legally bound to help you in this situation and may need to be reminded of such.
I hope things get better…makes me so angry to think about it.
January 22nd, 2010 at 5:23 pmYou did the right thing by calling the school and talking to the bus driver. Yes, kids should be allowed to handle things on their own to a degree, but this has gone too far. Bullying can be so damaging to children. You should be proud of how your kids have handled it thus far.
I also preach non-violence and being merciful but sometimes that just doesn’t work.
I always tell my son to try and avoid a fight, but if you get pushed around stand up for yourself. He is 13 now, but several years ago there was a neighbor boy that always wanted to play with him but then was always mean to him. He would shove my son and eventually hit him. He would come home and tell me and I told him don’t let anyone hit you. Those types of people are bullies and you have to stand up for yourself. So when he hits you again, you hit him back twice. I know that may not be a very grown up response, but I knew it was something he needed to take care of. It worked. He stood up for himself and it never happened again.
I hope those kids get kicked off the bus. I can’t even find words to describe their mother. Good luck, I hope you get things worked out.
January 22nd, 2010 at 5:24 pmDon’t know the rules where you live, but our district takes misbehavior on the bus just as seriously as they do in the classroom. I assume the bus driver witnesses their behavior. Maybe if those kids got kicked off the bus and the parents were inconvenienced by having to pick them up at school every day, they may start to see the light. Or maybe not. But at least they’d be inconvenienced and your kids wouldn’t have to deal with them on the bus.
January 22nd, 2010 at 5:27 pmI am assuming that your school has a “NO BULLY” policy. I would demand that something be done. Not just for your sake, but for these other kids. They are going to end up in prison sooner than later. Not that I really care, but for your kids’ sake, the school needs to be notified. Then you have to follow up and ask what has been done. And don’t do it over the phone, march your happy ass in there and look them straight in the eye and DEMAND that your kids are safe. Amen
January 22nd, 2010 at 5:32 pmDocumentation is nice but cell phones aren’t allowed at a lot of schools, I don’t know about on the buses. I thought they did have cameras on school buses. I think I would have been talking to the school and the bus driver by this time. I actually had to call the police on some neighbor kids the one year we lived in Alabama. A gang of kids were shooting marbles at our kids and home with heavy duty slingshots. They relented on our house and kids after the police visited them, but later I saw the same police car there a couple of other times and figured someone else had called them. This was in the summertime, the mother was one those who locked her children out of the house between 8 am and suppertime - about 6 pm. Today CPS would have been there, that was in the late 60’s.
January 22nd, 2010 at 5:41 pmGood luck with your situation.
Unfortunately, in my experience, ‘tattling’ to the school does make the bullying worse. Why is that? Maybe it’s because the bullies are usually the kids who are always in trouble in school anyway so a little more is no big deal.
I was always the smart, quiet kid in school, but the teasing/bullying didn’t start until middle school. I told no one because I felt too embarrassed to tell my parents what they were saying for some odd reason. Most of it happened on the bus since they were older than me and didn’t see me throughout the day, so the bus driver was the one who told the principal.
After the principal called us all into his office and had a talk, the bullying and teasing was really kicked up a notch. Always subtle little things that the bus driver never saw or teachers in the halls never saw… stabbing with pencils, tripping, spitting, etc. It got back to a few of the ‘bad’ kids in my grade that I was a ‘narc’ and that was really the breaking point for me because I was no longer getting a reprieve during the day. I started dreading going to school so much that I started making myself sick and had panic attacks. When I finally told my mom what was going on, I begged her not to call the school because I knew it’d get even worse. She listened and started taking me to school so that I got there right before the bell rang. One day I got there early and was standing at the end of my locker row talking to my friend when one of the bullies slid a big, heavy Lit book along the top of the lockers right onto my head and knocked me out. They got suspended and the school resource officer was called to talk to the others and finally scared them a little. Mid 7th grade and 8th were much more pleasant… too bad it took being knocked out by a Lit book for it to happen.
I have no advice other than reminding them that people suck and it DOES get better. And also keep reminding your kids how good it will feel to go to Subway on their lunch break from their successful career and order a sub from their ex-bully. If only they’d put as much effort into their school work as they did into making me feel like crap…
January 22nd, 2010 at 5:43 pmI agree with Tutugirl. Forget neighborly, this family is out for blood (literally) and you need to protect your kids. Do you think you will ever be friends with this woman???!!!
January 22nd, 2010 at 6:04 pmComing from a teacher’s perspective, you did the right thing by calling the school. Unfortunately, you need to have a paper trail for things to be taken seriously. The bus driver is responsible for the well-being/safety of his/her passengers but you should not rely on that when it comes to your own children. Documentation is very important and the suggestions of video and/or recordings would be great too. Not to make excuses but people get overwhelmed and it’s not their own child so it may not be a priority in their daily lives. Be the squeaky wheel!!!!!
Kudos for handling it as a mature, caring parent but you also have to realize that you are dealing with an emotionally unstable family who have already called CPS on you. You need to stay 10 intelligent steps ahead of them and document everything. Call the school everyday and tell your children to tell the bus driver everyday if need be. I know it’s uncomfortable and the boys will be upset but how will you feel if something physical happens or your sons are the ones that get in trouble. Keep walking the high road, also known as the sane one.
It’s most likely that the school has already received complaints (maybe confidentiality rules keep them from discussing other issues) and any evidence would be greatly appreciated. Teachers don’t see evrything that happens but we know which students are bullies and which parents are clueless/crazy/a**holes. The family’s name has probably been bantered about year to year in the faculty room. You can be the lauded one!
Another idea is to call the CPS worker and give him a heads up and ask him what he would like for dinner when he visits.
Best of luck! Keep us informed. I miss your funny stories and pictures of your gorgeous little ones too.
What did the school say? and the bus driver? Did you get helpful responses?
January 22nd, 2010 at 6:10 pmCould you just hire a big intimidating guy to meet your boys at the bus every day for a while? He wouldn’t have to do anything. Maybe just be ‘friendly’ and shake hands with the bullies.
(My husband used to work with teamsters and if anyone had a problem with someone, a teamster would go and be friendly and just shake hands with the guy while saying that he hoped the guy was being nice to his friend.)
That was my first question …. if its happening on the bus, and as they get off the bus, why isn’t the bus driver doing something about it? I agree with Tutugirl, and hope you’ve been writing down dates and incidences and potential witnesses … that way you have some kind of tangible response to the police if/when that rat-crazy neighbor of yours calls in, instead of it turning into a “she said/she said” circumstance, because you KNOW she’s going to lie about all of it.
Something tells me yours won’t be the first complaint this school has had about these kids …. good for you for giving your kids the chance to handle it themselves, and good for you for stepping in when it became apparent that more direct (adult) involvement was needed.
January 22nd, 2010 at 6:16 pmHere’s one more thought. Your 9 & 10 year olds are so cool and so not whatever the bully is calling them that they should continue to just ignore him and laugh it off regardless of how annoying the kid is. Once he gets their goat, and they fight back, those bullies and their mom will bug the bcreepers out of your family with complaints to the school and juvenile hall.
January 22nd, 2010 at 6:19 pmAnd is school close enough that you could pick them up for a week or two to break the bullies’ habit of bugging them?
So glad to read you contacted the school. It’s just a matter of time before this gets way out of hand. It’s too bad that this is your neighbor.
My dad would always tell us this story about his bullying incident. When my dad was 11 he would walk home from school with a large group of kids and they’d eventually walk down their own block, heading home. At the end of the walking route it was my dad, his brother and their neighbor boys who were also brothers. My grandmother would watch as the neighbor boys would kick her boys, take their bags/books, throw rocks at them, call them names, and taunt them terribly. One day my grandma had enough and locked the door on my dad and uncle. She yelled, “take care of this now or it will never end”. My dad said his heart was beating so fast but him and his brother had a full-out brawl with the neighbor boys. This was in 1955 so times were way different but it worked. Those neighbor boys never even LOOKED at them again. Not saying it’s the right way but sometimes bullies need to be put in their place. Those types don’t deal with long, drawn out conversations about feelings.
Best of luck to you and your family!
January 22nd, 2010 at 6:40 pmOkay, so there are two things to think about. One is that unless bullying escalates to physical aggression, research generally shows that is best to let kids handle it themselves, without being the mom who steps in to fight the battle, or has the teacher do it. Generally doesn’t stop the teasing(I’ll restrain myself and won’t cite in a comment, email me if you want!) If there’s hitting, tripping, weapons, etc. then that advice is totally moot. Not acceptable and not okay for kids to handle, adults need to intervene. Generally, adults tell kids to ignore it or tell a teacher, but that’s actually not great advice either - again, with VERBAL aggression, not physical. The second thing to think about then is what do your kids do? Here’s the advice we give (again, feel free to email me for who “we” are!). Do not tease the child back, but do come up with funny/snappy comebacks to the teaser that make fun of what the kid says. I repeat, do not make fun of the kid himself, but it’s okay to make fun of the insult. We tell kids to say things like “Is that the best you can come up with?” “Was that supposed to be funny?” and other things. I’m sure your kids can come up with something less lame. Again, you want to assess the situation and make sure that this will not in turn lead to physical aggression. I don’t want to get your kids slugged, even if they are tough little guys!
Now, ultimately, I’m sure you’ll figure out what’s right for your family. You seem like darn good parents. Good luck, stay safe; it’s a sucky situation.
January 22nd, 2010 at 6:43 pmMy $0.02 - Don’t call the school. GO to the school. Make an appointment. Get informed. What is the school’s bullying policy? What is the bus policy? What is their defintion of bullying? What is the right way to officially report violations to the policy? Engage the school to help you solve the problem. Ask them what avenues are avialable to you. Find out what the process/steps are and get started. Now. And be persisent. Make it clear that this is not a one time occurence, but habitual behavior that needs to be addressed. Be explicit. Be detailed. Be factual. The more details you can provide the better. And above all else - put it in writing. And get it on the record.
I personally wouldn’t leave the school without an action plan. Even if it is the slow road to China. And don’t ever stop - even if it seems to be better for a while because it can turn back around just as quickly.
January 22nd, 2010 at 6:44 pmI was in this same situation last year. There were a few of them in the neighborhood that were being bullied by one boy on the bus. We all called the school to make sure they were aware of what was going on. They said there are cameras on the buses and they were not aware of anything. Well, to make a long story short the cameras ended up ‘broken’ and the bus driver ended up a ‘family friend’ of the bullier. I too was sick of telling my son to ignore it. My husband and I have different views on this. He does not agree on the ignoring it and told him to stick up for himself. I started to feel that way in this situation. I told the school that this is what we told our son. I am sorry I don’t have a good answer for you. Love your blog by the way. Very real.
January 22nd, 2010 at 6:48 pmPS. I put a link on my blog to yours. So informative!
January 22nd, 2010 at 6:49 pmI’ve been reading your blog for about six months and wish so much that the blog business was a big deal when my three boys were younger. (Now 27, 21, & 19)
January 22nd, 2010 at 7:00 pmWhen my youngest was in middle school (6th grade), he was the smallest boy in his class and one kid picked on him constantly. My son looked wimpy, but remember he had two older brothers. We let ‘him’ handle it all of 6th grade w/o violence…ignore, having big brother make comments, on occasion telling a teacher/coach. Nothing stopped the bully. The beginning of 7th grade (my son still one of the smallest in his class) decided he had enough. He talked to us, we told him pros/cons of fighting etc. We did tell him we would support his decision, but he would have school consequences if they got into it at school. Bully boy ended up picking on a slow boy in the locker room and that was it for Josh. He took the bully down and held him down w/o throwing a punch, he evidently had the strength of 10 pit bulls and told the bully, ‘next time he picked on anyone that he would pick up where he left off’. Of course the coaches finally made it to locker room and witnessed most of the end of the scene and both were sent to the office. (I felt it helped that pinning him down was sufficient embarrassment for the bully and Josh did not have to worry about Assault charges being filed by breaking his nose.) Our turn in the principals office went…”while we do not condone Josh’s behavior we feel he was justified in his actions and feel he has thwarted future bullying by the other child.” They supported him and called it a righteous fight…now we have the task of making sure that Josh understands he cannot save the world, but to take a physical stand only when nothing else works. He NEVER had any other problems with anyone throughout his remaining school years. He was a lover and not a fighter. He ended up being a 4 year varsity football player (tackle and RB) and still the smallest of his class. We do not condone violence, but sometimes that is all a bully will understand. Keep us posted!
Don’t really have anything to add except that I agree with your decision that it was time to step in. And I like the idea of documenting things. And this sucks! I feel for your kids.
January 22nd, 2010 at 7:11 pmI don’t know whether what you’ve done will solve the problem, and I don’t know how to solve a problem like this. What I do know is this: I was the “weird” kid getting picked on and bullied, and my parents did not take it seriously and did not intervene.
As parent now, I can look back and see lots of reasons why they didn’t and why it might have seemed like the best decision they could make at the time. But I felt rejected and abandoned by the two people I thought I could always trust to protect me. If they had tried and failed, at least I would have known they tried.
I don’t know how this will work out for your family, but I’m glad you are sticking up for your kids!
January 22nd, 2010 at 7:11 pmIf I were in the same place, I’d probably just start taking my kids to and from school (or carpooling, as someone mentioned above). This is a delicate situation, and there really is no “win” for your boys; they’re damned if they do anything and their damned if they don’t. So far you’ve done everything in your power to change things, but going the extra mile (or 20? I’m not sure what the commute to school is like) and avoiding the bus might be the best choice.
Seems like your 8 year old has already socked him a good one (GOOD for him, btw!!!)… yet the bully chose to further manipulate the matter than to take a hint and cut the crap. I’d say, avoid them like the plague for a brief (and admittedly, somewhat stressful) season in life, and after a while they’ll get so mad that you’re not engaging in or being subject to their their idiocy that they’ll stop altogether. Whether you’re religious or not, ask for prayers from trusted family and friends.
My girls are only 3.5 and 20 mos. I dread the day when bullying/ social crap becomes an issue. Take care, Chris!
January 22nd, 2010 at 7:11 pmI don’t know the laws in your state, but in MY state the bus company is responsible for no bullying on their vehicles. If there is bullying on the bus or at bus stops and the driver knows about it, the company can be prosecuted. No tolerance means NO tolerance for bullying. I’d call the bus company and notify them as to what is happening and ask if a bus monitor can be assigned for that particular bus stop. An adult at the stop that will step in and throw the bullies off the bus for a week or two might be your saving grace. Their horrid mom will be PISSED to have to drive them to and from school, and if she has a brain, she’ll tell them to quit. If she’s the moron you think she is, her kids will be tossed off the bus two or three times before she learns her lesson, but eventually it will dawn on her that her kids are bullies, especially after the bus company goes after her.
I wouldn’t worry about CPS. THey have already investigated your family and hers and they KNOW who the problem lies with. They do not take kindly to supurious calls by vindictive neighbors. At all.
January 22nd, 2010 at 7:15 pmI agree about documenting. Each day, or every day, that it happens, write down what is said, who said it, etc. Show the principal, show the bus driver, show other parents who are having problems. Convince other parents to document as well. If your child is being bullied, others are being bullied as well. Video is always a good idea.
I am assuming that they are at the same school. Tell the teacher to keep an eye out in the hall, in the lunchroom, etc. Let any adult in contact with your child know what is happening. If someone else catches it, you have a back up and more can be done.
I wish you much luck.
January 22nd, 2010 at 7:26 pmI’ve been lurking here for quite a long time and really enjoy reading your blog. Today’s entry about bullying made me finally come out of hiding. I am a therapist who works with children who are struggling with many issues, bullying being one of them. I stumbled across a web site that has been useful in my work. Just thought I’d pass it on. I hope it helps.
January 22nd, 2010 at 7:32 pmhttp://www.bullies2buddies.com
Chris-
My heart is aching also. My best advice as an educator is to document, document, document. Have a paper log listing all of the harassment. Check if the bus has a video camera and keeps the tapes - ask for copies. Hopefully their in-school contact is minimal, but if not - let every teacher who will be in contact with your children know what is going on. Much bullying at school is done when the adults aren’t as visible -lunch, recess, hallways, bathrooms. I think you’re making the best choice possible in a really bad situation.
January 22nd, 2010 at 7:38 pmAs a teacher I think you handled it perfectly. I am sure the school has had to deal with this family/mother before and probably already knows she is crazy. Letting the school know about it lets them know what to watch for. These bully kids are very sneaky and usually don’t do it where they can be overheard by an adult, especially on a loud crowded bus.
January 22nd, 2010 at 7:42 pmYou can bet that they are doing this to other kids too. Words hurt worse than punches and bruises sometimes. It may be time to have a nice conversation with the school.
January 22nd, 2010 at 7:46 pmI as a parent/teacher would contact the school about this happening. The school should follow up with a meeting either between the children involved or between the children and their parents.
I understand the mother of the bully is obviosly not very approachable but you should have the support from the school while this meeting is happening.
Bullying needs to be dealt with quickly. I certainly feel for you and your son. A trip on the bus to and from school should be pleasant not something to dread.
January 22nd, 2010 at 8:04 pmRecently in our news up here in the tundra…as in New England, a little girl in South Hadley took her own life due to being bullied in school.
It should not be taken lightly. All the schools preach, no tolerance and I find that unless you are that parent who brings it forward, nothing gets done.
January 22nd, 2010 at 8:26 pmCan I just say I wish I’d had you as a mom? I was bullied and teased and taunted, not just by kids at school, but by my own brother at the dinner table. If I left the dinner table, I was told to “get back here”. If I cried or got upset, I was “overreacting” and “letting him get my goat.”
I wish I had had a mom and dad who were willing to fight for me. I would definitely report this behavior to the school, as somebody pointed out, if it’s happening on the bus the bus driver needs to put a stop to it. And if it happens on the sidewalk or off the bus, I think laughing at the bullies is a great idea.
January 22nd, 2010 at 8:37 pmWas bullying around when we were young? - (I am 46). I believe it was and it was dealt with - in most cases by kids handling things - because there were no law suits by parents ‘for your kid hitting mine’ etc. But I also believe that children were taught more manners in the old days. Your kids have manners and wouldn’t bully someone (except maybe a sibling or two) but so many kids out there are never taught basic social skills it is no wonder this has become a disease of epic proportions.
What have we come to as a society when a child who is a bully can get away with so much utter crap and when the child who stands up for him/herself is seen to be the bad guy? Where does this end? TuTugirl is right. Document - document - document.
I feel bad for the boys - you should be very proud of them for turning the other cheek - but I don’t have any answers for you.
Stay the course - and good luck to you all!
January 22nd, 2010 at 8:39 pmCALL the school. I’m a teacher and I’m sure this will not be the first report of bullying. Also, if something happens you will have documentation that you sought a peaceful resolution. The school needs to know. I agree with Tutugirl, the best defense is a good offense. Call the school after each and every incident. Talk to the bus driver and document every incident.
January 22nd, 2010 at 8:39 pmI’ll agree with everyone who mentioned video taping everything you can, including any interactions with the crazy mom.
Document it all. You know they’ll lie, so you have to have proof.
Good luck to you all. Calling the school was a good start. Just knowing you have their back will be what they remember.
January 22nd, 2010 at 8:42 pmI think enough is enough. I know it is embarrassing to your son to have you take action on his behalf but it also needs to be done. I am proud of you for calling the school and taking action. Let the bully know your watching him and will put a stop to him! The bully is going to end up bullying the wrong person and getting his butt whipped. I sure hope so!!
January 22nd, 2010 at 8:50 pmSo sorry your boys have to go thru this. I saw an episode of the TV show The Middle last week and I instantly thought of your situation. It was about a family of bullies and how the neighborhood finally solved the problem. I hope the school takes action and this stops soon.
January 22nd, 2010 at 8:50 pmChris, I feel for you and your family. All that I can add is my own story. I grew up in a small town with very few ethnic people so I stood out in my classes as being different. The verbal teasing was probably from grade 1-4, but the hurt remained with me a lot longer. The kids knew, but no one ever did anything. I never told an adult. By the time I reached grade 10, I had become quite popular and this same kid was a total loser…probably because he didn’t have the social skills to make friends. The day will come when your sons will receive justice or at least some satisfaction.
January 22nd, 2010 at 9:05 pmI second the idea of the Flip video camera. And would encourage the boys to let the bullies know they were taping them as evidence. Maybe it would stop the bullying for a while if they were feeling paranoid about being taped.
January 22nd, 2010 at 9:11 pmI don’t think for one minute you should create a car pool so a bully can clear a bus and inconvenience so many parents. I think you did absolutely the right thing to report it to the school and you should follow up immediately if they don’t do something to stop the bullying right this minute. No child should have to take care of this themselves. WE as adults should protect them.
Chris says: Trust me, I will not be driving a carpool so we can avoid the bullying.
January 22nd, 2010 at 9:12 pmWhat happened to the good ol’ days when you called a mom out on her child’s behavior, there was consequences?
This reminds me of the bully story in Farmer Boy by Laura Ingalls Wilder. The teacher tried to be nice, tried to talk to the father, and tried to ignore it. Finally, that teacher used a whip to take care of the bullies. I guess that’s politically incorrect now.
January 22nd, 2010 at 9:15 pmI have no advice, just sympathy. I hope this gets resolved for you soon.
January 22nd, 2010 at 9:27 pmOMG–there is so much I want to say to you and your wonderful children. I will just say — continue to follow your heart and do what you have always done and protect your children. They are counting on you to do that –despite what they say about handling it themselves. Please let us know how this turns out, especially if CPS comes and they don’t like the way you have organized the pencil’s and magic markers and we need to PayPal bail money for you. Good luck.
January 22nd, 2010 at 9:32 pmI have been where you are now.
Here is what I did.
I called the police and set up a meeting with them with the principal of my son’s school.
Turns out the kid was bullying many others not just my child and larger steps were taken than just tattling.
It ended with the police handling it. The bullying stopped.
Your children should not have to handle this or accept that this is part of their daily life.
Document everything.
Good luck
January 22nd, 2010 at 9:50 pmI have no wisdom to impart. But I agree with everyone else in that you need to document everything. I also agree that video may be your best defense as well. I have not encountered any bullying to this point and I hope I never do. I do know however that kids can take only so much stress before they snap. I try to teach my two NOT to make fun of anyone - even each other and that they are NOT to throw the first punch (this is with each other!) I REFUSE to raise a bully! I feel for your boys - who are handling themselves like men. As for the bully; if confronted even verbally, eye to eye and toe to toe, he may back off. He’s just a big coward who seems to be enjoying the attention he is getting from bothering others. Good luck with dealing with this dysfunctional family. One question though - if everyone in the neighborhood know how difficult this group is, why are they letting fear or discomfort dictate what happens? It is obvious that your family is not the first nor the last that has been bothered by this family, but it seems like you are the only family who refuses to put up with it.
January 22nd, 2010 at 9:55 pmThings like this are so nasty, especially because of the nearby-ness of that family.
We always told our 3 boys the same don’t hit, non-violence, blahblahblah. Then somewhere in elementary school it was slightly changed up to include the “unless you’re getting hurt/injured/endangered” clause. That’s where we explained to them that yes, at that point, well, you’ve done all the right things for as long as you can and we’ll back you up if you have to hit back to protect yourself. Even if you get in trouble, as long as it was only in response, etc., well, we’ll be on your side — and your school behavior and the fact that everyone knows you’re a good kid will all be something that you’ll really appreciate when they believe you and not the bully kid.
It worked for us…though the oldest did finally have to hit the kid on the bus…that was after he got called into the assistant principal’s office so that he could identify the kid. @@ I was furious at the way that they handled that — especially since it was first explained as “they’ll talk this out.” Mmm, no, there’s no talking needed, the other kid needs to stop. After my kid did hit him the one time, he never ever bothered him again. But he continued to hassle other kids on the bus, much to my son’s chagrin.
I definitely say keep hitting the school and bus company (around here there are all sorts of weird rules about what things the school handles and what the bus company handles and it’s best to have them working together. In a case like this, it’s likely the bully(ies) would lose bus privileges.
Sigh. People think that baby and toddler issues are so hard, but this is where things really suck, eh?
January 22nd, 2010 at 10:05 pmChris,
I had a similiar situation with my daughter. However, it was a teacher who was doing the bullying. What’s even more sickening is that my daughter was only in 2nd grade. This teacher was a total basket case, really pyscho. Anyhow, what I did was send my daughter to school with a voice recorder in her backpack. The teacher had all the students leave their backpacks on the backs of their chairs and my daughter happened to sit right next to her desk, from where the teacher continualy screamed and yelled at the kids.
I know it sounds kinda crazy but I felt because my daughter was so young and so helpless up against this woman, drastic measures needed to be taken. Since you have CPS coming to your door, it sounds like you need to take drastic measures too.
January 22nd, 2010 at 10:07 pmOh Chris. I’m so very sorry. What a horrible situation.
January 22nd, 2010 at 10:24 pmIs the bus driver blind?!
Chris says: I don’t know! But in her defense it is a big bus.
January 22nd, 2010 at 10:34 pmThis situation sounds so awful. I love your blog, but this is my first time commenting. My little Henry isn’t quite two yet so i have no current experience, but this post reminded me of my childhood. My twin brother was bullied terribly. You did the right thing by calling the school and I know your sons appreciate it, even if they don’t verbalize it to you. Anyway, I agree with many of the other posters, have your sons videotape the bullying. About 6 months ago I bought a Flip video recorder. It would have been a great purchase, but about a month later my husband decided we were both getting iPhones. Hence, the Flip just sits around the house. If you would like it, let me know; its yours, no charge. I’ll even UPS it to you. Anything to stop the bullying.
Chris says: That is such a kind offer, but one I can not accept. Though I am extremely grateful for your generosity. Thank you.
January 22nd, 2010 at 10:38 pmMy heart is aching for you and your boys. Your advice to them sounds wonderful and I think it’s great that you called the school and that your 10 year-old spoke with the bus driver. I hope it will help to put a stop to this carry-on.
I’m the mom of a 3 year-old little girl and a 9-month old little boy and I worry and worry about them all the time. I dread the day when I must let them go and handle things for themselves, as important as I know it is for them to do so, for I will worry all the more about them. You and the boys are so brave. I hope things come to a satisfactory conclusion and soon.
January 22nd, 2010 at 11:09 pmI work for the state office of CPS in Texas. Unfortunately, we have to deal with people like your neighbor on a regular basis. It is illegal to make false reports and if she continues to make reports about your family, the state can and will prosecute her for making false allegations…just thought you would like to know!
January 22nd, 2010 at 11:11 pmMy son had a very similar experience with a bully in elementary school. Eventually I did step in, but it didn’t do any good. Of course our school had a zero-tolerance policy against bullying, but it was not enforced. I spoke tirelessly with teachers, the principal, the school board, and the bully’s parents, yet the bullying never stopped. I did plant a tape recorder in my son’s pocket a few times, and got some good documentation, but I was advised that doing that was illegal. I never used the recordings, but now I wish I had. (I still have the tapes today!) It was a very frustrating and sad situation for me to deal with, and an absolutely horrible ordeal for my son to live through every day. We began homeschooling him shortly after that (for reasons both related to and not related to the bullying), and are still successfully homeschooling three years later. Luckily the bully does not live in our neighborhood, so my son has only seen him once or twice in the past few years. If I were you, I would try to get some videotape of these encounters. Even though we didn’t use our tape recordings, it gave me peace of mind to know that we had them.
January 22nd, 2010 at 11:12 pmI’m so sorry your kids are still having to deal with those crazy neighbors. In this day & age of technology, I’d hope that one of these objective parents would videotape the kids coming off the bus and send that video to the school and school district offices. Something needs to be done with these kids because if they’re not harassing your very tolerant kids they’ll eventually turn on someone else’s child.
January 22nd, 2010 at 11:13 pmWhat a stressful situation!
January 22nd, 2010 at 11:14 pmIt seems that the bus is a perfect environment for bullying since your kids can’t extricate themselves from the situation until the ride is over. Hopefully, the bus driver will have addressed the issue with the bully by now since your son already informed him/her what was going on. If it continues, however, I would also recommend your kids start sitting in the front seat so at least the driver can witness the harassment. My father was a bus driver who was well-respected by the children, but only because he let them know from day one who the boss was. If a situation like that continued after the bully was warned, he would have gone to the principal immediately and had the child kicked off the bus for the rest of the year. He’s done it, and it works.
Never underestimate a quiet, (through gritted teeth) threat from Mama bear. Kids usually take it seriously til a few years later when they realize you were bluffing.
Then deny, deny, deny. *gasp!* “I would NEVER run him down in the school parking lot with my van! I have no idea where he got such an idea”
In the long run, your kids have something those kids will never, ever have. Your kids will get through this fine, and those kids probably won’t. Just take heart, knowing that nobody is going to look them up on facebook in 20 years, but your kids will already have over 200 friends in their friends list.
January 22nd, 2010 at 11:51 pmHi Chris,
I am in a very simlilar situation. My boy is a bit older than yours - just shy of 16. I drive them to school every morning and they catch the bus home from school. I believe that this is where the bullying is happening. My 16 year old tells me a little bit, but he’s not much of a talker. My other kids have told me bits and pieces as well but I am inclined to believe that it is worse than what I know.
I believe that my boy is bullied by one other boy in particular (younger than him). He is teased about his glasses - the “four eyes” and throwing-them-on-the-ground stuff I thought only happened in movies. He is pushed around and doesn’t feel like his is strong enough to fight back. I know he wants to.
What’s a Mum to do when her son says he can “handle” it but comes home every day stressed, frustrated and quielty sobs in his room? I am very tempted to call the school, however, my son thinks that this will just add fuel to the fire.
Did your son’s school help at all? The bus driver changes every day and it is a “caterpillar” style bus; my kids sit at the back end of the bus. I am secretly hoping it gets better, or else I will have to bite the bullet and speak to my son’s school.
Hoping for you that the bullying has come to an end.
January 23rd, 2010 at 12:01 amI am so surprised the kids’ bus does not run a tape every single day. I figured that was standard. Hope it all sorts out eventually!
January 23rd, 2010 at 12:05 amIt is such a blessing that the boys have each other. And, I really appreciate your message about developing strength to walk away, though together, with or without assist from the other brothers, they could clearly pulverize this punk and make it stop. Wow. That is some real food for their little souls and will no doubt serve them over and over again- the right thing is often the hardest thing.
January 23rd, 2010 at 12:06 amYou’re doing a terrific job. Good parenting, good decision about when to take over. All around, you and your kids are doing it right.
January 23rd, 2010 at 12:23 amYou’ve got to say something. The pressure has to stay on the bully.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/01/22/national/main6130070.shtml?tag=stack
January 23rd, 2010 at 12:39 amChris-
I enjoy reading your blog, but have never responded. I should have when I first read about this awful situation. Bullying is a COMMUNITY problem & it should not be yours (& your kids’) alone to deal with. I am *just* a mom, but I am a firm believer that bullying has far extending consequences, beyond the immediate problems it causes, especially if left “undealt” with. Your kids are fortunate that you have good communication, they can talk with you about it & you are aware of reality. There are probably other victims not nearly as fortunate. It is those kids you could be helping even more, in addition to the perpetrators, by letting the proper people know about it. Here’s an article worth reading:
January 23rd, 2010 at 12:48 amhttp://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/09/health/09klas.html?_r=1
Perhaps this horrible situation can be turned into a positive…? Good luck to you, your kids & your community!!:(
I haven’t had a chance to read the other comments yet - but as someone who’s had experience in being made to feel like crap, I wish I’d stood up for myself more. I wish I’d had brothers to stand up for me. It might be brutal, but “Look, I didn’t want to do this, BUT YOU NEED TO STOP, even if I have to force the issue” is sometimes necessary.
January 23rd, 2010 at 1:04 amI would:
1. talk to the principal
2. document everything
3. have an attorney write the school a letter
4. car pool
5. car pool with a pit bull in the front seat
So so sorry this is happening.
January 23rd, 2010 at 1:19 amWhen you say CPS are you in Chicago? I am a teacher in the suburbs of Chicago and we have taken on bullying as a huge goal this year. Just this week we had Barbara Coloroso speak to the teachers about bullying. It was very enlightening. She is no nonsense, no gimmcks kind of lady. She does a presentation for staff and then in the evening, one for the parents and directly speaks to those who think it can’t be my kid”. Here is her website if you choose to browse:
http://www.kidsareworthit.com/
Bullying is nothing to ignore or pass off and hope it will go away.
I’ve followed your blog on and off and am in awe of how you manage 6? 5? kids!
January 23rd, 2010 at 1:36 amIs there a way your oldest son could ride the bus with him? I remember a time when I was being bullied by some kid, and my mom sent my older brother after him. My brother found him, shoved him in the dirt, and with his foot on his chest told him to never bother me again. He didn’t.
Trust me when I say we were not an aggressive or violent family. Quite the opposite. But it never happened again. I think there’s a place for it. Especially if you’ve talked to the school and they haven’t acted. My incidents were on the bus too–why are buses such hotbeds of bullying? Sheesh!
January 23rd, 2010 at 1:42 amOk…here is my two cents. Two of my best friends are brothers, and their father told them this about handling bullies. “First, ask them to stop. Then tell them to stop. Then, make them stop.”
Personally, I think it’s a great motto.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t speak to the school or get involved, but perhaps, allowing the kids to attempt to sort these bullies out themselves would be an option.
Then they won’t feel like their mommy had to come to their rescue, etc.
::shrugs::
Good luck, whatever you decide.
January 23rd, 2010 at 1:45 amI work at a school where we had training on how to deal with bullying. A statistic we were given said that a bullying incident where no bystander said anything lasted, on average, 23 seconds. A bullying incident where someone spoke up lasted an average of 7 seconds. That may not seem like a ton of time, but when you are the one being bullied…that’s a lot.
I’m so glad you spoke up, and I completely agree with your comments on why kids are growing up to be bystanders. My biggest regrets from jr. high and high school aren’t things I did, but the things I didn’t do: I rarely stepped out to speak up for my less fortunate peers (and no one ever spoke up for me when I needed it either). A little help goes a long way…
January 23rd, 2010 at 2:36 amThere’s a limit to what kids can manage themselves so you’ve done the right thing taking it out of their hands. I’d suggest making life painful for everyone who fails to act: the school, the bus company, CPS…and if CPS does come around to visit you, perhaps file a counter-complaint against her or see if they have a process to have Bad Mum declared as a “vexatious complainant” or whatever the equivalent is in your system. Maybe you could be at the bus stop waiting with a zoom lens and a very sensitive mike to greet everyone coming home? Good luck with it all.
January 23rd, 2010 at 7:09 amI like the video ideas, though I think you’d have to do the video-ing yourself if you don’t want it stolen.
Sounds like the hell I and my siblings went through every day until we graduated and got the hell out of there. The bullies even did phone calls and vandalism to our property. But nobody ever did a thing (except our own crazy neighbor ladies saying WE did it all). I think the only thing my parents ever said was that those boys had a crush on us. WTF? I still wake up with flashbacks over 30 years later all shaking and sweaty, and am a very angry, repressed person from “ignoring” and “being polite”.
I am so happy you’re willing to go to bat for your kids, even if you are unsure what to do!
January 23rd, 2010 at 8:38 amYou are doing the right thing. I agree with the other, video tape proof would be a good thing to have. The whole situation just is so sad. I agree, other parents need to step in when they see thing like this going on.
January 23rd, 2010 at 8:49 amI have no problem saying something to kids when I see them doing something that is not right, even if I do not know them. I would want the same done for my child if they were being bullied
Bus drivers do nothing, the school says they are zero tolerant but they also do nothing. Going up to the school does nothing. My son was being bullied on the bus when he was 5. I talked to the driver, I called the principal, I went up to the school, day in and day out. Long story short I ended up getting in trouble because I stepped on the bottom step of the bus to speak to the driver one morning about it. She told the principal, and I was called into the office. Parents aren’t allowed on the bus. I explained about the noise outside, how she could not hear me, it didn’t matter. Your kids are going to have to do something. Tell then to look him straight into the eyes, use a firm voice, and say “So and so, stop, I am not kidding around, this is getting old, if you do it again I WILL tell a teacher.” Then follow through. The go visit the superintendent. That is what I do now, because no one else does anything.
January 23rd, 2010 at 9:21 amAs others have already said, you need to get the school involved. This is not an episode of Cops.
January 23rd, 2010 at 9:35 ammy daughter is 5 and has had to deal with a mini-bully since she was 3, when she started PreK-3. our problem is she thinks this bully walks on water so of course, the lil girl knows that she’s got my daughter wrapped around her finger. grrrr.
for a long time I kept telling my daughter that this lil girl was just being silly and she didn’t mean it. I was talking to a fellow parent and saying how I didn’t think it was fair to just keep calling this behavior “silly” and that I had to go to the next step. I could totally see my daughter coming home as a 15 yr-old and say, “You know how you think ‘Ellie’ is silly? She’s not silly, mom, she’s a bitch!”
I sent a few emails to the teacher at first not accusing anyone but asking them to keep an eye on how they interacted with one another - since I was never a witness to this - and it worked really well.
good luck!
January 23rd, 2010 at 9:41 amI’m glad you’re getting the school involved. I think you already know that you can’t *officially* condone for your sons to be violent.
Good luck!
January 23rd, 2010 at 10:37 amMy heart breaks for you and your boys Chris. I hope your phone call will be the beginning of the end of this.
January 23rd, 2010 at 10:38 amWe had a similar one-time situation where my 12 year old son, who is a novice black belt in karate, and my 6 year old daughter were being yelled and cussed at by a couple kids in the neighborhood. My son first told them to knock it off, but when they didn’t he ignored them and came home with his sister. My gut reaction was, next time, for him to tell them to come say it to his face. They’d probably chicken out or give him reason to defend himself and then they’d be sorry. My husband was the more level-headed and simply told him he did the right thing. He said, in his day, he would’ve chased them down and kicked their asses, and that would’ve been the end of it. In this day and age, though, the police would probably be called and it would be ugly.
Two days later, my husband was driving through the neighborhood with both kids and the two boys were outside skateboarding. He pulled over, got out of his truck and talked to them personally. There’s something about a 6′2″ 220lb man talking to a couple of preteens that puts the fear of God in them. He told them he didn’t appreciate them cussing at his 6 year old daughter (he kept our son out of it) and the next time he heard they were cussing at or picking on either of his kids they’d all go talk to their parents personally. The boys “yessir-ed” and “nosir-ed” and that was the end of it.
Anyway, that was our experience. I hope yours works out. The hardest part about letting them out into the big bad world is all the big bad assholes. At least you all have a strong family unit. That’s something I would have loved to have had as a kid.
January 23rd, 2010 at 11:34 amChris- You are incredible. What a fantastic Mom you are, and what great kids you have. I am sure you are so proud of them, and they should be so proud of themselves. I am sorry that all of you have to go through this. From one Mom to another, Best of everything to you and your family.
January 23rd, 2010 at 11:44 amElaine
I hope the steps you have taken help. You are so right in taking the decision out of the kids’ hands. This part of parenting sucks. My daughter has been dealing with way less severe social torture this year. I finally contacted the principal and got ZERO response.
Does this make you miss homeschooling, because I have considered it for this reason. I don’t want to her run away from bullies, but I just want to give both of us a break from dealing with them.
And I wonder what CPS would find over at the neighbors house…
January 23rd, 2010 at 11:48 amDocument, document, document. I agree with the flip video and contacting the school/authorities. I do feel a bit bad for the bullys when their own parents are to blame and they are obviously not getting the care/help that they need. But your kids should NOT have to put up with this! It’s a shame that you and your kids have to go thru this. Stay strong!
January 23rd, 2010 at 12:12 pmI don’t know how you have taken it this long. It must be so difficult and you are definitely between a rock and a hard place, that is for sure! First, and foremost, I would be praying for God’s intervention…that He will handle it. In the meantime, I think you have dealt with it with great patience and attempted all you can do. I would have done exactly what you did at this point-discuss it with the school, talk to the bus driver. Has the bus driver witnessed it? Why has he/she allowed this to go on for soooo long?-that in itself is ridiculous. These children who are bullying should no longer be allowed on the bus. It is a privilege, and in my estimation, they have lost that privilege. It is amazing, in our culture that is now supposedly so “aware” of bullying and its ramifications, that the school/bus driver have not already addressed it. I sure hope it is resolved soon-your kids should NOT have to deal with this daily-we will pray for you guys in the meantime, and look forward to hearing good news!
January 23rd, 2010 at 12:15 pmChris you did the right thing by contacting the school and the bus driver. When things like this happen we do have a choice as you said. We need to make the choice to bring it out in the open and let the bullies be seen for what they are. They hide behind the facy=t that no one tells because they are afraid of the outcome or what will happen if they do. So yes the school now knows and if it continues they will need to put their bully policies into action. Document everything and report everything. Good kids should not be the ones to get into trouble because they stand up for themselves as one of your posters son did. he was pushed to the limit and made a poor choice but he also was the one who was arrested and not the bully. Speak up and speak often is your best defense against bullies.
Good Luck with this and remind your boys that it is not okay to bully the bully as they may end up the ones in trouble.
January 23rd, 2010 at 12:19 pmUnfortunately most schools have no authority in these kinds of things once the students leave the school property. I’d suggest trying to find out if these things are also happening at school. If so, then I’d really keep pursuing this at school. For off school property issues We always advise parents at our school to call the police. Even if the police can’t do anything, there’s a record of it every time you call, and in the future when these kids escalate thir behavior there’s a paper trail.
January 23rd, 2010 at 12:20 pmMaybe if it’s not other kids parents in the neighborhood, the are some other one at school who’s kids are being bullied. He might have a reputation at school, that others would be willing to stand up to you with. I also recommend calling your constable/sheriff for any advise, and to also have this documented. Best of luck.
January 23rd, 2010 at 12:30 pmIt is amazing to hear about so many similar situaitons, and how differently every one is handled. My son was bullied on the bus in kindergarten and I called the school immediately. His school has a liason between the students and the buses. As soon as a call is made, she calls the kids down to the office and sorts it all out. Now, these are k-2 grade so they are quite young.
In the end, after a history of incidents with this child on the bus, the bully lost bus priveleges. His mother had to drive him to and from school. Good luck.
January 23rd, 2010 at 12:34 pmChris,
I’ll be interested to hear your response to all of these comments. I’ve read through some, and have to say I don’t like the video camera idea at ALL. Working in retail, I learned a valuable life lesson: You can’t teach crazy.
I think a videotape, especially if it clearly labeled her children as the wrongdoers, would only infuriate this crazy woman more, specially if your children ever physically fight back.
January 23rd, 2010 at 12:50 pmCould the parents get together and get an aide for the bus driver? That is how our local elementary school got their school nurse.
January 23rd, 2010 at 1:00 pmHi Chris, long-time lurker here. My husband is a school bus driver in Oregon. He’s a big guy and there is NO nonsense on his bus. Some of the buses do have cameras and some not; his kids are great so he hasn’t requested one, but you can go right to the office of the transportation department and request that this bus driver be given a bus with a camera. They switch them around all the time. Also, my husband says that the bus stop is actually legally an extension of school property, even if it’s your neighborhood corner, so the school may be responsible for anything that happens there as well. Some bus drivers care (like he does), but some don’t, so if you get nowhere with the bus driver I would go to the supervisor.
Maybe you should call CPS yourself on these people? Obviously there is something going on at home if these kids continue to have these personality disorders.
January 23rd, 2010 at 1:37 pmThe human race didn’t become this far advanced because they practiced “non-violence”. Nope, it’s founded on a thing called “SURVIVAL of the FITTEST.” If I knew my son could take him, I certainly would not hold him back. Fighting is not always a bad thing, but ignoring evil is. There are some things worth fighting for and this certainly seems like one of them. There is no shame in teaching your son to be a man that does not tolerate evil actions. And if we had more men like that, this world would be a safer place. I’m tired of the surplus of metrosexual men that we have today…where are all of the REAL men???
January 23rd, 2010 at 1:41 pmWell, I feel fortunate tht my kids’ bus driver DOES put a stop to this type of behavior. But I agree that schools talk the talk but don’t walk the walk on bullying. It is a rare person who takes a stand in the schools (like our bus driver does). I would call CPS on THAT family - apparently something is going on in THEIR house, lol.
January 23rd, 2010 at 1:49 pmOur youth ministry will be going to the move “To Save A Life” tomorrow. This is supposed to be a great movie that is coming out and our youth director strongly recommends seeing it with our kids. It is rated PG 13 and is in limited theatres around the country.
It is being heavily promoted by ministries around the country and speaks directly into the lives of teenagers with a great message.
Check out the trailer at http://www.tosavealifemovie.com
The bullying family needs to be the one to really see it but I’m thinking it will also help the kids dealing with the bully.
You are doing a great job but I too will encourage you to DOCUMENT EVERYTHING EVERY DAY!!! It will make you more credible and less emotional looking.
Please keep us posted.
January 23rd, 2010 at 3:16 pmInterest post and kind of timely for me. Apparently my daughter (10) has been dealing with an older bullying girl on her bus. My daughter stood up to that girl’s younger sister when she was hurling insults at a kindergartener and so the attention shifted to my daughter. My daughter has talked about it over the months but it seemed like she was handling it. The bully girl has a few henchmen that are pretty huge and my daughter has said they are relentless.
Well…got an email from my daughters teacher last week saying that my daughter’s writing has turned slightly disturbing. She talks about being bullied and how upset she is and my daughter’s teacher was confused since she was seeing none of what she was talking about. My daughter is well liked in class. I still didn’t think it was bad enough to do anything…I suck.
Thursday I got a call from school that one of the boys had her up against the bus and told her how he was going to rape her. She finally told the school (and us) what was going on and the school pulled a bunch of the bus kids in and they confirmed how bad it has gotten and admitted that they do nothing to stop the bullies. That bully got suspended.
I am expecting all kinds of retribution to start up next week. The school has said that they have it in their radar and will protect her and if anything happens again all of the bullies will no longer have bus rights. We shall see. Needless to say, my daughter will not be allowed anywhere at school without a buddy with her. We live in a suburb in CO, BTW…not a city school.
January 23rd, 2010 at 3:37 pmChris - I wonder, like some others have said, why the bus driver has not mentioned this before. Also, are your sons the only children that the bullies target - it seems that maybe they are doing this to other kids at school. I agree w/your approach that it has to come out of their hands now and the school must deal w/it. I also think you should video tape it. Would be interesting to show CPS if/when they show up, but more importantly, the school. Good luck. Really makes you wonder about the homelife of the bullies - what drives them to be so cruel to other kids. That kind of behavior I dont understand. good luck.
January 23rd, 2010 at 3:43 pmAbout getting them a Flip Cam, we have one, and yes, it’s small, somewhat inexpensive, and takes good quality. But wouldn’t that just be another item for the bullies to bully them over and try to take for themselves? I would think something like that might cause more problems.
Chris, I think you’re really doing everything you can, and trying to go through all the right channels. I think I would also include a letter to the Superintendent of your school district. And never underestimate the power of a Letter to the Editor of the nearest newspaper either.
I truly hate what your boys are going through. That’s just awful. The most bullying we’ve had so far is the “If you don’t give me XYZ then I won’t be your friend anymore.” But I’m bracing for it down the road.
January 23rd, 2010 at 3:45 pmI agree with the woman who commented that your kids could record their bullying — covertly of course. In my opinion, I would try to continue the nonviolence as much as possible, report the children to the school every day that you hear about it occurring and try to get some of it recorded one way or another as evidence of the other children’s behavior.
I don’t think you should ignore it. Ignoring it teaches them that some people are allowed to do terrible things because they are too difficult to deal with.
January 23rd, 2010 at 4:17 pmI love your lesson on being merciful - that was incredibly well put. Thanks for being such a good teacher to your kids, and let’s hope that the bully kids get the opportunity to learn this as well.
January 23rd, 2010 at 5:15 pmSometimes you just have to be “that kind of parent” or “that kind of mom” and intervene. It is unfortunate but not all other people parent their kids or raise their kids to be decent human beings. My son has a stutter and some kids at Y camp were vicious to him. I finally found out what was going on when he had an emotional breakdown about it - then I became “that mom” that called the camp director to have the taunting stopped immediately. Mama bear protects her cubs….
January 23rd, 2010 at 5:33 pmI hate that you are having to deal with such a problem. While on one hand you want to teach them to ignore bad behavior, you also want to teach them how to deal with aggressive people. I think there is a line in which parents need to step in and help. You could go to the school with your kids to report the problem so they can tell their version as well. I really like the flip video idea so that you can show them as well. Also, meeting them at the bus stop might stop the bullying when they are getting off the bus or stop riding the bus awhile and do car pick-up if at all possible.
January 23rd, 2010 at 5:56 pmI took an education class with students ranging from 18 to 50, each of us shared an awful story about bullying. The professor was trying to emphasise how damaging this behavior can be. Grown successful adults, who remember each detail and still carrying the pain of these events. Some people like to pretend “kids will be kids”, that these incidents are just a normal part of childhood. Then we need to change the definition of normal.
January 23rd, 2010 at 6:07 pmI’m glad you told the school and your son told the bus driver. What a mess - I’m sorry you have to deal with this. But your sons will remember this experience for years (life?) so it’s good you’re taking the high road.
January 23rd, 2010 at 6:17 pmWhat about your husband? I told my husband once the city worker yelled at my kids and my husband was down at city hall next day! No violence, just a strong presence and we n ever had future problems
January 23rd, 2010 at 6:39 pmEVERY CHILD DESERVES TO BE KEPT SAFE AND BE RESPECTED….PUSH IT TO THE MAX AND DEMAND THE SCHOOL DEAL WITH THE FAMILY……IT WILL ALL BE A RECORD OF THE SCHOOL, SO I DOUBT THAT ANYONE WILL VISIT YOU…..AND IF THEY DO, BE HONEST, RESPECTFUL, AND STAND YOUR GROUND….IF SHE COMES, CALL THE POLICE AND LET THEM DEAL WITH HER…..
January 23rd, 2010 at 7:31 pmWe have a pen that records. No one would know they are being taped. They are easy to find. Make sure the bully’s name is mentioned on the tape such as “Stop it _____!”
January 23rd, 2010 at 7:31 pmWow. I have seen some messed up stuff when I was a kid myself and those situations were unbelievable. Although I managed to handle them, much to my surprise right now as to how I did it.
But this whole drama with those kids? This is just ridiculous. A family, both socially and officially guilty, can make life difficult for another family just trying to live their life and go to school? No matter how many years old the kids are, cause according to my own experiences it doesn’t even matter. As long as it involves fights, bullying and of course violence. It can’t be marked as “kids just playing”. This is more like “outlaw family at large”.
January 23rd, 2010 at 8:33 pmSorry if this is a repeat. I have thought this through because I have been bullied and was told to just ignore it. It never went away and made life miserable.
If the school continues to ignore the situation, I would threaten legal action and be prepared to live up to it. It seems that this is the only thing that makes most school officials listen, anymore. Also, I would tell my kids not to throw the first punch, if they wait for the bullies to throw the first punch then it can be called self defense, then I would call a lawyer right after. Also, if you can document, if not with video then with what your children tell you or you see with dates and times in a journal. You need to build a case against these boys. Hell, I would document anything that you see the mother does, too.
I think all the above is ridiculous, but sometimes it has to get to this point before people take notice. Sorry you and your kids have to go through this.
January 23rd, 2010 at 9:19 pmBlah - this whole saga makes me just shudder.
My thoughts: get it documented; call the school every time it happens, and be sure that someone is taking notes. So that when/if any of this ever comes to blows (or other sorts of problems), you and they have documented the behavior. So that if anything ever happens, no one can say, “Well, if this was happening, why didn’t your kid ever complain?” So that there is no question as to how the story started.
While I know that you don’t want to be “that” parent, you can have this ongoing dialog while being tactful. After being a teacher, my personal opinion is being “that” parent is so much more about how things are said than it is about what is said or how often it is said.
Just my two cents.
January 23rd, 2010 at 9:43 pmRemember Rebecca De Mornay in “The Hand That Rocks The Cradle”? Effective
I have read just about every comment on here. I also checked out the link left by one of your readers, the ‘bullies2bullies’ link, very interesting approach. I would be very curious to see how that would work for the boys, should they be up for trying it.
Before reading that information, however, my first instinct was that your sons’ are CHILDREN (as opposed to teens, which seems to be a bit of a different ball game….I have one of each) and it is your job to protect them and intervene and that this needs to stop, as in yesterday. I would absolutely call the school, call the teacher, call the bus company, talk to the police. I would also document every incident, as well as covertly do the flip video thing….nothing so great as direct, indisputable evidence. If you make enough noise, the principal will indeed HAVE to do something to rectify this situation. When my son was in Grade 7 and the cretin beside him was stabbing him in the leg with his pencil (it’s amazing what teachers miss), I called the teacher and had my son moved to another seat, which was all that was necessary to make it stop. Sometimes it takes more direct action, such as in my case at school in England, when I was 12. I was being bullied relentlessly by a former ‘friend’….another girl who had been her previous ‘victim’ told me that unless I did something to stand up to her, it would never end. As I and this other girl were walking home the next day, the big bully (Jane) and her co-hort (Charlotte) came up behind us and started in on me. I sucked up all my courage and turned around quickly and swung my rather heavy book back directly at her head (you should have seen the look on her face). That was the last time she bothered me. Years later, Jane is dead (head on car crash) and I am attending Charlotte’s second wedding this summer.When we ‘found’ each other via the internet a few years ago, one of the first things she did was apologize for being so awful to me…do you know, I didn’t even remember her being all that bad? She said it was because she was having problems at home and I seemed so smart and funny and cute…hmmm, sound kind of familiar to what your boys and that bully boy are going through??) I guess that means there is still some hope for the bully boy to turn out to be a good, caring and productive citizen.
I would love to see this crazy woman now have to drive her son to school every day, I really would.
January 23rd, 2010 at 10:01 pmOn the new PBS series This Emotional Life they had a segment on bullying and they interviewed experts that travel to school districts all over the country. They had one thing they said was the absolute fix for bullies and that is other kids who put up an objection. When everyone remains silent the bullies take that as approval, but if the other kids just keep saying “hey, don’t do that” or “stop it that’s not right” every time, the bully gets no validation and stops. Ignoring it is the worst thing to do. The school needs to know and you need to insist that it not go on.
January 23rd, 2010 at 11:28 pmI don’t even know where to start. Mama Bear flairs up in me when I hear this crap. I would have your kids start documenting the constant bullying…just a little note ex: 1/22 tripped and name calling. And I would be calling the police for assault or something. These kids are completely out of control and they KNOW no one is going to do anything. You and your kids are stronger than I am; there is no way I would have lasted this long. I speak up to kids who are being mean and doing that stuff even if it’s just to let them know I noticed and that I’ll be the tattle tale if need be.
January 23rd, 2010 at 11:50 pmOkay, my second comment on this post. After reading most of these comments, I have to say that I absolutely disagree with the notion that the bullying isn’t worth adult intervention until it involves violence, or that the managing of the bully can be left to the kids until it turns violent. Psychological torment/emotional abuse (or whatever you want to call it) is FAR more damaging in the long-term (in my opinion) than mild/moderate physical violence.
Another thing I gleaned from the personal bullying stories in the comments is that most of the situations that were resolved, were resolved by the kids standing up for themselves, usually in a somewhat violent fashion. As great as the non-violent approach sounds (and would be, if it actually worked), I would much rather my kids get in one or two fist fights defending themselves, than “peacefully” enduring degrading comments day after day after day.
January 24th, 2010 at 1:06 amChris - we went through a similar situation. My middle son got the crap beat out of him at the bus stop by the neighborhood bully and her cronies. She pushed him against a fence and punched him and then her friends threw him and his backpack in the storm drain. The abuse had been going on on the bus. My son was just the target of the week. These kids went through the bus stop, each kid took a turn getting beat up while they waited for the bus. No one said anything because these kids are vicious and threatened to hurt any adult who got involved. The only reason we found out what happened was a mom on her way back from dropping her kids off at the elementary school saw the attack on my son and called the elementary school principal who called the middle school principal who waited for the bus.
If the behavior is happening before the kids exit the bus it is considered school property and the school MUST act. The bus people can be held accountable. The bullies can and should be kicked off the bus. If the driver is NOT reporting it call the bus office and just let them know what is happening. In our case the bus driver reported the activity to the school and the school did nothing until my son got the snot beat out of him. Drivers are sent to training to deal with this sort of stuff.
If the abuse happens off the bus at the bus stop there is not a lot that can be done at school but you can press charges. In the state of Texas the threat of the attack in considered assault the attack itself would be battery. PLEASE tell your children to not fight back. If they fight back and the brats in question complain the parents can press charges against your boys.
January 24th, 2010 at 1:19 amI know this may sound crazy but, I have friends whose two sons were being bullied just like your kids, every day after they got off the bus. They had a very big burly friend who dressed up like a biker in leathers and met the boys as they got off the bus.
January 24th, 2010 at 4:27 amHe greeted the kids (who knew him and knew of the plan) then asked the boys very loudly “who is the kid that is messing with you?” The boys loudly pointed out the bully and all the “biker friend” had to do was look at the kid and ask “how you doin’?”, then he turned to my friends boys and stated “he’ll leave you alone or you come talk to me”. This apparently put the fear of God in the bully and he left the boys alone, everywhere, after that meeting. The “biker” never addressed the bully except to ask how he was doing, but he made darn sure that the bully heard everything he said. Sometimes all a bully needs is a good scare.
This is such a touchy subject for me. My son has always been “different.” He’s the kid who yells out the answers in class without raising his hand. You know, the one we all thought was annoying in school. He’s not into sports. He prefers Star Wars and science. Socially, he’s inept. FINALLY after 7 years of my badgering, he was diagnosed with Asperger’s. As much as a relief it is that we can get him help to cope, the label doesn’t change the way other kids treat him. He’s been bullied since 1st grade. He’s now in 3rd. The schools make a huge show of their “zero tolerance” policies, but it’s all lip service. There are tons and tons of books for girls on how to cope, self esteem, etc. What about our boys? My son is going through a version of “mean girl” syndrome at school being directed towards him. It’s not just the girls who act this way. I’m also finding that the 8-12 age group is the new Jr. High. I didn’t experience these sorts of behaviors until 7th or 8th grade. And you know what? I am “that” parent because I’ve learned that if you’re not, the school won’t do anything to help your child. Sad, isn’t it? They complain about the parents who are a pain in the ass, yet they won’t do their jobs until we are. I was talking to a couple teacher friends of mine, and they said they wished more parents would take an active interest in their child’s education. They both said way too many parents just drop their kids off at school and pick them up every day, and that’s all - even when there’s clearly an issue.
I’ve found it all comes down to this. A lot of parents now want to be their kids’ friend. They’re simply not parenting and teaching respect and discipline. It makes it damn hard for those of us who are trying to teach our kids basic morals. If parents would parent instead of ignoring their kids, and schools would teach instead of thinking that the problem isn’t theirs because they’re not the kids’ parents, the world would be a better place. We should all be looking out for our kids. It’s really a totally different world than even the one I grew up in, and I’m not that old. I’m only 30 and I long for “the good ol’ days.”
Sorry for the dissertation, but this is one subject that gets me on my soapbox.
January 24th, 2010 at 8:34 amIt would be worth finding out what your school’s/county’s policy is regarding bullying. Our county here in Fairfax, Virginia has a strict Zero Tolerance policy, and they mean it. All bullying is immediately punishable. For instance, last year there was bullying by one kid on our bus. It got too much for the kid, who told his parents, who told the school, who kicked the kid off the bus for 3 months. I hadn’t appreciated the immediacy of the policy, but I do now. Good luck.
January 24th, 2010 at 8:58 amCall the school. You’re the parent.
January 24th, 2010 at 9:01 amAs a teacher I know that it is tough for kids to come to school and “tattle” but it is important that the school understands what is going on. Let’s say that your boys finally can’t take it and end up fighting finding out the back story afterwards isn’t going to help them but the school can try to prevent the fight, ban the kids from taking the bus or other measures that might help to prevent that from happening. There are bullying laws in most school systems and they are in place for these situations… especially considering some of the words that are being used, this kid could be suspended or even expelled from school. Please let the school know it may help you in the end.
January 24th, 2010 at 10:34 amI haven’t dealt with this as a parent much (yet, I’m sure) but speaking as a former teacher? Tell the school AND tell all the kids’ teachers. They definitely do not want this to be happening. Good for you for taking action!
January 24th, 2010 at 11:00 amBy not reporting it to the school, the bullies are continuing to have the upper hand and be in control. I have reported things my children didn’t want me to (after a lot of thought), and it’s always turned out in a positive way.
I watched an episode on bullying on Oprah last year, and a psychiatrist who specialized in bullying said that 80% of children who are bullied and/or called derogatory things like “faggot” will at one time consider suicide. I know we all think “not our kids,” but apparently 80% of the children out there *are* considering this. Scary, scary thought.
Another thing they really emphasized is to no longer tell our kids to just ignore it, or take the high road (something I always told my kids, as well). They said that, at least half the time, the first time our kids tell them to just STOP IT, the bully will stop. And I have given my kids full permission to fight back/hit/whatever it takes. I know it’s not right, but with these ignoramuses, sometimes that’s the only thing that registers on their tiny pea brains. Physical contact and aggression is apparently how they’ve been programmed.
Anyway, I would first report it and then let the kids know that they most certainly *should* stand up to the bullies. First with words, second with whatever it takes.
I am so sick of shitty parents who raise kids to be just as shitty.
January 24th, 2010 at 12:37 pmHere’s the link to the show transcripts. Very enlightening, I thought:
http://www.oprah.com/relationships/School-Bullying
January 24th, 2010 at 12:43 pmyeah I’m with Vicki…what about the crazy lady’s husband too. What is his deal?
bullying is so serious and so scary. The school and board should be all over EVERY incident
January 24th, 2010 at 1:22 pmMy eldest (of 7, 6 boys, 1 girl) is 30 now. I homeschooled the kids until the oldest was in high school. There was a bully at the school that picked on my oldest from day 1. We had a no violence policy… After several months, I finally told DS that if he did get into a fight at school, it was understandable and he would not be in trouble at home.
The next bullying incident, he fought back. News went like wildfire around the school, someone had taken down the bully.
DS was called into the superintendents office. The man was well aware of the bully. He told DS, “I understand you had a fight with (bully). We have a no violence policy here, and I am required to have a talk with you about this incident. Consider yourself talked to.” And as DS was headed out, the super said, “By the way, good job.”
That put a stop to the kid bullying MY kids. What really finally stopped him from bullying others was an organization of the kids, led by my two oldest and several of their friends. They called themselves the “(school name) mafia” (CHM). Any time this bully or his cohorts would single out a kid to bully, the CHM would gather and just stand by- one of them would say “leave the kid alone”. The greater group of peers from the CHM always kept the bully from targeting the weaker kids.
The same bully once dumped a dead raccoon in our yard in the middle of the night… a ’symbolic gesture’ after the CHM defended a minority student. He was bragging at school about the dumping. I called his parents when the school had suggested calling the police, after the kid had told my son he was “coming after us with an AK 47″ next time.
I told his mother what had been done, and said. She asked how we knew it was her son. I gave her a vehicle description of the truck that had dumped the raccoon, and told her of her son’s bragging and threats. She yells to her husband “Dear, (bully) has been into your gun collection again!” The kid really had access to the AK47!
I spoke to the father and agreed that if he would deal with the son, we would leave the police out of it, but I had witnesses and documentation.
The father dealt with the son, the CHM peer group kept the kid in line at school. As I said, my DS is 30 now. The bully went on to become a marine and actually turned into a semblance of a decent adult.
Can your kids organize a bus stop peer group to keep these kids in check?
January 24th, 2010 at 1:37 pmTough situation, Chris. I think you did the right thing…I have no advice, just sympathies…
January 24th, 2010 at 1:44 pmDocument everything you can!!! Use a flip video if possible.You must go to the principal and if he doesn’t give you satisfaction go to the superintendent and even the news. In my school the principal gives kids three chances and then they are off the bus. We have a zero tolerance for bullying. The bus should be a privaledge not a given. I have friends who have just driven their kids instead of dealing with it because it is just easier. When one starts picking on another it spreads to kids who would not normallly say mean things. Your children are in the right!! Get some good documentation and move forward - video would be great. Even a voice recording in a pocket might be able to tell a lot to the authorities. I hope these other kids get kicked off the bus!! Also - you are a fantastic writer. I have enjoyed all your stories - remember the white couch with the plastic at your in-laws!!!!! I will have your family in my prayers about all of this. You are a good person and this will work out well for your kids. Linda
January 24th, 2010 at 2:00 pmI have always taught my kids that you should be proud of who you are and that you should always stick up for others that need your help. My oldest (8) always does. She also has a bully. She is really good about dealing with her. That’s not to say that there aren’t bad days and it’s nothing like what your kids are dealing with. However, we feel as though you should always deal with bullies by talking, ignoring, etc…the things you have done so far. That being said, we also feel like if someone hits you, like full on hits you, you should defend yourself. I will never be upset with my kids if they defend themselves. If they hit first, that’s a completely different thing however. I feel that as a parent, one of your most important jobs is to protect your children, no matter if you become “that parent” with the school (which I don’t want to be either) or someone doesn’t like you, or whatever. Your kids need to know that you did everything in your power to protect them and nothing else matters. You’re doing a great job. I hope only good comes from this point on.
January 24th, 2010 at 7:28 pmDocument. Document. Document. If another adult tells you they witnessed it, document their name along with that date. I would also consider getting it on video, or digital audio tape recorder. If you have proof, the school will have to do something about it. Because you KNOW these kids are going to say your boys started it, and you KNOW the other kids on the bus are going to be too afraid to speak up otherwise.
January 24th, 2010 at 10:33 pmI am so, so sorry. I would be in the same situation you are. I would want my kids to not use violence in response to the bullying but you are perfectly right, there is a point when you are not sure what else to do. I think you were definitely right in calling the school and your son in telling the bus driver. I hope some sort of resolution is found. Although kids like this tend to never change. They just grow up into adults like this and become someone else’s problem.
January 25th, 2010 at 3:48 amChris, just my 2 cents worth after reading thru the comments. Use the phone video. I raised 2 boys, and so wish they had that option back in the day. It is visible proof of what’s going on. No he said, she said.
Schools HATE having to deal with this type of situation, and are going to brush you off as much as possible. With video proof, they can’t do that.
January 25th, 2010 at 11:27 amGood luck, and let us know how the whole thing shakes out.
There is a good book that touches on this subject, probably not as severe as your boys are eperiencing but still good “Please stop laughing at me” I’ve forgotten the author. Talks about the fine line of standing up for yourself and getting violent.
January 25th, 2010 at 2:49 pmMy daughter and her friend were being bullied by some girls on the bus. They decided themselves to tell the bus driver and went and spoke to their counselor at school. After that, the bus assigned seats so that those girls weren’t anywhere near them and they haven’t been bullied since.
January 25th, 2010 at 4:16 pmHey Chris - I just wanted to say that you are a great Mama and are doing all the right things. Trust yourself.
January 25th, 2010 at 5:55 pmMy concern is that your child will be injured coming off the bus because of this other child. What if this child made your child trip and the he fell under the bus and the bus driver didn’t notice (since the driver can’t seem to notice it and report it which is mandatory btw since there is physical harm). You hear about it all the time children getting hurt while at the bus stop and this is my main concern here!
The name calling is secondary. I would hotline the bus driver for failing to report such things. I would likely call the school board (not the principal) on them letting this go on for so long and give them a warning that if it doesn’t stop within a week your children will be standing up for themselves! This is not an unreasonable request! I’m thinking this child needs an aid full time by his side even at the bus stop due to his behavior! This is what happens in my area with children like this.
I would then after 1 week tell me children that if the child continues even after they have told the child to stop that they can feel free to take action. You have good boys and they don’t want to hurt the other child. They aren’t angry they are frustrated with the situation so chances are they will punch him once and let him go running crying home to mommy!
January 25th, 2010 at 5:57 pmI so feel your dilema! My son was also bullied and I took your approach…take the high road…me-until the person touches you. Although, even though not starting a fight, they would always be the one in trouble! I finally told school administrators that my son isn’t getting the shit kicked out of him without fighting back - period! Still they ignored it until I told them that I would get the local police involved, because at this age 12 and up, you can charge them with harassment! Then only did they assign seats on the bus and the bullying stopped. Isn’t it funny though that it’s always the bullies parents that say - oh my child is the angel?? Makes me SICK!! Oh ya, one final note….document EVERYTHING!
January 25th, 2010 at 9:06 pmI’ll start by saying I’m a teacher. Then I’ll tell you what I’ve told my own boys when they’ve bullied: first you tell them to stop (big voice), then you tell a grown up (school official), then you punch them in the nose - sometimes, if it’s egregious enough, you have to skip the grown up and punch them in the nose.
January 25th, 2010 at 10:10 pmI tell my boys they might get in trouble at school (and they’ll have to face the consequences) but they won’t get in trouble at home.
We’ve never had to actually follow through on this, though
My oldest had bus issues a few years ago in middle school (she’s in HS now.) We were able to use the cameras on the bus as proof of what was going on. The school district you’re talking about has cameras on some of their buses (if not all by now.) You might want to start there. Feel free to privately email me and I might be able to point you in the right direction. They did help and things got better for my daughter. Hope that’s helpful.
January 26th, 2010 at 12:08 pmI got a call from my youngest’s P.E. teacher last week concerning him and his friends. It seems the boys love to show off in front of the girls by tripping and “pantsing” each other. The teacher told me that while she knows that it’s being done in fun, and that they’re good kids, our school has a Zero Tolerance policy and instances like this can lead to police involvement, possibly assault charges or int the case of pantsing, sexual assault charges. These kids are in 6th grade! My point is, the law is with you, hire an attorney.
January 28th, 2010 at 11:30 amMy experience in talking with school administrators:
January 28th, 2010 at 11:31 pm“Now that I have made you aware of the situation, if you choose not to protect my children while they are in your care, I will hold you responsible if they are harmed in any way.”
Usually spurs action…
I’ve had two bully situations with my kids. In one, I volunteered at the school and befriended the bully, who was ever after nice to my kid. But that kid was only sometimes mean, not ever physical, and more in need of attention than anything else. In the other, I had a discussion with the mother, a neighbor, who screamed obscenities at me and wanted to fight me. But my husband was in Special Operations and her boyfriend was afraid of him, so it ended up that they left us alone after that because the boyfriend was smart enough to know it would not end favorably for his family. If I were you, I’d enroll the kids in jiu-jitsu as well as pursue the courses of action of notifying principal, etc. Not only would a martial arts course teach self-defense, it would also teach confidence and how to keep one’s cool in such a crazy situation.
Some people are not evolved enough to respond to anything except old school punishment. Too bad the kids have been ruined by their mom already, but you gotta do what you gotta do for your own kids and teach those other kids that people are not going to take that kind of business. Sorry you have to go through this, this story made my blood boil for you!!
Oh, also: I was bullied so regularly as a kid that some guy at my high school reunion apologized to me, and I didn’t even remember him doing the bullying! There’s only so much school admin can do; in my case, it took place off campus, on the way home from school. In third grade I began fighting back physically, and no one bothered me again.
January 31st, 2010 at 2:42 am