The EXCITING OPPORTUNITIES Keep Rolling In
January 31, 2010
Generally, I stay away from blogging about anything that isn’t directly related to my life. Politics, religion, parenting debates, the work of blogging are all things I just don’t really write about. But then I get a PR pitch that hits every low point a PR pitch can hit and I can’t help myself.
99% of the PR pitches I get sent are spectacularly awful.
They are addressed to the wrong person. Hello, I am not Mom101, though my email address begins with “N” which comes right after “M” so that must be confusing. Unless you do something like proofread.
They are addressed to no one. Just a blank after Ms.___
Or they say [blog name here]. Whoops. Or maybe I am just supposed to fill my own name in as I read.
Or they are for things that don’t fit into my life AT ALL and if the person sending the emails read even a couple of posts they would know that. (I don’t have any babies. I am not overweight– though thank you for making me think of my jiggly ass. And just who the hell is Dr Oz? And no I don’t want to be on a conference call with some pseudo-celebrity so I can blog about it.)
Or they are riddled with spelling errors, bad grammar, and an overenthusiastic use of explanation points!!!
The other day I got an email with the subject line “Enter subject here.” Major FAIL right there.
Generally I will forward these spectacularly bad emails onto my friends and we laugh at them.
But then sometimes I get one that is just bad. The entire pitch is just bad. And the company behind the pitching is large enough to know better.
Then there is the realization that there are bloggers out there who are accepting these sort of pitches with open arms. And that makes me even more angry.
date: Fri, Jan 22, 2010 at 1:28 PM
subject: Last Chance To Participate In [xxxxx] Blogging Program!Hello Chris!
I previously contacted you about our [xxxxx] Blogging Program. I am reaching out to you again so you don’t miss out on this great opportunity for yourself and your readers.
[xxxxx] is launching an all new high-performance [item] and its [xxxxx] biggest innovation in 25 years! We’ll be making a big announcement with the start of the 2010 Winter Olympics. We wanted to make sure you didn’t miss out. Please let me know if you are interesting in hearing about this special promotion before everyone else so that you can share that with your readers in early February. There will be sampling opportunities available for you.
We’d love to have you be a part of this blogging program. Can’t wait to hear from you!
Great opportunity? Sampling opportunities? What does this mean, I wonder?
And, at least she got my name right.
date Fri, Jan 22, 2010 at 1:47 PM
subject Re: Last Chance To Participate In [xxxxx] Blogging Program!Maybe I am confused, but what exactly are you offering me?
dateFri, Jan 22, 2010 at 2:17 PM
subjectRE: Last Chance To Participate In [xxxxx] Blogging Program!Chris,
Here is some more information for you. If you have any more questions please let me know.
[Lengthy description of their product and why it is so awesome with a strange tie-in the the Olympic games which makes me think of Baby Olympics and babies having crawling races...]
Now let’s discuss the actual blogging program in greater detail. The program is in two parts – (1) an early February post focusing on the Olympic games celebration and free samples and (2) an early March post where you review the diapers for yourself and see just how much of a game changer the new [xxxxx] are (we also have great [xxxxx] giveaways—INCLUDING FREE DIAPERS AND A DESIGNER DIAPER CLUTCH— to include with your review)!
[blah, blah, blah send us your address, blah blah blah]
Um, what? I feel like I am missing something here. Like the part where it is an exciting opportunity FOR ME.
I know what you are thinking… A FREE DIAPER CLUTCH! NO WAY!!!! That must be the exciting part. It is in all caps afterall.
dateFri, Jan 22, 2010 at 9:26 PM
subjectRe: Last Chance To Participate In Pampers’ Blogging Program!I am still unclear what sort of “opportunity” this is for me? You are asking me to blog TWICE about your product in exchange for some diapers??
Chris
dateMon, Jan 25, 2010 at 12:22 PM
subjectRE: Last Chance To Participate In Pampers’ Blogging Program!Chris,
Yes there are 2 posts now and then you would receive the diapers along with the giveaway for your readers.[Blah blah blah]FREE DIAPERS AND A DESIGNER DIAPER CLUTCH [blah blah blah]
Thank you,
dateMon, Jan 25, 2010 at 12:32 PM
subjectRe: Last Chance To Participate In Pampers’ Blogging Program!I don’t even have any children who are diaper wearing age.
Do you have adult diapers?
chris
I don’t know why I asked this. But honestly I was getting annoyed by the refusal to acknowledge that there was no exciting opportunity for me.
Chris,
We do not have adult diapers. If you know anyone with children you can test it on them and then write a review about it on your site. For this program to move forward to the free samples and giveaways you have to do a review.
Ok, that is just weird. “Hi, Miquelina? Can I borrow your baby for a few days? You see there is this exciting opportunity for me to test out some diapers…”
dateMon, Jan 25, 2010 at 1:26 PM
subjectRe: Last Chance To Participate In Pampers’ Blogging Program!No, for this program to move forward you would have to pay me money. Offering compensation in the form of diapers and pretending as though it is an “opportunity” for me is frankly insulting. The “opportunity” is for you to get free advertising. The ads I run on my site pay me a whole lot more than a package of diapers.
I am willing to bet that you are being paid in actual dollars for your work. Although I suppose I could be wrong… do you get paid in diapers and other products?
chris
I never heard back.
Perhaps she got paid last week and is trying to sell those diapers on craigslist.
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Those PR pitches are just so wrong! But I LOVE that you asked about adult diapers.
Just an FYI, the stupid marketers seem to believe that every woman who blogs has babies. Including me. And honestly, my having a baby would be against so many laws of nature at the moment!
And you have to give them their free advertising before you get your diaper clutch. (what they hell is that anyway? Who really wants to clutch diapers any longer than they have to?) SO WRONG.
I wish more bloggers would realize they are being manipulated and call the stupid PR people on this.
January 31st, 2010 at 11:58 amI’m in PR and I find this extremely embarrassing. Most PR professionals are not like this but some are too lazy to do research on their targets - this is a prime example of that. I do tech PR and would never think of offering free services in exchange for a review. It’s an interesting discussion - how do PR professionals work with bloggers - are they different than traditional media - do bloggers follow the same rules as traditional journalists?
Love your blog Chris!
January 31st, 2010 at 12:26 pmWell, good thing my blog isn’t famous enough to get crap like this. I love your responses!
January 31st, 2010 at 12:40 pmMy favorite part was you asking if she gets paid in diapers. I’m not quite sure if they just get a list and send out mass emails or what, but really if I was going to spend advertising dollars on a blog {in free samples or dollars} I probably would do some research on the person who would be talking about my product, no? Ass clowns.
January 31st, 2010 at 12:46 pmI *hate* stuff like that. People think bloggers are greedy and always wanting free stuff or compensation but the fact is that all of these companies would have to pay a hell of a lot more than some diapers if they wanted to advertise. Do they think that advertisements on TV are paid for with free samples of their products to the networks?
I am so sick of bad pitches. And like you I can not stand when people are clearly not taking even five minutes to learn anything about me before pitching their product or service to me. In the past two weeks I’ve had to shoot down about 7 pitches that wanted me to write about something that is only available in the U.S. It takes very little research to know I’m Canadian (the .ca in my domain might be a very big clue for most people…) and obviously won’t be blogging about something I can’t even use.
January 31st, 2010 at 1:12 pmI love this - you are hilarious! Great responses!
January 31st, 2010 at 1:13 pmWhat a classic. Thanks for the laugh this morning!
January 31st, 2010 at 1:28 pmYour final response to her is priceless!!
January 31st, 2010 at 1:29 pm“Do you have adult diapers?”
HA!!!!!!!!!!!
January 31st, 2010 at 1:53 pmGood one! I just like the way you understand that it’s just for the company’s cheap ad campaign and look at the best interest for you. And not only the financial interest, but the fact that your blog is way more popular than having to get paid in diapers. Got to say, you did it again. Great job!
January 31st, 2010 at 2:01 pmTerrific post about a spectacularly bad pitch, Chris. I wish it were the exception, but there are still far too many bad pitches.
Just curious, among all the offers for the diaper clutch and instructions on when (and what) you were to post, was there anything about the need to disclose per FTC regs?
Chris says: Nope. Nothing at all.
January 31st, 2010 at 2:10 pmI am honored to be confused with you. Although sadly, I don’t get “Dear Chris Jordan” pitches (or, more likely, “Dear Ms. From the Trenches.”)
Often I get “Dear Mommy,” which freaks me out. Where is my child and how did they get a hold of a computer?
January 31st, 2010 at 2:22 pmgee….I wouldn’t mind some free diapers. I’d be happy to get a lame offer like this.
Chris says: And therein lies the problem
January 31st, 2010 at 2:26 pmI won the free diapers clutch from a blog give away and it is the cheapest and ugliest thing ever! Not worth any effort!
January 31st, 2010 at 2:30 pmI’m like Keyona not famous enough to get offers like this, where they actually offer me diapers in return. I do however get loads of smam blogger comments now, many in Chinese or Japanese. The few I have gotten in English are trying to make everyone buy Viagra or something similar.
If one needed, say, adult diapers OR Viagra, what kind of moron would buy it from some obscure comment on a blog?
I also agree with your policy about not blogging about
“anything that isn’t directly related to my life.”
One of the many reasons that I love your blog
January 31st, 2010 at 2:49 pmOh Chris, have I told you lately…
January 31st, 2010 at 2:51 pmthat I love you.
Selling her diapers on craigslist. I’m going to be laughing about that all afternoon!
ha! Good for you.
January 31st, 2010 at 3:11 pmThe brand name is still there a few times though.
My shoulders are shaking with my giggles. So, so, bad. I love the adult diapers part.
January 31st, 2010 at 3:32 pmLove it! and especially:
“so that must be confusing. Unless you do something like proofread.” PRICELESS!
“overenthusiastic use of explanation points!!!” Is that on purpose?
- Hil
January 31st, 2010 at 4:43 pmI get very few, however the ones that annoy me most are the SEO people. They are persistant too. Like I’m missing out on some NEW great thing. Guess telling them I don’t even know what a SEO is, might be the way to go?
January 31st, 2010 at 6:46 pmI love the ones that ask you to blog about their product before they send it to you. Or that offer to write the whole post for you…cause no one would notice that. All in exchange for a product that is worth less than $20. I can probably be bought, but it’s going to cost you a whole lot more than $20.
January 31st, 2010 at 7:47 pmMaybe they’re hoping that this EXCITING OPPORTUNITY will get everyone so inspired that they’ll run out and have more kids so that they can use the designer diaper clutch?
February 1st, 2010 at 12:57 amI know my single childless self is just ITCHING to procreate now, so as to take advantage of such a golden opportunity.
HA! That’s awesome.
Dr. Oz is the guy who wrote all the YOU books…You:The Owner’s Manual…YOU:On A Diet, etc. He’s a result of ‘The Oprah Effect’ and has his own show now.
February 1st, 2010 at 1:19 amOh dear god - you make me laugh.
February 1st, 2010 at 1:25 amyou know, too bad they weren’t cloth diapers … I mean, there’s money to be made in cloth diapers …
love your posts … read you even when you don’t post. which means I read the same post you wrote before. over again. because my life is full and exciting like that.
February 1st, 2010 at 4:11 amIt looks like (from her wording) that YOU wouldn’t even have received the crappy free clutch, just the “opportunity” to give it away to a reader. Wow, you must have just about keeled over from the sheer excitement. Not.
February 1st, 2010 at 7:56 amThere’s nothing worse than when PR reps don’t research their targets before hand. I get stuff for babies and girls. Um, my youngest is 3, and I have only boys.
February 1st, 2010 at 8:08 amOh my goodness, your last e-mail was so awesome. Perfect!
February 1st, 2010 at 9:46 amI guess you probably wouldn’t be happy to know that anyone can go to their website and get a free sample of the new diapers they were offering you? Minus the diaper clutch, of course, but I didn’t have to write a blog review for them! LOL! Idiots!
February 1st, 2010 at 10:37 amThis is why I love you!
February 1st, 2010 at 12:33 pmI don’t think I’ll ever get to the point of being “pitched,” but, egads, that is bad. Thanks for the morning laugh!
February 1st, 2010 at 12:54 pmLove it
I think you pissed her off for good and she won’t be resonding or contacting you again.
February 1st, 2010 at 1:29 pmYou should have agreed in exchange for naming rights. The Chris Jordan Diaper Clutch! Free exclamations inside. Oops - I forgot to hit all-caps on the DIAPER CLUTCH!!
February 1st, 2010 at 2:35 pmOMG. I want to be you when I grow up. I’m SO impressed by your response back to her. Way to go, girl. I usually just delete them. Now I am motivated by you to respond.
February 1st, 2010 at 2:42 pmI like free stuff as much as the next person, but this isn’t free. This is in exchange for actual work. For someone who writes as much as you, you don’t need more stuff to do. So the compensation really needs to be worth your time.
For Jane Doe blogger who just has her personal blog as a hobby and happens to have a baby, this would be an appealing pitch. But the difference is Jane Doe isn’t a professional blogger. She has a hobby.
The PR person really needs to understand the difference and pitch accordingly. It sounds like this one was just lazy.
Chris says: I disagree. I think it is a bad pitch for anyone to accept.
February 1st, 2010 at 5:04 pmAdult diapers…. cracks me up.
February 1st, 2010 at 6:20 pmI worked for a newspaper years ago. Some of the people that work for advertising agencies/marketing agencies are seriously lacking in the brain cell department. You would not believe the insertion orders they would send to our paper.
February 1st, 2010 at 9:00 pmThey would send full page ads for Saks 5th Ave. to our Mississippi paper. Granted, this was before the internet was in full swing, but HELLO!? Surely there was somewhere, someone that could tell these yahoos that there was not, and never will be a Saks in Jackson, Ms!
Unfortunately, there are tons more stories like this.
And these companies PAY these agencies BIG money to place their advertising and marketing.
Sad.
You turned down the Diaper CLUTCH????? Those are priceless!
February 1st, 2010 at 9:23 pmYou are THE best. Now, how do you handle telemarketers? LOL
February 1st, 2010 at 10:28 pmLove it!!!!!
February 2nd, 2010 at 10:24 amFirst, I know that pitch. Blargh.
Second, yes, it kills me that there are bloggers who respond to these things - it perpetuates the craptasticness.
Third, it also kills me that people are getting paid to send out crappy, typo-ridden, improperly mail merged pitches. Probably getting paid a lot. I actually had one PR thread that was so bad (http://popdiscourse.com/2009/07/bad-blogger-outreach-ii/) that I forwarded it to the company they were representing so they could see exactly what their money was paying for.
-Christine
February 2nd, 2010 at 3:34 pmNow I’m worldly enough to know that what we call nappies, you call diapers…but what on earth is a diaper clutch? It’s hard to believe that the hyperhyper language the pitch uses would be any more convincing to anyone with half a brain than the average Nigerian Letter. Your responses are terrific,ROFL how the agent on the receiving end kept on trying to stay on-message.
February 3rd, 2010 at 6:20 am