Coed Sleepovers Part Two
February 4, 2010
Wow, you people have opinions about the coed sleepover party!
I am not a huge fan of the sleepover party to begin with.
I find it interesting that the people who say they would allow it have a very narrow set of circumstances under which they would allow it. If they knew the family well. If the kids were very best friends. If they were under 12 (is that the magic age now? Have you seen what many 11 yr olds look like nowadays?)
I want to point out that I do not know this family AT ALL. My son barely knows this girl. She is not even in his class at school. And the party girl is turning 11.
This is not a best friend type of situation, which I might feel differntly about, though I honestly don’t know if I would.
I am not hypersexualizing the children, I think our culture has already done that.
No, I do not think that there will be some huge orgy going on in their rec room. Excuse me, I just threw up a little.
But I do think that it is my job as a parent to not put my child into a situation that they are not prepared to handle. I just do not see any good at all coming out of this big coed sleepover party and conversely I see the potential for a lot of bad. Why even go there?
And the people whho commented that I am thinking purely in a heterosexual mindset. Well, I think that even if there were a non-straight child attending they would be pressured to behave in a straight manner while playing Spin-the-Bottle, or 5 minutes in the closet (or whatever that game is called). Again, why even go there?
It’s my line in the sand. I think it is also telling that when my other sons heard about the invite they all laughed as if it were the most ridiculous thing ever. Not one of them thought I was being overly strict or uptight about it. They all thought it was inappropriate.
Oddly I do not have the same HELL NO gut reaction to the idea of 17 yr olds having after prom sleepovers/bonfires– if it were a small group, if I knew the parents, if…if…if.
While you are pondering all of this, go on over and make this spicy chicken soup. So delicious. And easy.
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Ok, this is the wierdest thing ever. I have an almost 9 year old, and I am pretty sure that he and his friends do not enjoy the same things as 9 year old girls. Why would you ever, ever try to make the two groups work in a sleepover party? It has nothing to do with sexualization. It’s just strange. I will say I am not a huge fan of sleepovers anyway, I dont need any extra kids bunking here when I’ve got 5 of my own and I am not hip on sending my kids to other homes to sleep. Just not necessary, IMO.
February 4th, 2010 at 11:01 amWell, I was in 6th grade when I got my first French kiss at my first boy/girl (non-sleepover party!) Because it was so gross it literally made me sick to my stomach, but I know there were “other things” going on among other couples when the lights went off briefly. So, I totally get why boy/girl sleepovers are not appropriate.
February 4th, 2010 at 11:06 amThere are so many circumstances where the decision can change from yes to no, etc. Why put our kids into difficult situations at young ages when we can still protect from them? They’ll learn all of these things soon enough, and often, sadly too soon.
February 4th, 2010 at 11:10 amYou said
“I want to point out that I do not know this family AT ALL. My son barely knows this girl. She is not even in his class at school.”
That right there cancels any sleepover in my mind no matter same sex or coed sleep over. I don’t know the family. The kids are not close friends. No sleepover. End of discussion. My son is good friends with the daughter of my closest friend I can imagine a sleepover with them because they already do in camping situation and family weekend get togethers. A sleepover party is just an extension of that. But someone the boy doesn’t know well, with a family I have never met. Not happening
February 4th, 2010 at 11:11 amYou and I are on the same page! In fact, I might even go a step further and not let my child go to the party at all. I have to wonder what type of supervision and rules there will be at the house that thinks that co-ed sleepovers are a good idea!! CRAZY!!!
February 4th, 2010 at 11:16 amI could not agree with you more! Co-ed sleepovers at that age are not a good idea - I teach, and I see what the boys and girls are like at that age - don’t know what that mom is thinking! I say take em bowling instead
February 4th, 2010 at 11:28 amI’m not sure where I’ll draw that line when my daughter is older, but I have a feeling it’ll be pretty close to where you’re drawing the line now.
It just seems like it’s inappropriate at such a young age…
February 4th, 2010 at 11:39 amExactly what you said! I agree wholeheartedly.
February 4th, 2010 at 11:47 amI love being the first/ almost first commenter!
February 4th, 2010 at 12:02 pmI wouldn’t allow the coed sleepover party in a million years. That said, my 8 year old daughter’s best friend is a boy, our friends’ son, and when they visit us, he sleeps on my daughter’s floor on a mattress and they have a great time. I know this will stop as they get older but it’s great for now.
so many if’s not enough time to ponder. I have learned to go with my gut reaction and to always remind myself and to remind my children that i am a parent first friend second and will always make the tough choices a parent needs to make.
February 4th, 2010 at 12:04 pmYou are exactly right about this. Parents job isn’t to make sure their kids always have fun. It’s to raise responsible, healthy, happy adults.
February 4th, 2010 at 12:07 pmThis confirms why I read your blog - not only is your writing succint, interesting, and thought provoking (and on occassion tear jerking), you appear to be so normal - not over the top on either the super liberal side or the super strict side, just a mom doing the best to raise her children while at the same time carving out her own place, through the artistry of writing. Definitely a breath of fresh air in the world of blogs which I think tend to come across sometimes as preachy, band with me on my high horse or else. Thanks for following this to closure - although I do hope you post after the party as well!
February 4th, 2010 at 12:07 pmI’m with you. I’m sorry, sleepovers with any family you don’t know are really a bad idea. Forget the kids attending. Are there older siblings? Will those siblings have friends there? What adults are helping out? Point is: You won’t know. They are especially a bad idea for young kids who might not speak up if they were feeling uncomfortable or who don’t have their own cell phone to be able to call home at whatever hour, if they want to be picked up.
February 4th, 2010 at 12:12 pmI think part of the oddness of this party invitation is the overinclusiveness: your son barely knows this child! So what’s up with THAT part of this party dilemma? Another example of “we didn’t want anyone to feel left out”?? that this mother seems to feel? Get over it! I think it is flat out odd and no amount of exceptions explain it.
February 4th, 2010 at 12:12 pm“If… if… if” indeed! I really think it’s a case-by-case situation. An entire classroom/grade of kids all in a bunch overnight is just not a good idea. There’s no way all those kids and parents know each other well - anything could happen. Ten is not too young for all kinds of experimentation.
February 4th, 2010 at 12:14 pmSo please do tell what your reaction is for 17 year olds……
February 4th, 2010 at 12:18 pmI’m glad to know the boys thought it was weird. I’d be of the same mind as you.
Sleepovers are MINEFIELDS. Adding boys into the mix is just asking for trouble.
February 4th, 2010 at 12:19 pm17 is different than 10/11
February 4th, 2010 at 12:21 pmI didn’t read the comments on your last post. I am surprised anyone would have thought it was a good idea to have a co-ed sleepover. I definately have the same hell no response to after-prom sleepovers though. I used to be 17 and ugh! I just remember the pressure to give in. An insecure 17 year old girl and a horny 17 year old boy (and let’s face it - even the sweetest boy, from the sweetest, nicest family is horny)only adds up to lots of regret. Why put kids, boy or girl, in that situation?
February 4th, 2010 at 12:25 pmi completely agree with you. i didn’t even know sleepovers like that existed. boys were off limits at sleepovers back in the day. we would spend time pranking them on the phone. i hope my son never gets invited to one of those parties. guess i’m going to be the mom that says, “NO!” take care.
February 4th, 2010 at 12:28 pmfirst of all, i totally agree on the hating the sleepover. my son was once returned to me in a comatose state, fell asleep with his lunch in his mouth, and was a pill all weekend. last summer i let him host a sleepover for 3 friends; this summer i will gladly pay $200+ to have the party OUT of my house and over by bedtime. here’s to sleeping in your own beds.
February 4th, 2010 at 12:38 pm“Oddly I do not have the same HELL NO gut reaction to the idea of 17 yr olds having after prom sleepovers/bonfires– if it were a small group, if I knew the parents, if…if…if.”
That was exactly my reaction when you posted.
February 4th, 2010 at 1:01 pm“But I do think that it is my job as a parent to not put my child into a situation that they are not prepared to handle.”
Bingo! Not knowing that family…and knowing that you DO actually have a crazy in your midst…no way.
I asked my 14 yo daughter…the one that is best friends with a 14 yo boy and his 16 yo sister. Her words and I quote…
“Uh…no. That is just weird, Mom.” Then I asked her about N and how he was there when she slept over with O. To her, that was totally different because we knew the family really well and N always had to go 2 floors up at bedtime. She did go on to tell me that she knows of kids who have had co-ed sleepovers. And she said thus far…she is not going to ever participate in one. Awkward was her word choice for that.
February 4th, 2010 at 1:08 pmI actually read your first post about this outloud to my fiance.
And I asked him his opinion. (He is normally very, very open minded and relaxed about these sorts of dilemmas. He normally sways toward the least parental involvement possible, almost Lord of the Flies style; let them sort it out amongst themselves.)
His response, “Um, 26? Why is that necessary for kids that don’t know each other well? Who cares if they will be separated? Children are mischievous and parents have to sleep sometime.”
For the record, we have no children yet.
February 4th, 2010 at 1:08 pmI didn’t comment on the part one but I agree with you 100%. Why put your kids in a situation that is almost guaranteed to go bad?
I may be old fashioned but at sleepovers it is all girls or all boys, depending on the gender of the birthday child.
My kids have never even though about asking to have a child of the opposite sex for a sleepover.
February 4th, 2010 at 2:29 pmWe don’t do ANY sleepovers unless I know the parents VERY WELL. Therefore, sleepovers are rare around here.
February 4th, 2010 at 2:51 pmi’m with you on why even go there. we have made a blanket no-sleepover rule (with a couple exceptions for a couple families we’re very close with) because it’s too hard to make judgement calls on certain families and situations. we let the kids stay at the party late, we even drive them back over the next morning. but they sleep at home. like you say, nothin good is going to come of sleeping over, and plenty bad could happen.
February 4th, 2010 at 2:58 pmI was 10 the first time I played truth or dare under a trampoline with a group of friends. Let’s just say, I’ll never let my kids go to a co-sleepover. No way, no how.
February 4th, 2010 at 3:11 pmI did not reply to your first post. I just assumed most parents would say the same thing that I would: “NO! NO! and again, NO!” So now, after this post, I am scared to go back and read what people wrote on your first post. I’m replying here, also without reading what people are saying. I must be, just as my children say, too strict. I hear the girls in my daughters 6th grade class, I teach them when their teacher has to be gone. My daughter is one of the very innocent ones in that class, and that is with a 20 year old older brother and a 16 year old older sister. 6th grade girls are not as innocent as when we were in school. The boys are still more likely to be a little more juvenile, but the girls are definitely not. No co-ed sleepovers for this household either.
February 4th, 2010 at 3:25 pmI am thankful that none of my kids(14,11,8) have ever been invited to a coed sleepover. I think that the idea is totally ridiculous. I am not a fan of sleepovers, period.
February 4th, 2010 at 3:33 pmSleepovers in general I just don’t understand. They aren’t all that well supervised, in my experience. My son went to an all-boy sleepover when he was in 3rd grade, I think, where there was comparing, taunting, humiliating, hand-in-the-warm-water, etc. - certainly sexually charged in that age 8-11 group. That was the last one, although we did 1:1 sleepovers and supervised church trips and camp, which I suppose could have gone the same way.
I have kids in college now, and I feel justified in saying for the 17-yo afterprom experiences, know your own kid really, really well. The typical afterprom experiences my kids told me about included what parents were around going to sleep and the kids drinking, smoking, having sex (in front of each other), and driving home drunk/high/drowsy at 4:00 AM. We had a local death from a kid who fell asleep at the wheel returning home from a school-sponsored afterprom party that ended at 4:00 - I am not really in favor of them anymore.
February 4th, 2010 at 3:36 pmI think the REAL problem is the whole “we don’t want anyone to be left out…” issue.
February 4th, 2010 at 3:46 pmWeird is all I can say. Good for you with going with your gut reaction. Honestly, I think the kind of that mother allows her child to have a co-ed sleepover, is not the kind of person I would want to suppervise said sleepover.
February 4th, 2010 at 3:48 pmyeah, it’s different when the bday child and your son hardly no each other. i thought it was a “closer” friendship.
in other, much scarier, news that tops this coed sleepover debate is the fact that Miley Cyrus’s 9 YR OLD sister is coming out with a lingerie line! Seriously… like the world needs more 9 year olds dressing sexy… rediculous!
February 4th, 2010 at 3:55 pmI agree! it also raises the question of limits– co-ed sleepovers at 10? What happens next year? co-ed tatoo and piercing party? a kegger?
February 4th, 2010 at 4:16 pmI have a 14 year old girl and a 12 year old son. Both popular. Neither one has been to a co-ed party yet let alone a sleep over. They have been to dances. I did hear of a co-ed sleepover a few years back but happily my kid was not invited and I thought the mother was crazy.
February 4th, 2010 at 4:39 pmI’m right there with you on this. I am 33 and remember well having friends in 5th and 6th grade who did all sorts of stuff with members of the opposite sex without parental permission. That alone is enough for me to know that co-ed sleepovers or other co-ed unsupervised situations are not appropriate at this age. While most kids this age won’t behave in a sexual manner, some will, so why not play it safe?
February 4th, 2010 at 4:40 pmPerhaps you should introduce the party-throwing mom to the (other) crazy mother down the street. Then Social Services would shut down the sleepover in an instant.
Problem solved, case closed.
February 4th, 2010 at 4:47 pmI remember sleep overs birthday parties. The kids were always trying to get away with mischief. Some had already been kissed long before their 11th birthday.
As for the prom sleep overs, my brother’s girlfriend often stayed over and “slept” in my bedroom. At least until both my parents where asleep, then returned before my dad got up.
February 4th, 2010 at 5:02 pmOn the other post I said I didn’t think it was a big deal. I still don’t. That is, I don’t think the coed thing is a big deal. Because it ALL comes down to how well you know the chaperones, whether it’s coed or not. I would have made the same decision you did because you don’t know the parents. But it’s just ugly how so many commenters assume they must be awful parents if they would have a coed sleepover. If I was AT the coed sleepover there wouldn’t be an issue so why are they so awful for having one? Maybe in their family, the kids aren’t hypersexualized, maybe the kids have good opposite sex friends. Maybe these parents are perfectly willing to sit up and make this an all-nighter type of situation.
February 4th, 2010 at 5:16 pmWhy rip on those parents and those of us who would actually consider a coed sleepover? Why do people feel the need to tear down other parents? There were a lot of commenters who said that those of us who would allow this are the kind of parents who can’t say no, whose children will be 13 and pregnant. Seriously?
I have a houseful of girls…17, 15 and 5…I AIN’T approving any coed sleepover for any of them under any circumstances…kids are under enough sexual pressure these days without their parents adding to it!
February 4th, 2010 at 5:57 pmI did serve an impromptu 1 a.m. breakfast to a small group of juniors who were looking for somewhere to go after the prom last year…but they all left and went home to their own beds to sleep.
I checked back on your last post and was delighted to see so many young moms with their heads on straight. I’d add to my comment yesterday that when my kids were young we did have a couple of same-gender sleepovers, and no one in their right mind could think mixing them up could work if they’d seen those kids in action.
The boy’s sleepovers invariably included belching and farting contests, and wouldn’t your little princess like to be included in that? The girl’s sleepovers were all about curling each others hair and trying on everybody’s clothes, and most of the boys I know wouldn’t find that the party to brag about.
For those of you whose children are not yet school age, who think you’ll raise your kids better than that — meaning without the sexual stereotypes — good luck with that. You don’t have to lift a finger to have them resort to that gender-specific behavior, they just do.
And for the occasional kid who identifies more with the opposite sex, I don’t see how everyone knowing you were the only boy at an all-girl party, or the only girl at an all-boy party, is helpful. Kids can be pretty cruel, especially if they have parents who don’t help them understand those children.
February 4th, 2010 at 6:01 pmWhen I read your post yesterday I didn’t comment because I thought it was a no-brainer. I’m with you, that’s an inappropriate type of birthday party. No need to put the kids in that situation.
February 4th, 2010 at 6:31 pmI still can’t get past the orgy comment a reader made on your last post. I think I just threw up a little.
I don’t consider myself overly conservative (mom of 13 yr old twin boys), but why is the topic even debatable? It’s odd on so many levels. The teen years will offer up plenty of challenges/opportunities on the co-ed front, so why rush this sort of thing at 10/11?
Sounds like an insecure parent working a bit too hard to be “cool”.
February 4th, 2010 at 6:37 pmAs the mom of a boy will be 11 in 2 weeks, I’m will you: hell-to-the-NO. And even if I didn’t agree, it is YOUR decision to make.
I don’t have kids sleepover at all unless I know the parents very well, which limits it to three families in the neighborhood.
February 4th, 2010 at 7:56 pmUmmmm…that should say “I’m WITH you.” It’s all the hamburger grease on my fingers. Just finished dinner.
February 4th, 2010 at 7:57 pmHere, here!!! Love you!
February 4th, 2010 at 8:15 pmYeah…still Hey-yall no!
February 4th, 2010 at 10:29 pmWe had one of those invitations last year for a girl also turning 11 and it was 3 months after her previous party because she didn’t want to wait that long for her party…….we were stunned to find out it was a coed sleepover and we know the parental unit is pretty absent so even more disturbing. What I found most shocking was that the parents of the boys didn’t think anything of it?!! What the hell is wrong with people that think this would be ok?
February 4th, 2010 at 10:52 pmI have a 4 year old so I’m not even close to being “there” yet, but I’m really curious about how the ten year old thing is different to you from 17 year olds getting the same invite. Not judging, just wondering. It seems like a 17 year old would be put in an even worse predicament that he might not (or worse, could) handle. I think it’s a real testament to the way you are raising your boys that they also thought the invitation was weird.
February 4th, 2010 at 11:18 pmNo way. No how. Not happening. Would not have my 10-year old son spend the night with a family I did not know, let alone for a co-ed sleepover party. I’m not a fan of the sleepover concept in general. Thankfully, most of my son’s close friends live in the neighborhood so we have them over until 8 - 9 pm at night and then send them home to sleep. Have the occasional sleepover probably twice or three times a year.
Stick to your guns, girl.
February 4th, 2010 at 11:48 pmUmm, I had the same gut reaction as you. Heck no.
February 4th, 2010 at 11:58 pmI agree with this post wholeheartedly. I did comment on the last one & basically said there’s no way in hell I would knowingly allow my kids to attend co-ed sleepovers. And for all of the commenters that said, “They’re TEN YEARS OLD! Stop sexualizing everything!,” I’d like to point out that we’ve already had several people on here (myself included) that attended co-ed parties at that age that weren’t so innocent. I wasn’t rushing headlong into losing my virginity or anything, but I remember playing Spin the Bottle & other games like that, & by the time we were 12 years old I DISTINCTLY remember one of my friends from class “hooking up” (yep) with a 14-year-old. Obviously, everyone wasn’t having sex in the 7th grade, but why add even more temptation by letting them have co-ed sleepovers? No, no & no.
(And I TOTALLY agree on the 17-year-olds/bonfire thing as well.)
February 5th, 2010 at 2:20 amOur response to co-ed sleepovers is… WHY? What possible benefit is there for the kids? Other than the parents think that’s a “cool” thing to do, of course. Puh-leeze.
February 5th, 2010 at 3:24 amI love reading your posts. I am ready to make spicy chicken
February 5th, 2010 at 3:50 amsoup. You should always do what you think is right for you and your kids.
You know, I am absolutely with you on this one! No co-ed sleepovers! And then it hit me that once I let my boy-girl twins each invite 2 friends for a sleepover! We all knew each other’s families very well, and the boys were in the living room (downstairs) and the girls in Ilsa’s bedroom (upstairs) and it was not at all a co-ed sleepover. I’m just feeling strange realizing that such an interpretation could have been put on it. (I think it was their 8th bday?)
February 5th, 2010 at 6:59 amRegardless, I think you made the right decision, for what it’s worth. I won’t even let my kids go for sleepovers unless I know the family very very well–regardless of who else is invited. You just don’t know who else (uncles, friends of older siblings etc) is going to be there.
I too would feel uncomfortable having my children staying with people I do not know; they could be the best of friends in school, but if I do not know the parents; no sleepover; co-ed or otherwise. Too many incidents in the press where parents “party with the kids” (speaking of the older set here). I am not even comfortable with co-ed dorms. I am not a prude; still in my thirties. I just feel that a lot of kids (even those in their 20’s) are still immature to handle certain situations. Some tend to do things they ordinarily would not do just to fit in or because everyone else is doing it. To have the boys sleep over so they would not feel left out is a load of crap. I do not think boys at that age really care about stuff like that anyway. At that age party = food, fun, and food. I seriously doubt that boys would think it odd for them to go home and the girls sleepover. Too many parents compete to be “cool” and for their kids to be “popular”. I could care less if I am cool and if my lovies are popular - I just care that they are happy with themselves and are decent to others.
February 5th, 2010 at 8:40 amI guess I’m stunned that people even had the GALL to call you on ANY of this. But I’ve absolutely got your back on this one Chris… even and up to the 17yo part!
February 5th, 2010 at 9:08 amI thought the fad of coed sleepovers had died. I guess I was wrong. I agree that it’s a case by case basis, and I’m thankful that sleepovers at my house will e single sex since I have 2 boys. Even if they both want to have a friend over on the same night - all boys. Just no sleep or sanity for me.
February 5th, 2010 at 9:25 amWhat about siblings? What if your daughter wants to have a passle of little girls over to spend the night and you obviously have some boys close to her age who will be in the house?
February 5th, 2010 at 11:44 amI had a friend who had a brother who was one year younger than her. He had a male friend over and the sister had a female friend over and after the brother went to sleep the other 3 ended up playing strip poker.
There is no way on Earth my kids would be attending a co-ed sleepover. EVER.
February 5th, 2010 at 11:57 amwell, I think it’s just weird…my kids are all grown now but I would have never allowed that.
February 5th, 2010 at 12:16 pmI’m with you, Chris. For exactly the reasons you stated in this post. I’m with some of your other commenters though re: it still being a no when/if a group of 17 y/o’s were to do a coed sleepover/after prom type of activity. The things I did at 17 are not the things I wish for my kids.
February 5th, 2010 at 12:17 pmI agree with you on all points of your post EXCEPT the sleepover postprom/bonfire when you’re older thing. I still think it’s a bad idea. Sets the stage for obvious mischief. Let them be creative in their ways to misbehave, don’t as parents give open license to it please!!
February 5th, 2010 at 12:56 pmI have been really debating adding my comment. My story isn’t about co-ed sleepovers, but deals with what parents think is “ok” to do with their kids, because they want to be their friends, instead of an authority figure. My daughter, when she was 11, was friends with a group of girls she had known since first grade. One of these girls had a sleepover, which thankfully, my daughter was not included on. The mom actually took these girls tee-peeing in the neighborhood. Now, I don’t necessarily have a problem with the tee-pee concept. I did it when I was younger (although I was in high school, not 11) and I am sure my kids will also be involved one way or another. And if they are, I will not be angry, but they will be made to clean up the mess that they or their friends have made. But to actually drive your daughter and her friends around to do it? That is just wrong. And to make matters worse…. this mom can’t even argue that at least she was monitoring the girls for their safety. These girls took shaving cream and wrote nasty messages on a teachers driveway while they were at it. While the mom sat in the car and waited for them. ??????? The other moms became aware of this when the school called them about the driveway the next Monday in school. My daughter was told that she was not allowed to spend the night at that girls house after that. And she was fine with it.
February 5th, 2010 at 1:17 pm“But I do think that it is my job as a parent to not put my child into a situation that they are not prepared to handle. I just do not see any good at all coming out of this big coed sleepover party and conversely I see the potential for a lot of bad. Why even go there?”
I applaud you!
February 5th, 2010 at 1:29 pmI wouldn’t have let my son go to a co-ed sleepover when he was this age either. And I sure as hell wouldn’t let my daughter go if there were going to be boys there spending the night. I remember being pressured into playing spin-the-bottle at that age at a birthday party. Kids shouldn’t be taught that it’s okay to kiss a random person you don’t even like. And that was over 30 years ago. I can’t even imagine what kids today might dare each other to do, or even just the information they might decide to share with each other. I also went to a birthday party at about that age where the birthday girl pulled out her father’s hidden stash of Hustler magazines and passed them around for everyone to look at. No way, would my kids spend the night at that party.
February 5th, 2010 at 1:44 pmI have nearly 10-year-old twins who are boy/girl. When one has a sleepover the other complains if he/she doesn’t, too, so we’ve always allowed them each to have one friend over at a time. They play together, watch movies together, but when it’s time for sleeping the boys sleep in my son’s room, and the girls sleep in my daughter’s room. Never ever mentioned it to either set of parents, never really thought about it until now. I’m thinking maybe I should have been more open about that disclosure. I realize, by the way, these “dual” sleepovers will stop here very soon…and I thought I was a GOOD careful parent!
February 5th, 2010 at 1:46 pmI like Tammy’s response best about going with your gut instinct. There are no rule books and as parents we are always so quick to judge what other parents do. I have learned to speak up and tell people that these are MY children and I will raise them how I choose. How you choose to raise yours is your business. That’s the privledge of having children.
February 5th, 2010 at 3:17 pmThat being said, I have a 9 turning 10 year old next month and a 14 turning 15 year old next month (noth boys) and NEITHER of them would be allowed to have boy/girl sleepovers. The 14/15 for obvious reasons. He’s a bundle of horny teenage boy and for the little one….why set the precident that it’s okay???
My oldest son did have a co-ed sleepover for his 11th birthday. I guess I would fall into the “narrow set of circumstances” crowd. He had a very very small group of friends at the time and they were mostly girls. He had always had mostly girl friends until the last few years. He has always been homeschooled, the kids were not even remotely exposed to the crazy fast-paced maturation of public school so there was still a pretty obvious element of innocence. Now that he is 15, all bets are off. But at the time it didn’t seem at all odd. The girls slept in the girls room, which was right next door to our room, and the boys slept on an entirely different floor of the house. The parents were all close friends and all knew each other, too. For us and the kids, it was no different than cousins sleeping over. We were up until the kids all passed out, to boot.
But I definitely understand and agree with your sentiments and the comments of others. I think it really does depend on the circumstances and the vast vast majority of the time it doesn’t seem like a very good idea on many levels. There is enough push for kids to grow up early without putting them into potentially adult situations before they have the maturity to handle the adult consequences. I’m not sure at what age that seems appropriate but I know it doesn’t feel right yet, for me, at 16.
February 5th, 2010 at 4:22 pmI am finding this fascinating - the original story and the comments. My daughter (10) has always had at least one boy friend and when she’s chosen to have a sleepover party it’s understood that it’s just girls - and a small group of girls as well, like four. Parents need to be parents and set limits on the kind of party and the number attending.
I also don’t have my kids go to birthday parties where they aren’t friends with the kid, except for the rare case where the whole class is actually going (as opposed to the whole class is invited because the parents didn’t know who to invite).
February 5th, 2010 at 5:18 pmI wonder if anyone feels differently today after the news today that an 11 yr old gave birth in New York? The article referenced other very young pregnancies that were not a matter of incest or molestation, citing an incident that occured between a young teen neighbor and a 10 yr old resulting in the 10 year old’s pregnancy.
February 5th, 2010 at 6:43 pmOkay, I just read another story about a 9yr old girl who gave birth to a baby boy in China on Tuesday, 2-2-10.
February 5th, 2010 at 6:54 pmHmmmm…it’s like God is affirming your jusgement:)
Chris,
Lines in the sand are good. Don’t let ANYONE tell you different.
February 5th, 2010 at 8:42 pmTotally agree with you!!! Why people want their kids in situations beyond their age is beyond me!!
Sally
February 5th, 2010 at 10:51 pm(mom of 4)
I 100% agree with you. I have a 10 year old son as well as an 8 year old daughter. Absolutely no co-ed sleepovers will ever be allowed….if either are invited to one. Never heard of them, though!
Good for you for standing your ground!!
February 6th, 2010 at 8:21 amWhat, what are these parents thinking.
To clarify, I am not a fan of the sleep-over, well not so much the sleep-over but the miserable, oh so miserable day after.
Being a kid is hard. Why add this extra pressure - let them be young, they grow up to fast anyway.
Thanks for your honest, candid opinion.
February 6th, 2010 at 9:16 amChris
February 6th, 2010 at 10:14 amHell no to the sleep over………. yes to the soup! I Made it last night while we were snowbound. My family gave it two thumbs up!!!! Its great with corn bread hot out of the oven. Another great recipe.
mak
We desperately wanted to have a post prom sleepover at my friends house. I knew his parents, and they were going to stay up, make popcorn, hang out with us, and make waffles in the morning. I was super excited, and BEGGED my mom to call his parents and talk with them about it so she would know it was real. I got a big NO WAY. I know it would have been fine (and was, many of my friends went) but, now I get it. My mom couldn’t be sure the parents would do what they said, and she wasn’t taking any chances. Then, I was upset (I probably said my life was over) but now, I’m the kind of person proud of my good upbringing, and thankful. …but it really would have been fine.
February 7th, 2010 at 8:24 pmMy oldest son has had a few sleepovers with male friends and I have to say I have decided that nothing good can come from a bunch of kids staying up all night while parents sleep. At 2:00 am kids should be sleeping, but yet that doesn’t seem to happen on sleepovers - and the parents swear that when they went to bed at midnight they had everyone tucked in and they were falling asleep - Ha! You did the right thing.
February 7th, 2010 at 9:58 pmWhy would you be okay with it at 17 but not now? Would you think they are old enough to experiment sexually then, or is it that you think they would be smarter and make better decisions? Just curious…
February 8th, 2010 at 8:41 pmUmmm… yeah I don’t have children yet, but I don’t think I will be having co-ed sleepovers. Co-ed parties is one thing, but sleepovers…
February 9th, 2010 at 11:15 amUggh! Just another thing to have to think about! Coed sleepovers, I can’t believe it. My kids are zeroing in on this age and all its stuff that comes along with it. Thanks for the warning. I can use as many as I can get. I love your blog and have added it to my page for all to see!
February 9th, 2010 at 2:36 pmSomething is wrong with the parents holding this sleep over if they actually think other parents would be “okay” with this(?????). Red flag. What other things are they okay with that I am not okay with? I can’t even believe that this is even debateable (is that a word?) Must be showing my age.
February 10th, 2010 at 3:45 pmI’m not sure why a young girl turning 11 year old’s would even want boys at her sleepover, most kids that age can’t stand the opposit sex!
February 10th, 2010 at 5:43 pmUM, I just found out (from my son) that the sleep over that my 8 and 5 year old sons are going to Friday night is CO-ED! Granted they are VERY innocent and as my 8 year old said the girls invited are really “like boys” but still. UGH
February 11th, 2010 at 11:47 amHi, I’m 14 and my dad is taking me and my friends up north on a ski trip and i see nothing wrong with it. The trip will be coed seeing as how one of my best friends is a girl. We will all be in the same hotel room and she will just be next door in another part of the suite. I’ve never even thought about the coed part. I just thought of it being a group of friends hanging out. I see nothing wrong with. The girls boyfriend will even be their and no one has mentioned anything.
February 12th, 2010 at 8:39 pm