Time Doesn’t Fly
February 20, 2010
Sometimes it crawls along slowly.
It has been a year.
I miss that old house. All the blood, sweat and tears that went into it seem lost now.
I miss the screened in sun porch where we would spend hours every day during the summer.
I miss the sunroom/playroom with the built-in bookcase, where all the toys had a home.
I miss the wood burning stove that we would huddle around on cold days. And the stained glass window.
I miss the blueberry bushes in the backyard where we would pick buckets and buckets of blueberries. I never had any idea how expensive blueberries were until I went to purchase some at the grocery this year.
I miss my kitchen that was finally finished when it was time to move.
I miss the me that used to love planning projects for the old house, cutting pictures out of magazines, measuring walls, obsessively picking out paint colors until I found the perfect one.
.
I miss giving my little kids baths in the old clawfoot tubs.
Don’t get me wrong I like the house I have now. But it isn’t the same. It isn’t special. It is one of many identical houses in a subdivision of similar houses. I still remember the first day when we pulled into the subdivision and my 13 yr old son wondered how we would ever find our house since they all looked the same.
It is a nice house. I am grateful for it. But this house doesn’t have a soul. It just doesn’t feel like home.
Yet, at the same time I have not been able to motivate myself to do anything about that. To change it. To make it feel like ours.
The same ugly curtains that came with the house are still hanging on the windows.
The hideous baby poop brown colored paint is still on the walls.
The things that I have hung on the walls I have hung where there were already existing nails.
I am not unhappy here. It is possible to simultaneously mourn the old life and be happy in this new life. They are so different, my life so very changed, that it is hard to reconcile the two in my brain.
That was then, the before. This is now.
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I understand completely. This is how many of us military families feel. And we feel this way every time we move. I currently live in a military family house on the base here in Guam. This house is nice when compared to the houses off base. Guam maybe a US territory but it’s just one step above third world in some places (the local hospital is not even certified). I’ve been happy here - but I do miss my house in Maryland.
February 20th, 2010 at 1:38 pmYou just put into words the EXACT feeling that I have, except I don’t miss our old house at all. But, I do miss our life in Houston - our friends, our church, the city, one neighbor in particular. I love our new house and our new neighbors, but I miss the comfort of our Houston friends. Just haven’t found that quite yet here in Columbia. It’ll come, I know. Thanks for putting it in words for me.
February 20th, 2010 at 1:40 pmChris, yes I know. It’s been almost 5 years since our move from the older house with character and beautiful wooded landscaping. I like my new town too, yet I still sometimes miss the old house where the kids were smaller. The built in shelves were one of the things I missed the most. Think of your new friends on your block, and your kids that are coping in school.
February 20th, 2010 at 2:03 pmI have that problem too. We’ve lived in ours for two years. I haven’t even painted. I think I keep wishing I could just move back. Maybe one day, i’ll accept it and then I’ll change things.
One thing for you to remember? You haven’t complained about the snow in a year. Or being super cold. Small bright side?
February 20th, 2010 at 2:13 pmI truly understand how you feel. I spent 10 years in a house that I loved and where I had designed things the way I wanted it… I kind of likewhere I live now - but it’s not the same.
February 20th, 2010 at 2:14 pmThat was such a special house. I always enjoyed reading about it. And New England summers are lovely. But I feel like you’ll get your groove back. And I’m so glad you’ve got great neighbors and friends in your new home.
February 20th, 2010 at 2:14 pmIt sounds like Trenches-followers should get together for a paint party to propel you into breaking your move-shock.
February 20th, 2010 at 2:20 pmI think a lot of us readers and lurkers miss it too - it was fun to read about the next project or the animals and fires and brave kids! Although, the kids are still brave. I do love your writing though, and will take it from anywhere.
February 20th, 2010 at 2:33 pmWow! Your former home was beautiful! I love that classic tile pattern in your old bathroom.
February 20th, 2010 at 2:38 pmI have similar emotions about my new home that you have about yours. I’m currently trying to make my new construction home have some heart and soul. Good luck to you!
Oh, how I know how you feel! It’s 17 years (gasp) since we left our little old cottage in England, and I still miss it. I loved that house. I went over every square inch of it when we were renovating it. Like you, I spent forever poring over paint charts, thinking about improvements we could make, and gazing and gazing at them afterwards - admiring time, I called it: directly proportional to the time spent on a project.
It was where I brought my babies home to. It was cosy, it was pretty. It was home.
This modern place on the other side of the world, even though New Zealand is my real home, will never feel like that: http://travelskite.blogspot.com/2009/09/wallowing.html
February 20th, 2010 at 2:42 pmOh I know how you feel! Growing up in “character” homes and now living in “cookie cutter” subdivision. How I miss having an old home that was different from all the rest. I love me house now, but I do miss how it was…
February 20th, 2010 at 2:58 pmChris, I totally know what you mean. Years ago, we made a big move from an old house we loved (and had just begun working on) to a new area because of a job issue. I do love our new area, and think it is better in so many ways. But I loved that old house and we never got to finish it or enjoy it. I do like this house, but I loved that one in a special way. The areas are SO different that I do sometimes wonder what would have happened if we lived there instead of here, even though I do think “here” is better in many ways. It’s hard not to compare or think about it. Transitions are difficult for adults as well as kids. I think adults just get busy with details and it sometimes masks the big picture. Best of luck–I just wanted to tell you that I identify with your thoughts.
February 20th, 2010 at 2:58 pmI have made also made some moves that I look back on, and wonder why I left. Life is so different after those moves, that I have to look back with fondness, be happy in the moment, and dream of what the future brings.
February 20th, 2010 at 3:18 pmHi Chris.
I came across your blog a year ago and I love it so much that I back-read everything. So yep, I read all your entries from June 2004 till today. I feel like I saw your kids grow up like I was there.
I will be an addition to your commenters who say “I always read your blog but this is my first time to comment” but this entry really moved me. I’m not a wife or a mother (I wish I am though). I’m single, an expat living in a foreign country. I live in a small apartment, fully-furnished but with things owned by my landlord in it. As much as I want to put a personal touch to the place, I don’t have the heart to do it. I know after some time I’m going to move to another country and again have a new place which, again, is not a place I could call my own.
I hope you’ll find the heart to make your new house a home soon.
February 20th, 2010 at 3:21 pmYour old life misses you too.
February 20th, 2010 at 3:33 pmYou’ve taken the words out of my mouth once again. We’ve been out of our house in Florida for 11 months now. The house my kids grew up in…the growth chart on the kitchen wall where everyone including friends and neighbors marked their height…16 yrs of hard work and memories. I mourn that house everyday like a lost loved one. We too are living in a cookie cutter neighborhood, but in Missouri now. The kids are in college in Florida..maybe that is why this move has been so hard. But everyday I remind myself that my husband has a great job in this crappy economy and how fortunate to get to experience life in a new state.
February 20th, 2010 at 3:34 pmI think about the kind of stuff you’ve written here all the time. In my first house I fixed up EVERYTHING. I even made a small stained glass window for a certain nook, I CARED about every detail. In my new house I haven’t done a thing. It’s okay, but it’s not the same, and I feel totally unmotivated to change anything. Why is that? Was it a huge nesting instinct that I’ve grown out of?
And I still think about your old home an inordinate amount for someone who’s just a blog visitor. I kind of went through your home renovations with you and loved all the choices you and your husband made for improvements. What a lot of work and mess, and how beautiful when it was done. Every holiday seemed extra special there.
When you moved I was stunned and I still wonder if the house finally sold or is it still empty. I actually care about that house, strangely enough.
I know your new neighborhood is great for your kids with all the friends they’ve made there and no more freezing winters and bears, but I can totally understand if you miss your old home and life. …If you still own the CT house, could you just rent it out and move back into it someday???
February 20th, 2010 at 4:09 pmI know exactly what you mean. I still, in some ways, mourn the house where my children were babies, although it’s been 9 years since we left. Leaving it was terrible. But I love my life now too.
February 20th, 2010 at 4:20 pmThe nomads of Mauritania have a special term for remembering the place where you had a good time. At the risk of being obnoxious, I’m linking to a post I wrote about it. Feel free to ignore it.
http://planetnomad.wordpress.com/2006/06/15/you-can%E2%80%99t-go-home-again/
Really great post. I understand your ambivalence. I’ve never lived in a home as beautiful and as full of character as your home in CT, but I lived in Ct for five years before moving back home to the south. I loved all the history and age and character the homes in New England have. (although I know Europeans would laugh at me for thinking 200 years is “old”.) I too live in what I call a “cookie cutter” house because they all look alike. In fact, I live in a gated neighborhood where very strict HOA rules pretty much dictate how our homes and yards have to look…very homogenous. But I love it here because my sons have amazing friends in the neighboorhood and so do I. so, in my long-winded way, yes I DO think you can simultaneously miss and mourn the old and still enjoy and appreciate the new. I think it shows maturity and wisdom to be able to do so.
February 20th, 2010 at 4:21 pmI’m the wife of an officer in the Navy. I know exactly what you mean, although since I went to college in 1986, I have never lived longer than 4 years in any one place. You have to mourn what you left, and at the same time jump into the new. It’s never easy, and never fun. But it does come right in the end, it really does. But the reconciling is the hard part.
February 20th, 2010 at 4:34 pmI can’t recommend this book enough for creating a home in a house. Not only is it beautifully written and inspiring, but it also has practical, motivating tips.
http://www.amazon.com/Shelter-Spirit-Create-Haven-Hectic/dp/0060929227
February 20th, 2010 at 4:47 pmHi - It was one year for me on Jan 7. I had left Switzerland to move back to Connecticut. I understand every single thing you are saying. I have seven kids and try to stay positive for them, but I am not feeling it. I have no advice, I just can really relate. Oddly enough,I started reading you when I was in Europe so I could hear some talk frome”home”. Litle did I know…..I WAS home! ( I was originally from Ct., but lived over there since 2000.) Confusing times, indeed.
February 20th, 2010 at 5:23 pmI could have written this post. I just sent a similar email to a friend recently, telling her that I was homesick for our old house. In our case, we sold our big old drafty house in town for a new, small, energy efficient house with acreage 15 miles away. I drive by our old house almost weekly and reminisce. We moved 2 years ago, and I miss the old house lately worse than ever for some reason.
I complained bitterly about that old house with its many problems and quirks; yet, I never realized my attachment to it until we moved. I can’t seem to replicate the charm or the “soul” in this new house either. I am grateful for the lower heating costs and money saved in constant repairs here but still…I also have only hung pictures, etc on existing nails because the walls here are almost too perfect.
I miss the long windows, the high ceilings, the screened in porch and beautiful 120 year old woodwork at our old house, among other things. The kids miss the porch swing.
I am not unhappy here either so I keep asking myself why I am so nostalgic about a place I was so anxious to leave.
I guess I just wanted to tell you I understand your feelings.
February 20th, 2010 at 6:21 pmWow. A year already?!
I fell in love with your old house from the first picture I saw of it. I admired your dedication and imagination to pour all you had into it.
February 20th, 2010 at 6:31 pmJust before we moved, I was told by a friend it’ll take a year to mourn the old place, a year to get used to the new place, and in the third year you begin to make it “home”. I SO wanted that to not be true–and we only moved an hour away. But it was. For me, it helped to know that was “normal”.
February 20th, 2010 at 7:27 pmThis made me cry. I still miss my old house. It has been 6 years since we moved from it. Six years ago this week.
Four in this house. Still has the same army khaki in the boys room and front bath, same horrid denim blue in my bedroom and bath. It isn’t MY HOME. We call this place “house” when we return here from visiting.
May your new home truly become your HOME soon.
February 20th, 2010 at 7:39 pmI know what you mean about the no soul kind of house. I insisted we buy a house with a soul. The problem was we bought at the height of the market which means the house has soul, but no room. We got the biggest thing we could afford but it’s small. Four kids, two adults and one dog makes for one crowded, loud, no privacy ever, 1300 hundred sq. foot house. There are days when I drive by subdivisions with huge houses and wonder what the hell I was thinking. By the way, I think you can be happy and sad at the same time. We moved five years ago, from NY to Florida, and although I love it here and am happy, I still get sad thinking about all we left behind.
February 20th, 2010 at 8:32 pmWow, it doesn’t seem possible that it’s been a year. I was actually just wondering if you had been able to sell the CT house, but figured it might be a sore subject. But since you mentioned the old house…
February 20th, 2010 at 8:40 pmWe have gone through similar struggles up here in the Chicago suburbs. I love nice old houses, but my fiance ADORES them. He is a fine art photographer, and for years he and his friends made art that mocked suburban sprawl and the never-ending subdivisions. But when it came down to money, the nice old homes like he grew up in are WAY out of our price range, and now we find ourselves in a cookie-cutter house in a cookie-cutter subdivision.
February 20th, 2010 at 8:44 pmSo now we are trying to find ways to add architectural character to a cookie-cutter house. Crown mouldings in the bedroom and my office were the first step, and a tasteful ceiling fan in the master bedroom was next. We have also done little things like changing out the horrible shower head to a fancy shower massage, and putting more tasteful knobs on the kitchen & bathroom cabinets, changing out the towel bars & toilet-paper holders, etc. The hideous wood paneling came off the family room walls the day we bought the house. It really is the little things, the way you make it your own, that makes it feel like home. You will get there, just start small. Blueberry bushes probably don’t grow in Texas, but surely something does- strawberries, or guava trees, or grapefruit? It takes time to come to terms with a new reality, especially when your home was so great before the move.
I miss your old house too. It was what brought me to your blog on the first place. Your house and life was so different from mine here in Texas I really couldn’t comprehend it so it was really fun seeing it from your posts. I checked the post you highlighted and the next one after that. It is amazing how much the kids have grown in just a year, isn’t it? I hope you get to eventually love your new place.
February 20th, 2010 at 8:48 pmI moved to Austin 6 months ago for my husband’s job and have been going through much of the same feelings. I’m not sure I can say I am unhappy here quite yet, but at least I am not crying as much as I was when we first moved. We are just renting our house here where as we owned a 1925 bungalow (that we had completely remodeled and poured our hearts into) before, so the difference is great there. We don’t have kids but would think that helps keep you going. Good luck with your life here in Austin and to learning how to settle in.
February 20th, 2010 at 8:53 pmYour last house was beautiful. Isn’t it human nature to miss something that is irretrievably gone? In my own life, I find that whenever one stage ends, I start to remember it through an increasingly kinder, sentimental perspective. Possibly it’s time to start turning this house into more of a home?
February 20th, 2010 at 9:55 pmI feel the same way about my very nice house in my very nice subdivision. My old beat up house had so much more character, and it required me to pour so much more of myself into it.
February 20th, 2010 at 10:15 pmI hear ya.
February 20th, 2010 at 10:46 pmThank God for photos and happy memories. Now it’s time to make this house YOURS!
February 20th, 2010 at 11:02 pmCrazy as it may sound, I have missed your old house, too. The pictures always took me away to a place I’d love to live. The charm seemed unmatchable.
I often wondered if you felt the same.
I’m sorry, Chris!
February 20th, 2010 at 11:04 pmI know what you mean. I also use to live in CT and now live in AZ. The sameness is daunting sometimes. I would kill for a red door, or an old wooden fence or a house a color other than brown.
I think the big cultural difference between here and there is that newness is valued in the west. But in New England, the old, the traditional, and the established is what is treasured. And the difference is hard to explain to people who have not lived there. They don’t understand why you wouldn’t want a brand new house. But I understand what you mean about a house having no soul. I totally get it. I don’t trust things without history. It is like they haven’t proven themselves yet.
One thing that has helped me was going on little trips and bringing back decorative things for the house. Then, I can look at the thing I bought and remember the trip I was on when I bought it. It is not the larger history of a community that New Englanders take for granted. But it is a reminder of MY history. And it helps a little to make the house a home.
February 20th, 2010 at 11:11 pmIt takes two years to feel like it’s home. I discovered that the hard way, just like you will.
February 21st, 2010 at 12:00 amDid I miss the post where you told us the Old amazingly awesome house sold? Just wondering.
I still mourn our very first house and how by time it was perfect for us we sold it and moved away. And it was tiny and also 3 kids ago but I loved so many things about that house.
That house of your still was a joy to look at. Will you ever consider doing the old house project again.
February 21st, 2010 at 12:15 amOh Chris, I can so relate. This new house just does not have your heart, as your old one did. And it is easy to understand your sentiments regarding your happiness with your new Southwestern life versus the previous New England lifestyle. After 20 years in the AF, moving 14 times..I can really identify. Each home houses a different need/ comfort for our families..you are so wise to see it so clearly.
February 21st, 2010 at 12:23 amI am sorry it doesn’t feel like home. I’m 20, and have lived in 3 houses and college dorms. Today I came home, where my parents live, to do laundry, but this house has never felt like home to me. I wonder if I’ll ever find a place that does and be satisfied.
Maybe it’s just that kind of day.
February 21st, 2010 at 12:25 amWell, I just read your 40 things before 40 thing…and you can now mark several of those off….because you are in said new home. I miss your old home for you…but you will have a lot more time on your hands now that there are not as many home “projects.” I hope you are inspired to put your own touches on your new space soon. Your new house needs you.
February 21st, 2010 at 12:40 amI didn’t want to ask, it’s none of my business, but I have wondered about how YOU were feeling about the move and leaving behind that awesome house that you poured an incredible amount of work into. It’s easy to see how the kids are doing. When I’ve made a big move like you have, I tried to pump it up for everyone else and make it seem like such a wonderful thing. Because I didn’t want anyone feeling sad about us leaving. And I would even fool myself for a while. Then, after about six months or so, the “vacation” feeling wore off, and I would get so homesick and sad. Maybe you’ll stumble across some great piece of artwork that will inspire you to do make some small changes. Baby steps.
February 21st, 2010 at 12:49 amWe are moving. We are currently choosing between a home that I bonded with the moment we stepped in the door, and a couple other very luxurious subdivision homes that are much more modern and updated. To me there’s no choice–the one that speaks to my heart is the one I want to buy. I totally get what you’re saying.
February 21st, 2010 at 1:25 amHmm - I know what you mean without having experienced it myself. We live in a cookie cutter home with no soul (but our own - 5) but I SO know what you mean…I don’t know if I’ll ever have the house of my dreams, but I know I need to make this a special haven for my kids. Very good/interesting article in the Sat WSJ on *returning* to the homes we grew up in…wonder what your kids memories are and will be of the Eastern home? - And the Texan one…
HUG!
February 21st, 2010 at 1:30 amTo say moving is hard is a massive understatement. A year’s passage is a brutal anniversary … takes a year to even remember you’ve moved when you wake up in the morning. Hang in there; year two will make things easier.
February 21st, 2010 at 1:53 amI know exactly how you feel. All the houses in Vegas feel the same, all look the same. It is hard to find a house with a soul in it. I tried to make our house a home but it never really felt right. Which is probably why I am not having as much trouble leaving it as I thought. The houses back East have so much character. I miss that.
February 21st, 2010 at 3:24 amOur family too just moved. I have felt so sad at times, I miss my tiny home, I miss the unfinished project that conusmed us. I miss the dents in the wall and the memory of whatever child chucked the toy to cause such damage. We now live in a lovely fully finished home, yet it does not feel like home. I keep waiting for the day when I walk in from an exhausting day and feel like I am finally home. I keep telling myself one day that feeling will come, but for now I am just grateful for the roof that does not leak, bedrooms for all my kiddos and a playroom, all of which were not at my “home”.
February 21st, 2010 at 3:27 amJust by the pictures, I think I understand how emotionally invested you were with your old home. How it had become part of the family.
Fourteen months ago we moved from the very cramped house that I had gone from loving to barely tolerating into the house we had long dreamed for. We moved from the house where my husband and I started our lives together. Where I got my do-over. Where 2 of my babies were born. The house that we had so over-grown that we could hardly breathe anymore. The new house would be a dream come true. And it is. I feel inadequate and undeserving and just plain baffled that at a time when so many people are struggling and losing everything, we now have our dream house. And I’m mortified that I really don’t feel like it’s our home.
I can’t hear my kids when they call for me in the night. We can all spread out even when I don’t want us spread out. There is a place for everything but the house feels so empty. I keep waiting for the real owners to show up and kick us out. I keep waiting for it to feel like our home instead of a place we are sleeping. I want to make it feel like home…but it doesn’t even feel like my house.
I don’t think we are having the same experience necessarily, but I think we are looking for the same thing.
February 21st, 2010 at 3:32 amI feel your pain. We’ve moved a lot. And were in a place we don’t currently own & all of my existence in this place matches up with yours. I miss the place that we last owned before we moved. My best advice? Don’t live like we are - like you’re renting the place. Not that long ago I put my first nails in the wall, because, hello? Do I really care? It is a RENTAL. But it was amazing how uplifting that simple act was - to put a piece of art where I WANTED IT, not where someone else had put a nail.
It won’t be yours until you make it yours. It won’t be the same. It will be different, but you can own it more authentically & that does a lot, IMHO.
Your place was amazing. I’d miss that with a constant ache too.
February 21st, 2010 at 4:46 amNot “were in a place…” Meant to type “we’re in a place…” - as in today.
February 21st, 2010 at 4:48 amOh, what a stunning house. No wonder you miss it!
We used to live in a small house where my children were sharing rooms, we didnt have a big enough dining room table and only one bathroom.
We have since moved into a much bigger house, lots more room for everyone. But somehow, I dearly miss it. The cosiness and memories that we shared in that house is what I miss everyday.
We have been in this house for 5 years, and like you, I have done nothing to make it feel like a home.
February 21st, 2010 at 5:37 amI must admit, that I loved that house. And Connecticut from what you showed us. To be honest, if I had lived on the same continent I would have made my husband put an offer on it, because you made it look totally wonderful! However, I may be biased as I live in a 110yr old federation type house, which we’ve just renovated and made “ours” finally after many years. So I understand the mourning a little. But you can put your stamp on the new house too, given time.
February 21st, 2010 at 5:54 amQuite honestly, I miss your old house too.
February 21st, 2010 at 8:17 amIt was amazing to watch you guys go through the renovations and your baby memories are there?
I was actually thinking about your old house (honestly!) the other day and wondering if it sold. Did it?
I totally know what you mean about your new house. We bought a big house in a subdivision much like yours nine years ago. We lasted three years and then moved further out where we could have an older (20 year) old house on a bigger lot with lots of mature trees. I actually like the SIZE of the newer house better but my soul was just dying there. I didn’t realize when we bought it that I sincerely need space, trees, privacy…
We have that now and five years later, we are truly happy. There are other kids around when we want them but not every moment, all the time. We love our trees, our hammock, raking leaves and our pool in the summer. And we have found peace.
I understand these feelings. Our house doesn’t FEEL right either. Its a perfectly good house, just does not feel like coming home. If you figure out how to get that feeling let me know.
February 21st, 2010 at 9:40 am*I* miss that house, so very much. So in a way I was kind of glad to read this, because I often wondered what your thoughts were. I know what you’re saying, not unhappy but missing it. Are you sure you want to undertake painting projects in this house? You might get dyfs at your door for poisoning the chillllldren. (ha ha)
February 21st, 2010 at 10:32 amYour old house was really gorgeous. Has it sold yet? You will make your new house into your own.. it just takes time. And lots of paint.
February 21st, 2010 at 11:55 amThank you for the post! I live in a house that I shared with my partner for nearly twelve years. A little over two years ago, she decided to end things and move out. It has been just this past month that I have dedicated myself to making “this house” MY HOME. I’m purging like crazy, getting rid of things, painting the colors I want, buying new things, and just making it a comfortable, safe, fun, and happy home. A place that I’m proud of.
February 21st, 2010 at 12:18 pmIt takes time, I guess. One day, you just feel like making a change, and then the floodgates open and you can’t change things fast enough (or at least that is the case with me).
I miss your “old home” too! I’ve learned that it’s okay to miss things, to feel sad. Best of luck to you, Chris, in making your house a “home”, wherever that may be.
i read several blogs but yours is by far my favourite…
February 21st, 2010 at 12:55 pmThis is so inspiring to me…we are in the midst of fixing a fixer upper - it’s been three years. Three!
We want to finish and then get the hell out of here. But I bet I’ll miss all the work we’ve done and how we made it “ours”. I look forward to that day actually
I also totally relate to this statement…
“It is possible to simultaneously mourn the old life and be happy in this new life.”
I miss our old life in San Diego like I miss a long lost love. My heart aches and my stomach is homesick. Especially when I look at old pictures. I get damn near depressed.
BUT I do love it in Hawaii and this new life, with now two kids, a beach house, and the aloha life. And I’m sure when we take our next adventure, I’ll miss my Hawaii home.
Living in the moment…I’m trying my best.
Your old house was GORGEOUS by the way! But remember it’s the family that makes the home…you took ALL the good stuff with ya
Sarah
February 21st, 2010 at 1:21 pmThis is exactly how I have felt since we moved into this house after our home was lost due to fire. Not only was the house new and different, but so was everything in it.
We left a home with country decor and memories on a farm to a “cookie cutter” house in a subdivision that speaks of a more formal, “citified” life. The house itself, new and pristine, has seemed to have a snobbish attitude from the first and my opinion has not changed over the years.
It’s a beautiful house…one that appears “better” than all we lost but yet somehow in the fire we lost the sense of home. Although we’ve been here for more than five years now, it still somehow feels as though we are merely guests.
February 21st, 2010 at 1:39 pmYou’d have to be heartless not to miss the old house, considering how lovingly you restored it. It was/is a beautiful piece of workmanship.
Eventually you will rekindle the desire to make your new house truly yours. For now, ride the wave, and be happy in your new world.
February 21st, 2010 at 2:14 pmI realize you probably had to move for a job, but there’s no way I would ever leave what you had for Texas. I’ve been in this sucky state for 47 years and will finally be leaving soon for western NY. You’re fortunate to live in Austin, and to have such a nice house here,but it still lacks so much as a place to be. And what does the state rank nationally? 45th, I think. Austin has high ranking schools, but once again, it’s still Texas.
February 21st, 2010 at 4:41 pmgreat post. love the pictures of your old house. the last one is adorable. i wish my bathroom had that tub and tile. you have amazing taste in furniture, flooring and decor. i’m sure once you start working on your new house it will begin to feel like home. take care.
February 21st, 2010 at 5:30 pmWell, it seemed like you poured a lot of yourself into that house, really made it yours. I can totally understand why you would morun it, as well as the stage of life you were in when you lived there.
February 21st, 2010 at 7:46 pmI don’t know how you left that gorgeous house! My jaw dropped when you said you were moving, just as the kitchen got finished. Love your old sun porch. But you don’t miss the winters do you? We are in the Dallas area and I love Texas too, but there isn’t anything like the character of the homes back East.
February 21st, 2010 at 9:17 pmSame husband. Same children. Whole new ball game. A different game, as different as baseball and football. The fans are the same. We’re here for ya.
February 21st, 2010 at 10:17 pmYou can’t go into a rebound relationship while you are still grieving the loss of the old one. I expect it’s the same with a house you love. That was a huge life change, I think you’re allowed to grieve it for a while before you “move on” even if that happens in your current house eventually.
February 21st, 2010 at 10:43 pmWe moved from TN to Kansas 2 1/2 years ago. It still doesn’t feel like home. We are now in the middle of trying to sell our house here in Kansas to move to Arkansas where my husband has been working since May ‘09. Hopefully, our house will feel more like a home there.
February 22nd, 2010 at 12:28 amI have read your blog since it was the Big Yellow House. i was thinking the same thing…how your lifestyle has changed so much. you were a rural living, homeschooling mom of little children living in a big old house and now you are a suburban mom of children (teens and preteens but no babies or toddlers) who attend school in a totally different geographic area. It is funny how life changes. Not good or bad just different.
February 22nd, 2010 at 12:39 amI’m so sorry Chris. I get it.
I can’t bring myself to hang up any pictures in our house. I’m so sure that we’ll have to eventually move that it seems like a waste of time to do anything that will make it “ours.” I’d rather it just be a house - a thing that I am not really connected to.
February 22nd, 2010 at 3:23 amI understand. Completely.
February 22nd, 2010 at 3:34 amI totally understand this. We had to move 10 years ago, due to the fact that 3 kids really don’t fit into a 2 bedroom home, and I still miss the old house. For me, it has to due with the fact that all my babies were brought home from the hospital to that home and I long for those days of caring for babies. Its a new life now and its not that I don’t enjoy it, its just that I will never have the life I had before… makes me sad.
February 22nd, 2010 at 8:20 amThat house is amazing. I drooled every time you posted pictures.
But Chris, don’t forget about the endless winters, and the ice, the mosquitoes, and the mud. Oh god, the mud.
February 22nd, 2010 at 9:17 am**Sigh**
No doubt - your old house misses you too.
February 22nd, 2010 at 9:58 amIt’s like missing being in college because of the fun and the friends while forgetting about finals and all nighters, or our babies when they were tiny but forgetting about sleep deprivation… It would be nice if we could take mini vacations to our old lives - doesn’t mean we don’t love our new lives. Good luck with the house tho - you’ll be inspired to make it a home -
February 22nd, 2010 at 10:10 amWhat a beautiful post. And what a beautiful house.
I’m going through some of the same emotions as my parents are planning on selling my childhood home in Canada, where I’d lived for over 20 years. We’ve more or less relocated to another continent and while I enjoy living where I am now, I’m also grieving the loss of that old house and the old life that I had.
February 22nd, 2010 at 10:37 ami remarried a year ago. I moved into his house. He has begged me to make it my own and I simply cannot…
February 22nd, 2010 at 10:43 amI don’t understand this funk…but I am there with you.
I’m not unhappy, nor do I want to move.
It’s just not home.
Would like to move back east at some point? Winters and all?
February 22nd, 2010 at 10:45 amYou can mourn the old house for awhile. Then, when it’s time to move on…you can fix the new one.
February 22nd, 2010 at 11:45 amIt is possible. We have been in our new “home” for about 7 months and we are still without art on the walls, painting finished, or a sense of true belonging that seems to come after an investment of time. I find myself missing things about our old home that didn’t seem that important when we were there. We now live in Northern Arizona and I never knew how I could miss grass and tulips and changing colors of spring and fall. Thanks for posting! I now know that it isn’t just me who misses the old while, at the same time, is trying to cherish the new.
February 22nd, 2010 at 11:48 amI completely understand how you feel. We moved from Florida to Cincinnati Ohio in November. We sold a house that we had just built 3 yrs. before. Our new home is in a neighborhood like you describe (all look the same) and I am homesick for my old house. My old home was a Cape Code house in an all brick neighborhood. You could find us for sure:) This house is BIG but it isn’t the same. I am grateful just like you but I don’t voice my longing for my old house to my hubby. I don’t want him to think that I am ungrateful. I have started a blog post about my old home but the words just haven’t come to me. You said it beautifully. Here’s to us learning to love our new homes.
February 22nd, 2010 at 12:14 pmI can’t believe it has been a year. That home is absolutely gorgeous, so many stories it could tell, so much character. Please tell me you were able to find a buyer…
February 22nd, 2010 at 12:16 pmI miss your old house too!!!!! I know you will make the house just as fabulous!!!!
February 22nd, 2010 at 12:29 pmI know how you feel!! My family and I have moved in the past too. We moved to Texas for my husbands job, but then we ended up moving back to MI because different things did’nt work out and I was homesick. The house we bought a few years ago in MI does not compare to our pevious MI house (our beautiful land we had and our wood burning stove in the livingroom); I have also been thinking about things like that recently. Lately we have been on a mission saving up a down payment for when we find our dream house again!
February 22nd, 2010 at 2:02 pmMoving last year into a house up the street with my family and now my mother-in-law, I know exactly how you feel. This life is financially better, but has different stresses. And we only moved about a half mile away so we’re in the same school district, same library, same grocery store, but…… I’m okay with it, but still mourn OUR house that we bled, sweated, and teared in. Where I brought all of my babies home, even if it was only for two weeks with the last one (yes I moved two weeks to the day after I gave birth to our third boy). When I get really down about it I cry to my husband and tell him that I just want to go home. Even if we’re sitting in our own bedroom. This is where we live, but our home is down the hill.
February 22nd, 2010 at 2:12 pmHang in there. You always amaze me with all that you do. When I look at what you have done and all the changes you have made and adjusted to in a year I am in awe!
February 22nd, 2010 at 2:45 pmAs a New Englander transplanted in Texas, I *completely* understand.
February 22nd, 2010 at 2:53 pmIt’s hard, isn’t it? We moved four years ago and even though we’re so much (SO MUCH) better off here, I still miss “there.” Not every day, and it doesn’t hurt anymore, but I sometimes wish I had that old life back, just for a day.
February 22nd, 2010 at 2:53 pmEven *I* who have never met you or seen that beautiful house, feel so sad that you aren’t still living there. I do envy you your warmth at this time of year though. We just moved into our own “Big Yellow House” last summer (it was mustard yellow when we bought it), and are slowly fixing it up. I can see why you’d still be grieving and I think that’s normal. You created beautiful place to raise your children with your own hard work. It just may take a long time to want to invest yourself in a house again. I sure did love seeing the progress of your house, and remembering it gives me hope as I tackle our 100+ year old home now. You did a stunning job.
February 22nd, 2010 at 4:46 pmPut on your Big Girl panties and get with it! Go pick out paint, buy a knick knack to inspire you, Whatever….
February 22nd, 2010 at 4:58 pmMake your home, well HOME. It will make you happier and your children proud!Plus, I want to see the renovation pictures. (Now the truth comes out)
Long time reader…Love your blog
of course you miss your yellow house, I miss reading about it…lol
I think it is good to look back and think about how it was, enjoy the memories and enjoy making new ones in the house you have now. Start small, with just one room and see how it makes you feel when you are done making it yours.
February 22nd, 2010 at 5:34 pmI loved that house too! And all of the beautiful pictures that you would post :’)
February 22nd, 2010 at 5:42 pmOh heck, even I secretly pine for your old house…it’s gorgeous!
February 22nd, 2010 at 6:02 pmI think I know how you feel. We too left an old house that we poured our hearts into restoring. We now have a subdivision home. I try to remind myself of all the positives. More friends for the kids, close to school, neighbors. But I miss that old house.
February 22nd, 2010 at 6:36 pmI miss your old house too. Des that make sense?
I totally get what you’re saying. I haven’t done much to make our house ours. We’re living with the previous owner’s nails.
I was hoping this was the year that would change, but a needy new baby hasn’t allowed me to do that.
I hope you continue to be happy in TX, but you will always be a hardy New Englander to me!
February 22nd, 2010 at 7:09 pmIt’s strange, but I must admit that I miss that old house of yours too.
February 22nd, 2010 at 7:10 pmThat was a gorgeous house - I didn’t start reading your blog until after you moved, and so today I poked around to figure out where you moved from (oh! my home state!)… well, that was a mistake! I spent almost my whole day reading your archives, and then came home and introduced my 11 yo daughter to your family, and when I was sharing some choice Convos with Miles, she was practically seizing with laughter, so my husband and 13 yo had to come and read as well.
Thanks for a delightful day of blog-reading. You have a fun & cool family. I’m sure I can catch up with my work during the rest of the week …
February 22nd, 2010 at 8:43 pmLooking at the old photos of your CT house makes me sad too. I loved hearing about the projects and watching your progress.
February 22nd, 2010 at 8:50 pmto me, the solution seems obvious, which is to MAKE the new house your own by, well, working on it. Choosing paint you love. Planning the yard. Adding your own special touches. That’s what made you love the old house, and even if the new one seems less charming, that’s how you can make it yours. (Assuming you have the time, but you seem to be able to get an amazing amount done with your days). I left my house completely unpainted and packed in boxes for my first five years as a mother, and wondered why I felt so depressed. Remarkable how I perked up once we stopped living out of boxes and painted a few walls.
February 22nd, 2010 at 9:47 pmYou put that so perfectly. We moved from our 116 year old house to one that is 100 years newer a year ago. I feel the same way. This house doesn’t have a soul the way the other house did. Right before I read this, I was staring at the upstairs hall wondering when I was going to just get around to patching and painting all the nail holes the old owners left behind.
February 22nd, 2010 at 11:11 pmIn time. You will make it a home soon enough.
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:01 amI love this post chris…….i’ve read it about 10 times!!!!! Ireally felt alot of sadness there as I read it…….it certainly was a beautiful house………
February 23rd, 2010 at 6:37 amI understand. I live in one oft he houses like yours. It is a wonderful neighborhood, but after two years, I’m just starting to make it mine…very slowly. I have painted each of my children’s rooms. Everything else is white, white, white. We built the house, but all the houses in the subdivison look the same. I miss my condo in the city.
February 23rd, 2010 at 8:43 amI was looking back to last year and skipped forward and back a post or two (not that I haven’t read them already)… but, the difference in your oldest from last year to this year is just crazy! It’s like 5 years has elapsed!
February 23rd, 2010 at 9:04 amI can’t even imagine how hard a move like that would be, Chris. I’m glad you’re not unhappy in Texas…. but I understand the missing of the “old” and the learning to love the “new”.
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:56 pmYour post made me sad. I do remember loving your old house just from the pictures you posted and wondering how could the new house (being that im from South Texas) could ever compare. Practically all the houses look the same here, there is no history to the homes here at all. Im sad for you.. (((HUGS)))
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:59 pmIt is possible to have conflicting feelings about various stages of our lives. Until my kids were 11 & 14 the three of us lived in central Illinois where I grew up, married, divorced; then we lived in Southern California for eight years after R & I got married and now have been in northern Illinois for sixteen years. But I will never feel as much at home here as I did in sunny CA. I cannot ever stop my head from analyzing every.thing.all.the.time and have decided about this topic that my years in CA were just a different kind of happy because my kids were still home and the four of us did so many things together as a new family. I’m still crazy about R after 24 years of marriage and very happy here with our life but…
February 23rd, 2010 at 1:55 pmahhh if only I could find wooden blocks like the ones in the picture of your beautiful CT playroom - my sons ask for those all the time - the ones they have in kindergarten. The ones I see at stores or online are just plain old regular blocks, not those thick sturdy ones.
I’m surprised you have any melancholy about your old life - you always seemed to hate the thought of spending your life in one place, so a new location just struck me as something you’d embrace, but although I’m not a long term reader, but have gone through your archives, I’ve sensed a shift in your blog whether its the new location, adjusting to a busy new life, a shift in focus as your kids grow older, or just a disinterest in blogging or somewhat reluctance to share much, I can see a shift in your writing. I enjoy your blog so hope that you continue and that you make your house your home.
February 23rd, 2010 at 2:06 pmI know what you mean. That was a beautiful home. We are about to move into our first “tract” home but it beats what we’re living in now. I’ll just make the best of it. Or try to anyway.
February 23rd, 2010 at 2:57 pmYour old house was beautiful, and I miss your posts about it.
I’m sure you’ll find that mojo in your new house soon.
February 23rd, 2010 at 6:35 pmI know exactly what you mean — and I’m impressed with the seeming smoothness with which you’ve dealt with SO many changes in a year!
I started a new job in September, which I knew would be hard, but oh my, it was ever so much harder than I thought. I still want to do this job and I’m not UNhappy, but I know exactly what you mean about the background noise of how different things used to be. Knowing that going back would never be the same is part of it too.
February 23rd, 2010 at 7:00 pmNice post, Chris. I imagine a lot of people feel somewhat like this about many different things. I kind of feel that way about parenting; my before-kids life and my after-kids life.
Still, I know what you mean about the house/home part too.
February 23rd, 2010 at 7:01 pmI am sure eventually, when you commit to it, you will make all the choices that turn the new place into your home. The more memories you have there, the more that will happen.
I miss your old house. I was thinking about your pellets you had to buy to stay warm and the constant snow and snow pictures.
February 23rd, 2010 at 7:56 pmThe trips into town where you would always have some sort of funny run in with a local. So much different than your run ins now.
Change is so hard.
I’ve been wondering about your old house. And if you were going to write about changes you’re making to your new house. I always enjoyed the posts about changes/fixes you were making to your old house - hope you have some soon about this house!
February 23rd, 2010 at 9:30 pmYowza, I’d be missing that front porch and sun room, too! And I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes you just feel so overwhelmed or just inable to move on something, to change it in any way. The inspiration will come someday, Chris! Thanks for sharing and just think of how much “richer” your life is now with all the colorful neighbor characters, right? (sorry that didn’t make it any better, did it.(((HUGS))))
February 24th, 2010 at 9:55 amI meant to say “unable” no “inable” - I know that feeling all too well!!
February 24th, 2010 at 9:55 amI’m looking at how neat and perfectly decorated.
Were these photos taken because you were leaving or to use to sell the house?
Gosh - it really was a nice house!
February 24th, 2010 at 1:33 pmThank you for this post….we will be making a drastic move this summer, and I am grateful to read your thoughts that you articulate so well - that it IS possible to mourn the old life and be happy in the new life. I hope I can do that as gracefully as you seem to have done it!
February 24th, 2010 at 7:39 pmWe moved to Pgh from Toronto 25 years ago, from a big old house in the Rosedale section of the city. Our apartment was what had been the servants quarters. So many key events happened in that old house. We got married , my husband passed his boards , we had our first child, all of them major.
February 24th, 2010 at 9:08 pmWhen our girls decided to go to the university of Toronto, I took them back through the old hood and cried buckets in front of that lovely home. I still would.
mak
Beautifully said: “It is possible to simultaneously mourn the old life and be happy in this new life.” I remember asking myself a couple of times, how is it possible to have two such different lives…in the same year? About that time I started telling my younger sisters, remember that year that left stretchmarks on my hips? Well THIS year is the one leaving stretchmarks on my heart.
No comments about my brain please.
P.S. I love the haircut, you cannot convince me it isn’t hot. Sorry.
February 25th, 2010 at 12:02 amGosh, I can’t believe it’s been a year already. Your old house was lovely, probably not the best thing to tell you when you’re missing it, but it’s true. Hope the Texas house will make you feel at home eventually.
February 25th, 2010 at 12:12 amWe’re preparing to leave our home for an apartment someplace far away in just a couple of months. I’m already mourning all the quaint little details, all the time and energy, all the late nights planning how this room or that should be, that have made my cozy little house our home for the past 12 years. It is such a loss to leave the place you always wanted to live.
February 25th, 2010 at 12:13 amI can’t imagine putting so much work into a place and then leave it. You do beautiful work. Here’s to finding the motivation to make your new house your home!
February 25th, 2010 at 10:06 amThe memories all contain your family in them. Any house is only a shell until the family bonds there. never lost, it is a part of the forever weave that makes your family the people they are. Remember, you are in charge of the next pattern of these young lives……You make their memories by what you allow and/or bring to the home…..so I suggest, you grab some paint and always remind yourself it was YOUR family that made that old house special! Mothers create the magic! There is nothing to mourn or reconcile, just live each day with the constant of “family”…….
February 26th, 2010 at 9:02 pmpeace is in the soul, not defined by an address…….
Oh, this made me cry. I moved from VT to Texas 6 years ago. All is well. All is good. We are thankful for lots. That being said I miss so much. Things are so diffent here. Not worse just different. You have had lots of changes too with your kiddos heading to school outside of the house. I think you deserve a year to get a hold of it all.
We too live in a subdivision where each house looks the same. I miss our old house that looks a bit like your old one (not not quite). I miss the land we had because no matter how you look at it the corner lot that we have is not a real size yard. I would like you to know that last year I planted to blueberry bushes in our back yard. A girl can dream, right? No berries yet but I am hopeful.
Hugs to you.
February 28th, 2010 at 11:05 pmWe moved from our 100-year-old house in Westchester, NY to CA at about the same time you did. . . and I still can’t be settled here. Yes, we are near the family/grandparents/cousins. . . but like your, we now live in a beige box among one thousand other beige boxes, all build in the 80’s. I miss home.
That is a smile, in case you missed it.
March 6th, 2010 at 11:26 pmAnd I MISS NEW YORK!
Do we ever get to go back?