Writing Your Words
March 2, 2010
My elementary school aged children are required to read every night for at least twenty minutes. Read aloud to me. And just between us, the repetitive, boring stories almost kill me some nights. But then other nights everyone is reading interesting fun books and time seems to fly by. Well, as fast as time can fly by when someone reads haltingly while phoenetically sounding out words. Words that are not phoenetically controlled. “It isn’t rig-hit. Ri-te. It was one of your spelling words awhile ago, remember?”
My 5th grade son is now reading books that I enjoy. And I love the way he gets excited to tell me all about the chapters he has read without me. So I too will know what is going on. And I pretend to be just as excited.
This weekend my 3rd grade son was reading the book, Love That Dog. The format was a little sophisticated for him. The book is written as a sort of reader response journal for a poetry class. The kid is writing responses to his teacher, whose questions and comments you have to infer from what the kid writes.
Toward the middle of the book the kid writes a letter to a poet that he admires. And as my son was reading this to me I couldn’t help but laugh.
…our teacher says
writers are very very very very busy
busy
trying to write their words
and the phone is ringing
and the fax is going
and the bills need paying
and sometimes they get sick…or their family gets sick
or their electricity goes off
or their car needs fixing
or they have to go
to the grocery store
or do the laundry
or clean up messes.
I don’t know how
you find the time
to write your words
if you have to do all that stuff
and maybe you should get
a helper.
My son wanted to know why I was laughing and I had to tell him that it sounded exactly like my life. Trying to find the time to write my words.
So many times I have things I want to write about. I write things in my mind. And then the time never materializes to write them down.
The hours that the kids are at school I had thought would stretch before me like an endless expanse, but they are now filled. With what exactly, I don’t pretend to understand. But I know that most days I look up from whatever it is I am doing and there is 30 minutes left before the kids come bounding in the front door.
And you know what I think at that moment? I think, ‘Shit, where did the day go?’ And I worry about this. I worry that one day I will be all old and about to die and think, ‘Shit, where did my life go?’
Maybe I need a helper. Like a slave. Or a wife. I could use a wife.
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I think the same is true for non-writers, too - some aspect of your life that you want to get to, but there are too many other things that have to be done first. I think every mom could use a stay-at-home-wife to get the household things done!
March 2nd, 2010 at 11:21 amMy mother, who worked full time throughout our childhoods, used to say that the house needed a wife. Dad had a great wife, but the house needed one. I think about that from time to time now that I’m the wife.
March 2nd, 2010 at 11:26 amI want a wife too!
Would definitely improve things around here and I would have time to do THINGS.
or time to think.
Or even take a shower!
Karen
March 2nd, 2010 at 11:37 amThat is what I always say to my male business partners and husband… I need a wife. LOL
March 2nd, 2010 at 11:51 amIf you find a source for those wives…please let me know, I could certainly use one too.
March 2nd, 2010 at 11:51 amI think everyone shares that worry. We want our lives to be memorable and impressive to everyone, including ourselves.
March 2nd, 2010 at 11:52 amI agree!!! All of us moms need a wife!… and a cleaning lady! So we can spend more time on the important stuff like writing and being present for our kids!! Motherhood is a hard job.
March 2nd, 2010 at 11:56 amYou just took me down memory lane, back to the middle ages, known as the late seventies and early eighties to most. I was a working, divorced mom with a busy career and two children. When I would say that what I needed most in my life was a wife, there would be all kinds of, often silent but always negative, reactions. All these years later, I strongly believe that our society is paying dearly for the lack of a “wife” in our homes. We cannot do or have it all without tradeoffs and qualifiers. I performed amazing juggling tricks and kept a lovely home, cooked daily meals, snuggled with my kids on the couch every evening, and raised two great kids. I applaud the millions of women who are still accomplishing all of that and more…some by choice, many more through financial necessity. Yet I still know that there is tremendous value to having a “wife” in the home…a loving someone who can respond at a moment’s notice to life’s surprises and who offers the comfort and security of always being there. Your family is so fortunate to have you in that role.
And I’ll be looking for that book. I think my third grade grandson would enjoy the challenge of that format.
March 2nd, 2010 at 12:11 pmI cannot count how many times I have said I need a me. I need a wife like me. Occasionally, that whole polygamy thing sounds not so bad.
March 2nd, 2010 at 12:30 pmI totally feel you! I have written so many posts in my head it’s ridiculous! Sometimes I even get them half written and they sit uneditted in my drafts until they’re so out of date i can’t post them anymore.
I’m feelin the helper thing.
March 2nd, 2010 at 12:49 pmI joke about this often: I need a wife!
March 2nd, 2010 at 12:51 pmI am always saying “every woman needs a wife”! We really do, a wife thinks ahead, a wife can improvise and smooth out rough situations. Who couldn’t use one of those! Is there a place on Craigslist to advertise for a sister wife? : )
March 2nd, 2010 at 12:51 pmI loved that book excerpt. How true! I, too, find no time for the action of writing, but write things in my head all day long. Too bad they’re all stuck in there. Here’s to all of us “busy, busy, busy, busy, busy writers” and eventually getting things written! (After the laundry is done, bathrooms cleaned, errands run, meals prepared…)
March 2nd, 2010 at 1:15 pmThis makes me laugh and is so bittersweet at the same time. It’s something I worry about as well…perhaps we all do.
But we definitely could all use a wife. I know my husband has become fond lately of making jokes about how he watches TV while I work around the house. A wife would never do that to me. We’ll see who laughs last, buddy.
March 2nd, 2010 at 1:17 pm20 minutes each ALOUD to you? Wow I’m a slacker - my kids read independently that much time, but I somehow can’t force myself to sit through 40 plus minutes of reading and also read to the youngest myself. Sometimes I’ll cheat and have my 2nd grader read to his little brother to kill two birds with one stone - it makes them both happy because the picture book text is so much easier than chapter books and hey, what little guys doesn’t worship their big brother! But I’m still taken aback that you have each of your elem aged kids read aloud to you for 20 min each! How the heck do you fit all that in between school, sports, dinner, and homework? I am sure the no tv rule helps, but there are still only so many minutes in the day! I’m impressed!
March 2nd, 2010 at 1:19 pmOh, yeah. Sign me up for that program. Coming home to a cooked meal every night? Heaven!
You do mean a 1950’s-style wife, right? Except male. Can I request a male wife?
No wonder I’m single.
March 2nd, 2010 at 1:41 pmI love “Love That Dog.” But yeah, a little much for a third grader, I’d think.
March 2nd, 2010 at 1:59 pmWe could all use a wife! That excerpt is fantastic and so accurate - perhaps it is actually about stay at home moms and not just writers??
March 2nd, 2010 at 2:09 pmYou crack me up, Chris! That so sounds like my life, too!!
March 2nd, 2010 at 2:19 pmDefinitely a wife. Every stay-at-home-work-at-home mom needs a wife. Or a slave would work. A male one. Young, cute, buff… you get the idea.
March 2nd, 2010 at 2:21 pmOH, I am often saying ‘I need a wife’ and my girlfriends agree. Funny how none of us want another husband.
March 2nd, 2010 at 2:39 pmRemember Mir’s (I think it was Mir’s) bit about the Mommune. Or was it you. You two are cohorts in crime and sometimes it is hard to remember which one of you hatched which ingenius plan. But I think we could definitely use mommunes. The only problem would be assigning clock duty so we didn’t all look up and think, “Shit - where did the day go?!”
March 2nd, 2010 at 2:47 pmWell said. I feel the same way!
March 2nd, 2010 at 3:04 pmmy repeated requests for handmaidens go unanswered… a cabana boy even a butler would be fabby.
March 2nd, 2010 at 3:13 pmI said this exact thing to my husband on Sunday: “I need a wife!” He thought that was a GREAT idea . . .
March 2nd, 2010 at 3:45 pmMy friends and I have discussed the need for wives. All women - especialy mothers- need a wife. Loved this post!
March 2nd, 2010 at 4:06 pmOh, I suddenly see the drawback to having a bunch of kids. *Alllll* that reading to listen to! It might kill me. I’m delighted that my 2nd grader’s teacher seems to think that 20 minutes of reading to themselves is enough. And my son stutters, so the whole reading out loud thing is extra painful. I’m glad I’m not the only one whose days get away from her, even though she can’t really identify just what she acheived during the day. Today is laundry and a shower day. It’s noon. I baked a birthday cake, but the shower is still just a glimmer of a promise!
March 2nd, 2010 at 4:13 pmChris, I have no advice, but I know exactly what you’re talking about. I’ve been feeling it since I sent my youngest to kindergarten last fall. All of my closets were supposed to be cleaned and de-cluttered by now…
March 2nd, 2010 at 4:25 pmMy daughters and I love that book.
March 2nd, 2010 at 4:30 pmI often joke that I need a housewife. Joking aside, that’s exactly what I need.
March 2nd, 2010 at 4:53 pmGod, wouldn’t a wife be great? I would always want dinner on the table at 6.
March 2nd, 2010 at 5:32 pmOh, man, I could use a wife, too.
Peace.
March 2nd, 2010 at 5:38 pmI’m guessing a whole bunch of your life goes to you and/or the kids being sick. I hope everyone is on the mend.
March 2nd, 2010 at 5:42 pmCan I have one too?
March 2nd, 2010 at 6:32 pmOh, I love that. I’m going to print it out and put it somewhere or on the blog or something because that is exactly my life. Luckily, I do have a helper though. Or those words would never get written!
March 2nd, 2010 at 6:54 pmSo very true. We all could use a helper I think.
March 2nd, 2010 at 7:53 pmI discovered that book the first year I started teaching fourth grade and read it to the kids. They loved it as much as I did, and requested that I reread a lot of it. There are some sad parts that made us all teary.
March 2nd, 2010 at 8:23 pmYou need to save this, for whenever you write a book, or soemthing you can inscribe this
March 2nd, 2010 at 9:06 pmWhen I was a teacher I wanted a secretary (I’m old and can’t get used to admin. asst.) for all that paperwork. Now that I am at home with the kids I soooo want a wife. I’ll do the paperwork, she can handle the cooking and the laundry.
March 2nd, 2010 at 9:16 pmWe could all use a wife.
March 2nd, 2010 at 10:58 pmAt 73 I’m very much wondering where it all went, when did it happen that I became someone with a great grandchild. When did those grandsons grow up? And my granddaughters, why are they both taller than me? (well, I can answer that one, I started out at 5 feet why would I be taller now that I’m shrinking) I cry when I hear even the tune to “Sunrise, Sunset”. It’s really true, swiftly fly the days. and years, and decades! Chris, I hate to tell you, but you are well along in having those grown kids, Thank God, you recognize what you have while you have it.
It is funny that I think, too, gosh with the kids not at home now, you do have hours upon hours…..yet, i vividly remember when my daughter started preschool, 3 days a week, for 3 hour sessions- oh the bliss, the expanse, the hours of me me me time never ever materialized. my 9 hrs/week of personal time just vanished into thin air and didn’t really exist at all. I so get it. Where the hell do they go?
March 2nd, 2010 at 11:01 pmThis seems to be a recurring theme in my circle of friends. No matter the age of the parent, it seems once you get a couple of children in elementary school, all bets are off and time evaporates.
March 2nd, 2010 at 11:13 pmSomeone commented to me yesterday that I am a “lady of leisure”. I was speechless, unfortunately. I’m a stay-at-home mom, which is a funny term in & of itself, but a Lady of Leisure? Ha-Ha. In my dreams.
March 3rd, 2010 at 12:54 pmThat is so what I always say, I need a wife! Great post. And I can relate to the poem, too!
March 3rd, 2010 at 4:58 pmI agree with so many of the comments.But my memory is too crappy to name them.I was lucky enough to mostly be a Stay at home mom to my 3 sons. The homework alone nearly killed me. I needed a wife THEN. Now, my little darlings are grown.I’m a stay at home mom to my cats …..and I still need a wife.
I hate to tell you this but when you hit about 45…man will you feel old.
And once your little darlings are grown, Man will you miss them as they are now.
Enjoy every second of hearing them read. Leave the mop bucket in the middle of the room for fun with them. These ARE the best times of your life.
March 3rd, 2010 at 6:26 pmI SO need a wife. I had to stay in today as I was expecting a DHL parcel (new iPhone - woo!) so got on with unpacking from our vacation (NZ to UK = DEATHLY jetlag!). I just looked up and it was 11am. WHERE did that morning go?!
March 4th, 2010 at 6:58 amI had an econ professor in college that liked to say that everyone was looking for a wife. I didn’t understand what he meant until I became a wife. And he’s right!!!
March 4th, 2010 at 7:25 amOkay, maybe it’s just hormones, but this post made me cry. I might have to frame it, except I might continue to cry every time I give it a glance. I don’t know where the time goes while my children are in school either, but by now I should’ve written the Great American Novel AND cleaned out the closets. Instead, I’m thinking of doing something crazy by stopping the madness and soaking it all in. Okay, I think it’s hormones.
March 4th, 2010 at 2:10 pmI need a wife too. I’m home most of the time but work from home and need a wife and an extra driver. The thought of my teenager getting his driver’s license and being able to take himself to scouts and things makes e almost weep with joy. The thought of him behind the wheel terrifies me but the freedom - oh the freedom.
March 4th, 2010 at 8:12 pmI was going to write a novel while I was on maternity leave with my first baby. I think I may have written the sketch for a chapter (but if I did it’s lost - and no great loss either). I’m still wondering why if I’m the breadwinner just now, my husband can’t be a good wife. He tries, but he doesn;t quite get it. I loved the poem and I loved your post.
March 5th, 2010 at 7:10 amYes, there are days when reality knocks us on the head and we wonder where all the years went. I look at my niece and nephew and marvel at how much they’ve grown in so short a time. I may not need a wife, but I do need a hug every now and then, just to help the brain take it slow.
March 5th, 2010 at 7:41 amMy daughter’s teacher would call that a “text to self connection”.
You go mom!
March 7th, 2010 at 5:14 amI love this book. I used to read it aloud to 7th Graders. Many had encountered it before, but they can get the more subtle, adult-like humour now.
Sharon Creech has a sequel to it called “Hate That Cat.”
Happy reading (and, hopefully, writing)!
March 8th, 2010 at 2:14 pmI * highly* recommend a fairy godmother. Someone who loves you kids as much as you do and does the things you can never seem to get around to…they do exist, but I’m not sure where in TX.
March 8th, 2010 at 4:14 pm