One of Those Days
April 16, 2010
You know those sort of days when nothing seems to go right? I had one of those days.
I had to sign my son’s permission slip to take a sex education class. I could not find any pens or pencils in the house. I had to sign it with a crayon.
The sex education class? Teaches abstinence only. I believe they are calling it Worth the Wait. But what if they decide that middle school was waiting long enough? Really, Texas? No bananas and condoms? What exactly are they going to teach? We all know how well Nancy Reagan’s Just Say No to drugs campaign went.
*****
I have been craving cinnamon roasted nuts ever since I bought them at Whole Foods when I was at SXSW. This week I ran out of my gluten free bread AND pretzels and decided that a trip to Whole Foods was in order. And while I was there I would buy some of those delicious, yet wildly expensive cinnamon roasted cashews. I was giddy with anticipation.
There are two Whole Foods near me. One is downtown (the one I went to when I was at SXSW) and a bit more of a drive and there is more traffic and people and I hate those things. So I went to the closer, yet smaller, Whole Foods.
They did not have the nuts. I briefly contemplated driving to the other Whole Foods, but decided that was just ridiculous.
As an aside, want to know how to feel like a total hippie poser in Whole Foods? Bring along your 5yr old who loudly insists he wants you to buy him Spaghetti-O’s. Over and over and over again at increasingly loud volumes. And when you tell him they don’t sell Spaghetti-O’s at this store, have him start demanding soda. The God’s honest truth is that he has had Spaghetti-O’s once and didn’t like them and I can’t recall the last time he had soda. Not that anyone shopping in the Whole Foods would believe me.
*****
I went into Old Navy. The kids needed some new summer clothes. Though I only ended up finding things for my daughter who really doesn’t need any new clothes since she refuses to grow. Before anyone asks, she has been to the doctor who has proclaimed her perfect and healthy, just very petite. She has been clinging to the bottom of the growth chart since birth. I am just hoping she hits 40lbs by the time she goes to the prom or she’ll be taking her carseat along. I’m sure her date would love that.
But who can resist a blue tulle skirt and sparkly blue sneakers? Not me. I am weak.
After I paid I realized that tomorrow begins their annual 20% off stuff your bag sale. And nope they won’t price adjust if I come in tomorrow.
I should just return it all.
Except that I know I won’t. I can’t quit Old Navy and it’s poorly made sweat shop clothing. None of their stuff ever fits me right and it all falls apart after one season, yet I continue to be lured in. I have said it before, and I’ll say it again, I am Old Navy’s bitch.
And a crazy one at that because I bought a bikini top. But not the bottoms. Why? Because they were so damn SMALL. I think they would better fit my daughter. So what exactly am I planning on wearing with the top? I really don’t know yet.
Updated to add by popular demand:
The tulle skirt and sparkly sneakers.
My daughter eating the remnants of her lunch. Why? Because I am making chicken for dinner. I turned on the oven, set the timer, and returned 45 minutes later to the kitchen to discover the chicken sitting on the counter.
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No picture of the blue tulle skirt and sparkly blue sneakers? What do I come to this blog for?!?
(I always manage to shop just before a big sale. Ugh.)
April 16th, 2010 at 7:40 pmThe Whole Foods nearest me (which is still 2 hours away) didn’t have the nuts, either. I would have cried, but I got some other delicious things and then had some wine, so it worked out. Mostly.
But damn those nuts were GOOD.
April 16th, 2010 at 7:47 pmI’m glad I’m not the only hippie poser with children like that!
April 16th, 2010 at 8:04 pmPetite, well, I was finally 40 pounds in the middle of 2nd grade. Now I am 5′9″ and no longer petite. I believe that my grandmother referred to me, in high school, as “a waste of a good set of shoulders.” I guess that I was just a very late bloomer. She really wished that I had been a boy.
April 16th, 2010 at 8:04 pmYour spaghetti-o’s incident sounds much like my trip to this fancy running store in our downtown. While trying on these nice running shoes (and feeling like a poser) my 2 year old won’t shut up about wanting Taco Bell. Kill me now.
April 16th, 2010 at 8:24 pmI’m with you that parts of the Texas public eduation system are ridiculously broken, including its stance on sex education. . . so I suppose I’m wondering why you even signed the permission slip to begin with (though the crayon does make it rather ironic). It would be both appropriate and meaningful (and more than just symbolic) for you to not grant permission (and thus approval) for your child to participate in such a farce of education.
April 16th, 2010 at 8:53 pmHmmmm…. size; like mother like daughter. I don’t think anyone is going to think she is not really yours, she is a little replica as I see it. Petite, really petite. Let’s hope she doesn’t one day tower over you and pat you on the head as my 12 year old granddaughter does me. I’m glad she’s tall, but she can stop growing now, anytime.
April 16th, 2010 at 8:56 pmHahaha - sex education! My 7th grade daughter (age 12), for whom I had to sign NO consent form for the sex ed part of her health class, quite matter-of-factly used the word “ejaculation” in correct context, during a conversation we were having tonight about me having to deal with “girl stuff” vs dad potentially having to cope with “boy stuff” (our son is 4).
What I’d like to know is why I didn’t have to sign a consent form for sex ed, but I always have to sign (and pay) for ice and roller skating outings!
April 16th, 2010 at 9:09 pmI shared your day with my husband. He asked how the chicken got out.
April 16th, 2010 at 9:10 pmWhy don’t they just call it anti-sex education?
Cute skirt and shoes though!
April 16th, 2010 at 9:44 pmNot all Texas schools teach abstinence only. I went to school in Houston and learned about bananas and condoms. I also learned that some gym teachers carry them in their purses. Maybe I had a more colorful school now that I think about it.
April 16th, 2010 at 9:47 pmI was at Old Navy this morning and totally missed that skirt or it would be on my daughter right this minute. Too cute!
Also, thought I’d share this link: http://bunsinmyoven.com/2009/11/08/sugar-and-spice-candied-nuts/ so that you can make your own roasted nuts at home. Nobody should be without roasted nuts. It’s just not right.
April 16th, 2010 at 10:03 pmwhile my two-year-old was quietly watching wonder pets on my iphone the other day i proceeded to the whole foods deli counter and asked for “a pound of Boar’s Head roast beef” and was met with the response, “miss, we only carry antibiotic free cold cuts.” “please forgive me,” i respond “this is long island, i’ve been eating antibiotic cold cuts since birth.” i totally forgot what supermarket i was in. i lost major hipster points with that one.
April 16th, 2010 at 10:09 pmOh man, I couldn’t stop laughing when you said that the chicken was on the counter! LOL! Too funny. Sorry your day was bad. Hope your weekend is much better!
April 16th, 2010 at 10:26 pmI hate days like that, but they tend to keep us firmly grounded in reality.
Wake up tomorrow morning and call, “Do Over!”
April 16th, 2010 at 10:27 pmYou can make those cinnamon nuts quite easily in the oven. Your kids would like doing this. The recipe consists primarily of sugar, egg whites, and cinnamon. (Don’t remember the exact quantities, but you can find it on the internet). Roll the nuts in the egg whites, then the sugar and cinnamon, and bake at a low temperature for a couple of hours. Delicious!
April 16th, 2010 at 10:37 pmI have one of those two…a daughter who is 7 1/2, and weighs 36 lbs. She’s always been at the bottom of the weight chart, but now she’s not even ON the chart. Thank goodness she’s on the bottom of the chart for height too, or I’m afraid of the doctor giving me trouble.
As for what to wear with your bikini top? I have two teenage daughters, and I’ll tell you what all the cool kids wear with their bikini tops. Sophies. You know, those elastic waistband different-colored sporty shorts? They’re about $7 at Sports Authority and they have lot of colors. To match your bathing suit top.
April 16th, 2010 at 10:53 pmI too am Old Navy’s bitch. Though I hit the sale today and I was one of the first 50 in so I got 50% off. So maybe Old Navy is MY bitch. Love the skirt and sneakers. I looked at them longingly today, but seeing as I only have boys and they wont wear them (I have asked) I have to skip them.
April 16th, 2010 at 11:18 pmThey might not do a price adjustment, but you could always take every item in, return it, and then ask for that pile on the counter that has just been returned to be handed to you so you can buy it at 20% off =) Just sayin’.
April 16th, 2010 at 11:25 pmNot being sarcastic at all, just genuinely curious. Why do you think it should be the school’s job to teach kids about how to put on condoms? I mean, you could sit your kids down with a bunch of bananas and a box of condoms and teach them that, if you wanted to. I do not want my kid being taught this at school and really don’t think sex ed in that sense belongs in the school system. Just like schools don’t have tampon inserting 101, I think the condoms are best left up to parents.
Chris says: To be honest I am not sure that I *do* think that it is the schools job to show kids how to put on a condom. It seems rather self-explanatory… But I think an abstinence only sex education program is a joke. It is unrealistic. Statistics have shown that kids who have taken absitinence only sex ed have just as much sex as kids who took a comprehensive sex education class. The only difference? They were less likely to use condoms or any other form of birth control.
April 16th, 2010 at 11:50 pmOooooh, I saw those sneakers on a preschooler at the park last week and was instantly jealous. Do I want them for my toddler?? NOPE - for me please.
April 17th, 2010 at 12:05 amOne of the great advantages of our daughter’s size is that you won’t always need to be buying her new clothes. My oldest son was born wearing a size 12 months…and he progressed from there needing a whole new wardrobe every 4 months or so. This was a huge expense. Just think of the money you’ll save!
April 17th, 2010 at 12:09 amI crave fruit chips from Fresh Market like it is nobody’s business. Even though I have oral allergies to a pollen carried by something in the selection, I’ve decided, I don’t care, and stocked up on Hall’s to combat the itchy mouth. Must. Eat. Dried. Fruit. I like living on the edge.
P.S. If they made that skirt in my size, I would totally wear it.
April 17th, 2010 at 1:47 amAs for the chicken: Trust me, that would not happen to you if you had cats. Or maybe once.
April 17th, 2010 at 5:13 amHee. When I go to the local nature-granola co-op stores, I always feel like such a poseur too. Especially if I have on leather shoes or some other incorrect-type gear.
April 17th, 2010 at 6:27 amAfter so many years of homeschooling, it seems just so much busier and harder to have my kids in school. But that’s where they’ll stay. Sounds like you’re finding that, too. SO tiring!
April 17th, 2010 at 6:54 amI love Whole Foods too and feel like a complete poser when I have to park my gas guzzler Suburban in between 2 teeny hybrid cars and walk away from it quickly so that I don’t look like a fraud.
April 17th, 2010 at 8:33 amI worked at Whole Foods for almost a year, and once, when I brought my lunch to work, I ate my Fritos out of a paper bag. Talk about feeling like a hippie poser!
April 17th, 2010 at 8:49 amI loooooooove Texas sex ed..NOT
April 17th, 2010 at 9:41 ammy 5th grader just had it and yes it preached abstinance which is great, good, wonderful……but NOT entirely realistic….im all for teaching the kids the options to have safe sex. Our book taught that girls if they have sex would feel like chewed up bubblegum…im not making this up and my husband FLIPPED over that….nothing about the boys feeling bad for not following what has been preached….but oh the girls are sluts.
sigh.
Ha!
You made me choke 3 times with that one!
The car seat to the prom, not being able to quit Ol’Navy, and the chicken sitting still on the counter.
I’ve already boiled noodles for like 20 mins. with no heat turned on.
Yeah, I rawk like that!!!
Hilarious post, just fantastic!
April 17th, 2010 at 9:42 amDon’t know if the Stuff your Bag thing would even work for me since I don’t have an Old Navy/GAP/Banana credit card. Bummer.
April 17th, 2010 at 10:34 amI put a roast, potatoes and carrots in the crock pot on Thursday at 8am and came home at 2pm to find that I hadn’t turned it on. UGH! After a very scary class on food born pathogens recently, I threw it away after it’s 6 hour swim in tepid water. I decided that five people with food poisoning wouldn’t fit into my schedule. We got pizza.
April 17th, 2010 at 11:07 amlove the old navy outfit. I also can relate to the chicken but my issue was that i put the chicken in the preheated oven and then for some reason i turned off oven. i did not know that i had done this until it was time to pull said chicken out of oven. late dinner again who wants subway
enjoy your weekend
April 17th, 2010 at 11:41 amI saw someone has already posted a recipe for roasted spiced nuts, from smitten kitchen so it has to be good (she’s amazing). I use a similar recipe from epicurious.com that is ridiculously easy and delicious. Give it a try! You may not even need WF after that…well, at least for the nuts. ( :
April 17th, 2010 at 12:15 pmI love that skirt. I’m tempted to see if the XL would fit me (the stretchy skirts are really stretchy and this new crazy vanity sizing trend… yeah).
I have personally witnessed how abstinence only ed fails; I had to explain to a friend why it wasn’t okay that her friends had unprotected (no birth control of any form) sex, and had several talks about condoms, etc, that she didn’t know. It was disturbing.
April 17th, 2010 at 12:38 pmOur sex ed program in college was called Cookies and Condoms - who could resist!?
And, a friend of mine recently mixed up the marinade for her chicken only to realize that she had left the chicken in the car … overnight. Ugh!
April 17th, 2010 at 5:17 pmMy kids always embarrass me like that. It’s inevitable. But I LOVE those sparkly shoes.
And I’m ON’s bitch too. Once in a while, a tshirt or pair of shorts will last for YEARS and YEARS. You can’t know which one it will be going in though.
April 17th, 2010 at 5:58 pmSpaguetti O´s, soda, that´s nothing! Try having three year old triplets loudly asking for diet pepsi! which they have never even tasted (although I do drink it like it´s going out of style) Oh the looks I got… Fun
April 17th, 2010 at 9:13 pmOh Gee…where to start. I think I’ll skip the sex-ed part because…well, I don’t think anyone is really interested in my thoughts.
Old Navy…YOU…YOU were the cause of me spending my hard earned moola last year on not one, not two, not three but FOUR of those fun short sun dresses you posted last year. Yes, you. I completely blame YOU for my lack of self-control.
(not all in the same color…I got black, lime green, raspberry and tomato red)
AND…FYI…they have all held up well. ‘Course, I refuse to put them in the dryer for fear that they would, in one short fluff cycle, go from a dress, to a really cute top.
Old Navy…I was in line at 930 on Friday because the fist 50 customers got 50% off their entire purchase. I was one of the first 50. I somehow missed the tulle skirts and sparkly tennies.
Spaghetti-os…am I the only person on the face of the earth who equates the smell of spaghetti-os with barf? I must be. My kids love it. They, however, do NOT have to clean up their own barf. Maybe they should. That might put an end to spaghetti-os in this house.
April 17th, 2010 at 10:47 pmJust in case you feel like cooking the nuts yourself:
Cinnamon Sugar Spiced Nuts
3 egg whites
1 T. water
1 T. vanilla
2 pounds of nuts (usually pecans, but I’ve used almonds and cashews as well)
1 c. white sugar
1/2 c. brown sugar
1 t. cinnamon
1 t. salt (if you use unsalted nuts)
Preheat oven to 250. Line a sheet pan with a Silpat or foil. Froth the egg whites with the water and vanilla. Toss the nuts in the mixture to coat. Mix the sugars, cinnamon, and salt (if using). Add to the nut mixture and stir well to coat. Pour onto pan. Spread the nuts to cover the pan. Bake for one hour, stirring every 15 minutes. Try to separate nuts with each stir. Depending on the dryness of the day or the liquidity of the eggs, it may take a little longer. These will dry out and crisp up as they cool. Store air tight as long as they’ll last.
April 18th, 2010 at 4:31 pmOnce they get into junior high and high school there is more to the zex ed class. I am not sure 5th graders need to know how to put on a condem. I can assure that there is more once the kids get more mature. In high school they show that childbirth video they show in childbirth class.
Chris says: This is an 8th grade class. And my freshman hasn’t had any sort of sex ed class, so I wonder what they are waiting for at the high school?
April 18th, 2010 at 8:15 pmWas enjoying the post - but fell in love with it with the chicken on the counter… So what did you do for dinner????
Chris says: I put the chicken in the oven and we ate dinner an hour later!
April 19th, 2010 at 9:03 amI love Old Navy too but also The Children’s Place has me by the ass. I LOVE that store and all their bright clothes.
April 19th, 2010 at 11:37 amHilarious!
April 21st, 2010 at 1:36 pmMy husband and I both waited to have sex until we were married, as did all four of my siblings and their spouses. I guess we are all truly infantile.
Too bad we didn’t try a condom on a banana! Then we could have had some STD’s and some abortions while we were at it!
Chris says: I think that it is wonderful that you waited. And I would not mind one bit if my children all waited until they were 30 years old and married to have sex. However, I don’t think that giving teenagers all of the information that they need to make informed decisions also gives them permission to have sex all willy-nilly. Statistics have shown that just as many kids who hear the abstinence sex ed have sex as those that have a more comprehensive sex ed class. The only difference? Those who took the abstinence only sex ed class are more likely to have sex without using any form of birth control. And fwiw, I did not have sex until I was well out of highschool.
April 27th, 2010 at 3:38 pm