Sending Out an S.O.S.
July 20, 2010
I need your help, Internet. I am working on a project and have reached a “stuck” point. Story of my life lately, huh? Want to know what else is stuck in my life? My thighs to my leather couch.
So tell me, what do you think is important to teach your children?
What lesson or skill did your parents teach you that you plan on passing down to your kids?
And, hey, while you are thinking look at this dragon fly that landed on my water bottle last night at the baseball game.
Miles thought his (her?) eyes were a “wittle bit cweepy.”
Posted by Chris @ 1:33 pm
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Manners - We’ve drilled into our 8 year old daughter to say please and thank you and to be considerate of others. I’ve already received compliments both from her teachers, her daycare staff at the school’s summer program and total strangers.
While she’s usually not the perfect angel for us, she knows better than to be a snotty, bratty little kid to others.
July 20th, 2010 at 1:43 pmHow to be confident: love myself, assert myself, and (most importantly) laugh at myself.
July 20th, 2010 at 1:48 pmWhen you speak, be heard!
July 20th, 2010 at 1:50 pmStand up for yourself
Sadly my parents really did not pass down a good skill to me. The only thing we were required to learn was swimming. I can’t really even cook. Couldn’t clean or do laundry until I left home either.
The one thing I hope my kids learn is curiosity about things. I may not have many skills, but I am generally curious about many things. Curiosity leads you to learning and exploring. I could teach them to quilt and I am hoping my husband teaches them cooking. Everything else we will encourage so long as it’s legal!
July 20th, 2010 at 1:50 pmWhat to teach them? To respect other people (you don’t have to like everyone, but you have to consider their viewpoint). Once you can do that, you can be successful in everything you do bc you can see all sides of an equation.
What my parents taught me? Besides not to drink as much as they did, hmmm… How to iron a shirt so you always look professional. How to make kickass brownies. How to clean a house. That my sisters are always going to be my best friends, even though we don’t live near each other or talk more than once a month.
July 20th, 2010 at 1:50 pmIt’s important to show up - weddings, funerals, kids’ sports events, recitals, graduations,… They were always at all of our kid stuff. My grandparents didn’t go to any of my dad’s sports events or concerts. It really wounded him.
July 20th, 2010 at 1:50 pmI like the dragonfly- ‘cweepy’ eyes and all.
July 20th, 2010 at 1:53 pmMy Mother was really big on showing gratitude. Saying thank you was important. My parents also taught me to receive graciously.
Being patient with each other was also important.
My parents and my husband’s parents were very hard workers. My husband learned that trait very well and I think has passed it to our children. (I haven’t learned it yet.)
And I think we all have a great sense of humor. We can laugh at ourselves.
Not sure my parents taught me this but my brother sure did (he is six years old then me) - it had to do with the value of money, keeping and taking care of a bank account, taking care of my finances, checkbooks, etc. We also have worked in the idea of giving back to causes which is something both my husband and I learned from our parents.
My parents definitely taught me good manners. Pleases, thank yous, and writing thank you notes for instance. That is something both my husband and I feel is very important to teach our kids.
Finally, taking care of my stuff, cleaning up and being responsible for what we have in life. My mom definitely taught me that and I respect what we have and how little others have.
Hope that is helpful!
July 20th, 2010 at 2:00 pmCompassion and empathy.
July 20th, 2010 at 2:08 pmHow to cook. Hands down the most important skill. Being able to create a meal from ANYTHING in the larder and/or fridge, no matter how random the ingredients. From that point they can go any direction - survival as a student, impressing girlfriends, cordon bleu cook - but being able to scrape together something and make it taste good, that’s a true skill.
(I learnt inadvertently - my mum left me at home for a week, age 15 with no money and very few groceries. I survived and was very thankful for bottom-of-the-fridge-soup skills!!)
July 20th, 2010 at 2:08 pmI think it is important to teach my children respect for themselves and others, honesty and a good work ethic. Oh, I think it is important for them to be able to laugh at themselves too.
Sometimes I wonder if I am actually teaching them any of those things.
July 20th, 2010 at 2:08 pmWow- awesome picture! The things that are high priority for me to teach my boys involve self-control in the areas of money and food. I want them to learn not to just spend or eat anytime they feel like it, but to make wise choices.
July 20th, 2010 at 2:11 pmPractical things:
How to manage money.
How to clean a house.
How to hardboil an egg and other basic cooking skills.
As for the other stuff, I think respect is huge. Huge. And so very missing from our society these days.
Honesty. Goes hand in hand with respect, I think.
And more stuff that I’ll see other people write and think “Oh yeah! That too!”
July 20th, 2010 at 2:13 pmWhen I was pregnant, I asked ONE mom for “parenting” advice. She was someone I admire and her children were such amazing people. Her words to me have followed me throughout the years. She said “I really only have one rule that I enforce - it is that they Respect all. Respect everything, the dog, their friends, their parents, teachers and even the coffee table and their bedroom” I have used this as my mantra raising my son and he is also an amazing human being. He often tells his friends (and once even his teacher) that they are not being respectful to others (and he was right!).
July 20th, 2010 at 2:14 pmChris,
This is something I’ve been thinking about recently. I don’t want to assume that my kids will automatically absorb the things I want to teach them. It’s easy to let the days slip by and assume that they’re picking up what I’m putting down. More than anything, I want to teach them that they are dearly and unconditionally loved by God, that He literally gave up part of Himself so that they can be with Him forever.
They also need to know how to clean a bathroom, but that’s a little further down my list of priorities
July 20th, 2010 at 2:20 pmI can’t think of anything not trite - but here are some things that sprang to mind:
love of reading
love of good food
love of nature/outdoors
to give something a try, even if you think you will not be very good at it
that if you let little things make you happy, you will be happy most of the time, but if you wait for something big to make you happy, you may not be happy very often
that you can love someone and be angry with them at the same time and still love them when you’re not angry anymore
that worrying should have its limits (do as I say, not as I do)
respect, kindness and polite manners
for my son with Type I Diabetes - how to care for his body and keep it healthy
The list goes on and on - doesn’t it?
There’s so MUCH to teach them.
I might summarize it as: everything they need to be a good grown up, living on their own, but still connected to their family. (There’s a tall order!!)
I worry (see above) about how to convey the idea that small decisions (drunken driving, early sexual activity, drug use) can lead to big consequences, without paralyzing them - because I also want them to know that mistakes are inevitable and unavoidable, and a life lived simply trying to avoid a mistake is probably not much of a life……if anybody’s got that balance figured out (are there just some absolutes?) I’d love to know about it.
July 20th, 2010 at 2:22 pmI think the biggest thing is personal responsibility. Kids need to do their own homework, their chores, and if they mess up they have to pay the consequences.
On the flip side of that, we need to teach kids not to play the victim. Can’t get something on the first try? Keep trying. The teacher missed you when she was handing the worksheets out? Speak up. Don’t claim you can’t do the homework because you never got a worksheet.
July 20th, 2010 at 2:26 pmTable manners!
July 20th, 2010 at 2:28 pmRespect older people, love children and animals. Karma, listen, communicate and do unto others. Never hit a girl. My son is 17 and he is at the point where I can tell him why I did things the way I did. I give him pointers, of what to do when he has kids, and I will tell him, you will do the same thing, trust me. He laughs, and will ask me questions. Communication is awesome.
July 20th, 2010 at 2:35 pmThe best thing my parents ever did for me was save for my education. I was able to graduate with a 5 year professional degree not only debt free, but with money left over. I look at people coming out of university today with student loans in the 10s of thousands and I am so grateful to my Dad, the banker.
July 20th, 2010 at 2:40 pmFind at least a moment of enjoyment and identify something for which you are grateful each and every day…even on the worst days, there is something to be grateful for.
Since I am not particularly religious, this is meant in the most every day, every people, lighthearted kind of way - not as something heavy. Setting an example by noticing and commenting on little things throughout the day myself is how I followed this when raising my kids and now when I am with my grandkids. And yeah, I live a normal human life too, so there are days when I have to work at it to find something positive!
July 20th, 2010 at 2:41 pmManners and respect! I don’t have kids yet, but when I do, they will definitely be learning their manners (please, thank you, etc). As a teacher, I won’t always remember the kids who had A++’s in my class…the kids that I will remember are the kids who were kind, polite, and respectful. And not just to me - their interactions with one another standout more than anything else.
July 20th, 2010 at 2:47 pmI spend a lot of time making sure my children think about other people and not just themselves, teaching them to consider other points of view, to not be selfish. I have not totally succeeded just yet.
July 20th, 2010 at 2:49 pmI can’t speak about “passing on” anything important. In my family that would entail booze, mullets and loud music. Okay, maybe I play the loud music. But if I had to pick the most important thing to teach my child? Empathy. I want him to understand that others have thoughts and feelings of their own and to be mindful of that. I hope he remembers that not only on the playground…but in his world view.
July 20th, 2010 at 2:49 pmBest,
Tina
That picture is incredible! Please share what kind of camera you have, and whether it’s difficult to use. Pretty please?
To answer your questions (”what do you think is important to teach your children? What lesson or skill did your parents teach you that you plan on passing down to your kids?”):
1. The golden rule - always treat others the way you would want them to treat you.
2. Life’s not fair. This took about 30 years to sink in for me, but now that it has, hopefully I’ll be able to instill this knowledge in my own children much more quickly.
July 20th, 2010 at 2:53 pmThese are the “short and sweet” list of things I think it is important to teach our children:
1) To laugh at themselves, to see their own foibles and faults and instead of getting angry or depressed - to laugh and move on.
2) Manners/etiquette. Far too neglected anymore, and yet essentially the basis of all civilization.
3) Money Management. Savings. “Investment”. Saving for something you really want instead of instant gratification.
4) The “Golden Rule”. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. and “Judge not, lest you be judged”.
Mine is grown now - married and on her own. I did ok on all but (3), which really burns, me being an accountant and all…
July 20th, 2010 at 2:56 pmThat is an amazing photo! Wow. Dragonflies do ride the line between mystical, amazing, and sort of “unreal” and creepy.
As for skills:
I definitely want my daughter to know how to use a map to orient herself and find her way. I didn’t get that lesson and wished I had!
I know my husband thinks it is vital for her to learn the piano, and I would agree with that as well. We both were given that gift from our parents and it has been invaluable to us both!
July 20th, 2010 at 2:56 pmChris,
I think above all, the most important rule you can teach your children, and hopefully they will (eventually) FULLY understand and practice is “The Golden Rule”. That when we treat each other, NOT AS WE ARE TREATED, but as we WANT to be treated, we will see that come back to us 1000 fold.
That, however, is one of life’s hardest lessons. Turning the other cheek and NOT responding in kind. Mean words to me? Right backatcha. You hurt me, I hurt you back.
At 47…I’m still not quite there. But I’m working on it. And hoping that this is one my children will, having seen put into action, learn so much quicker than I.
July 20th, 2010 at 3:00 pmThe lesson is this: I love you intensely, but you are not the center of the universe.
July 20th, 2010 at 3:01 pmMy youngest (age 5) is in awe of the fact that my mom taught me to make cookies and I’m teaching her to make cookies, and how did my mom know how to make cookies, maybe her mom taught her and someday she will teach her baby to make cookies.
It may not be as big a life skill as balancing a checkbook, creating a budget or keeping an orderly home, but cookies sure taste better.
July 20th, 2010 at 3:03 pmCharity - both of my time and my money. My mom and dad did a great job making it clear that we were lucky, even if I had friends with more, there were some with a lot less. My dad also taught me to whistle, which is also nice.
July 20th, 2010 at 3:04 pmI am hoping I am teaching them to be considerate of other people. I feel that is something we are losing as a society. The other thing is to not give up when things are tough.
July 20th, 2010 at 3:04 pmOne thing that I plan on teaching my kids, because I WISH my parents had taught it to me, is money management skills.
July 20th, 2010 at 3:12 pmPerhaps this isn’t exactly what you are looking for, but my parents have taught me to never miss out on my future grandchildren’s activities, to never favor one child over the others, and to always be fair and equal to my grandchildren, because they will notice if I am not. My children will learn from me, to be fair and loving to all their children and grandchildren.
July 20th, 2010 at 3:15 pmBitter? Yes, I guess I am.
that is an AMAZING picture!! And, Miles is right, those are a “wittle bit cweepy”!
I’ll have to think about the question you posed and get back to you on that one though….
July 20th, 2010 at 3:16 pmKindness toward others. And not just good manners kind of kindness but true generosity.
July 20th, 2010 at 3:23 pmMoney management hands down. My parents drilled into me the importance of never having credit card debt and it has helped me immensely throughout my life!
July 20th, 2010 at 3:26 pmOne lesson my parents totally DID NOT teach me was budgeting/savings/etc and I totally work to instill that in my children.
My parents, father and mother alike, taught us laundry and cooking and easy, preventative car maintenance.
Not a one all answer of course but I think traditions of any type are great to pass on.
Honoring and recognizing cultures from my mother. She is always so inquisitive.
My father a love of history and classic music.
That I am loved no matter what, but please could I try to make a better choice next time
July 20th, 2010 at 3:27 pmI want to leave my kids lots of things…there’s no “one” thing. I think that’s why I find motherhood so overwhelming at times (well, most of the time!) I want to leave them with the knowledge they are loved by their family and by their Lord (that faith is important). I want them to be self-sufficient - to be able to run a household - cook and clean up after themselves. I want them to know how to be a good friend and to have a strong work ethic.
Hope this helps!
July 20th, 2010 at 3:28 pmhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoJwzxXGJnU
I am a college student and for my leadership project I spent a few hours interviewing men and women at a nursing home to get advice on life and leadership. I’ve attached the link and if you have 10 minutes I think it’s worth checking out the video of what they had to say is most important.
Let me know if you watch it and if you do, what stands out to you.
Some of my favorite things they said:
Most important thing in life: “That it’s to love - to love live, to love others, and to love yourself.”
“You don’t learn a damn thing when your mouth is open. So learn to listen.”
and
“You don’t make many friends if you’re mad all the time. and you don’t get much done either.”
July 20th, 2010 at 3:36 pmI always always always knew I was loved. They told me. Even when I hated them. Even when we were ridiculously mad at each other. They told me. I have letters from my dad talking about specifics - what I did that made him proud, how proud feels (tall, like he could touch the clouds), and that I never needed to do anything for him to love me. He died 16 years ago, and you’d better bet that I take those letters out occasionally to feel close to him again.
July 20th, 2010 at 3:39 pmHey, Great shot!
The best thing my parents taught me was how to work hard, make, and manage money. It’s my favorite thing to teach my daughter, too. I know that it will serve her well in life, no matter which road she takes, money management, or the lack thereof, will be on it. I want to be sure she’s prepared. The number one thing that stands out in my mind was the allowance chart. We had to help out whenever told - it wasn’t an option - don’t get me wrong. But, each chore was assigned a point value, so the more chores we did, the more money we made.When I was in high school, I worked three part time jobs - because each job only scheduled me for about 10 hours a week - and I would make a good chunk of change at home.Now, I’m sure that this was expensive on their end. My mom was a stay at home mom and my dad was blue collar. But - it paid off in the end because they didn’t need to support any of us after high school. No hand outs. The only help we ever got from them were loans - which taught me never to borrow money. It allows the people whom you borrowed from to have to much say-so in your life. At 31 years old - my husband and I have no debt - no credit cards, no student loans, and just recently - no mortgage. We also max out our ROTH IRA’s and put 20% of income in retirement funds. We’re just your average ordinary joes on the outside - but on the inside we’re on our way to becoming independently wealthy. And it all started with that allowance chart. I’m sure of it. Did I mention? I became a mother the year I graduated high school. Not ideal - but, I had what it took to make it when push came to shove. That’s what I want to pass on to my kids.
July 20th, 2010 at 3:52 pmJust simply taking the time whenever you head out the door to give a hug and kiss. It’s the little things in life that become so important to us.
July 20th, 2010 at 3:54 pmMore than anything, I want to teach my kids to not be judgmental. It’s hard, because… well, I am!
I want them to grow up loving people and seeing the best in them, without the sarcasm and cynicism.
July 20th, 2010 at 3:57 pmRespect. Consideration. Kindness. Those are the big 3 that I was taught- and try to teach my kids. Not easy with 7 of my own…
July 20th, 2010 at 3:57 pmKindness above all. Treat everyone in your life with kindness and you’ll get it in return.
July 20th, 2010 at 3:59 pmThe thing I most appreciate from my parents was a sense of duty and honor. If you say you’re going to be somewhere, you’d better show up, bring what you said you’d bring, do what you said you would do. No flaking, no shirking, no excuses. In school that helped when there was a group project, an after school activity, and especially in sports. I knew that I would never be the weak link, and that anyone could count on me. In adulthood, it brings me a lot of peace knowing that I’m reliable and trustworthy.
I’d like to teach my children to be kind. There aren’t enough genuinely kind people, it seems. And kids can be so mean. My kids know that they will feel of my wrath if I hear that they were picking on another kid, or saying cruel things. Words, even in their youth, can have lasting consequences. I want the words they say and things they do to lift people up. I want them to be friends with anyone, and to speak up when things aren’t right. It’s really easy to look the other way, especially as adults. We’re taught to mind our own business and keep to ourselves. But I don’t want that for my children. I want them to play an active role in their respective communities. To be involved with their neighbors, friends, strangers. If something is wrong, then I want them (and me!) to say something, to help someone, to stand up to pushy people. I guess that also means I need to build their self esteem. To teach my children that they are worthy, that they are beautiful, that they are smart, and that the world is (and can be) a better place because they were born into it.
July 20th, 2010 at 4:01 pmmy parents have taught me five things i cannot live without. i think of them daily. i hope i’m not screwing them up all the time.
1. don’t get in your own way.
2. he’s just a boy, you’re just a girl. what’s there to be so upset about.
3. if you don’t ask for something you don’t have, you won’t have it. you’ve already got a no. so if, in asking, you risk making a fool of yourself - well, the worst that can really happen is you get a no. which you already have. but maybe you’ll get a yes. this applies to college, applying someplace out of your league, becoming a better person, everything.
4. mommies always come back. this is probably the most important lesson of my life. extrapilate and you can do anything with it. which is good. it’s made me a person who always comes back too. even though the last time i heard my mother say it was when i was four and crying as she left pre-school. i found myself explaining it to someone else the other day, ‘don’t worry, mommies always come back,’ when she and her mom were in a huge fight. mommies always come back.
5. being scared shitless is the foundation of all achievement. although they say this in a variety of nicer, more seemly phrases. but it’s true. my dad uses “doors and windows, curses blessings” to say basically the same thing. my mother says exceptionally southern things like “you couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket with a lid on it, but keep on trying and maybe you’ll keep a note” but the idea is the same. if you’re not scared, you’re doing it wrong.
that’s all i’ve got, and thanks for letting me procrastinate here instead of replying to this email i myself am *stuck* on.
July 20th, 2010 at 4:04 pmThere are lots of things to teach my children. Most of which I’m sure others will cover (be respectful, stand up for yourself, etc.). In addition to all the normal things, I’d like to teach my children to:
July 20th, 2010 at 4:06 pm1. Follow their heart and their passions. Figure out how to make a reasonable living out of it
2. Be fiscally responsible. Enjoy the money you make, but figure out how to do it beneath your means and save for when you need it.
Compassion ranks pretty high up there for me. Compassion and tolerance. Maybe it’s because I currently live in Tx, where there often seems to be a shortage of it…? At least it sure feels that way sometimes.
July 20th, 2010 at 4:20 pmA skill that I DON’T think I learned and that we have taught our kids as we learn it ourselves is to budget and to save money. We have done Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover and when we started two years ago, we involved our kids (then 13, 9, 6) in all aspects. They will hopefully save some money early on that will carry them throughout their retirement.
Another lesson I have always taught them is that it never matters the QUANTITY of friends that you have but the quality and loyalty of your friends and that nothing is more valuable than old friends who “knew you when.”
July 20th, 2010 at 4:21 pmTough questions. I want to teach my children to be good people, to be happy, to be free to be themselves, to think, to love learning, to love, show compassion, be patient, the list goes on and on.
July 20th, 2010 at 4:23 pmMy parents were pretty awesome in their parenting skills, but I think the skills/lessons that have meant the most to me and that I am trying to teach my children are: the importance of volunteering and giving back/doing for others and the importance of faith. I want to teach my children that helping others has so many rewards. (My husband and I met while volunteering. Who knew?!) Faith-well, sometimes you just need to believe in a power greater than yourself; sometimes you need to believe in yourself; and sometimes you need to believe in miracles. All of that takes faith.
I watched as my friends started and stopped activities all the time. In our house we weren’t allowed to quit once we started something. We all took piano and couldn’t quit til we could play any hymn in my dad’s old hymnal. My mom knew I wanted to be a dancer so she made me promise to follow through all through Highschool. I did and it kept me out of a lot of trouble.
July 20th, 2010 at 4:30 pmI came from a family of 7 as well and I noticed they weren’t as strict with the 3 youngest siblings. I don’t know if there’s a correlation there but one sister who was an amazing athlete was aloud to quit softball because she didn’t get along with the girls on her team, another sister with a beautiful singing voice stopped taking voice lessons and didn’t pursue it after my parents made a big move. These two sisters also have the lowest self-esteem in the family, and have had a harder time getting their act together after graduating.
There is something to be said about follow-through. About setting goals and accomplishing them.
All my children are young right now (9 and under) so I think this age is about finding something they love, but once they do I really want to encourage them to pursue that passion.
So many things are important. But above all, that we are to treat others how we want to be treated. And that sometimes bad things happen, but you just have to get through it. And above all? Be honest. Be honest about who you are and what you do.
July 20th, 2010 at 4:34 pmThat’s an amazing dragonfly! Wow!
My parents gave me really good self esteem - lots of praise. (I don’t think it got to the point of big-headedness ever!!) Not sure if that’s quite what you’re after.
I can’t think of anything else specific…
July 20th, 2010 at 4:46 pmTo be kind and have compassion for others. I’d be happy enough with that.
Not sure I’ve actually done a very good job in this area.
July 20th, 2010 at 4:50 pmmy parents believed that if your marriage sucks, your kids will suffer, so one of the best things you can do for your kids is to make your marriage top priority. they did just that, and I think I’m a better, healthier person (and have a healthier marriage) because of it. I definitely want to pass that on to my kids.
that dragonfly is crazy. it looks fake, which I guess means I don’t have a very accurate picture of nature.
July 20th, 2010 at 4:51 pmTo treat others the way they want to be treated. I’m big on that.
July 20th, 2010 at 5:09 pmI think it’s really important to teach kids to be humble. I’ve seen so many kids lately who have not had an opportunity to be guided toward humility, and they are not happy kids. And not only are they not happy, they manage to make a lot of people around them unhappy, too.
I’ve also found myself guiding my kids toward a “suck it up” attitude lately. Reminding them that it doesn’t have to be all about them, that they don’t have to have it just the way they want it all the time, and that while they may not like everyone they have to be around, kindness and civility costs them nothing.
July 20th, 2010 at 5:12 pmI want to pass along to my children that laughing at yourself is one way to develop thick skin by finding a bit of humor in the good and bad.
My parents taught me about organization and tidiness - I would love to pass this along with a disclaimer that it should not be all consuming.
I especially want to pass along that don’t save all the good stuff for “special days”. Eat off the china, drink out of the crystal and wear your best dress on a Wednesday!
July 20th, 2010 at 5:21 pmFirst and best lesson my parents taught me: In life, there are choices and there are consequences. When you make good choices, you are more likely to get good consequences. When you make bad choices, you have to accept the bad consequences. It is something I still think about every day, in so many situations, and I always wish more people out there would accept the consequences of the choices they make.
July 20th, 2010 at 5:24 pmNot to give much weight to what other people think of you. You can’t please everyone, and you shouldn’t waste your time trying. Just be yourself
July 20th, 2010 at 5:25 pmEmpathy. What psychologists call “perspective taking,” and philosophers call “moral imagination.” The ability to imagine a situation from someone else’s point of view. The Golden Rule. Whatever you call it, that’s what I most want to teach my children. Not only does it make them people you actually want to be around, it makes them better critical thinkers and problem solvers. I’m only seven years into my parental journey, but it seems like everything boils down to empathy.
July 20th, 2010 at 5:35 pmEmpathy is something my mother taught me from an early age. When I would come home and tell her about someone being mean to me, she would ask me to pretend I was them, think if I lived in their house, had their parents, their grades, their friends. Usually then I could figure out why they acted the way they did, and try to be nicer than ever before. Because of this, I am very quick to see both sides in an argument, and understand people’s reactions to things.
My parents also taught us to be kind to everyone, no matter what. Even if you hate your boss and want to say everything you think about them as you quit, don’t. You never know when that person will be on the other side of the table at an interview later in life.
I hope to teach my kids that you decide how much fun things in life can be. Forget looking cool or who is watching, just go for it. My best memories are when I let go and had a great time. So play dress up with a toddler, take last-minute road trips, skinny dip! Don’t ever be afraid to try and laugh at yourself when you fail.
The skill I want my children to have is amazing swimming skills. I was never extremely confident in the water unless I had the ginormous goggles that also covered my nose. I want my kids to be completely comfortable in water.
July 20th, 2010 at 5:41 pmAlways tell the truth. If you lie and get caught (and you *will* get caught), you will be in way more trouble than if you had just told the truth to begin with.
July 20th, 2010 at 5:53 pmTo do whatever makes you happy. Took me until almost 40 to figure out what I wanted to do for a living, and it turns out it is exactly what I wanted to do when I was a child. I hope my kids learn this quicker than I did…
July 20th, 2010 at 6:02 pmOnce, when I was probably about 14, I had a minor meltdown about somthing or other relating to my appearance, and I made a comment about “hating” it.
My mother, almost with tears in her eyes, replied “Don’t hate.” Not don’t hate xxx, or don’t hate xzy. Just “Don’t hate.” She never explained exactly what she meant by that.
This one small moment in time has stuck with me. It’s so open to many interpretations, that I use it as mantra, and just fill in the blank after “don’t hate”
That’s what I want my children to learn. Don’t hate.
July 20th, 2010 at 6:05 pmI wanted to teach independance and a positive outlook in life.
I think I have successful-both my boys life life away from me-at 23 and 22. They are independant and quite happy in life. So I have succeeded.
July 20th, 2010 at 6:26 pmWe are teaching our children that ALL adults, regardless of race, creed, belief, etc, deserve to be called ma’am or sir. We need to treat one another with at least some respect every single day.
July 20th, 2010 at 6:27 pmThe work/money relationship and how to budget the money you make!
Also, how to fish electrical wiring through walls, use (and carry) jumper cables, when to stand up for yourself and when to back down, how to make chocolate chip cookies and the basics of sewing, etc.
Yeah, I learned a variety of life skills from the ‘rents!
July 20th, 2010 at 6:33 pmRESPECT. Respect for others, elders, yourself. Respect your belongings, friends, everything.
July 20th, 2010 at 6:43 pmI have no kids, but volunteered in a kids’ club for years - does that count?
As much as possible, teach them the process for making decisions. Where do you start when you need to decide what sport to be involved in, what college to attend (if, indeed, any), what job to take? Help them to be able to reason out the possible future implications of their choices, so they don’t end up paying a high price tomorrow for fun today.
Yeah, not easy, and certainly no easy ciriculum to buy and use, but certainly useful. Problem solving ability is rare these days.
July 20th, 2010 at 6:47 pmHmmm…not really a skill or lesson, but my parents showed their love for each other in front of us kids. They would embrace when my dad got home from work and stay that way for a few minutes, mom would ask how his day went, then they’d give a little kiss and mom would resume making dinner.
They went out on a date every Saturday night. Now, at 69 & 70 yrs. old, they still do!
When my husband and I had our first baby I told him I wanted to do those same things in front of our kids, too. (his parents never showed any love toward each other). Now all 6 of our children are secure in knowing their parents love each other, even if it makes them go “Ewwww!”
July 20th, 2010 at 6:51 pmMy Dad was big on teamwork. Work with your brothers and sisters, work with your friends. You can get alot more accomplished when you work together than when you try to work alone. It was a big theme growing up in my house. From working in the garden to sports… there was always some sort of team work comment coming our way. I think that was a good one from my Dad that I try to use all the time. BTW: I agree with Miles - creepy, but also kind of beautiful.
July 20th, 2010 at 6:51 pmA very important lesson for children which will affect the rest of their lives, your lives, and the lives of their children … financial responsibility. My parents always lived within their means and provided a comfortable life for us. My siblings and I never felt that we were lacking anything, although, looking back on it, I didn’t have anywhere near the possessions that my children have. I have seen so many adults today confuse needs with wants, parents who have no financial plan for their future and spend money without regard to what the future may hold. These same people end up borrowing money from others (including their own parents) to make ends meet. It’s an age of entitlement. People who tell themselves “I deserve it” are just kidding themselves. The only thing every human being “deserves” is a safe place to rest their head, clothes on their back, and food to eat. Teach your kids how to live within their means, balance a checkbook, use credit wisely, and question a world which encourages you to buy, buy, buy. These lessons reap rewards for generations!
July 20th, 2010 at 6:59 pmMy parents taught me that love is sometimes a choice. By choosing to adopt the four of of they lived that lesson every day of their lives. They taught me to have an open heart, to feed whoever is hungry, love the un-loved, be-friend the friendless and to be God’s love to other around me. Do I live up to their example. No, not even close but I try. Their unconditional love, especially for their children I what I most hope I have passed on to my children.
July 20th, 2010 at 7:06 pmMy lesson I hope my children take to heart is: Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and you are entitled to disagree, but you are not entitled to disagree in a disagreeable way. Simple, but remembering that would save a lot of grief over both important and not so important issues.
July 20th, 2010 at 7:07 pmWe need to teach our children how to solve problem not to regurgitate what they think we want to hear.
July 20th, 2010 at 7:08 pmAwesome photo! Important to teach children: good manners, ability to think for themselves, and a spirit of giving — be it philanthropic giving, the gift of service, or just the joy of giving a gift. My parents taught me all of those things, or at least I learned them, not sure who taught them to me!
July 20th, 2010 at 7:10 pmI have taught my 5 daughters how….
July 20th, 2010 at 7:15 pm1. to look an adult in the eyes and carry on a conversation
2. to complete what they have started
3. to know when its ok not to complete what they’ve started
4. to not give in to peer pressure
5. to know that God is the orchestrator of our circumstances and to then live life trusting in Him with “divine nonchalance”
6. to have a “thick skin but soft heart”
7. to know that when it comes time to change my diapers when I am old that they will remember how many of their diapers I changed
I taught my kids responsibility and independence. Which has led them to grow up and leave me and have real jobs and everything. Sigh.
July 20th, 2010 at 7:19 pmMy sons are at “marrying” age and I’ve said over and over to both of them, since they were young, that they must marry for life. Don’t marry until you are sure of staying with her until death due us part. I’ve told them to research her family particularly her Mom so they can “see” what she may possibly be like in the future. My husband and I have been married 35 years now and I wish for my sons to stay married as long or longer. I know I’m asking alot but I think people give up too soon and don’t work out their problems.
July 20th, 2010 at 7:31 pmTo look beyond their limited world to the larger world around them, my 22yo calls it having a “Global View”. And also how to do their laundry effectively.
July 20th, 2010 at 7:43 pmIt’s important to me that I teach my children to be kind. To be understanding and compassionate. To be respectful and say yes, sir and yes, ma’am. To thank our military and cherish our country and freedom. To stand up for what is right….even if it is usually much harder than turning the other cheek. To know how to swim and drive a stick shift (seriously, I think that it’s dangerous to not know how to do either). For both my son and daughters to know how to cook, do at least a decent job cleaning and be self-sufficient. By far, the most important is that they learn to be kind, compassionate and respectful.
July 20th, 2010 at 7:56 pmLessons to pass down:
July 20th, 2010 at 8:03 pmGoing on a Sunday drive is good, even if you live in the city.
You should visit your grandparents every chance you get.
First of all, thank you for your wonderful blog. I learned from my parents that having respect for others is crucial in life and that generosity is good and sharing with others is really important. These are important lessons I am (hopefully) teaching my children. I learned that it’s important to be tolerant (still working on that myself) and that it really helps to see the glass as half full. I also learned that it’s important to find a balance between getting help from no one else ever (my father) and totally depending on others for counsel on all decisions (my mother). These are some of the lessons that I hope to teach my boys and that I am still learning myself. Again, thank you for sharing your life.
July 20th, 2010 at 8:07 pmTolerance
July 20th, 2010 at 8:12 pmMy parents taught me to rely on myself. And also that if you ask someone for something, you have to be prepared for them to say no. As a result I am very independent and very much of the opinion that I can do anything I set my mind to - that’s what google is FOR, right?! I hope I can teach my children not to expect everyone to bail them out and to be as independent and strong as I feel I am.
July 20th, 2010 at 8:26 pmwhen i first saw this question i thought of manners, social skills, respect, how to be a good person and a good friend, how to be self sufficient, etc.
but when i really look at what i desperately wish i learned and maintained as a child …. it is how to be in the moment and be truly happy. i think this is something that comes naturally for very small children, but we all (sadly) outgrow it at some point.
i think at the end of the day we all focus too much on the toy we didn’t get at the store, the fight we were wrongly punished for, or what someone else has that we don’t.
it seems simple, but how to be happy in general, on a consistant everyday basis, is an ongoing struggle for many of us. i wish i learned earlier how to look around and say yes, i’m stressed about this and that, or yes i have a ton to do today, but maintain a general perspective and appreciate the wonderful life i have - i’m healthy, i have a beautiful place to live, plenty of good food to eat, great friends, etc.
this is something i have struggled with for years, and am fearful i will never truly learn to be happy with who i am and where i am in life.
July 20th, 2010 at 8:27 pmMy Dad always said that you need to find a job/career that you like getting up for everyday - that’s more important than money - otherwise, life is just miserable. Have learned this is true the hard way.
My Dad also said that if a guy loves you, he’ll do anything for you. He always tells these great stories of how he would have driven hours to pick my mom up for a date and even get stuck bringing her single girlfriends along. And he would gladly do it because he was in love.
July 20th, 2010 at 8:44 pmI am sure that there are many lessons that we can impart to our children. Just a few in no particular order. One, would be self respect and self-worth. Two, think before you act and do NOT follow the crowd. If you know that an act is wrong and would get you in trouble, walk away. Everyone IS NOT your friend, however, you should choose your friends wisely. Three, be mindful of what you say. Four, take responsibility for your actions. Five, enjoy being a kid. You are only a kid once and once you grow up your care free days are OVER! I’d like to think that my kids are having a happy childhood. And I hope they realize that I really do love them and would be there for them no matter what.
July 20th, 2010 at 8:48 pmYeah, no help here…but that is one cool picture!!
Good luck unsticking your legs from the couch.
July 20th, 2010 at 8:50 pmMy dad taught me at a young age how to correctly shake hands. Now, as an adult, I wish more parents had taught their children the same thing, so I could avoid the all-too-prevalent awful agressive handshake and the awkward passive handshake.
July 20th, 2010 at 9:06 pmI think that teaching your kids to say “I’m sorry” is one of the most important lessons we can teach them. Knowing that you have hurt someone’s feelings, or have caused someone pain or anguish in any way and then taking responsibility is a huge step towards maturity. Learning to then “make it right” follows right along, but that is a tougher one to teach, I think. To me, they are both important and necessary life skills.
July 20th, 2010 at 9:12 pmI believe the greatest gift my parents taught me and I am passing down to my two children is the gift of patience. We use patience daily, hourly, every second (as I have to be patient for my blogs to load!) Patience…patience for the world to turn
July 20th, 2010 at 9:28 pmThe pic is awesome. Do your best. Whatever it is that you do, do your best. That and be nice to every one, always.
July 20th, 2010 at 9:34 pmMy parents taught me tolerance and acceptance of people’s differences. I have tried to encourage those qualities in my children as well. I would love to teach my kids to have great table manners but my 13 yr. old son doesn’t seem to be catching on as he shovels the food in. I feel like there are so many things I want them to learn and so little time!! - prioritizing is not my strength (wow, neither is spelling - it took me about 4 tries to spell strength!).
July 20th, 2010 at 9:35 pmOn the practical side, money management - withOUT using debt as a gap-bridger. Sigh. Otherwise? The art of conversation, like asking the other person questions, showing interest, complimenting them. Not as a manipulative tool, but because it is classy and kind and sadly, a dying art.
July 20th, 2010 at 9:53 pmI think the most important thing I learned, and hope that my children will learn from me as well, is The Golden Rule. I think, again and again, “doing unto others” has made me a better and happier person.
July 20th, 2010 at 10:09 pmYou know what my parents taught me that I now know is valuable (only because my husband was never taught this same lesson)? That life isn’t always fair, and you just have to roll with the punches.
It’s builds character, and teaches kids that some times things go your way and sometimes they don’t, and sometimes it isn’t fair but you need the skill of letting things go and moving on, you know?
How about that for rambling!
July 20th, 2010 at 10:31 pmto whom much is given, much is expected. always see those who have less, and help. Service is our mantra. AND be kinder to your siblings than you are to your friends…or you will be spending a lot less time with your friends.
July 20th, 2010 at 10:33 pmThe ability to entertain yourself instead of relying upon others. When I was bored, my dad would tell me that was my problem and ask what I was going to do about it. Now I’m never bored! I see too many kids (and grown-ups) that can’t simply be. They must be doing SOMETHING. I don’t have that problem and I really believe it was because I was left to my own devices for long periods of time.
July 20th, 2010 at 10:44 pmRespect and to always be on time!
July 20th, 2010 at 10:48 pmto always say “excuse me” when walking in front of someone…..
it amazes me how many RUDE people there are that never do that…..at the grocery store, the movie theatre, etc…..they just walk right in front of you like they have the right to do that….
obviously, bad parenting !
July 20th, 2010 at 11:02 pmHere are three from our house. They cover everything, I believe.
You can’t talk ugly when you’re smiling.
July 20th, 2010 at 11:02 pmSay what you mean and mean what you say.
Behave and have fun.
Number one lesson: Less is more.
July 20th, 2010 at 11:13 pmThe concept that I find most important to teach my children (and is not something I think I was clearly taught as a child) can be categorized, maybe, as “kindness.” Maybe as “respect.” But what I think explains it the most is “no one is garbage.” Whether it’s the kid in class who acts different, whether it’s people who don’t have a lot of stuff, the person who has different beliefs, the president we didn’t vote for — or even if it’s the person who was mean to you. Everyone is deserving of the same respect.
I hesitate to call it kindness, because raising girls, i feel I have to be careful with that. I’m not saying it’s their job to “be nice,” or their job to “like everyone.” In fact, I tell them the absolutely do NOT have to like everyone. But not liking someone is not a reason to be mean. Not a reason to assign zero (or lesser) value. They can always be kind, and they can always be respectful.
This is a lesson that is pervasive in everything we talk about. Everything we do. From friendships, to teachers, to politics. We talk about “bullying” (super hot topic here in MA and recently in my younger (12 yo) daughter’s grade) - this is what we talk about.
My girls are at precarious ages — 12 and 14 - where I feel like their internalization of this message appears to have taken hold, but is likely tenuous. They seem to be living it out, but if their friends gang up on them? Decide they are no longer friends? Can they maintain it? If the “cool” way of talking is: “that’s so gay” - can they see how that goes against this lesson?
And so to my thinking - to be kind also means to be strong. To be respectful - all the time - means to be independent and brave.
I do my best to be vigilant, to be sure that they understand where casual comments and simple conformance can be “unkind” and “disrespectful.”
[i'm so freakin' long-winded. sorry. i thought about this all afternoon!]
July 20th, 2010 at 11:17 pmi could say being a kind, good person but that is complete bullshit. i think the most important thing(s) are to be self-sufficient, and not think anyone owes you anything. also, a love of reading will take you mighty far, on a cold lonely night, or trying to figure something out that you don’t understand. also, loyalty. to your sibling, to your family, to whoever matters to you in your life. that’s what comes to my mind.
July 20th, 2010 at 11:22 pmThe dragon fly is pretty awesome. Great picture.
Okay. Two things. 1. Work hard for every job that you have. If someone is paying you (no matter the amount) then they deserve your focused attention and time. To this day, I’m proud to say any place I’ve ever worked would gladly take me back because when I come in, I work my ass off.
July 20th, 2010 at 11:27 pm2. My parents showed me that they weren’t perfect. They made mistakes, they had lapses in judgment. They also showed me that they always tried to make the right choices and decisions. It has helped color my childhood a brighter color and has helped heal old wounds.
I hope my kids can get those two and really lots more. The fact is, I had a rocky childhood but it was never because of my parents. If I can be half as good as they were, my children will turn out amazing.
resilience. I think success in life depends on the ability to bounce back from what life hands you.
July 20th, 2010 at 11:37 pmTo be smart with their finances.
I plan to teach my children the value of the dollar and working hard to save your money and not to overextend on credit.
I was raised on a farm and even though we were considered middle class and life was often hard, we were rich in so many ways. My parents did not own a credit card and paid for everything in cash. We had a house and cars that were paid for. Clothes. Food on the table. Love. We were never in debt and never wanted for anything.
I am the same way with my own finances today and in the time of so many people losing homes or jobs and being thousands in debt on their credit cards, I know my family will be all right as long as I keep socking away money in savings, 401k’s, Roth IRA’s, CD’s and even my jar-o-money (hey, ten bucks is ten bucks!).
I will tell them to think twice about spending their money on candy or a video game because even though it is gratifying at the moment, it won’t get them to that shiny new car or something better someday.
Mrs. Arndt
July 20th, 2010 at 11:42 pmAmong other important life lessons, I will make sure to teach my littles fiscal responsibility. Debt is from the devil and can, absolutely, be avoided. IMO. Looking forward to reading what other responses you get!!
July 20th, 2010 at 11:44 pmI won’t get into the ‘what my parents taught me’ because I pretty much tossed a lot of that out. First of all, ‘teaching’ sounds like lecturing, which is pretty much what my parents did. It went nowhere.
I firmly believe that kids learn by example. So whatever you believe is important, if you live that way, then it is what your children are used to, and they will consciously and unconsciously strive for that.
So, that being said, I think one great thing to teach kids, especially today, is not to hold a grudge.
July 20th, 2010 at 11:49 pmTeach them to love to learn. Teach them the confidence to learn. Everything is possible if you know you can learn. And that you don’t have to know it all, all the time. You can learn it when you need it - cook, sew, finance, skiing, relationships. You can learn to do it and you can learn to do it better and with purpose.
Self worth. Not “self-esteem”. Worth, value, important to be the best you can. The some times good enough is the best you can and that is more than ok.. because you learned and you tried and you did.
July 20th, 2010 at 11:59 pmAlways try to be on time, being consistently late is disrespectful to the person you’re meeting.
July 21st, 2010 at 12:19 amSomething not taught by my parents was acceptance of kids/adults with special abilities! My best friend as a kid had what was known as a catastophic heart defect, he taught me more than my parents ever did. He taught me so much in the 7 years I knew him, we meet at 8 he passed at 15. His strength his determination his wisdom got me through my crappy childhood he made me who I am today. I raised my kids to accept everyone we take transit and my kids interact with all the young adults who ride our normal route to there jobs.
I decided my youngest even if she was a girl would have the name of my best friend even if it was a boy’s name! Little did I know that my life as a parent would drastically change the day the twins were born. His namsake is just like he was, her therapist’s can not explain it.
The day they told me her life would not be normal I told them it would she wasn’t a diagnosis she was who she was no matter what. Had my best friend not taught me that we would not be where we are today!
My kids have learned even more acceptance in the last 18 months, they now terms they never should have to know but they have grown because of this hurdle life has trhown us.
July 21st, 2010 at 2:02 amI’ll say manners as well. Teaching my kids please, thank you, excuse me, your welcome has pretty much encompassed all that I would like them to learn.
Please = I respect you, I appreciate that you are not required to do anything for me, that I am infringing on you, making a demand of you. In turn they will expect this from others for themselves.
Thank you= I understand you’ve made a sacrifice for me, you’ve given me something or done something for me when you didn’t have to, even if I’ve paid for it- I still appreciate that you’ve done your best and strived to ensure I got what I wanted/needed. You are valued. Again, they will expect this from others as well.
Excuse Me, Your Welcome, I’m sorry- are all just more examples along those lines. I think each thing teaches them values that are important for life. Along the way, it also teaches them confidence, to expect the same values be extended to them.
Good Luck- and I hope you feel “unstuck” soon. Personally I’ve been thinking a chateau in the South of France for me and my little ones might be the answer….
July 21st, 2010 at 3:02 amReally…the only one positive thing I can think of is my love of food and cooking. Apart from that I learned to raise my kids by doing the exact opposite of what my parents did……….
July 21st, 2010 at 3:36 amI haven’t read through the other 100+ posts so I hope I am not repeating. That said, the single biggest thing we try to instill into our five children is personal accountability. Own every single honor and equally so, EVERY single mistake. You can’t make it better if you don’t own it. Accepting responsibility for your actions no matter how bad they may be is the only way to truly be free.
July 21st, 2010 at 4:00 amOurs is the basic “please” and “thank you.” Our kid isn’t the angel *I* was at that age
but her teachers and sitters have always thought she was, simply because so many kids these days don’t even know that much.
July 21st, 2010 at 4:06 amMy husband’s mother taught him that happiness is a choice. I used to object when he said this, but I get it now and want to pass it on to our girls. Happiness is a choice - one that you make every day, with big and little choices. You can choose paths that make your life better, or you can choose to passively sit by and wonder why life is happening around you and why you’re not happy. You can choose to find the good in your life, or choose to focus on the bad. Most of all, you should remember that not choosing, being passive, is also a choice (and not a choice that is likely to increase your happiness).
July 21st, 2010 at 6:19 amVolunteer.
July 21st, 2010 at 6:35 amI have a lot of what others have written, manners,respect,money management,treating others as you want to be treated, but lately I am trying to teach them about Being and Taking advantage of people and how not to do it. I fall in the category of feeling taken advantage of, by everyone it seems, they just assume I’ll do it and when I say No or can’t I am met with “What”,”please” etc. I see that 2 of my boys are falling in to this also , so I am trying to teach them now on how to handle it and how to say what they feel and that’s it ok to say NO.
July 21st, 2010 at 7:01 am-Independence. Know how to fix a meal, unclog a drain, sew a button, do a load of laundry, fix a window screen, etc. You cannot expect others to do things for you just because those things are “girl things/boy things.”
-Be of service. My dad taught school for 40+ years, my mom ran an inner city daycare center and started a food pantry. No matter how poor you are (we didn’t have two nickels) or how busy you are you can find it within yourself to be of service to someone else.
-Family. My grandmother had a crappy childhood - bounced around from one relative to another, sent off to convent school when she was 5 because there was no one to take care of her. As a result, she was fiercely determined to have a close family when she grew up. She made sure my mom and uncle knew they were loved and belonged. That’s been passed down. My mom makes sure we know all that she has our back. We can always count on her and dad to stick up for us and help us. It let my sisters and me feel confident enough to take the big risks that one has to take in life. I try to help my girls feel that way too.
July 21st, 2010 at 7:09 amPersonal responsibility.
July 21st, 2010 at 7:29 amThe best thing that a parent can give is a good work ethic, and a desire to work, and pride in the work that has been done. I have seen so many people who would show up late for work, complain about having to work the entire time they were there and then not complete their assigned task because they just didn’t feel like it. Kids (including my own) should be taught that if you are given a job to do then you should do it without complaint and do it in a reasonable amount of time and that no matter what you are doing- have pride in your work. If your job is to wash dishes in a restaurant, make sure that those are the cleanest dishes that the restaurant ever had, and don’t expect or demand praise. It’s not gonna happen. You know that you did a great job and that’s all that matters.
July 21st, 2010 at 7:32 amThe most important thing my parents taught me, whose importance (shamefully) has only become clear to me in recent years, is to always do what you think is right, even if it isn’t the easiest or makes you look bad.
July 21st, 2010 at 7:59 amSecondly, always be nice to people, there’s always time to break out the bitchy big guns later, but you can’t go from bitchy to nice convincingly.
I want to teach my kids (when I get some) the same lessons, and also to make your decisions about people based on their actions, not their appearance/race/sexuality etc.
Compassion and equality. If they grow up with the ability to have compassion for others and feel for what they are going through and treat everyone with absolute equality regardless of race, sex, religion, sexuality, weight, financial status, education etc….. then EVERYTHING else will fall into place.
July 21st, 2010 at 8:11 amMy two top goals as a parent are to teach my children to be kind to others and to try their hardest. Some of the biggest regrets I have in life are tied to not being as kind to others as I should have. My kids are still small, so I don’t know how well I’m doing yet.
July 21st, 2010 at 8:28 amto always be kind/respectful, to keep your word, the ability to learn, to be able to accept correction, to always give your best, and a sense of humor
July 21st, 2010 at 8:45 amHow to change a tire! It seems silly until you’re stranded on the side of the interstate with 5 kids in “Nowhere, WV” like I was last night. The kids were getting a little scared until I got the spare out, changed it (with my 10 year old hanging out the window to make sure “your butt doesn’t hang over the line and get hit by a big truck), and drove into the next town to get it fixed, so we could get home. I said a little thank you prayer to the Heavens for having a father who insisted I learn to do basic maintenance on my car when I got my license! And my kids thought I was super woman!
July 21st, 2010 at 9:11 ambesides money doesn’t grow on trees and we don’t live in a barn so close the doors? hmmm…family matters above all - when outside the house have your siblings backs and remember family business stays in the family. work hard, read, be respectful and have good manners - don’t act low class. intelligence is a gift to not squander.
July 21st, 2010 at 9:12 am1. Don’t shame your mother.
July 21st, 2010 at 9:17 am2. No matter what you might think - it’s not all about YOU.
3. Be nice.
4. Don’t compare your insides to everybody else’s outsides.
5. Do your job. Do it well. Do it right the first time.
6. If you can help, do. And do it without being asked.
For me saying sorry when you have made a mistake helps you get over a bad situation and enables you to move on.
I told this to my eldest when, age 13, he had a fight with a boy at school. He felt terrible, and wanted to stay home from school. I told him he needed to take ownership of his actions and that he needed to say sorry for his part in the fight and move on. That old “build a bridge and get over it” theary worked a charm.
The next day the first thing he did when he saw the boy at school was look him in the eye, head up, shoulders back, put out his hand and said sorry. The other boys was so releived, he shook his hand and said he’d felt sick at the thought that they would not be friends.
July 21st, 2010 at 9:19 amOh I just read a few more here and I agree with many, saying PLEASE and THANK YOU. Good manners will take you a long way in life.
July 21st, 2010 at 9:22 amI wrote this a few years ago but it should help. http://www.growninmyheart.com/13-things-i-want-to-teach-my-boys
July 21st, 2010 at 9:33 amYes to all who talked about avoiding credit card debt. Many are the times in my life when I have been SO grateful not to have that hanging over my head - one of many things about which my father is right!!
July 21st, 2010 at 9:43 amAlso - marry someone with a sense of humor. Beauty fades, but funny is forever!!
Chris, I think its important to teach my kids that you don’t have to like everyone but you have to be kind to everyone. I do not tolerate them being unkind to other people. I think that lesson will help them to succeed…
Thats a great picture, btw.
July 21st, 2010 at 9:46 amIn no particular order, this is what I’d love to pass on:
Respect (every person is equally valuable/important)
Manners
Independence (pick up and look after yourself)
Empathy and kindness
Financial skills (so easy and basic; utterly essential)
Nothing and everything is important
Live consciously: there is always a choice
Figure out what and who you like and dislike, remembering it’s all right, since there is no wrong
Not to fear failure; feel the fear and do it anyway
The power of a smile
Different is the way it is
I’ll stop now!
July 21st, 2010 at 10:04 amI decided I’d reply and then read other replies.
Wow, there are so many different answers! So different and so inspiring; love it.
July 21st, 2010 at 10:07 amI would say it is this (and I am hoping I am teaching my kids this) How can I be of service today, in this place I am at, no matter where it is I am, be it work, home, anywhere? Nothing makes life easier and happier than knowing you have a purpose, no matter how small, no matter if the rest of the world never sees it and hears about it. You have to have a purpose, everyday, and you have to know, it does not have to be grand. You don’t have to save the world, you just have to serve someone today, at some point, in some way. If you don’t do that nothing else will be of any use and you’ll never have real joy. And from your blog it seems you are teaching your kids that without even really telling them.
July 21st, 2010 at 10:18 am- Manners
July 21st, 2010 at 10:28 am- Work Hard
- Keep your word
- Forgive others
- Smile and laugh daily
Hmm- a couple of things come to mind.
July 21st, 2010 at 10:36 am1) Consequences of your own actions. That you CAN do things but there are repercussions and you can’t protect the kids from those.
2) Belief in themselves and their competency. Confidence is important in making good choices.
3) You can be right, but right don’t beat crazy.
4) Don’t get sucked into the drama.
5) You are not the biggest thing/most important thing in this big old world. Belive in God/a higher power/love. Love really is what matters.
6) La famiglia/”We are a team”. No one fails on our watch. Family sticks together and supports each other, and does it to the best of their ability with a generous heart and not grudgingly.
I am teaching my children the importance of school and education. I scraped by in school doing the least required and often less than that because nobody held me accountable. Teachers “passed me” each semester just because I showed up each day. My parents never volunteered in my school, never checked my homework, never told me to to turn off the tv and go read - never really acknowledged that my day included school.
Don’t half ass your school work if you plan to sit comfortably later in life.
July 21st, 2010 at 10:40 amDon’t spend more than you earn.
July 21st, 2010 at 10:52 amAlways be on time or early.
Trust the Lord.
Have good manners.
Listen more than you speak.
peer pressure NEVER goes away, it just changes, lets learn how to deal with it now instead of as an adult
July 21st, 2010 at 11:20 amhow to fold a fitted sheet
I think it’s important to teach children to be confident, and to kind. To be hard workers, and to enjoy life. I also think it’s important to teach them about God, and where they came from(both spiritually as well as their family heritage).
July 21st, 2010 at 11:23 amThere are so many things, but probably most importantly: Respect, compassion, consideration for others, manners, the value of money, unconditional love, and love of learning.
July 21st, 2010 at 11:28 amThree things my parents taught me:
1. Be respectful.
2. Manners
3. Don’t be afraid to try something new and different. Whether it’s food, a job, a new city. Be open to change and to learning new things.
I see my brothers’ kids and I’m so sad that they feel the need to cling to their parents. They don’t want to move away for school. They don’t seem to have any sense of adventure.
July 21st, 2010 at 12:45 pmMaggie Mason wrote one of her famous lists about this very thing and I couldn’t have agreed more with her sentiments. Especially “teaching your children how to choose a good mate”.
July 21st, 2010 at 12:59 pmThat photo looks like an animation still shot. Excellent photography skills.
I teach my kid that success (however you define it) generally comes to people with with some natural ability WHO NEVER GAVE UP. My husband quotes a coach who says he’d always take a kid with a strong work ethic over a kid with natural talent.
July 21st, 2010 at 1:08 pmHumility, accountability and kindness. Plain and simple. And apparently, those things we seem to be missing right now in society.
July 21st, 2010 at 1:18 pmThat everyone is of equal importance and to never look down on someone because they have less than you. I can honestly say that my sister and I were friendly to most everyone all the way through school regardless of how much or how little they had. I hope that is something I can instill in my kids also.
July 21st, 2010 at 1:41 pmI think you have to teach kids not to be racist or homophobic. Actually talk to them about it. Kids notice difference no matter what and they draw their own conclusions if you don’t help them do it.
July 21st, 2010 at 2:24 pmTwo very important lessons my parents taught me:
1. What you want and what you get are not always the same thing.
2. Life is not fair.
These have held true throughout my whole life.
July 21st, 2010 at 2:24 pmRight there with everyone elses list…
But something my parents demonstrated over and over again was a willingness to give of oneself: whether it was volunteering in the community, the schools, helping to clean out a garbage filled stream…never looking for a thankyou but rather doing it just to make the world a better place.
-Don’t judge until you’ve walked in someone elses shoes, things are not always as black and white as you’d think.
-all time favorite was “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all”
-don’t gossip, it will catch up to you
Also…just a sad note to add: I recently had to have a conversation w/ my 9 year old about ALWAYS listening to his teachers/coaches, etc, and that there are unfortunately bad people in this world. His swim teacher was recently arrested for child molestation. Sadly my son idolized this teacher and would have swam the English Channel if the teacher asked him. He truly was a phenomenal swim coach who demanded these kids show respect and he demanded only 110% effort. How do I teach my kids to know the difference between a great teacher and a Sexual Predator? Thankfully nothing happened to my son, except a piece of his innocence was lost.
July 21st, 2010 at 2:35 pmMy mom is crazy generous. She always bought raffle tickets from churches, calendars from Girl Scouts, popcorn from Boy Scouts … always. She makes pounds and pounds of candy to give away at Christmastime. I remember one year she was complaining about my aunt’s new boyfriend and what a jerk he was. The rant was followed by “So, I’m only sending them a SMALL box of candy this year.” (Lesson: even jerks deserve candy.)
Generosity … that’s what I hope to pass down.
July 21st, 2010 at 3:34 pmCompassion
July 21st, 2010 at 4:10 pmHumility
To be able to stand up for what they believe in
That kids take up a lot (no, ALL) of your time and money. And that you’d better be prepared!
July 21st, 2010 at 5:41 pmAmen to all the self-reliance self-respect type things others have said. So I’ll just add - awareness that culture existed before they were born, and lots of it was good. I teach high school, and most of my students don’t listen to music or watch movies from earlier than 1995 (well, except for Journey, but that’s Glee’s fault.)
July 21st, 2010 at 8:02 pmCharity - both of my time and my wallet. Also, my Dad taught me to whistle, which is pretty cool too.
July 21st, 2010 at 8:33 pmThese were all very heartwarming to read! What wonderful readers you have, Chris…and I imagine they’re producing equally wonderful children.
July 21st, 2010 at 8:42 pmto “do the right thing” even when you do not really want to…no matter what it is, standing up for yourself or someone who is not able to stand up for themselves, attend a function you do not want to go to but know you should, there are 101 examples.
July 21st, 2010 at 10:00 pmI also stress the importance of compassion to consider someone elses feelings at all times. Especially between siblings as things can often get heated…I simply tell them there are enough people in the world who will be mean to you…you need to be nice to each other so you always have someone to turn to…
That happiness is a choice. Circumstances can be crappy, but I can face them happy or mad/sad/angry/etc. I want to be happy so I choose it. It doesn’t always work, but I work at it, and I try to teach my boys the same. Things can’t make you mad, you make you mad. Being mad isn’t fun, so let’s not be mad.
July 21st, 2010 at 11:27 pmI started reading & enjoying your blog a few weeks ago, & I just read through the entire list to date of wise & well-written comments from other mothers–an inspiring collection. A great question to pose to your readers; thank you for the chance to comment & read others’ thoughts.
I am trying mightily to teach my 2 kids to grow in their faith, academics, the arts, our families’ traditions, housekeeping, etc., etc. I feel so often that much of my effort disappears on impact with their strong personalities, but maybe some of it is absorbing. They are 5 & 7, so I will continue trying to refine or sharpen my efforts.
Anyway, so much of what my husband & I hope our children will learn boils down to the following:
*”Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind.” (–from Henry James to his nephew, Willie)
*Generosity is always best.
*We feel it is important that our children be good citizens of the world–interested in & invested in other people, places, cultures & viewpoints, especially as the world gets smaller & smaller; & that they be responsible stewards of & in this world as well, again especially as it gets smaller & more fragile.
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:15 amThere are consequences in life and you should think about them when making a decision.
That you often need to listen to be listened to.
You’ll feel good when you go to bed at night if you did something hard that day or something kind for someone else (often the same thing).
Other people have feelings too.
July 22nd, 2010 at 10:42 amNot to see the color of someones skin or see their religious beliefs… My parents taught us that the color of ones skin or their religious beliefs had nothing to do with who the person was inside. My parents did this with love, without words but by their actions towards others. We grew up seeing with our “minds” eye.
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:51 pmMy first thought was a flashback to a previous video of Miles and his air quotes - Mom, you’re “cweeping me out”. And it made me laugh out loud.
My parents taught me lots of things, but I didn’t realize most of them until recent years. We learned that there are limits in life. Limits to what you are allowed to do, to what you can get away with even when you aren’t supposed to be doing it, to how much money there is to go around, to how much time you spend on things, to the amount of television you can watch… and so on, and so on. Looking back, and important message and one that too many parents don’t seem to impart (at least, that’s my observation on the outside looking in).
July 22nd, 2010 at 8:08 pm1. Question authority.
July 23rd, 2010 at 10:41 pm2. Always listen first to your inner voice.
1. There are always consequences. If you learn this early, the consequences may be less severe when you’re older.
July 25th, 2010 at 5:32 pm2. Good manners are important.
Kindness and integrity. If you have those, everything elso comes along with them.
July 26th, 2010 at 1:20 am- Love your family and friends. Without love you have nothing! It’s more important than ANY amount of money.
August 4th, 2010 at 8:33 am- Help others whenever possible, especially the elderly. It will not only make them feel good but will make you feel complete.
- Always reach to fulfill your dreams, no matter how far they may seem.