Another Pencil Story

September 30, 2010

I am beginning to feel as though all I do is think of ways to attach pencils to my son.

My son made himself a necklace of paperclips this morning. I thought this was the perfect place from which to hang his pencil. He didn’t agree. He thought it was “dumb.”

This prompted my oldest son to ask, “So where exactly do you draw the line on office supplies as accessories? I mean a paperclip necklace is fine? But the pencil just puts it over the top?”

He has remembered to bring his supplies to class everyday, so he tells me, and since that was the ultimate goal I think we have been successful. Even if his teacher does not find any humor in it.

But he then today forgot his lunch at home. Do I need to devise a way to strap that to his body too?

The Pencil Saga Continues

September 28, 2010

The newest idea for making sure the pencil makes it to his first period class with him.

My oldest sons and I could not stop laughing this morning. They had “helpful” suggestions for what he should say when he walked into class. With a pencil taped to his chest.

Things like rummaging through his stuff pretending he couldn’t find his pencil to dramatically ripping the pencil off of his shirt while singing the chorus from Handel’s Hallelujah.

It’s the Weekend, Again

September 25, 2010

Shortly after I took this photo, it turned its creepy head toward me and jumped at me. I screamed and ran inside. I am never going to be an outdoors sort of girl, am I?

Over at Alphamom this week I wrote about when tables turn and your kids start writing about you on the Internet. How will you feel then? And then I laugh at all of the energy so-called mommybloggers have wasted (myself included) worrying about what to write or not write about our kids. Seems some of us (me) forgot that one day they would have their turn. So go on and leave me a comment over there.

Have you been coming over to the Daily Laugh at BlogHer? Remember you just have to leave a funny comment and you might be the one chosen to win $100. Yes, that easy, every week someone is picked. Also there are 12 bloggers who are posting their hilarious stories, there is a link to all of them on the sidebar of BlogHer page. Each of them is picking a $150 winner from their comments every month. Their posts are funny enough that you would want to read them even if you had no desire to win $150. I don’t know who wouldn’t want to win $150… crazy people maybe.

Update on the pencil taping? My son’s teacher did not think it was the least bit funny. He said that she did not even smile. What does she have, a soul of stone? I mean, gosh it was funny. We then ended our plans to duct tape his homework folder to his chest. Clearly they have no sense of humor over there. In all fairness, if I had to work in a middle school every day and deal with those kids and their hormones, I’d be the same way. (Okay, no I wouldn’t.)

School Days

September 23, 2010

My 11 year old is forgetful. He has always been forgetful in all areas of his life. He has left the baseball field without his brand new expensive bat. He has left the football field without his helmet. He has walked out the door to school without wearing shoes.

I call him Blondie because he is the stereotypical blonde that is the butt of all the jokes.

Two weeks ago I got an email from his “homeroom” teacher. (They don’t call them homeroom teachers here, but that is essentially what it is.) She informed me that he was forgetting to bring his things to class, not handing in his homework (because he leaves it in his locker) and talking too TOO much.

None of these things came as a huge shock to me, but I told her that I would have a talk with him, especially in regard to the excessive talking in class because to me that is just rude. He was required to stay after school one day to catch up. He was behind because he kept forgetting to bring his notebook to class to take notes into.

Every morning when he walks out the front door I remind him to bring his stuff to class with him.

So, yesterday I got another email from the teacher. She said he was doing much better. Except that he had forgotten to bring his pencil again and could I please have a talk with him so he knew we were “working together.”

So, I wrote back and assured her that I had talked to him. And then I said that short of coming to school with him there was not much I could do to make him remember his materials.

She wrote back that she would love to have me in the school anytime. That it might give me insight into what it is like to be a sixth grader. I guess the three siblings that preceded him did not do anything for me. Also, I wasn’t really suggesting that I was going to come to school with him.

I will say it right now. I am not going to the school and standing next to my son’s locker to make sure he brings his pencil to class. There are many things that are my responsibility, but this is not one of them.

So after talking to my son when he got home from school and getting input from my 14 yr old son, we came up with a solution.

We would tape a pencil to his hand.

Our first idea was to wrap his hand completely in a mitt of duct tape. The very idea of him showing up at school the next day and holding his hand up for his teacher covered in tape had us convulsing with laughter.

That idea did not pan out because 1) we couldn’t find the duct tape, and 2) the teacher might not think it was as funny as we do and call CPS on me.

So we came up with a second idea, which from a practical standpoint is much better.

Behold:

A new use for painter’s tape.

And he can actually write while the pencil is secured to his wrist:

Also, the tape color coordinates with his outfit. I did that on purpse. (No, not really. But wouldn’t I really seem like a super awesome mother if I did?)

I am already thinking of other solutions that can be remedied in this manner. A strip of tape across his mouth, his homework folder taped to his chest… the possibilities are endless.

Stars

September 21, 2010

When I was in elementary school the teacher would stick star stickers on our foreheads for being good at school. Often the stars would come loose and the teacher would reattach them with strip of scotch tape across our foreheads. I remember being so excited to show my mother my stars. When we got home at night I would peel the tape off, along with a layer of skin and some of my hair, and stick the tape with stars on the full length mirror on the back of the bathroom door.

I guess in the past 30+ years the practice of sticking stickers to the foreheads of children has gone out of favor, which makes me a little bit sad, but in its place Miles has a little Behavior Book that comes home every day. And in the book the teacher draws stars. Different colored stars.

Every afternoon Miles comes home, throws his stuff down on the floor and pulls out his book. Green stars are your normal, average good day stars. Yellow stars mean you had to be talked to about something. Red stars mean you were “super bad.” I’m not sure what exactly you have to do to be “super bad,” but it must be bad.

But blue stars? Those are the most coveted. They mean that you were extra special good.

Oh yeah, baby.

Miles would like you to ignore the two yellow stars. He says he was not playing when the teacher was talking and he most definitely was not throwing rocks at the playground during recess. In fact they are not yellow AT ALL. They are LIGHT LIGHT GWEEN.

Weekend Reading

September 17, 2010

I would be remiss if I did not direct you over to my latest post at Alphamom wherein I discuss my own parenting line in the sand. You know the one that is ever shifting, but I usually think is carved in concrete when I make my sweeping proclamations.

My kids will never… Click here. And leave me a comment telling me about your line drawing experiences as a parent.

*****
Have y’all* been coming over to the Daily Laugh at BlogHer? Remember you just have to leave a funny comment and you might be the one chosen to win $100. Yes, that easy, every week someone is picked. Also there are 12 bloggers who are posting their hilarious stories, there is a link to all of them on the sidebar of BlogHer page. Each of them is picking a $150 winner from their comments every month. Their posts are funny enough that you would want to read them even if you had no desire to win $150. I don’t know who wouldn’t want to win $150… crazy people maybe.

* Look at me turning all Southern and stuff!

Cliché

This morning we were digging through the sock basket looking for a suitable pair of socks. It’s a big basket with a lot of socks, most of which never seem to get worn. The kids each decide that they have a favorite style and that is it for the rest of the socks. Somehow I can’t manage to make myself throw them away. I mean, they are perfectly good socks! We might need them one day! We might just have a SOCK EMERGENCY.

You should just get rid of these. I’m never going to wear them.

My daughter held up a pair of lace trimmed ankle socks.

Thinking back, I realize she hadn’t worn them in a long time, but what I didn’t realize was that it was going to be never again. And just like that another thing is cast aside. Without my knowledge. Without my permission. Shouldn’t they need my permission to grow up?

Little bits of their childhood scattered behind them. Discarded in favor of growing up.

I feel compelled to document things that I never did with the oldest ones, back when I was blissfully unaware how quickly time progressed. I feel compelled to gather up these disgarded bits, package them up somehow, as evidence that once things were this way. Things I never imagined that I would forget, I have.

Every day when you were in first grade you wore ankle socks, most of them had lace trim. You hated sneakers. You loved dresses. Your hair usually was in two ponytails with bows.

And now you are in second grade.

My Every Morning

September 15, 2010

I get up at five to make everyone lunch for school.

Before you start thinking that I am such a great Mom who cares so much about nutrition, let me set the record straight by saying I am cheap. My issues with school lunches are: they incredibly expensive, contain foods that my younger kids are going throw away, and are not nearly large enough for anyone other than my youngest two (you know, assuming that they would eat them, which is doubtful)

The lunches I send are a mixture of healthy and junk food. Sometimes more healthy than junky, sometimes the other way around.

At the end of the last school year, Susan and I had a hilarious exchange about using up all the “school” food and not wanting to buy more snacks. As the last couple days dwindled on, the lunches were becoming more and more “creative” and each of us certain that we had packed the most ridiculous lunch. The last day I sent one of my sons, who had decided he no longer ate sandwiches, to school with a sleeve of ritz crackers, a string cheese, a baggie of Apple Jacks cereal, and a Pop-Tart. It was like a Lunchable on steroids. I am glad that was the last day because there was nowhere to go from there.

Of course for him there is nowhere to go from there because that was the BEST LUNCH EVER IN THE HISTORY OF LUNCHES! Every day since has just been a lunch box full of disappointment after nutritious disappointment.

My Favorite Time of the Day

September 14, 2010

Homework time!

That is sarcasm in case it wasn’t obvious. It really should be called:

The reason cocktail hour exists time!

What do you mean this post isn’t about football?

September 9, 2010

But look at my son. I’d like to do that to Jillian Michaels, you know once I can move my legs again without wincing.

Is Technology Making Us Better Parents? You tell me
.
I say no. We would all be better off unplugging more, from everything. Although, like most people I know, I’m really not willing to do it either. It’s kind of like exercise. Yes it will be good in the long run, but oh the immediate discomfort and pain are a huge deterrent. For me at least. I have revisited the 30 day Shred though, so maybe all hope is not lost. I am currently unable to use the stairs or the toilet without crying. Also, why are toilets so low to the ground? I never noticed that before.

Don’t forget to join me over at the Daily Laugh. Every day I will have a post up linking to a funny blog post. So go on over to the featured bloggers website and leave a funny comment for your chanve to win $150. And every Monday there will be a photo captioning contest. Look at the photo, come up with a funny caption for the chance to win $100 every week! Yes, it is that easy. I hope you will all join me over there, afterall, who doesn’t love to laugh?