Sometimes There Aren’t Words

January 20, 2011

The friend of my oldest two boys, the boy who was severly burned died at 4:30 this afternoon.

We had not heard any updates all day. The last update wasn’t good, but there was still hope. And we all clung to that hope. We wrapped it around us and let it carry us through our day. The boys and I told each other that no news was good news. Right? Isn’t that what they say?

The boys went over to the family’s house tonight to offer their condolences. The entire road was filled with cars. As we walked through the maze of cars to get to their front door all I could say to them was, “He was loved.”

I watched my boys walk into the house. I watched as first one and then the other, knelt before the parents who were delirious in their sadness. I watched my boys simply acknowledge the parents grief. I watched as they quietly stayed there, knowing they could do no more than say they were sorry. And yet they stayed there. I watched them cry. I watched them do something that most grown men would have trouble doing. I could not have been more proud of them.

I walked out of that house with men.

Kennedy, Ikenna, you will be missed.

My 14 year old just texted me from his room. Would I tell him what I thought of what he wrote before he posted it on Facebook:

Rest in peace, Kennedy.
You were an amazing friend and always will be. Even though you aren’t here with us right now, you will always be with us in our hearts and memories forever, which we shall carry with us until we once again reunite with you.

It is beautiful and perfect just the way it is. And that was what I texted back to him.

Hello… hello, hello, hello

January 14, 2011

Is that an echo I hear?

I am ALIVE, still! I am humbled by how many of you emailed, concerned by my lack of blogging. Thank you.

So what have I been up to? The truth is not much. A few things have conspired to keep me from writing here.

1) Um, I just discovered streaming movies from Netflix. I know you already knew about it YEARS ago. But I am slow. I descended into a wormhole of movie viewing. I would start watching a movie and the next thing I knew I would look at the clock all bleary eyed and confused and come to the stark realization that almost my entire 6 hour window of freedom had elapsed and I had spent the whole time watching 3 movies that I would never have paid to rent, yet felt compelled to watch in their entirety because I COULD. I am beginning to think that I need a 12 step program.

HeatherB called me on Day Three of my insanity. After she recovered from the shock of my having JUST discovered the instant viewing ability of Netflix, she welcomed me into the cult and gave me recommendations. I did sort of feel like my grandmother when she discovered you could program the VCR, long after the rest of us had moved on to DVDs.

2) I have FINALLY taken an interest in decorating my house, almost two years after I moved in. Actually that isn’t entirely accurate. I have always been interested; it’s just that I have expensive ideas and an unhealthy love for everything in the Pottery Barn catalog. Instead I have embraced my empty bank account and IKEA. I moved furniture around, put up curtains, and hung stuff on the walls. It is amazing how doing just those few things has made the house feel more homey and less temporary shelter.

I texted a friend yesterday:

If I am going to keep up with this I really need to buy a real hammer. They plastic Brio toy one that I am currently using sucks.

I got back:

It probably wasn’t meant for driving large metal anchors into your sheetrock.

I texted:

Considering the job that it IS doing, however, I am shocked that 1) I allowed my toddlers to play with it, and 2) that I had any walls standing.

Somewhat tangentially related, my kids make fun of me for the way I text. “Why do you use punctuation and spell all the words?”

I retorted with, “Why do you douse yourself with Axe?”

Just some things one generation will never understand about the other.

3) I did write over at Alphamom.

One post is about talking to kids about violence in world. Or why I chose not to.

I also wrote a Parenting Resolution list for all of us.

And I wrote about bullying. Can Bullying be Stopped?

4) The last thing, which really is the most important thing and has been the one occupying most of brain space, is that a boy my oldest two sons are friends with, in fact the very first friend they made in the neighborhood, was severely burned during their school break. He is in a special burn unit in a hospital a couple hours away from where we live. He has endured multiple surgeries, including an amputation. I cannot even imagine what his mother his going through. It has also been difficult watching my teenagers come to grips with it. Still being fully immersed in the invincibility of their youth, they honestly believed their friend would be “just fine” or “perfectly ok.” And while in the long run he may very well be both of those things, the meaning of those words has shifted.

The sadness I feel hits me at unexpected times. When I walk by the work out equipment where the boys would all lift weights almost every afternoon. When I go into the freezer in the garage and remember all the afternoons he sat on it, all the boys sheepishly eating popsicles they had taken from inside of the freezer, always leaving the empty boxes inside. When my 6 yr old asks if the boy is going to get “one of those cool robot legs.”

He is still not out of the woods, by any stretch, but he is alive. In spite of the doctor’s predictions. They are baffled by his resiliency and offer no medical explanation. The family believes it is prayer. So if you want to say a prayer, light some candles, send some vibes, some mojo… whatever it is that you believe, I know they would appreciate it.