The Last Day

May 27, 2011

Here they are arriving home by bus the school bus at exactly 2:57pm. Summer vacation is finally here. I am not sure who is more excited, them for not having to go to school everyday, or me for not having to get up at 5am and make sandwiches every day. Making lunches was killing me.

Of course now I give it a week before I begin complaining about the door constantly opening and shutting, and all the snacks disappearing at an alarming rate, and never having a moment of peace.

But until that point I am going to be basking in my summer vacation fun. For a whole week.

This photo is from the first day of school, when they were all shiny and clean and excited! Look at them. They are like little sponges.

This photo is from the last day of the school year, after the bus had dropped them off all dirty, sweaty, and in the case of a certain kindergartener, cranky! How dare I ask him to pose for a photo. He has stuff to do.

Not to worry. Once I mentioned being grounded and staying inside until the next school year he perked right up. That is the effective parenting technique that I like to call empty threats.

Maybe perked right up isn’t quite accurate.

Beware of the Long Haired Freaky People

May 26, 2011

My 4th grade son came home from school the other day and asked if he could go a friend’s house from his class. Before I could even answer he added that he wasn’t going to go inside the kid’s house at all, just play outside.

Yeah that is a weird thing to say. So I questioned him a bit.

Turns out the mother of this kid doesn’t like my son. (I’ll get back to that in a moment. Oh yes, I will.)

So my son and his friend thought he could just go over to this kid’s house and stay outside and play the whole time and the mother wouldn’t have to know. The obvious questions never occurred to either one of them, like:

You are only ten, who will be supervising you SEVERAL MILES AWAY FROM YOUR OWN HOME?
What if you get hurt?
What if you need to use the bathroom?
What if you want a drink?
And, oh yeah, you are ONLY TEN YEARS OLD.

He thought for a moment and said, I guess we didn’t really think about all of that stuff.
Really? You didn’t? And do you know why? Because you are ONLY TEN YEARS OLD.

After this part of the conversation had passed I asked him why this person would not like him. Actively disliking a child seems pretty hardcore unless you have personally witnessed the child being malicious or rotten. My child is neither of those things. He is actually a pretty good kid who has never gotten in trouble in school, gets good grades, and whose teachers tell me he is kind to everyone, which is the one that matters most to me and fills me with the most pride. But I also know that he IS a child and human (probably) and therefore could have done something bad that she witnessed. Children do childish things.

His answer as to why she dislikes him? She reads your blog and thinks I am a bad influence. And she doesn’t approve of my long hair.

I had to laugh.

I don’t think I have written anything about any of my children that portray them in a negative light. And I told my son that, though he already knows.

So I really am at a loss for why this kid of mine is a bad influence.

The kid who cooked dinner last night for himself and his two younger siblings because I was tied up (not literally) and they were hungry. (Eggs over easy, with melted cheese on top, and buttered toast.) The kid who gets out of bed every morning, showers, and gets ready with no prompting or reminders from me. The kid who can always make me laugh, inspite of myself.

The kid who was just saying he was going to donate his gorgeous long hair.

How can I not laugh at that?

Parents, lock your kids up away from this child! Shield their eyes! Clearly this is not the kind of influence to which you want your child exposed.

If I were the petty sort I would have told my child to tell his friend that they can’t play together because I think his mother is close-minded and judgmental. But I didn’t.

My teenagers did it for me.

I Did Not Okay This Growing Up

May 21, 2011

It is almost exactly ten years that separate these two, the bookends of my children.

Ten years, one month and two days. If I were to be exact.

It is not a lot of years, and yet it’s the difference between just past a baby…

…and almost a man.

For me it was just a blink of the eye.

It is times like this when I have their photos next to each other that my heart seizes and I get a lump in my throat. How is it possible? What have I been doing as the days, and then the years, slipped past. Mostly unnoticed.

(Out of Con)Texts from My Life

May 20, 2011

Only nine more motherfucking early mornings of whine.

AMEN!

*****

Well, the first time he saw a vagina he asked why she had a little front butt.

*****

His team won last night. So we continue on with this tournament. Ugh.

*****

At the baseball field AGAIN! Two games simultaneously.

You really know how to live it up.

I don’t even have to move my seat to watch both games. Jesus loves me. Wonder if this means I won’t be “left behind.”

*****

My son thinks he is going to be a pro skateboarder.

I hear pro skateboarding is a growth industry

I want to break his skateboard. over. his. head.

*****

Miles’ team won. Other son’s team poised to win. WILL THIS SEASON EVER END??

No. It will not. Sorry.

We have to be here every night until someone loses. My God we need to eat proper dinners with real vegetables before we all die of scurvy or something.

*****

I think I may treat myself to a pedicure today because I just found out that it is only fucking Wednesday. There is a lot of the week still left.

*****

The bathroom looks like a butcher shop.

*****

What is this wet stuff falling from the sky?

*****

At the grocery store with 16 yr old and his friend. Somehow a gigantic box of goldfish and 5 gallon tub of ice cream ended up in the cart. It’s like shopping with stoners.

That’s too funny. MUNCHIES!!!

Then they met me at the check out eating donuts.
Son says: What? Don’t you always get the little kids donuts when they go shopping with you?
Me: For behaving, yes!
Son, to friend: I think we behaved didn’t we?

Hahahaha.

*****

The duct tape holds the blanket in place.

*****

The bathroom stinks of air freshner. I think he used it in lieu of showering.

*****

You are not a doormat and I love you.

*****

Why can’t I just spray her with DEET like we used back in the good ol’ days? What the hell is this clip on thing?

*****

Only one week left until we begin to complain about them being home all the live long day!

*****

And sometimes a photo will suffice:

(Yes, I couldn’t find my sunglasses and put on a spare pair. I discovered they were ON MY HEAD when I got home. My personal style can apparently be described as CRAZY.)

*****

Over at AlphaMom I have a post about what happens when you witness bad parenting. Do you do anything?

The Sports Seasons Overlap and Never End

This kid has gained 27 pounds since he got his tonsils removed. I don’t think one pound of it is fat.

How has he gained the weight? By eating everything in sight. EVERYTHING. Ah, to have the metabolism of a teenage boy.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

May 17, 2011

Our home away from home. STREP!!!

There are only 8 more days left of school. That means that every morning Susan and I text each other a virtual high-five. Only eight more days of lunches to prepare. Already they are starting to deteriorate in nutritional quality. I am so damn tired of making lunches. Here have a Pop-Tart and an avocado, that will hold you over!

I know everyone is dying to know how couponing (why yes, it is a verb now) has been going. What? You haven’t been curious? Well I am a little obsessed. In fact today I was talking to HeatherB on the phone and told her I had to go because I was outside the store and need to go shop with my coupons, which requires concentration. She laughed so hard that she could barely speak.

Related to the above, I now need some sort of coupon binder. Where does one buy these things? Are there any coupons for them? Because that might just make me pee my pants with excitement.

I have a whole post brewing in my head about coupons. Which I may or may not actually write because I don’t think anyone really cares about my free toothpaste.

Baseball season is winding down. THANK GOD. We are in the midst of the end of season tournaments. I can only hope the inevitable happens sooner rather than later.

The Writing in the Sand

Their Album Cover

May 15, 2011

Unrelated, I have a post up over at Alphamom about my son who is continuing to be harassed by a girl at his school and how the school really isn’t doing anything about it. Except (maybe someone local alerted the school to the post) now the principal finally called me back and wants to set up a meeting where the girl’s parents are involved. It’s about freaking time.

And, yes, I realize there is only one more week after this one left to the school year. But I want it dealt with and I want the girl and her friends to stop acting like little assholes. I don’t think that is too much to ask.

Middle school might be the death of me.

Sick Day

May 14, 2011

Settled on to the couch with her snuggie, pillow pet, and Popsicle. The necessities of the sick.

Poor baby has been throwing up all day. And I am told all night. She spent last night at Rob’s house. At 8am I got a phone call from him saying she had not only been throwing up all night, but had been asking for me since 3am.
I know I should probably feel bad or guilty that she wanted me and I wasn’t there, but I think 16 years of always being the one on vomit duty has hardened me. Either that or just 16 years of parenting in general. Because I was kind of relieved that I wasn’t the one up all night. She was in perfectly capable hands.

So we all rearranged our plans for the day, me forgoing little league games. (Again, not really all that sad about it!) I settled her onto the couch. After a little while of sitting there staring at her while she watched Zach and Cody I decided to tackle staining the front porch posts. I figured I was trapped at home on a glorious sunny, but not very hot day (read under 90) so I might as well.

I was about half way done when I suddenly wondered how I could have forgotten how much I hate anything that resembles painting.

Life Lessons

May 11, 2011

Over at Alphamom, I have a post up about Life Lessons, as told by a four year old.