(Out of Con)Texts from My Life
May 20, 2011
Only nine more motherfucking early mornings of whine.
AMEN!
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Well, the first time he saw a vagina he asked why she had a little front butt.
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His team won last night. So we continue on with this tournament. Ugh.
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At the baseball field AGAIN! Two games simultaneously.
You really know how to live it up.
I don’t even have to move my seat to watch both games. Jesus loves me. Wonder if this means I won’t be “left behind.”
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My son thinks he is going to be a pro skateboarder.
I hear pro skateboarding is a growth industry 
I want to break his skateboard. over. his. head.
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Miles’ team won. Other son’s team poised to win. WILL THIS SEASON EVER END??
No. It will not. Sorry.
We have to be here every night until someone loses. My God we need to eat proper dinners with real vegetables before we all die of scurvy or something.
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I think I may treat myself to a pedicure today because I just found out that it is only fucking Wednesday. There is a lot of the week still left.
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The bathroom looks like a butcher shop.
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What is this wet stuff falling from the sky?
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At the grocery store with 16 yr old and his friend. Somehow a gigantic box of goldfish and 5 gallon tub of ice cream ended up in the cart. It’s like shopping with stoners.
That’s too funny. MUNCHIES!!!
Then they met me at the check out eating donuts.
Son says: What? Don’t you always get the little kids donuts when they go shopping with you?
Me: For behaving, yes!
Son, to friend: I think we behaved didn’t we?
Hahahaha.
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The duct tape holds the blanket in place.
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The bathroom stinks of air freshner. I think he used it in lieu of showering.
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You are not a doormat and I love you.
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Why can’t I just spray her with DEET like we used back in the good ol’ days? What the hell is this clip on thing?
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Only one week left until we begin to complain about them being home all the live long day!
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And sometimes a photo will suffice:
(Yes, I couldn’t find my sunglasses and put on a spare pair. I discovered they were ON MY HEAD when I got home. My personal style can apparently be described as CRAZY.)
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Over at AlphaMom I have a post about what happens when you witness bad parenting. Do you do anything?
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The sunglasses on the head thing is hilarious! Something I’d do for sure.
May 21st, 2011 at 12:13 amLove it! This made my week!
May 21st, 2011 at 2:22 amLaugh. Out. Loud. !! When I saw your picture I really cracked up, as it takes one to know one, I’ve done that several times. Good times.
May 21st, 2011 at 7:52 amThe grocery store! That is too funny.
May 21st, 2011 at 8:42 amOh, and the bathroom/air freshener. THAT rings too close to home
What is it with these boys? I sometimes think they develop an allergy to water. And then turn into 15 minute showering freaks the next year.
OMG the sunglasses made my morning. I would totally do that too.
May 21st, 2011 at 11:09 amI sure hope the boys don’t get strep from their sister…..now that could be an ugly start to the end of the school year!
Hang in there……they will eventually grow up and leave!
But as I always say….little children little problems…..big children BIG problems…….that can’t be fixed with a donut.
Happy summer
May 21st, 2011 at 12:21 pmI try not to witness, only commit bad parenting.
May 21st, 2011 at 1:11 pmI just have to say that the photo is SO STINKING FUNNY! Did you get any weird looks?
May 22nd, 2011 at 12:38 amYou alphamom post reminds me of when I was the devoted big sister/score keeper of my brothers’ baseball teams. (yes I had few friends way back when). I was maybe 13 or 14. One mom–a funny sharp woman I liked a lot–always yelled horrible things at her son. She belittled him and criticized him for every mistake. No one else said anything to her, but I knew from eavesdropping that the other moms thought she went too far. Another mom was the opposite–loving, supportive and also very funny (I adored her). She gave positive feedback and celebrated honest effort. Finally one day their kids made back to back errors. Each mom responded in her typical fashion. My 14 year old heart was breaking and I said loud and clear and in my best fake cheerful voice–”hey, listen to how different you both sound when you cheer. Maybe that explains why Craig is so quiet and never smiles during a game while Hendy never stops smiling!” Utter silence; I think my own mom thought I overstepped and everyone else was shocked. I was pretty pleased with myself, but I wonder if I would dare make the same observation now that I am a mom (or how I would take the observations of a self-righteous 14 year old). I am glad you spoke up, even if you had to endure some anger directed at you.
May 23rd, 2011 at 9:59 am“front butt”… mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!
May 23rd, 2011 at 12:31 pmIf we knew each other, we’d totally be good friends.
May 25th, 2011 at 8:08 pmIt takes 22 rolls of duct tape and ten refrigerator boxes to make a 10 foot boat for physics class. we get to see if the damn thing float on the lake, where things other than people swim.
May 27th, 2011 at 4:06 pm