September 19, 2012
They really should give out punch cards at the ER, like they do at Subway.
Every third visit complimentary xanax for the mother. Every fifth visit free. Ten visits gets you a vacation without children. Something like that.
Luckily it is just a bad sprain. But those hurt. ALOT. Or so I am told. It is against my personal religion to do anything which might result in injury of any kind.
And how did this sprain happen? He slipped on the muddy field during practice. They weren’t even doing full contact since it was the day before a game. Just one of those things. On the bright side, we already own crutches!
On the way out of the ER we passed someone my son knows who was heading in with a broken arm that happened during a game. And we passed another young man in the parking lot who was heading in with what appeared to be a broken leg. The other mothers and I wearily nodded our heads at each other, acknowledging that we are in the same place in our parenting journey. I imagine that the mothers of girls do this too, over bra shopping perhaps. I don’t know. My daughter is still too young.
“Mom, you know what is so weird?”
“Every time we go to the Emergency room it is filled with boys who are hurt. I’ve never really seen any girls. Why is that?”
“Because y’all are dumb.”
My son laughed. “I know you’re joking, Mom. Except I think it is kind of true!”
There is always some truth in jokes.
Posted by Chris @ 10:53 am
A New School Year
September 13, 2012
And so it happened that the shiny yellow bus came once again to pick up the small people and bring them to school. Hallelujah! The children and the mother both rejoiced.
Now, three weeks into the school year and three weeks into homework and sleep deprivation, the rejoicing sounds more like whining and yelling than heavenly angels singing.
Don’t be fooled. They are not excitedly running to see me and tell me all about their day. No they ran right past me.
It was the puppy they missed.
Once again this year I have taken the time to write a list of New School Year Resolutions. You should go read it and then tell me what yours are.
Not on the list, exercise while the children are at school. Because let me tell you watching your children run track all summer long is not the same as running it yourself. Sitting in the hot sun sweating your butt off does not, in fact, sweat your butt right off. Who knew??!!
Posted by Chris @ 9:05 am
Children Are Helpful Critics
September 12, 2012
Scene: Driving in the Car
Child 1: “Mom, my teacher asked why you aren’t blogging.”
Me: “What? Really?”
Child 1: “Yes. So why aren’t you?”
Child 2: “My friend’s mom asked me, too.”
Me: “Uh, hmmmmm. I guess I have writer’s block.”
Child 3: “What is that?”
Me: “That is when you just don’t know what to write about, I guess.”
Child 1: “But you write about us. And we are awesome and funny.”
Child 3: “Ohhhh. I know. Write about Beef Jerky.
Me: “Beef jerky???”
Child 3: ” Yes! BEEF JERKY! Everyone loves beef jerky.”
Other children enthusiastically agree.
Child 3: “Write that on your blog. That we love beef jerky!”
Child 1: “You know what else you should do? Stop at the store right now and buy us some beef jerky. The you could take a photo of us eating it and put that on your blog too!”
Me: “I’m not stopping at the store.”
Child 1: “Well, it wont be as good without a picture. But you might as well write it anyway.”
Me: “It sounds kind of boring.”
Child 3: “Beef jerky is not boring.”
Child 1: “Everyone will love it.”
Child 2: “Or you could write about how you were fixing the broken leg on the coffee table and how you glued that clamp thing right to the leg. Because that was funny.”
Posted by Chris @ 11:35 am